No Kidding.
A relationship too sweetened up kills. Literally. You can't leave each other for anything. It has indeed, kill people of opportunities with chances of making friends. Stick to him/her all the time. So fascinating. So self-absorbed. So much desire to be only with the lover that you forgot your PR skills. Then when they leave, you had a drastic wake up call. Bad one indeed. You find yourself clueless with nothing in you. Uh-oh. What are you going to do? Time already flew. Those strangers are no more strangers, but you don't know them, because you don't talk to them. Sure, they have been something so familiar in your sight, but you can't talk to them for nuts. You don't know how to mingle, no best friends. You feel depressed. It sucks to be you. Such a loner. Always sitting there by yourself, eating alone, no one to take the bus with you.
Sigh. You resort to joining clubs and activities. You don't talk much, but you had attention. Can't help it. You liked voicing out. Appropriate ones it seems. You found yourself face to face with a sweet talker. Oh, how they serenate you with complimentaries and charm. How they smile at you that made you feel like royalty. So nice to be called "babe" and "honey" or "darling" even though they were just plain friends. So satisfying. You repay them back. You subscribed to their desire. You turned into someone without logic whatsoever. Stupidity, that's what you call when you woke up. But this is what you call commitment. They want money, you just give; they want sex, hungry ones, you also give. Can't help it, you were so enthralled by the whole sweet talk, you'd do anything to hear them again. You like being one too. It gives you everything you want don't you? Oh sure, those who don't like them walk away, they are just weird aren't they? Who doesn't like listening to compliments? Eh? You don't care, you just want one more extra piece of the cake. Then, things aren't so sweet anymore. So sickenning. So disgusting. You think only idiots like to be sweet talked like that. You became poor. You were insulted as dirty. But you finally escaped.
Oh dear, look at you now, so pathetic, such a jerk. Everyone looks down on you. The sweet talkers work their charm didn't they? Telling everyone how lowly you are. Oh poor thing, so much or trying to taste that sweet. But will anyone actually pity you? Maybe, if you meet new friends. And so you did. You exaggerated your story making yourself a victim. They'll be feeling empathy for you. They'll be feeling sad for you. Poor thing, now you resort to passing the sweet to others weren't you? Casting a net, to see who will fall into your trap. You were so desparate for attention, and revenge, building a sort of circle of friends. So that you can get back at them. Fool, your foolishness, your idiocy, your stupidity, your absurdity, it made you into who you become now. Such a pitiful loner with a circle of friends as human shields.
Fool, you have been watched, stalked, by people. Sigh, when will you realise that the only way to taste the real sweet is to not be too sweet, not to succumb to sweetness of stupidity? Sigh, or, you'd prefer to taste bittersweet aftertaste of your life for eternity? Sigh, find another path now, fool. Please. If not, you'll be diabetic, and eventually, get killed.
You have people who care for you you know? Their sweets don't kill.
*Moral of the story : Never accept sweets from dangerous people who might ruined your life*
Simple and Clean! 干净利落！我不怕！！
Posted by
cDi
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Various bloggers across the nation, even worldwide, had posted the major event of the year that is sure will touch the hearts of those who felt that the time has come. We need to reform. We need new blood into the government system! I was not there to participate, no thanks to having to work. But all the same, I'm touched by the amount of people who believe in peace, that demonstrations are supposed to be peaceful. Mahatma Gandhi has done it before, he gets independence. Our correspondent, Myanmar is currently fighting for their own freedom. They too, march for peace! Such events touched our hearts of the many! We scream for a truthful election!
We are so young yet so bloody ignorant about the current situation. We actually needed some people of the older generation to demonstrate it to us that they need our support for a fine nation! Shame on us youngsters! Shame on us who believed we'd never win! I actually felt ashamed not being able to participate in such a historic event that will sure be the prove of a good rebel to those who are so full of themselves! I'd wish I had been of the age, to be able to vote for the one who deserves it. I'd always knew the members of the Opposition, as my late father always mingle with them. Bless Jeff Ooi, the founder of USJ.com.my, who had been really persistent of giving us information about the current situation. Bless Tony Pua, who made us proud as one of the younger men who took the initiative to bring benefits to the nation. Bless Irene Fernandez. I remember she was still able to walk when she attended my father's funeral, though with the help of a walking stick. Now even as she's wheelchair-bound she marched proudly with the able-bodied participants, proudly shouting "Daulat Tuanku", proudly being in the front line with the police, not backing down. Bless these people whom I thought had no hope in trying to bring the current political parties down. But now, as I finally had study politics as part of my degree programme, I came to understand that hope is not lost.
I know it's hopeless to urge my friends or whoever out there to read my blog, because most of you are still working. But please, do come and read it. Ask yourself: Are you happy with the government? The government who hesistates to make crucial decisions, just afraid of a small objection of the ministry, but be getting approvals from the millions of average Joes? Ask yourself: Do I care for what is happening now? Of course some will, some won't. People do tell me it was useless doing that. "What for? It's boring! It's hopeless! No one is going to listen to a bunch of teenagers ranting about politics". I might not agree but I won't bother to rebuke because of the previous situation. But now, look back at November 10, those who get tear gases, chemical waters, drenched wet, get beaten up, and yet still serving their purpose. Why are they doing that? Because THEY care! Isn't it time for us to do something too?
I know its impossible for me to do something crucial too. Some of you might think that it is stupid of me because I've never attended the event, and not doing any action to prove my sincerity because all I do is blog, HERE! Yes, I know people have been thinking of that for some bloggers, including me. They talk big, and not doing anything to help. Why don't you start by helping to give suggestions to those who ACTUALLY can make the difference? I will. I have been planning something for some time now. And it'll be soon before I actually put it into email to email it to the people responsible. And yes, I'll be demanding for something. I'll be demanding, or in polite terms, requesting, that our beloved media should get our independence back! To the media who wanted to continue enjoying the luxury of being under the government's umbrella, it's your choice. To those who don't, speak up! It's time you do something about it! Don't lose the opportunity to remain ethical to your own writing. You bear responsibility over the contents of your reports. You pay for the response of the audience to your reports. Do you dare to ask yourself that you only care of the sales of your newspapers, and not the quality?
I'm calling for those who feel hopeless to renew your hope. I'm calling for those who feel the need to speak up to speak up now. I'm calling, for those who's conscience are being kept hidden inside, to show it proudly now. Wear it in you. Be proud to show how much you truly wish for a change. We have done it, now the impact is there. It's high time we do make a difference for us! We will use the right methods to get what we want. We are not afraid, not now!
哪怕我们再被压迫，我们会反击得更加厉害！我相信我们会有一个公正的国家。我们不要求完美的政府，只是一个比较好的正统。好歹我们也是人民，应该做些改变，好让我们以后又一个更加美好的日子过。我们做的每一个动作，不是为了国家和社会！是为了自己！你怕吗？我告诉你，我不怕！我们会有一个干净利落的政府的。
We are so young yet so bloody ignorant about the current situation. We actually needed some people of the older generation to demonstrate it to us that they need our support for a fine nation! Shame on us youngsters! Shame on us who believed we'd never win! I actually felt ashamed not being able to participate in such a historic event that will sure be the prove of a good rebel to those who are so full of themselves! I'd wish I had been of the age, to be able to vote for the one who deserves it. I'd always knew the members of the Opposition, as my late father always mingle with them. Bless Jeff Ooi, the founder of USJ.com.my, who had been really persistent of giving us information about the current situation. Bless Tony Pua, who made us proud as one of the younger men who took the initiative to bring benefits to the nation. Bless Irene Fernandez. I remember she was still able to walk when she attended my father's funeral, though with the help of a walking stick. Now even as she's wheelchair-bound she marched proudly with the able-bodied participants, proudly shouting "Daulat Tuanku", proudly being in the front line with the police, not backing down. Bless these people whom I thought had no hope in trying to bring the current political parties down. But now, as I finally had study politics as part of my degree programme, I came to understand that hope is not lost.
I know it's hopeless to urge my friends or whoever out there to read my blog, because most of you are still working. But please, do come and read it. Ask yourself: Are you happy with the government? The government who hesistates to make crucial decisions, just afraid of a small objection of the ministry, but be getting approvals from the millions of average Joes? Ask yourself: Do I care for what is happening now? Of course some will, some won't. People do tell me it was useless doing that. "What for? It's boring! It's hopeless! No one is going to listen to a bunch of teenagers ranting about politics". I might not agree but I won't bother to rebuke because of the previous situation. But now, look back at November 10, those who get tear gases, chemical waters, drenched wet, get beaten up, and yet still serving their purpose. Why are they doing that? Because THEY care! Isn't it time for us to do something too?
I know its impossible for me to do something crucial too. Some of you might think that it is stupid of me because I've never attended the event, and not doing any action to prove my sincerity because all I do is blog, HERE! Yes, I know people have been thinking of that for some bloggers, including me. They talk big, and not doing anything to help. Why don't you start by helping to give suggestions to those who ACTUALLY can make the difference? I will. I have been planning something for some time now. And it'll be soon before I actually put it into email to email it to the people responsible. And yes, I'll be demanding for something. I'll be demanding, or in polite terms, requesting, that our beloved media should get our independence back! To the media who wanted to continue enjoying the luxury of being under the government's umbrella, it's your choice. To those who don't, speak up! It's time you do something about it! Don't lose the opportunity to remain ethical to your own writing. You bear responsibility over the contents of your reports. You pay for the response of the audience to your reports. Do you dare to ask yourself that you only care of the sales of your newspapers, and not the quality?
I'm calling for those who feel hopeless to renew your hope. I'm calling for those who feel the need to speak up to speak up now. I'm calling, for those who's conscience are being kept hidden inside, to show it proudly now. Wear it in you. Be proud to show how much you truly wish for a change. We have done it, now the impact is there. It's high time we do make a difference for us! We will use the right methods to get what we want. We are not afraid, not now!
哪怕我们再被压迫，我们会反击得更加厉害！我相信我们会有一个公正的国家。我们不要求完美的政府，只是一个比较好的正统。好歹我们也是人民，应该做些改变，好让我们以后又一个更加美好的日子过。我们做的每一个动作，不是为了国家和社会！是为了自己！你怕吗？我告诉你，我不怕！我们会有一个干净利落的政府的。
Good Morning Revival of "Newrology", Hello from 1Utama.
Posted by
cDi
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Greetings everyone. Currently I'm stationed in 1Utama. How do I manage to blog here without interfering my work is not for you to know. Be glad I managed to get time to keep my blog alive. Or at least, I'd love to keep my blog alive.
I've been thinking about the term "Newrology". Instead of having someone checking our brains (aka normal term aka neurology for those who are still confused), why not we have a "newrologist" who put implants of new ideas into our brains? Something out of this world, yet to be accomplished. Something to actually keep things movings (Other items that are keeping us moving: Money, time, love). Who knows, your new idea will be the next best thing in the world.
Think about a business not ventured into. How about science and mathematics? Open a business corporation selling knowledge of science and maths. I'm not talking about tuition centres or specialised books. I'm talking about hiring people to tell you what does a term means while you do your homework. Pick the babe/hunk of your choice to meet at a specific time. He/She will appear at your doorsteps, dressed in clothes you have chose for them (Your choice to include nude and scantily clad clothing), if you don't understand something, just ask them. They'll tell you what is the correct term. Direct questions like "what is the answer to this question?" will not be entertained. Of course, you have to tip them to do a maid's job like handing you drinks, strip dance (oops), or massage you to relax yourself. But the main purpose is that you can feel relaxed doing your homework under the presence of someone you like, instead of being tensed up because of the dateline to hand up your homework. Cool eh? And if you have money, probably you can purchase few talking robots, but robots don't have intelligence and common sense like humans. Some might prefer flesh too (oops again).
If something like this is too explicit for you, why not go for something tamer? Nowadays, we have so much of personalised items. Customised computers, personalised stickers, customised jewellery, even customised customer services. Oh, how picky we are. We want everything that suits our taste, because we want to be unique, one and only. If that's the case, why not open an agency for customised jobs? Pick the company of your choice. Ask yourself why you want to be in this company and what do you have that the company should hire you. If you are lucky, you'll be rewarded with an interview; if not, the agency or agent is not responsible for the damages done. The agent do not write the resume for you, more like helping you to get in touch with that certain company. The rest is up to you to make an effort if you want to see it happening. Then, when you really get hired, please remember to pay/tip for the service. (Agents, make those applicants sign an agreement that they'll pay no matter what).
Another thing about "newrology", is that the business idea might not work at the first place. Like once upon a time when the craze of "tamagochi" the mini game console where you can battle with another "VR pet", and you must keep them alive and well every single day. It was a craze, but also a waste of time, literally. Nobody really plays that anymore now. We shoud have a crazier craze that is long lasting, something like digital cameras. Back in the days it wasn't possible, but now it is, correct? But some inventions are ridiculous, like combining a mobile phone and a computer together, making a "compuphone". I never like it. The design is either too big for a handphone, or too small for a computer. How do those people read the text without getting a headache? I would get it if i have one. A PDA might be better for me.
Why do I call it "Newrology"? One, it's new; Two, it's uses the brain. Don't try to crack your head open just because someone else was ahead of you (No pun intended). Just because someone has "been there, done that" doesn't mean you cannot surpass them. Give it a try for those people venturing into business, or those who wants to venture them into the future. Once upon a time, people don't think that local food will be popular. But hey, all you need is good packaging, good branding, good marketing strategy and voila. Lousy but tasty food turns to good looking and tasty food. Amazing how people like to dress things up eh?
Ah-ha! Just thought of another business idea. A dress up company. You name them, we have them. We'll dress up anything from living creatures to stoic objects. Dress them up just because you want them to look pretty. Dress them up just because they want you to help them sell. Whatever the reason, you want it, we'll have it. We combine two minor mass commication sections into one: Public Relations and Advertising. Spread your brand over. Dress them to make your company look big. Advertise yourself by dressing up whatever you have. Amazing, and I guarantee that customers will soon be bursting your door just by wanting your items all dressed up and pretty. Why not?
I'm good at conducting ideas. I have more ideas actually, but I'll just share 3 of them with you. What about you? Any new ideas? Why not you share it with this "newrologist" eh? Don't worry, I won't steal your ideas, I already shared 3 of them and I'm not scared. So please, don't hesitate. Leave your comments now!*
*Overrated blog promotion
Thanks and good day
I've been thinking about the term "Newrology". Instead of having someone checking our brains (aka normal term aka neurology for those who are still confused), why not we have a "newrologist" who put implants of new ideas into our brains? Something out of this world, yet to be accomplished. Something to actually keep things movings (Other items that are keeping us moving: Money, time, love). Who knows, your new idea will be the next best thing in the world.
Think about a business not ventured into. How about science and mathematics? Open a business corporation selling knowledge of science and maths. I'm not talking about tuition centres or specialised books. I'm talking about hiring people to tell you what does a term means while you do your homework. Pick the babe/hunk of your choice to meet at a specific time. He/She will appear at your doorsteps, dressed in clothes you have chose for them (Your choice to include nude and scantily clad clothing), if you don't understand something, just ask them. They'll tell you what is the correct term. Direct questions like "what is the answer to this question?" will not be entertained. Of course, you have to tip them to do a maid's job like handing you drinks, strip dance (oops), or massage you to relax yourself. But the main purpose is that you can feel relaxed doing your homework under the presence of someone you like, instead of being tensed up because of the dateline to hand up your homework. Cool eh? And if you have money, probably you can purchase few talking robots, but robots don't have intelligence and common sense like humans. Some might prefer flesh too (oops again).
If something like this is too explicit for you, why not go for something tamer? Nowadays, we have so much of personalised items. Customised computers, personalised stickers, customised jewellery, even customised customer services. Oh, how picky we are. We want everything that suits our taste, because we want to be unique, one and only. If that's the case, why not open an agency for customised jobs? Pick the company of your choice. Ask yourself why you want to be in this company and what do you have that the company should hire you. If you are lucky, you'll be rewarded with an interview; if not, the agency or agent is not responsible for the damages done. The agent do not write the resume for you, more like helping you to get in touch with that certain company. The rest is up to you to make an effort if you want to see it happening. Then, when you really get hired, please remember to pay/tip for the service. (Agents, make those applicants sign an agreement that they'll pay no matter what).
Another thing about "newrology", is that the business idea might not work at the first place. Like once upon a time when the craze of "tamagochi" the mini game console where you can battle with another "VR pet", and you must keep them alive and well every single day. It was a craze, but also a waste of time, literally. Nobody really plays that anymore now. We shoud have a crazier craze that is long lasting, something like digital cameras. Back in the days it wasn't possible, but now it is, correct? But some inventions are ridiculous, like combining a mobile phone and a computer together, making a "compuphone". I never like it. The design is either too big for a handphone, or too small for a computer. How do those people read the text without getting a headache? I would get it if i have one. A PDA might be better for me.
Why do I call it "Newrology"? One, it's new; Two, it's uses the brain. Don't try to crack your head open just because someone else was ahead of you (No pun intended). Just because someone has "been there, done that" doesn't mean you cannot surpass them. Give it a try for those people venturing into business, or those who wants to venture them into the future. Once upon a time, people don't think that local food will be popular. But hey, all you need is good packaging, good branding, good marketing strategy and voila. Lousy but tasty food turns to good looking and tasty food. Amazing how people like to dress things up eh?
Ah-ha! Just thought of another business idea. A dress up company. You name them, we have them. We'll dress up anything from living creatures to stoic objects. Dress them up just because you want them to look pretty. Dress them up just because they want you to help them sell. Whatever the reason, you want it, we'll have it. We combine two minor mass commication sections into one: Public Relations and Advertising. Spread your brand over. Dress them to make your company look big. Advertise yourself by dressing up whatever you have. Amazing, and I guarantee that customers will soon be bursting your door just by wanting your items all dressed up and pretty. Why not?
I'm good at conducting ideas. I have more ideas actually, but I'll just share 3 of them with you. What about you? Any new ideas? Why not you share it with this "newrologist" eh? Don't worry, I won't steal your ideas, I already shared 3 of them and I'm not scared. So please, don't hesitate. Leave your comments now!*
*Overrated blog promotion
Thanks and good day
Sudden increase in blog views
Posted by
cDi
comments (1)
This is funny. I don't recall updating my blog for such a long time. In fact, the whole of October, I only have one blog post. So why the sudden increase in my blog views?
Just my thoughts. See ya. And great blog Kenny. Keep it posted. "
I think Kenny didn't realise that instead of linking the winner to the winning comment, he linked it here, to my blog.
That explains it. And yes I'm wookie, the lucky girl (or some would say "bitch" because they wrote tons in hope to win) that won the Hugo fragrance XX edition. Or at least I think its XX, maybe Kenny might cross over? Great, Ephyon will enjoy the perfume instead of me. Haha. Oh wait, I'll enjoy too, smelling him that is *evil grin*.
And yes, I'm very informal now, because this is something I need to clarify, by my personal self, not the self that writes logics and facts and egoistical blog posts.
Probably some would wonder what is the comments that made me the winner? Did I write anything special? Did I list out 10 instead of 5 things that made a guy gorgeous for doing something? Nah, I don't have the time. And truthfully, I didn't intend to join it, but it's just that because the topic was a very happy and heartwarming one. So I decided to just write in, and tell what is most gorgeous for me. And its really short, so till now I'm still confused as to what was so appealing about my comment.
"The gorgeous thing about a guy is that he could resist shouting over his girl or cursing her simply because of her mood swings, whether is she in PMS or not. It's very tough for a guy to keep his head cool especially when the girl was being bitchy and really unreasonable, and that's what a guy hates the most. Which is why you have to count your blessings if your guy actually tries his best to keep his temper under control when your mood is really down the drains, because what you said might be illogical, and you might apologise for saying that the next day, and even if you don't see it, your guy will be hurt or feeling less love over what you've done. So yea, I love my guy for that.
And speaking about PMS, if your guy ever massages your belly while you experience the worst cramps every month of that time, be thankful. If he buys you chocolates, and visit you whenever you feel the pain, be thankful. If he ever tells you that your suffering every month is actually for the sake of bearing your children with him in the near future, be even more thankful. That was the best things I've heard from my guy. And I still treasure it even though he has forgotten about it. Because those were the most gorgeous thing he did when I'm in the worst times of my life. Believe me, it's pain as hell. So who doesn't like a guy who knows how to help a girl soothe her pain eh? ;)
Just my thoughts. See ya. And great blog Kenny. Keep it posted. "
....
Its this SHORT. and I won?? I tried emailing Kenny about this but he didn't reply, anyone know why I'm a winner?
To those who are curious about what I wrote. There you go. You may leave now. I doubt you actually wanted to continue reading rants of a 19 year-old.
To those who continued to stay, very good, you may continue to listen to my rants. And I don't show this kind of personal self onto the blog anymore, unless there's another thing I should clarify that I couldn't possibly talk to you about it. So, appreciate that, though I'd love for you guys to appreciate my other more serious posts.
And yes, PERIOD cramps is PAIN as HELL. I had the more serious type of cramps. When I was younger, I couldn't even eat or drink when I have pain. Because if I do so, I'll just vomit the contents out. And I have skipped classes multiple times to stay inside the resting room (or PBSM room, however you like to intepret it), and things didn't go better.
It still hogs me now and then, but this time I have some support aka Ephyon. He's one of the greatest guy I've ever seen. I remember I suffered this once when I was attending a lecture, and my coursemates helplessly just looked at me, the guys I mean, they didn't dare to touch me, just kept saying whether am I okay. I appreciate that because at least they asked. But Ephyon just stretch that and tried to make myself better in a way or another. He really did all that, massaging me, buy me chocolates. He did visit me, and he did say that. It sounds kind of corny yea, but, how many of your boyfriends would say that to you when you are going to the gates of hell?
And the PMS thing, erm, every girl go through that. Guys complain about it. Ephyon once relate me to one of his friend's quote "If I ever want to call my girlfriend a bitch, its during her PMS".
Yes, true, everything they said is true, heck, in my case, I have to be angry and sad at least once each, to know my PMS is here. Ah well, serious cramps comes serious symptoms before that. Before Ephyon knew about the pattern he was annoyed, angered, tried to ignore me. All kinds of problems la. He tried to avoid things that make me sad. So he made up stories, which unfortunately, got busted. We fought for countless times, from petty things to serious issues.As time goes, he come to know he cannot avoid not knowing that PMS exist.
He loves a good argument, so do I. Unfortunately, he's more logical in looking things than I am. So sometimes I lose. But I know in that PMS time, I'll win. I'll be so unreasonably logical that he can't fight back. Finally he'll just said "I really hate your PMS".
See how hard the boyfriend tries to keep his head cool whenever the girlfriend tries to fight him off something? I bet many didn't even see the symptoms of it coming. So that results in dissatisfaction and eventually, break up. I'm lucky enough to know him and logical enough to tell him that if he sees my emotional turmoil, he know a storm is coming. So during that time, he'll be the "pitiful boyfriend". People once said that he's pitiful. I think he is too. That's why its a wonder he's still with me. I had told him countless times that my emotions is not something in control, that he should leave me if he can. He chose to stay. His choice, our gain. And we are still strong. =)
Yeah, that's about it. I wish them good luck for the next giveaway.
P/S: I won't be blogging much since I'm going for work soon. But I might have creative expressions. So, just wait la.
Bye!
Life, destroyed
Posted by
cDi
comments (1)
As they usher into a festive mood, I felt like mine was plunged down. I had just witnessed an accident.
Motorcycle collided with the lorry, and the motorcyclist laid there on the open road, with more cars rushing from the highway. As if things are not bad enough, the lorry ran away, from the accident scene. That whole thing happened just like that, just as I turn my head to that direction. I was stunned, can't really talk much. Then a few more went to help or to gossip. Then the police came. I was going back that way too. So when the bus I was on passed by the scene, I see a lifeless body over the massive crowd that was surrounding it, and a blood pool. I doubt that he survives, but I sure hope he hangs on to life.
2 weeks back, I've heard of a similar incident, but from a different person. From Ephyon's grandfather. Ephyon is also orphaned, caused by a road accident which killed both his parents and the lorry driver. It happened when he was only six months old, barely able to walk, only knowing how to crawl. I cried as I hear it. I looked at Ephyon, a 21 year-old healthy man who loves me so much. I felt as if he don't deserve such fate, but yet he had bear it throughout his lifetime, and possibly all the time. I really won't let him go easily after that. No way, unless he chooses to leave me.
Today's newspaper is about a couple who had an online memorial for their children who were all stillborn. David and Angeline Sim mourned for their 3 children who never even make it pass their infant stage. Angeline felt that it was her fault for not being able to give life to the life inside her womb. It hurts them when they couldn't cradle or cuddle their baby in their arms. It hurts them to see other new parents with healthy babies, when they mourned the losses of their 3 babies. It hurts them to know that there is really a slim chance for them to have children, the purpose of a married life and starting a family. It hurts them, it hurts me too. Life just seemed so fragile. I hope they will have a baby soon, a healthy one with smiles, and blessings from the previous 3 babies.
Who determined the term "life" when it sounds so strong, yet seem so weak? We needed medicines to continue and protect life. We needed to exercise to maintain health, which has relations to life. We needed to stay happy, to look forward into life, to live our life! Life, life, life, life, life, life, life, LIFE! Everything we do, it has to be life. If life is what we are, then once its destroyed, we won't exist anymore. We think that its cruel. But once upon a time, that was how dinosaurs ceased to exist, leaving some of them to evolve, to lose out something in them to get used to the change of weather and temperature, to continue with life. Those who can't evolved, you'll face heaven's gates and they will look at you, saying "I'm sorry, because you choose to remain like this, you lost your chance to live". I view that as cruel, what about you?
I thought of the amount of people who died everyday in Mother Earth. Mother Earth, sigh, she stopped feeling compassionate to the human race. No, she thinks that they had made too much damage. And so, she conducts phenomenons, causing terror, more sadness. Do not say that war and massacre are not caused by her. She made it happen. She made human minds turn mad. She turn the greatest leaders to the worst kind of animals. She can turn the sane to insane. She can turn everything. Do not irk her, she made lives destroyed before. Have we not learn about our ancestors? Those who raised a dynasty, and those who made the dynasty fall? Those who raised the kingdom, and those who made the kingdom crashed down?
I don't blame the existence of free thinkers. They think freely. No restriction of religion, which was, according to them, a false image of a reality. I could say that it was half true. That is because when those people existed, like Jesus Christ or Lord Buddha or Nabi Muhammad, when they exist, their teachings work well with the people their time. But as time passed, centuries goes by, the teachings did not evolve, until we couldn't connect with the teachings anymore. So what we have is belief on ourselves. That's all we have. We evolve, not them.
I want my life not to be destroyed. And his too.
"Im gonna make you feel like you are heaven on earth....."
Earth is no more heaven. Life is no more strong. Yet, we still hold onto it. Why?
Because we want to exist.
Pray for the accident victim. May he hang on to his life.
Motorcycle collided with the lorry, and the motorcyclist laid there on the open road, with more cars rushing from the highway. As if things are not bad enough, the lorry ran away, from the accident scene. That whole thing happened just like that, just as I turn my head to that direction. I was stunned, can't really talk much. Then a few more went to help or to gossip. Then the police came. I was going back that way too. So when the bus I was on passed by the scene, I see a lifeless body over the massive crowd that was surrounding it, and a blood pool. I doubt that he survives, but I sure hope he hangs on to life.
2 weeks back, I've heard of a similar incident, but from a different person. From Ephyon's grandfather. Ephyon is also orphaned, caused by a road accident which killed both his parents and the lorry driver. It happened when he was only six months old, barely able to walk, only knowing how to crawl. I cried as I hear it. I looked at Ephyon, a 21 year-old healthy man who loves me so much. I felt as if he don't deserve such fate, but yet he had bear it throughout his lifetime, and possibly all the time. I really won't let him go easily after that. No way, unless he chooses to leave me.
Today's newspaper is about a couple who had an online memorial for their children who were all stillborn. David and Angeline Sim mourned for their 3 children who never even make it pass their infant stage. Angeline felt that it was her fault for not being able to give life to the life inside her womb. It hurts them when they couldn't cradle or cuddle their baby in their arms. It hurts them to see other new parents with healthy babies, when they mourned the losses of their 3 babies. It hurts them to know that there is really a slim chance for them to have children, the purpose of a married life and starting a family. It hurts them, it hurts me too. Life just seemed so fragile. I hope they will have a baby soon, a healthy one with smiles, and blessings from the previous 3 babies.
Who determined the term "life" when it sounds so strong, yet seem so weak? We needed medicines to continue and protect life. We needed to exercise to maintain health, which has relations to life. We needed to stay happy, to look forward into life, to live our life! Life, life, life, life, life, life, life, LIFE! Everything we do, it has to be life. If life is what we are, then once its destroyed, we won't exist anymore. We think that its cruel. But once upon a time, that was how dinosaurs ceased to exist, leaving some of them to evolve, to lose out something in them to get used to the change of weather and temperature, to continue with life. Those who can't evolved, you'll face heaven's gates and they will look at you, saying "I'm sorry, because you choose to remain like this, you lost your chance to live". I view that as cruel, what about you?
I thought of the amount of people who died everyday in Mother Earth. Mother Earth, sigh, she stopped feeling compassionate to the human race. No, she thinks that they had made too much damage. And so, she conducts phenomenons, causing terror, more sadness. Do not say that war and massacre are not caused by her. She made it happen. She made human minds turn mad. She turn the greatest leaders to the worst kind of animals. She can turn the sane to insane. She can turn everything. Do not irk her, she made lives destroyed before. Have we not learn about our ancestors? Those who raised a dynasty, and those who made the dynasty fall? Those who raised the kingdom, and those who made the kingdom crashed down?
I don't blame the existence of free thinkers. They think freely. No restriction of religion, which was, according to them, a false image of a reality. I could say that it was half true. That is because when those people existed, like Jesus Christ or Lord Buddha or Nabi Muhammad, when they exist, their teachings work well with the people their time. But as time passed, centuries goes by, the teachings did not evolve, until we couldn't connect with the teachings anymore. So what we have is belief on ourselves. That's all we have. We evolve, not them.
I want my life not to be destroyed. And his too.
"Im gonna make you feel like you are heaven on earth....."
Earth is no more heaven. Life is no more strong. Yet, we still hold onto it. Why?
Because we want to exist.
Pray for the accident victim. May he hang on to his life.
I don't get it
Posted by
cDi
comments (1)
So many things that happenned that are unexplainable. So many questions left unanswered. So little truth, the real truth are on the surface. How are we going to continue surviving on hope when it is false hope? I don't get it. How people can smile at a dire situation that seems crumbling without hesitation?
We are deeply saddened by the recent murder case of a young girl. We are deeply saddened by the situations of our safety which is close to none now. We are deeply saddened by the facts of our hearts, which should turn sincere, now shadowed by treachery, scandals, evil. How often do we face ourselves, ask questions that we want answering, and getting a truthful answer with a guarantee? I don't get it. Our society is turning vague, dark, no more close relations with each other.
I wish to change. I want to change. I don't boast, but the least I can do is contribute what I can for a change. Yet, I was a little down when my relatives thought my chosen path was for another path: working. My answer is NO, I don't choose this course for the sake of "just having another degree to make myself employable" or "my career path will change and it has nothing to do with what I learn now". NO, I choose to follow it through and through because I love that course, and the career aspects that is to come after that. I don't get it, why people tell me to change my mind?
Sigh, the media. Our very own mass media. How many now are reporting according to what it is? How many wanted to change but are afraid of the consequences? How many wanted to obtain media freedom, speech freedom, writing freedom? But yet, if media freedom is obtained, how many are planning to exploit it? How many are scheming for scandals for their own benefits? How many are true to their fair and balanced reporting? I don't get it, why can't the media stand up for themselves?
My temper raised now and then. It always strained friendships, family ties, love relationships. I have a love/hate relationship with it. When it was raised at the right time, I woke up a conscience that was in a deep sleep. But if not, I make things worse for both. Me and the other person. But sometimes I get angry because I want to have questions answered. I don't care how hurt I'll be knowing the answer, as long as it's an answer, and I'll be satisfied. My heart is known to heal itself quicker than before. But I don't get it, why are you so hesistant to answer questions with my anger soaring? Shouldn't it be answered before it became worse?
Sigh, I don't get it. Too many uncovered truths, who to believe? Anonymous people who I've never seen before starts hurling accusations. They respond through the media without hesitation of not being nice. It a war of words. Who wins when both the media and the Internet are unbelievable sources now? Extremism, it just had to exist. Lies, it just had to exist. Betrayal, it just had to exist. Cowardness, it just had to exist. I hate Pandora and her box. Can we find a better box?
I don't get it. It's so hard to be human now.
Oh wait. We are human, just back to become primitive humans.
I just don't get it. And my questions will be left unanswered until I can find it.
We are deeply saddened by the recent murder case of a young girl. We are deeply saddened by the situations of our safety which is close to none now. We are deeply saddened by the facts of our hearts, which should turn sincere, now shadowed by treachery, scandals, evil. How often do we face ourselves, ask questions that we want answering, and getting a truthful answer with a guarantee? I don't get it. Our society is turning vague, dark, no more close relations with each other.
I wish to change. I want to change. I don't boast, but the least I can do is contribute what I can for a change. Yet, I was a little down when my relatives thought my chosen path was for another path: working. My answer is NO, I don't choose this course for the sake of "just having another degree to make myself employable" or "my career path will change and it has nothing to do with what I learn now". NO, I choose to follow it through and through because I love that course, and the career aspects that is to come after that. I don't get it, why people tell me to change my mind?
Sigh, the media. Our very own mass media. How many now are reporting according to what it is? How many wanted to change but are afraid of the consequences? How many wanted to obtain media freedom, speech freedom, writing freedom? But yet, if media freedom is obtained, how many are planning to exploit it? How many are scheming for scandals for their own benefits? How many are true to their fair and balanced reporting? I don't get it, why can't the media stand up for themselves?
My temper raised now and then. It always strained friendships, family ties, love relationships. I have a love/hate relationship with it. When it was raised at the right time, I woke up a conscience that was in a deep sleep. But if not, I make things worse for both. Me and the other person. But sometimes I get angry because I want to have questions answered. I don't care how hurt I'll be knowing the answer, as long as it's an answer, and I'll be satisfied. My heart is known to heal itself quicker than before. But I don't get it, why are you so hesistant to answer questions with my anger soaring? Shouldn't it be answered before it became worse?
Sigh, I don't get it. Too many uncovered truths, who to believe? Anonymous people who I've never seen before starts hurling accusations. They respond through the media without hesitation of not being nice. It a war of words. Who wins when both the media and the Internet are unbelievable sources now? Extremism, it just had to exist. Lies, it just had to exist. Betrayal, it just had to exist. Cowardness, it just had to exist. I hate Pandora and her box. Can we find a better box?
I don't get it. It's so hard to be human now.
Oh wait. We are human, just back to become primitive humans.
I just don't get it. And my questions will be left unanswered until I can find it.
The Touch
Posted by
cDi
comments (1)
She thinks through the whole process. It won't work. It just won't work. Sigh......
"Why is it so difficult to get a present for him?"
She hated the current situation bogging her down, unable to find a private space to do what she had desired to do. She kind of envied her friends, who had the financial ability and also the time to buy their loved ones presents; but her, she's monetarily able, but not the time. Of all occasions, she had to be deceived by time now.
She relented, throwing her frustrations aside, and picked up her lecture notes, sigh......there she goes again, thinking of the inability to perform her role, sighing over what will be coming soon. Then, she sees him, over the internet. He had just finished his exam. It's her turn tomorrow. Then he mentioned about their meeting. She gulped, not knowing what to answer.
She hates it, she didn't like to be the one not capable of giving him a promising day. He had done it several times. She's always flattered, touched, his little actions never fail to lighten her day when she's facing her darkest moments. She always had to go through pain, and he's always there.
She was saved by his touch, that very touch that turn her stone cold heart to warm up for more possibilities. She thought that she'll always be a friend, a good family member, and no else. She had given up hopes that she'll ever be anyone's lover, because she don't even know how to love. She didn't want to go through the pain, the pain of being rejected, put behind, getting sick of it. She had a few flames that were put out very quickly. But one flame remained burning, deeply inside her.
"Hey, wassup?"
"Hey, errr...."
"?"
"I'm sorry....I couldn't get u a present...."
"Its ok...we'll still have fun tml"
He's always like that. He doesn't mind the little things. But she knows, its always the little things that he keeps it deep in his heart. She too, remembers his every little moments. It was his touch that first brought them to where they stand now.
They had a very good birthday celebration. She was delighted to see his happiness. She has had experience. Now she anticipates for more to come, hoping for another adventure for them.
Ending
Posted by
cDi
comments (1)
I've known you for so long
We have drifted apart somehow
Why? Why?
Why can't I prevent this?
I've known you for so long
You have turned cold towards me somehow
Why? Why?
Such a messy web
I didn't want to give up
Don't want to let you go
But yet I still do
Because I found out the truth
So this is how you look at me
How you think of me
When I valued your presence so much
It just turn you a backstabber
I choose this! I choose this!
I choose to allow this to happen
If not, you can't escape me
You can't leave my grasp
How do you perceive me?
Do you think I'd let go that easily?
Too late, I've set a curse
To make sure that you are burned into ashes
Even if you are ashes
I'd turn you into particles
Fly? No!
You'll deal with death!
But no, that's just not me
I prefer to let go
Your smile is that reason
If not, I'd sentence you for treason
Treachery?
Betrayal?
No, everyone's like that
I might too
But you'd done it first
I won't repeat your steps
I want to give this an ending
You and me shall remember
For you, I don't know
For me, a good ending
For both of us, a desire
Disclaimer : This is just my expression and no, it didn't happen in real life. I'm happy, studying, and still very much in love. Peace out.
We have drifted apart somehow
Why? Why?
Why can't I prevent this?
I've known you for so long
You have turned cold towards me somehow
Why? Why?
Such a messy web
I didn't want to give up
Don't want to let you go
But yet I still do
Because I found out the truth
So this is how you look at me
How you think of me
When I valued your presence so much
It just turn you a backstabber
I choose this! I choose this!
I choose to allow this to happen
If not, you can't escape me
You can't leave my grasp
How do you perceive me?
Do you think I'd let go that easily?
Too late, I've set a curse
To make sure that you are burned into ashes
Even if you are ashes
I'd turn you into particles
Fly? No!
You'll deal with death!
But no, that's just not me
I prefer to let go
Your smile is that reason
If not, I'd sentence you for treason
Treachery?
Betrayal?
No, everyone's like that
I might too
But you'd done it first
I won't repeat your steps
I want to give this an ending
You and me shall remember
For you, I don't know
For me, a good ending
For both of us, a desire
Disclaimer : This is just my expression and no, it didn't happen in real life. I'm happy, studying, and still very much in love. Peace out.
My Blog List
Posted by
cDi
comments (4)
I'm a self-proclaimed blog addict. I read blogs, day in, day out. I like reading blogs with really meaningful meaning, or just for pure entertainment. A lot of my friends have blogs, and I felt happy because I like how they construct their words sometimes. So, after reading a very long archive of a friend's blog, I've decided to list out my very own blog list, which are worth reading. Note, not all of them are in English, so for those who didn't know English, I'm really not too sure how to help you. And I'm not tech savvy, therefore, I don't know how to list out that list in my blog, however, it's good for you to click on their urls here. Some of them may not be friends, but still, they are worth reading:
1. 成慧 (http://chenghuiloh.blogspot.com/) This is in chinese
Just for the curious to know, the name is called Cheng Hui. I've always liked her style of writing. It really makes me feel like getting to know her more. Well in fact, I DO know her. She's one of my university friends. In fact, I've known her for more than a year now. I like her way of writing her feelings. Not too expressive, simple, just keep everyone guessing what she's thinking. She only let people close to her know what she really feels. Still, I like to read her blog. It really reflects the mood she's in. Not because of the colours, but by how she wrote it. But somehow, I just wish she update more, but I can't ask her to do that. It's her own blog after all, still, I'll always check whether does she have any other interesting stories to share.
2. 来自银月的信 (http://phantomthiefkid.spaces.live.com/) This is in chinese
The blog title is "From the letters of the silver moon". The blogger has told me the real meaning of the blog title, but this is confidential, therefore I will not disclose this information. The blogger has also wanted privacy, that is why the blogger didn't put his/her name. I've known this blogger since secondary school, and I like the blog. This is because the blogger would put up information on what is happening around while I'm clueless about it. The blogger would sometimes disclose information on what the blogger is feeling, and I would give comments once in a while. What I like about this blog is that because this blogger speaks his/her heart out just like any of us, just that it is in Chinese, not like other blogs that I've seen before I found this blog. Therefore, this blog is also worth checking out. I assure you, you'll never know how youths think until you've seen this blog.
3. Never follow the crowd (http://www.xanga.com/chintuguese)
This is a blog by Nigel John Pinto, a fellow blogger who attends the same university as me, though I never really had the intention to know him as a friend, I still like to browse his blog once in awhile. A self-proclaimed pervert, he keeps his blog posts open-minded and I get to see eye catching stories from his blog. I like the way he writes, maybe I can call him a new kind of thinking. I like the way he expresses himself differently than others, therefore, his everyday entries interests me alot. I always try to catch up with his news. Just keep it up Nigel. I may not know you, but I like your blog.
4. Education in Malaysia (http://educationmalaysia.blogspot.com/)
Funny how I came to know this blog. I was actually looking through a random girl's blog, and she had a link to go to this blog. And, from what I saw, that blog post was how one of the two bloggers, Tony Pua, doubting the qualities of my university. I was, at first, infuriated, like any "loyal" students would. But after giving it a deep thought, it seems reasonable and logical for the doubt. Since then, I've been an avid follower of the blog, occasionally posting comments to let them know my opinions once in a while. But the posts seems to lessen a bit since Tony Pua joined the political field, leaving the other blogger, Ong Kian Ming, keeping the blog alive. I'd like to point out that both of them had different styles of writing. While Tony Pua is seen as the more aggressive blogger, Kian Ming is more sensible in his writing, seemingly more rational than the other, even though Tony's blog posts are also rational. Still, I like both of them, and I'll wait for Tony's blogging frequency to increase.
5. When Routine isn't exactly Normal (http://www.kennysia.com/)
This is currently another blog that I frequent to, mainly because of his humourous posts, and his thought provoking pictures (er-hem). I know I'm a little late of knowing Kenny Sia, but I wasn't really interested into knowing great bloggers, (plus, I didn't have their blog URLs) so, Kenny is the first great blogger that I've browsed through. And I don't regret doing that. I got so addicted to Kenny Sia, that I went through his archives to find the more funny posts he had before now. And his blog is clearly showing how much two years have made him a changed man. From being repulsive and loud, he now changes his focus to "safe humour", because his blog has become more and more popular. Of course, I'd like to see the repulsive side of him once in a while.
There you have it, the five blogs that I frequent to most of the time, mainly because these five blogs just kept updating themselves. Blogs becomes part of an everyday life. Likewise, you'll never really know what others think about. Plus, I really like the way they play with words, since I'm a word player myself. I just hope that meaningful blogs will keep existing, and I can keep reading. You'll never know how fun it is to find another word player like yourself.
Thanks and good day
(Note to these 5 bloggers : If any of you find my summary not satisfying, don't sue me. *Takes quote from Namewee* Saya takde duit....)
1. 成慧 (http://chenghuiloh.blogspot.com/) This is in chinese
Just for the curious to know, the name is called Cheng Hui. I've always liked her style of writing. It really makes me feel like getting to know her more. Well in fact, I DO know her. She's one of my university friends. In fact, I've known her for more than a year now. I like her way of writing her feelings. Not too expressive, simple, just keep everyone guessing what she's thinking. She only let people close to her know what she really feels. Still, I like to read her blog. It really reflects the mood she's in. Not because of the colours, but by how she wrote it. But somehow, I just wish she update more, but I can't ask her to do that. It's her own blog after all, still, I'll always check whether does she have any other interesting stories to share.
2. 来自银月的信 (http://phantomthiefkid.spaces.live.com/) This is in chinese
The blog title is "From the letters of the silver moon". The blogger has told me the real meaning of the blog title, but this is confidential, therefore I will not disclose this information. The blogger has also wanted privacy, that is why the blogger didn't put his/her name. I've known this blogger since secondary school, and I like the blog. This is because the blogger would put up information on what is happening around while I'm clueless about it. The blogger would sometimes disclose information on what the blogger is feeling, and I would give comments once in a while. What I like about this blog is that because this blogger speaks his/her heart out just like any of us, just that it is in Chinese, not like other blogs that I've seen before I found this blog. Therefore, this blog is also worth checking out. I assure you, you'll never know how youths think until you've seen this blog.
3. Never follow the crowd (http://www.xanga.com/chintuguese)
This is a blog by Nigel John Pinto, a fellow blogger who attends the same university as me, though I never really had the intention to know him as a friend, I still like to browse his blog once in awhile. A self-proclaimed pervert, he keeps his blog posts open-minded and I get to see eye catching stories from his blog. I like the way he writes, maybe I can call him a new kind of thinking. I like the way he expresses himself differently than others, therefore, his everyday entries interests me alot. I always try to catch up with his news. Just keep it up Nigel. I may not know you, but I like your blog.
4. Education in Malaysia (http://educationmalaysia.blogspot.com/)
Funny how I came to know this blog. I was actually looking through a random girl's blog, and she had a link to go to this blog. And, from what I saw, that blog post was how one of the two bloggers, Tony Pua, doubting the qualities of my university. I was, at first, infuriated, like any "loyal" students would. But after giving it a deep thought, it seems reasonable and logical for the doubt. Since then, I've been an avid follower of the blog, occasionally posting comments to let them know my opinions once in a while. But the posts seems to lessen a bit since Tony Pua joined the political field, leaving the other blogger, Ong Kian Ming, keeping the blog alive. I'd like to point out that both of them had different styles of writing. While Tony Pua is seen as the more aggressive blogger, Kian Ming is more sensible in his writing, seemingly more rational than the other, even though Tony's blog posts are also rational. Still, I like both of them, and I'll wait for Tony's blogging frequency to increase.
5. When Routine isn't exactly Normal (http://www.kennysia.com/)
This is currently another blog that I frequent to, mainly because of his humourous posts, and his thought provoking pictures (er-hem). I know I'm a little late of knowing Kenny Sia, but I wasn't really interested into knowing great bloggers, (plus, I didn't have their blog URLs) so, Kenny is the first great blogger that I've browsed through. And I don't regret doing that. I got so addicted to Kenny Sia, that I went through his archives to find the more funny posts he had before now. And his blog is clearly showing how much two years have made him a changed man. From being repulsive and loud, he now changes his focus to "safe humour", because his blog has become more and more popular. Of course, I'd like to see the repulsive side of him once in a while.
There you have it, the five blogs that I frequent to most of the time, mainly because these five blogs just kept updating themselves. Blogs becomes part of an everyday life. Likewise, you'll never really know what others think about. Plus, I really like the way they play with words, since I'm a word player myself. I just hope that meaningful blogs will keep existing, and I can keep reading. You'll never know how fun it is to find another word player like yourself.
Thanks and good day
(Note to these 5 bloggers : If any of you find my summary not satisfying, don't sue me. *Takes quote from Namewee* Saya takde duit....)
An Interesting Theory about Bed
Posted by
cDi
comments (0)
That very sanctuary we go to everytime it is time to sleep. That very place that we generate and activate our subconcious mind. That very place that we woke up feeling rejuvenated and can't wait to go back there, it is all about the bed, our sleeping island.
The bed has always been an essential part of life. First acting as a sleeping place and a soft land for us as babies to lie on, later it evolves to become not only a place for rest and relaxation, it serves as the very sanctuary sometimes for people wanting to release themselves and conceal themselves for privacy, via crying while sleeping at the same time. It is also a place where best friends hang out and spill their heart out for each other, maybe needing one another to hold on to them. A place for lovers to share their very secrets, or just simply hold on to each other. Bed serves many purposes, though many had only acknowledge their primary existence, which is to allow them to go to dreamland.
But recently, when I saw something inspiring, I realised that how much memories a bed can have. Before I talk about that inspiring tale, I want to try to explain the theory of a bed, between singles and couples, and relate it to single bed and queen size bed.
When we are single, the only thing enough to fit us is, of course, the single bed. It is the private spot for us, for us to lay down, for us to ponder our thoughts, for us to relax, maybe worrying a little of what is in store for us the day after that. There is literally nothing to bother about. We could spread our legs wide and conquer the whole bed without ever needing to worry about others, except that we might fall down.
Of course, there are a few lucky ones who owns a queen sized bed themselves. While they had almost the same characteristics as the previous ones that I have mentioned, they need not worry about space. They have ALL the space they have. Rolling around and about, tossing and turning to their delight, and they'll never fell off the bed. Sleeping in a queen sized bed like that is just pure jealousy to me, especially when the materials used to create a queen sized is so much of high quality compare to single beds. They are much like singles' heaven, as they are more comfortable to sleep on.
However, when singles turn into couples, they might enjoy their very own paradise, maybe wanting to sleep back at their beds. Couples who tried to sleep together for the first time might not be used to the concept of sleeping together, because they were so used to having their own beds that maybe they were afraid of hurting the other by kicking them down, which is why it will not be comfortable. Or maybe they wanted to be romantic, therefore they hug each other to sleep, or the girl would sleep on her lover's arms, as they sleep together, only to wake up with severe muscle strains and numbness. That is not a romantic way to wake up at all.
But as time passed, and when each couple are familiar with the other's sleeping behaviour, they would counter each other and therefore adapt to each other, getting used to sleeping with each other, and therefore, they start to acknowledge their partners, always careful that their partner will have enough to sleep, and sleeping like that for over 10 years will make a difference on how you sleep, and you have gone used to sharing a bed with your lover. But, what happens when you are back being single again?
Sometimes it could be hard. Maybe it's about habit, maybe it's about the one you slept with, but I've seen in my own eyes how old habits can never die. It could be painful, it could be heartwarming, I just don't know what to say when I see it. My mother had been sleeping alone since the starting of this year, after my brother is finally old enough to go and sleep in his own room. She had always been sleeping on the right side of the bed, whilst my dad slept on the left side. After my dad's demise, I thought, by right, she should be having the whole bed to her own. But no. She still sleeps at one side, and leave the left side vacant. Sometimes, me and my siblings will occupy that side to sleep on the comfortable bed once in a while. But when she sleeps alone, it is always at the right side. Never have I seen her sleeping on the left side.
I don't know that she sleeps like that out of habit or not, but it pains me to see her sleeping like that. It's as if, my dad is still alive, still there, sleeping by her side. Should I tell her to try sleeping on both sides? She now owns the whole bed by herself. She's single. A queen sized bed is her luxury. Her intensive working hours should be able to let her understand that she needs the bed the most. And yet, she still sleeps by her side, rather unaware that she sleeps like that for the past 20 years, with 6 of them actually trying to adjust herself to sleep like a single again. Is she pining for my dad to return? Is she waiting for another man to sleep by her side when we are all grown up to spread our wings?
Sharing a bed is not easy as it looks. It takes some kind of special tolerance to be able to sleep together on a bed and still do not think that the other is a tiresome burden, just to wake up feeling fresh and rejuvenated. But for my mom's case, I look at it as a different story.
I think my mom wants to believe that my dad is still sleeping by her side.
Sorry if this post is a little confusing to some readers. Thanks and good day.
The bed has always been an essential part of life. First acting as a sleeping place and a soft land for us as babies to lie on, later it evolves to become not only a place for rest and relaxation, it serves as the very sanctuary sometimes for people wanting to release themselves and conceal themselves for privacy, via crying while sleeping at the same time. It is also a place where best friends hang out and spill their heart out for each other, maybe needing one another to hold on to them. A place for lovers to share their very secrets, or just simply hold on to each other. Bed serves many purposes, though many had only acknowledge their primary existence, which is to allow them to go to dreamland.
But recently, when I saw something inspiring, I realised that how much memories a bed can have. Before I talk about that inspiring tale, I want to try to explain the theory of a bed, between singles and couples, and relate it to single bed and queen size bed.
When we are single, the only thing enough to fit us is, of course, the single bed. It is the private spot for us, for us to lay down, for us to ponder our thoughts, for us to relax, maybe worrying a little of what is in store for us the day after that. There is literally nothing to bother about. We could spread our legs wide and conquer the whole bed without ever needing to worry about others, except that we might fall down.
Of course, there are a few lucky ones who owns a queen sized bed themselves. While they had almost the same characteristics as the previous ones that I have mentioned, they need not worry about space. They have ALL the space they have. Rolling around and about, tossing and turning to their delight, and they'll never fell off the bed. Sleeping in a queen sized bed like that is just pure jealousy to me, especially when the materials used to create a queen sized is so much of high quality compare to single beds. They are much like singles' heaven, as they are more comfortable to sleep on.
However, when singles turn into couples, they might enjoy their very own paradise, maybe wanting to sleep back at their beds. Couples who tried to sleep together for the first time might not be used to the concept of sleeping together, because they were so used to having their own beds that maybe they were afraid of hurting the other by kicking them down, which is why it will not be comfortable. Or maybe they wanted to be romantic, therefore they hug each other to sleep, or the girl would sleep on her lover's arms, as they sleep together, only to wake up with severe muscle strains and numbness. That is not a romantic way to wake up at all.
But as time passed, and when each couple are familiar with the other's sleeping behaviour, they would counter each other and therefore adapt to each other, getting used to sleeping with each other, and therefore, they start to acknowledge their partners, always careful that their partner will have enough to sleep, and sleeping like that for over 10 years will make a difference on how you sleep, and you have gone used to sharing a bed with your lover. But, what happens when you are back being single again?
Sometimes it could be hard. Maybe it's about habit, maybe it's about the one you slept with, but I've seen in my own eyes how old habits can never die. It could be painful, it could be heartwarming, I just don't know what to say when I see it. My mother had been sleeping alone since the starting of this year, after my brother is finally old enough to go and sleep in his own room. She had always been sleeping on the right side of the bed, whilst my dad slept on the left side. After my dad's demise, I thought, by right, she should be having the whole bed to her own. But no. She still sleeps at one side, and leave the left side vacant. Sometimes, me and my siblings will occupy that side to sleep on the comfortable bed once in a while. But when she sleeps alone, it is always at the right side. Never have I seen her sleeping on the left side.
I don't know that she sleeps like that out of habit or not, but it pains me to see her sleeping like that. It's as if, my dad is still alive, still there, sleeping by her side. Should I tell her to try sleeping on both sides? She now owns the whole bed by herself. She's single. A queen sized bed is her luxury. Her intensive working hours should be able to let her understand that she needs the bed the most. And yet, she still sleeps by her side, rather unaware that she sleeps like that for the past 20 years, with 6 of them actually trying to adjust herself to sleep like a single again. Is she pining for my dad to return? Is she waiting for another man to sleep by her side when we are all grown up to spread our wings?
Sharing a bed is not easy as it looks. It takes some kind of special tolerance to be able to sleep together on a bed and still do not think that the other is a tiresome burden, just to wake up feeling fresh and rejuvenated. But for my mom's case, I look at it as a different story.
I think my mom wants to believe that my dad is still sleeping by her side.
Sorry if this post is a little confusing to some readers. Thanks and good day.
Stayin' Alive
Posted by
cDi
comments (1)
I think I've gotten too used to being loud and brash when I'm protected by the Internet, it eventually eats up my character and I just had to be loud and brash in person. Here's how the story goes. One day I was waiting for the bus with my S.J buddy and my boyfriend, Ephyon. (I'm going to call him by his DotA name Ephyon from now on. Guardian angel seems to be very misleading. Plus, he likes DotA. I like watching him play DotA.) I had an interesting class before this and I just couldn't help but telling it out loud. We were waiting at broad daylight for the bus and I just raised my voice so that they can hear what I'm talking about. Unfortunately, unknown to me, I seemed to be drawing unwanted attention, mainly because my topic was "the Prime Minister is always Muslim. But they didn't emphasized on that right? I mean, we checked on the Internet....bla bla bla....". My buddy managed to hush me up after that, because there is a great amount of a certain ethnic group waiting for the bus too.
Unfortunately, as Ephyon tells me today, I really did drew scoffs of attention for what I said. And apparently, it had happen a few times, before and after we are together, whether it is related to politics or not. I seem to be talking about the wrong thing at the wrong time. I know I do offend alot of people, so much, that I think this is why I never had a good friendship circle until now. Honestly, if I didn't have friends who reminded me of that during secondary school days, I wouldn't know that what I said had been offending, loud and rude. That is why I had been limiting myself, or should I say, refraining myself from offending too many people that eventually the "One man is an island" saying becomes true.
I had been doing this for the past one year now, still I can't help being brash at times. Scoffing people off for facts that they could or couldn't accept. I even practised that on my earlier blog posts, trying to stop myself from revealing any information on what I felt if I was feeling stupidly down. Much to my "delight", I do get comments.
"hey yo,
go kill yourself you fucking emo bitch"
That was the very first thing I saw. I admit I was probably a little blurred or scarred by the attack. I resented to attacking that commentor, hoping that he'll leave. In the end, it lead into a nonsensical fight that my friends have been trying to help me in. I was being a dimwit too, falling for internet taunts like that. Then again, my abstract ego demands payback. I deleted all the comments made at that post to avoid anymore controversy. And now, I still do get lewd comments from some commentors, but eventually I learn not to care. The comments were there for them to express themselves. If I really hated comments, I would have disabled the comments settings. But I still like feedback from readers if possible.
Anyways, back to what I'm trying to emphasize. I do improve alot of being mindful of my speech. But I still couldn't help but express what I really think. I'm really impressed with my friends who refrain themselves from offending others by bashing the performance of others. I still ACCIDENTALLY do that sometimes. (meaning, I wasn't aware. I just ask one really straightforward question) Luckily I hit the right spot, and I was known as the girl who asks straightforward questions. Ouch(or is it Yay?).
My legacy has not ended. Till now, I see many others who are almost as loud and brash as me, but this only happens within campus. I think they were sensible enough not to mention anything outside in public. My intuition really sucks. If there is no public display of affection, and if someone tells me dat XXX and YYY were going out, I'll just give you the shocking look and you'll return to me saying "Don't tell me you don't notice ah? So obvious"
So if no one tells me that my "speech" is drawing really negative attention, I'll just continue talking and talking as if I'm in LaLa-land. Ignorant of the icy stares around me, ready to pounce at me when I fully let my guard down. I think I've challenged my freedom of speech far too many times, that I didn't realised that. I'm still surprised that I'm still free, instead of being locked up in jail by the Internal Security Act for my one sentence or one remark.
Then again, I didn't realise people actually care about my consequences and what will happen to me.
Ephyon:"I just want to protect you as much as I can. I don't want to see you end up in the hospital bed....."
He related a case that happened to his friend, who, said one sentence too many, and ended up being beaten up for that. Luckily it was just bruises, but what if they couldn't stop beating? And the ending of your glamourous life is being left by the roadside waiting to die. I never really knew about what kind of value people see in my life. Death. If I go, I go alone. That was how I view about my life. If I left the world, that's it. I trust my family and friends to be sensical enough not to grieve too much about my death.
Today, my principle and view about life was proven wrong.
I may hear alot of declaration of love from Ephyon, but today, he tells me something I've never heard before, that he didn't want to lose me all because of what I said.
And for that, I guess I should be more aware of my surroundings. Because I want to stay alive.
I'll still be loud and brash anyway, just be more aware of who may listen to my speech.
Are you listening?
Unfortunately, as Ephyon tells me today, I really did drew scoffs of attention for what I said. And apparently, it had happen a few times, before and after we are together, whether it is related to politics or not. I seem to be talking about the wrong thing at the wrong time. I know I do offend alot of people, so much, that I think this is why I never had a good friendship circle until now. Honestly, if I didn't have friends who reminded me of that during secondary school days, I wouldn't know that what I said had been offending, loud and rude. That is why I had been limiting myself, or should I say, refraining myself from offending too many people that eventually the "One man is an island" saying becomes true.
I had been doing this for the past one year now, still I can't help being brash at times. Scoffing people off for facts that they could or couldn't accept. I even practised that on my earlier blog posts, trying to stop myself from revealing any information on what I felt if I was feeling stupidly down. Much to my "delight", I do get comments.
"hey yo,
go kill yourself you fucking emo bitch"
That was the very first thing I saw. I admit I was probably a little blurred or scarred by the attack. I resented to attacking that commentor, hoping that he'll leave. In the end, it lead into a nonsensical fight that my friends have been trying to help me in. I was being a dimwit too, falling for internet taunts like that. Then again, my abstract ego demands payback. I deleted all the comments made at that post to avoid anymore controversy. And now, I still do get lewd comments from some commentors, but eventually I learn not to care. The comments were there for them to express themselves. If I really hated comments, I would have disabled the comments settings. But I still like feedback from readers if possible.
Anyways, back to what I'm trying to emphasize. I do improve alot of being mindful of my speech. But I still couldn't help but express what I really think. I'm really impressed with my friends who refrain themselves from offending others by bashing the performance of others. I still ACCIDENTALLY do that sometimes. (meaning, I wasn't aware. I just ask one really straightforward question) Luckily I hit the right spot, and I was known as the girl who asks straightforward questions. Ouch(or is it Yay?).
My legacy has not ended. Till now, I see many others who are almost as loud and brash as me, but this only happens within campus. I think they were sensible enough not to mention anything outside in public. My intuition really sucks. If there is no public display of affection, and if someone tells me dat XXX and YYY were going out, I'll just give you the shocking look and you'll return to me saying "Don't tell me you don't notice ah? So obvious"
So if no one tells me that my "speech" is drawing really negative attention, I'll just continue talking and talking as if I'm in LaLa-land. Ignorant of the icy stares around me, ready to pounce at me when I fully let my guard down. I think I've challenged my freedom of speech far too many times, that I didn't realised that. I'm still surprised that I'm still free, instead of being locked up in jail by the Internal Security Act for my one sentence or one remark.
Then again, I didn't realise people actually care about my consequences and what will happen to me.
Ephyon:"I just want to protect you as much as I can. I don't want to see you end up in the hospital bed....."
He related a case that happened to his friend, who, said one sentence too many, and ended up being beaten up for that. Luckily it was just bruises, but what if they couldn't stop beating? And the ending of your glamourous life is being left by the roadside waiting to die. I never really knew about what kind of value people see in my life. Death. If I go, I go alone. That was how I view about my life. If I left the world, that's it. I trust my family and friends to be sensical enough not to grieve too much about my death.
Today, my principle and view about life was proven wrong.
I may hear alot of declaration of love from Ephyon, but today, he tells me something I've never heard before, that he didn't want to lose me all because of what I said.
And for that, I guess I should be more aware of my surroundings. Because I want to stay alive.
I'll still be loud and brash anyway, just be more aware of who may listen to my speech.
Are you listening?
Limited or Endless Contribution?
Posted by
cDi
comments (0)
If anyone can remember how many times have you actually donated your money for charity, sympathy, friendship and love in a year, congratulations, I can daresay you could be 100,000 ringgit richer if you have kept the money. And those who are more able than the rest, you could have easily donated out 1 million.
I could be exaggerating, but I think everyone didn't realise the value of their donation. It may seem small, but if you have continuous donations to various organisations, those little values are stacked up easily and we could have spent some nearly 5 to 6 digits worth of money. That's a lot! Imagine what we can do with the money. I could get myself a really good laptop upgrade for my own sake. We could have enjoyed better food. We can even afford to go on a nice holiday.
And yet, we are contributing to charity knowingly and unknowingly at the same time. Do we contribute out of good intention or we just want to dispose those extras as fast as possible? As we placed that numerous 1 cent coins into the coin disposal box that accepts them for sake of charity, were we really thinking of the poverty or we just think that those coins were a burden? Probably it was the best of both worlds, because we could have just dump the coins into the rubbish dustbin. They won't really be worth anything. And not many are really interested in stacking up those 1 cent coins until it is worth something.
We have been contributing alright. Every ringgit or cents we donate, it could save someone's life. It could give the beggar down the street something more to eat. It could let the grandma who collects tin cans get a better pay today. It can afford to make a sick child and their family smile. Moreover, it makes our lives better. Or does it?
Sometimes we just donate out of pressure, you know, those "promoters" walking around selling items that half of them is going to charity. They aren't stalkers, but they can attack you individually, and you don't know what to do. We could say we are short of cash, but then they will implant some kind of "guilt genes" inside us and we'll feel bad for not doing what we "should be" doing: helping out others. Ah, I blame that on Moral Studies. We are just expected to be good aren't we?
Sometimes we just have to symphatise towards other's misfortune. Not all of them have our lives or our luck. They may leave the world earlier than ours, and they were not willing to die. But they aren't financially capable of surviving on Mother Earth. They sought for the help of newspapers, charity organisations, special services, just to keep their lives. And the very least we can do is do a little good so that somehow, they can have a live similar to ours.
Sometimes we "donated" without knowing. What is that should be free, was actually not. I actually encountered an incident whereby I was walking with my guardian angel at a shopping mall, and there was this kind lady who hands out a Buddhist Charm. As a Buddhist, I just accepted the charm, thinking that it was a free souvenir. Then as I turned back I found him missing. The lady was asking for RM20 for him as a "donation". Both of us were not exactly aware of this, so he just gave her the money. At that moment, I just threw the Buddhist charm into the rubbish dustbin. Not angry with my angel, but that woman. I feel insulted as a Buddhist because we were taught to just accept and not ask, we just accept what was in our plate. Yet that woman had the cheek to ask for money from him, without telling ME that it was supposed to be a product of donation. I should have just throw the charm to her and tell her to screw her business. Sheesh.
Then there were speculations that the victims of circumstances didn't exactly get the amount of money that was published in newspapers. Reason, those charity organisations sought after "hiring fees" after their "good deed" was done. Wow, so if we were contributing RM 1, at least 30 cents go to the organisation. Imagine if that amount of money is multiplied by millions. It's no wonder charity organisation do not need any business. They ARE getting business literally through the donations of us, the ever kind-hearted citizens.
Sigh, it is so hard to be good these days, finding people with the really true intention of doing good for the good of others. Others are raking in money. They need money. We need money. We willingly give our money to the others. They get the profit. They use our money that we literally donated. I am really in a dilemma here. Donating means giving us a sense of joy but yet we don't know how much were we exploited. Not donating means we managed to save our wallets from being burned up quickly, but if there's more people that think like us, wouldn't those who needed help that suffer?
What would you choose? Limited or Endless Contribution?
I could be exaggerating, but I think everyone didn't realise the value of their donation. It may seem small, but if you have continuous donations to various organisations, those little values are stacked up easily and we could have spent some nearly 5 to 6 digits worth of money. That's a lot! Imagine what we can do with the money. I could get myself a really good laptop upgrade for my own sake. We could have enjoyed better food. We can even afford to go on a nice holiday.
And yet, we are contributing to charity knowingly and unknowingly at the same time. Do we contribute out of good intention or we just want to dispose those extras as fast as possible? As we placed that numerous 1 cent coins into the coin disposal box that accepts them for sake of charity, were we really thinking of the poverty or we just think that those coins were a burden? Probably it was the best of both worlds, because we could have just dump the coins into the rubbish dustbin. They won't really be worth anything. And not many are really interested in stacking up those 1 cent coins until it is worth something.
We have been contributing alright. Every ringgit or cents we donate, it could save someone's life. It could give the beggar down the street something more to eat. It could let the grandma who collects tin cans get a better pay today. It can afford to make a sick child and their family smile. Moreover, it makes our lives better. Or does it?
Sometimes we just donate out of pressure, you know, those "promoters" walking around selling items that half of them is going to charity. They aren't stalkers, but they can attack you individually, and you don't know what to do. We could say we are short of cash, but then they will implant some kind of "guilt genes" inside us and we'll feel bad for not doing what we "should be" doing: helping out others. Ah, I blame that on Moral Studies. We are just expected to be good aren't we?
Sometimes we just have to symphatise towards other's misfortune. Not all of them have our lives or our luck. They may leave the world earlier than ours, and they were not willing to die. But they aren't financially capable of surviving on Mother Earth. They sought for the help of newspapers, charity organisations, special services, just to keep their lives. And the very least we can do is do a little good so that somehow, they can have a live similar to ours.
Sometimes we "donated" without knowing. What is that should be free, was actually not. I actually encountered an incident whereby I was walking with my guardian angel at a shopping mall, and there was this kind lady who hands out a Buddhist Charm. As a Buddhist, I just accepted the charm, thinking that it was a free souvenir. Then as I turned back I found him missing. The lady was asking for RM20 for him as a "donation". Both of us were not exactly aware of this, so he just gave her the money. At that moment, I just threw the Buddhist charm into the rubbish dustbin. Not angry with my angel, but that woman. I feel insulted as a Buddhist because we were taught to just accept and not ask, we just accept what was in our plate. Yet that woman had the cheek to ask for money from him, without telling ME that it was supposed to be a product of donation. I should have just throw the charm to her and tell her to screw her business. Sheesh.
Then there were speculations that the victims of circumstances didn't exactly get the amount of money that was published in newspapers. Reason, those charity organisations sought after "hiring fees" after their "good deed" was done. Wow, so if we were contributing RM 1, at least 30 cents go to the organisation. Imagine if that amount of money is multiplied by millions. It's no wonder charity organisation do not need any business. They ARE getting business literally through the donations of us, the ever kind-hearted citizens.
Sigh, it is so hard to be good these days, finding people with the really true intention of doing good for the good of others. Others are raking in money. They need money. We need money. We willingly give our money to the others. They get the profit. They use our money that we literally donated. I am really in a dilemma here. Donating means giving us a sense of joy but yet we don't know how much were we exploited. Not donating means we managed to save our wallets from being burned up quickly, but if there's more people that think like us, wouldn't those who needed help that suffer?
What would you choose? Limited or Endless Contribution?
Bring her back
Posted by
cDi
comments (6)
Dear Buddha,
Sim Ee is lost now, wandering in my cloud of thoughts. She don't know where to go, I didn't have the map to guide her out. I'm clueless myself, what have I done to her. I locked her inside me. She struggled to get out, but at the moment I see her beloved, I couldn't stop myself.
Sim Ee tried to tell me to stop acting cute, because she hated cutesiness. She didn't really like to do that often. But her beloved never complain, so I never stop. She was shocked with my attitude. She was flabbergasted, but she was locked, so she couldn't do anything. She lost her spirit.
Sim Ee didn't like to to complain. She was actually okay with any consequences, she was brought up to not complain, and be able to accept everything around her and just get used to new situation. Yet her beloved was silent when I complained, and I just continue to do so. She yelled at my stupidity to not think before I said anything to hurt him. I know myself, but it was always too late, that I left another scar in his heart. She was heartbroken. She lost her mind.
Sim Ee loves being with different people. She likes to be surrounded by friends and family, and different new people indeed. She loves the freshness about it, knowing more people is more like her. She has no qualms about it. Yet her beloved loves to have me by his side, so I always stick to him. She looked at the fresh faces just passing by her, another opportunity of knowing a new friend is lost. She glared at me with her tear-stained face, and with red eyes, telling me how can I do this to her. I didn't listen, just continuing whatever I'm doing with him. She's completely given up. She lost her soul.
My lord, I've just conquered her, then her beloved realised he loves her more than me. He shattered me into a million pieces, so hard that it's hard to pick up. I am not whole now. He revived Sim Ee back when she was almost close to being destroyed. I tried picking up my pieces but to no avail. People other than him wants Sim Ee back. I was shocked. I thought people loved me. But they do not. They love Sim Ee more.
My lord, I cannot complain. I've been conquering her for the past 2 months. It's more than enough for me to enjoy the world, when I wasn't really enjoying when I'm tormenting her mind and soul. I feel guilty myself, in order to be alive, I need her dead; She's okay with death, but it's not the way with her beloved and her friends. She made a bizzare promise about staying true to herself as she goes on with her relationship. It didn't happen, I tormented her into a half beast within 2 months.
My lord, PLEASE! Help her! She needs to be back! She wants to be back! Her Beloved wants her back! Her friends want her back! Her family wants her back!! And I WANT HER BACK!! BUDDHA!!! LISTEN TO THE CALL OF THE LOST SOUL!!! BRING HER BACK!!!!!!!!
From,
Pieces of new personality
Sim Ee is lost now, wandering in my cloud of thoughts. She don't know where to go, I didn't have the map to guide her out. I'm clueless myself, what have I done to her. I locked her inside me. She struggled to get out, but at the moment I see her beloved, I couldn't stop myself.
Sim Ee tried to tell me to stop acting cute, because she hated cutesiness. She didn't really like to do that often. But her beloved never complain, so I never stop. She was shocked with my attitude. She was flabbergasted, but she was locked, so she couldn't do anything. She lost her spirit.
Sim Ee didn't like to to complain. She was actually okay with any consequences, she was brought up to not complain, and be able to accept everything around her and just get used to new situation. Yet her beloved was silent when I complained, and I just continue to do so. She yelled at my stupidity to not think before I said anything to hurt him. I know myself, but it was always too late, that I left another scar in his heart. She was heartbroken. She lost her mind.
Sim Ee loves being with different people. She likes to be surrounded by friends and family, and different new people indeed. She loves the freshness about it, knowing more people is more like her. She has no qualms about it. Yet her beloved loves to have me by his side, so I always stick to him. She looked at the fresh faces just passing by her, another opportunity of knowing a new friend is lost. She glared at me with her tear-stained face, and with red eyes, telling me how can I do this to her. I didn't listen, just continuing whatever I'm doing with him. She's completely given up. She lost her soul.
My lord, I've just conquered her, then her beloved realised he loves her more than me. He shattered me into a million pieces, so hard that it's hard to pick up. I am not whole now. He revived Sim Ee back when she was almost close to being destroyed. I tried picking up my pieces but to no avail. People other than him wants Sim Ee back. I was shocked. I thought people loved me. But they do not. They love Sim Ee more.
My lord, I cannot complain. I've been conquering her for the past 2 months. It's more than enough for me to enjoy the world, when I wasn't really enjoying when I'm tormenting her mind and soul. I feel guilty myself, in order to be alive, I need her dead; She's okay with death, but it's not the way with her beloved and her friends. She made a bizzare promise about staying true to herself as she goes on with her relationship. It didn't happen, I tormented her into a half beast within 2 months.
My lord, PLEASE! Help her! She needs to be back! She wants to be back! Her Beloved wants her back! Her friends want her back! Her family wants her back!! And I WANT HER BACK!! BUDDHA!!! LISTEN TO THE CALL OF THE LOST SOUL!!! BRING HER BACK!!!!!!!!
From,
Pieces of new personality
Death is evident
Posted by
cDi
comments (1)
It has been 3 weeks since knowing that one of my secondary schoolmate died. It took me quite some time to discuss it in public. "It" refers to death, the last stage of our life cycle. When I was younger, death seems so abstract, so hard to believe. I thought death only appeared in movies or television. I had not experienced death for the first thirteen years of my life, never even been to a proper funeral and witness its proceedings. Never know how the dead people look. I had a quite perfect family whereby the fact that all my family members remained well and healthy. All that so-called perfect image turned into disaster, when I was greeted with death on a Sunday morning.
I saw my father, lying motionless, not moving a bit. Thinking that he just passed out, I tried out my First Aid skills. I was only thirteen then, so it wasn't a perfect start. Attempts of trying to bring him back to life only turned out to be failure, because my mom only woke me up, half an hour after he lay unconcious. There is no way that I could bring him back alive. At that moment, I blamed my mother, had she had the same knowledge as I did, she would have had the sense to wake me up straightaway. But it is all too late. My father has left the world.
I felt as if my whole world crumbled seeing his lifeless body, and knowing that what I did could not bring him to life. The energy was wasted, what more when I broke down. I was living in a trauma, so badly, that I couldn't go upstairs to have a good look at his body, only dare to do so after he was placed in a casket. I witnessed the whole family collapse. Everyone bringing their tear-stained face to see my father. Suddenly, I don't see a perfect family anymore. My paternal relatives were an embarassing lot, all not knowing how to face death or even able to talk out of it. They made the whole situation worse, as if trying to make the pain even more evident. When my paternal grandmother puts unknown accusations on our family, it spelled the end of our harmonious ties. I resent them now for their selfishness and childish acts.
Since then, I couldn't look at death the same way again. I view it as a cruel and heartless way of separation. Death occurs just anywhere. Unavoidable at times. If it really happens, strangers react first, if the dead is a victim of crime. I wonder why do the strangers screamed at the sight of the body. Is it because of fear? What do they fear in the dead? And the loved ones. They cry at the sight of death. Why do they cry? Is it because of death, or how they died?
"Just let it all out, you'll feel better that way"
That was what my friend said when they were around when I got to know of the news of my schoolmate's passing. Will crying really reflect what I felt inside? Will it actually release the grief inside? I couldn't really cry much because I had little memories with my schoolmate. A friend of 5 years, he rarely talks yet he tries to blend in the crowd. I only knew him because we were involved in the same society. Later on we became classmates. I know of his area of interests, in fact, I was one of the few who talked quite some with him. However, I was being a black sheep, and not many liked me. So in order to please the majority, I gave all my time trying to please them, ignoring him who had been sitting by my side. The last time that I actually talked to him was on friendster, that he invited me to join his college's Bon Odori festival, I politely declined his offer, with the assignments piling up at my side. Now, I wished I could have accepted it.
"Of course we have the right to complain, since we lost someone precious in our lives"
That was what my guardian angel said yesterday, albeit jokingly. None that I could think of to reply him back. I don't know if I want to put my father's death as a shield to gain sympathy anymore. For applying scholarships, for unknowingly being centre of the crowd, for being depressed, for crying. So many kinds of privileges, I always used my father's death as the reason. But later on the privilege turned into a burden. When I see my paternal relatives' ugly faces, everytime they asked us about our well-being, with intention to feel pity for us. I feel disgusted visiting them, sometimes disgusted with myself when I use my situation to actually make the whole atmosphere lost its temperature. Countless times my friendship was nearly severed. I always thought that people complain even though they have the best things in the world was stupid because I never really complain, but thinking of what my guardian angel said, do I really want to complain now?
I will face death sooner or later. I have had two deaths involving people who had an impact in my life. To my father, thank you for being a really awful fellow, who smokes, drinks, gambles, and spending my education fund down the drain, for I learn to hate you, not follow in your footsteps, and not to choose a man like you. To my schoolmate, thank you for being considerate, to send me Chinese New Year cards despite all the stupid rumours of you liking me, for letting me listen to you, and to tell me what you haven't been telling others, for I learn to appreciate good memories and friends now. I will miss the FRIM trip more often now.
"It's painful to let go I know, but at the very least you have accepted his death"
I hope you are right my angel.
I saw my father, lying motionless, not moving a bit. Thinking that he just passed out, I tried out my First Aid skills. I was only thirteen then, so it wasn't a perfect start. Attempts of trying to bring him back to life only turned out to be failure, because my mom only woke me up, half an hour after he lay unconcious. There is no way that I could bring him back alive. At that moment, I blamed my mother, had she had the same knowledge as I did, she would have had the sense to wake me up straightaway. But it is all too late. My father has left the world.
I felt as if my whole world crumbled seeing his lifeless body, and knowing that what I did could not bring him to life. The energy was wasted, what more when I broke down. I was living in a trauma, so badly, that I couldn't go upstairs to have a good look at his body, only dare to do so after he was placed in a casket. I witnessed the whole family collapse. Everyone bringing their tear-stained face to see my father. Suddenly, I don't see a perfect family anymore. My paternal relatives were an embarassing lot, all not knowing how to face death or even able to talk out of it. They made the whole situation worse, as if trying to make the pain even more evident. When my paternal grandmother puts unknown accusations on our family, it spelled the end of our harmonious ties. I resent them now for their selfishness and childish acts.
Since then, I couldn't look at death the same way again. I view it as a cruel and heartless way of separation. Death occurs just anywhere. Unavoidable at times. If it really happens, strangers react first, if the dead is a victim of crime. I wonder why do the strangers screamed at the sight of the body. Is it because of fear? What do they fear in the dead? And the loved ones. They cry at the sight of death. Why do they cry? Is it because of death, or how they died?
"Just let it all out, you'll feel better that way"
That was what my friend said when they were around when I got to know of the news of my schoolmate's passing. Will crying really reflect what I felt inside? Will it actually release the grief inside? I couldn't really cry much because I had little memories with my schoolmate. A friend of 5 years, he rarely talks yet he tries to blend in the crowd. I only knew him because we were involved in the same society. Later on we became classmates. I know of his area of interests, in fact, I was one of the few who talked quite some with him. However, I was being a black sheep, and not many liked me. So in order to please the majority, I gave all my time trying to please them, ignoring him who had been sitting by my side. The last time that I actually talked to him was on friendster, that he invited me to join his college's Bon Odori festival, I politely declined his offer, with the assignments piling up at my side. Now, I wished I could have accepted it.
"Of course we have the right to complain, since we lost someone precious in our lives"
That was what my guardian angel said yesterday, albeit jokingly. None that I could think of to reply him back. I don't know if I want to put my father's death as a shield to gain sympathy anymore. For applying scholarships, for unknowingly being centre of the crowd, for being depressed, for crying. So many kinds of privileges, I always used my father's death as the reason. But later on the privilege turned into a burden. When I see my paternal relatives' ugly faces, everytime they asked us about our well-being, with intention to feel pity for us. I feel disgusted visiting them, sometimes disgusted with myself when I use my situation to actually make the whole atmosphere lost its temperature. Countless times my friendship was nearly severed. I always thought that people complain even though they have the best things in the world was stupid because I never really complain, but thinking of what my guardian angel said, do I really want to complain now?
I will face death sooner or later. I have had two deaths involving people who had an impact in my life. To my father, thank you for being a really awful fellow, who smokes, drinks, gambles, and spending my education fund down the drain, for I learn to hate you, not follow in your footsteps, and not to choose a man like you. To my schoolmate, thank you for being considerate, to send me Chinese New Year cards despite all the stupid rumours of you liking me, for letting me listen to you, and to tell me what you haven't been telling others, for I learn to appreciate good memories and friends now. I will miss the FRIM trip more often now.
"It's painful to let go I know, but at the very least you have accepted his death"
I hope you are right my angel.
CC and GG madness
Posted by
cDi
comments (2)
Question: Which of these phrases are uttered by me in a CC?
A. "No! No! NO!!!!!! AH FUCK!!! RUN!! DON'T FIGHT!! RUN!!!!!"
B. "That bloody wanked up kid!!"
C. "I'm gonna fuck that bloody bitch which kick my ass with Ultima!"
D. "No....GG...."
E. "This is madness....."
Well, folks, if you choose the first four answers, you are most definitely not one of those who frequent CC, or you don't really understand my character. In other words, E is what I said as I step into the CC a few days ago. For those who are still not clear of what is a CC, its called a Cyber cafe. The ongoing trend where it is still a popular spot for kids who skipped school, those who do not have any internet facilities, or simply, those who just want to hang out with their friends and play together. The Cyber Cafe is always equipped with different softwares and loads of online games, they also have the latest updates on computer hardwares, programmes, so much, no wonder those who have home computers too prefer to go to the cyber cafe.
I'm not sure is it because of the amount of technology inside the cyber cafe, or is it the appeal is not big enough, but I do find that the cyber cafe is dominated by boys and men, not much girls, though I can see a growing number of them in cyber cafes. But even there is so-called discrimination about it when I see the door to the men's room is larger than the ladies's. Well it is also dominated by the males because of the games they offer there. Counter Strike, DotA, Ea Sports, how many girls actually play those? Even I as a gamer could not find any interest in playing those type of games. That is probably what attracts the males to find their solace, filled with dim lights, cool gadgets, probably some other cyber cafes they are allowed to smoke too.
And yet, there is something in common with men whenever they play games. From those sophisticated faces, those handsome smiles, those to-die-for accents, they all turn into foul-mouthed creatures the moment they entered into a virtual arena, where they compete in front of the monitor to see who is the winner. If they got attacked, one foul word mentioned, then they continue their battle. However, if they got hit several times till they reach the brink of death, they vowed for revenge, in a form of vulgar words. See how these games turned even the best men into vicious animals, marching forward like there's no tomorrow, yet they do not break a sweat, but still they wasted their finger energy to click and type for instructions and directions and still try to wreck their brains for any possible attack or defense they can find just to make sure they do not lose their base easily. Of course, the process is not easy, and its not easy for the ears too.
Yet it is somehow amazing for a girl to witness how the culture of CC is like. Men who just swore and do not care of their ugly faces, battling their wits out of something virtual, just to keep their avatar alive. Of course, strategy was used, they need online teamwork, then the battle is won. It is somewhat tempting for men to try out new maps and new characters whenever their game is updated. Yes, as I'm typing now, my other partner and his friend is clicking his way to victory, when they had other matters to do like having an exam or concentrating on studies. But can't really blame him because, in that game, emotions run high. Even I got caught in the atmosphere, but what I did more was ask questions. Yep, I'm an amateur when it comes to online gaming. I'm more of a console gamer than an online gamer.
Still, it is this kind of madness that seems tempting yet deadly when we get addicted to it. Truly, the cyber cafe phenomenon has evolved from just being a place for those loiterers to a common place that friends meet up and play their favourite games. It is not necessarily harmful that it could destroy your life, if you are able to control yourself. If not, it is almost as addictive as cigarettes, heroin and sex. Too much of it can kill. And truly, it does kill people. There are a few cases in China where people got killed because they stay too much in front of the computer, and it has happenned in cyber cafes. So becareful of hazardous computers.
Warnings aside, it is not really a sin to get involved and have a taste of CC madness once in awhile. But really, there is something I need to do if I ever wanted to go to another cyber cafe: Be a professional in some online game apart from O2Jam. Imagine the irony of going in there, as one of the minority, and sit there doing nothing but playing the same songs I play everyday at home, when the boys are having some kind of new fun playing DotA or CounterStrike. I felt like an idiot when I'm facing a super induced computer and I didn't know what to do with it. Probably inside my inner self I was half wishing I understand the game or whatsoever, and half wishing I actually had left the cyber cafe, because even before I can actually sit down and play, my mind shouts "GG!!!"
Oh, and what is GG? Anyone who knows, please leave comments, I know what it means but I'm a little lazy to explain. To those CC lovers, if you find this post annoying, not suitable to your taste or you just felt offended, also please leave comments. I have really little idea on Cyber cafes, but I'd like to hear what you guys out there think about cyber cafes. Thanks and good day.
A. "No! No! NO!!!!!! AH FUCK!!! RUN!! DON'T FIGHT!! RUN!!!!!"
B. "That bloody wanked up kid!!"
C. "I'm gonna fuck that bloody bitch which kick my ass with Ultima!"
D. "No....GG...."
E. "This is madness....."
Well, folks, if you choose the first four answers, you are most definitely not one of those who frequent CC, or you don't really understand my character. In other words, E is what I said as I step into the CC a few days ago. For those who are still not clear of what is a CC, its called a Cyber cafe. The ongoing trend where it is still a popular spot for kids who skipped school, those who do not have any internet facilities, or simply, those who just want to hang out with their friends and play together. The Cyber Cafe is always equipped with different softwares and loads of online games, they also have the latest updates on computer hardwares, programmes, so much, no wonder those who have home computers too prefer to go to the cyber cafe.
I'm not sure is it because of the amount of technology inside the cyber cafe, or is it the appeal is not big enough, but I do find that the cyber cafe is dominated by boys and men, not much girls, though I can see a growing number of them in cyber cafes. But even there is so-called discrimination about it when I see the door to the men's room is larger than the ladies's. Well it is also dominated by the males because of the games they offer there. Counter Strike, DotA, Ea Sports, how many girls actually play those? Even I as a gamer could not find any interest in playing those type of games. That is probably what attracts the males to find their solace, filled with dim lights, cool gadgets, probably some other cyber cafes they are allowed to smoke too.
And yet, there is something in common with men whenever they play games. From those sophisticated faces, those handsome smiles, those to-die-for accents, they all turn into foul-mouthed creatures the moment they entered into a virtual arena, where they compete in front of the monitor to see who is the winner. If they got attacked, one foul word mentioned, then they continue their battle. However, if they got hit several times till they reach the brink of death, they vowed for revenge, in a form of vulgar words. See how these games turned even the best men into vicious animals, marching forward like there's no tomorrow, yet they do not break a sweat, but still they wasted their finger energy to click and type for instructions and directions and still try to wreck their brains for any possible attack or defense they can find just to make sure they do not lose their base easily. Of course, the process is not easy, and its not easy for the ears too.
Yet it is somehow amazing for a girl to witness how the culture of CC is like. Men who just swore and do not care of their ugly faces, battling their wits out of something virtual, just to keep their avatar alive. Of course, strategy was used, they need online teamwork, then the battle is won. It is somewhat tempting for men to try out new maps and new characters whenever their game is updated. Yes, as I'm typing now, my other partner and his friend is clicking his way to victory, when they had other matters to do like having an exam or concentrating on studies. But can't really blame him because, in that game, emotions run high. Even I got caught in the atmosphere, but what I did more was ask questions. Yep, I'm an amateur when it comes to online gaming. I'm more of a console gamer than an online gamer.
Still, it is this kind of madness that seems tempting yet deadly when we get addicted to it. Truly, the cyber cafe phenomenon has evolved from just being a place for those loiterers to a common place that friends meet up and play their favourite games. It is not necessarily harmful that it could destroy your life, if you are able to control yourself. If not, it is almost as addictive as cigarettes, heroin and sex. Too much of it can kill. And truly, it does kill people. There are a few cases in China where people got killed because they stay too much in front of the computer, and it has happenned in cyber cafes. So becareful of hazardous computers.
Warnings aside, it is not really a sin to get involved and have a taste of CC madness once in awhile. But really, there is something I need to do if I ever wanted to go to another cyber cafe: Be a professional in some online game apart from O2Jam. Imagine the irony of going in there, as one of the minority, and sit there doing nothing but playing the same songs I play everyday at home, when the boys are having some kind of new fun playing DotA or CounterStrike. I felt like an idiot when I'm facing a super induced computer and I didn't know what to do with it. Probably inside my inner self I was half wishing I understand the game or whatsoever, and half wishing I actually had left the cyber cafe, because even before I can actually sit down and play, my mind shouts "GG!!!"
Oh, and what is GG? Anyone who knows, please leave comments, I know what it means but I'm a little lazy to explain. To those CC lovers, if you find this post annoying, not suitable to your taste or you just felt offended, also please leave comments. I have really little idea on Cyber cafes, but I'd like to hear what you guys out there think about cyber cafes. Thanks and good day.
The Elements of Journalism
Posted by
cDi
comments (0)
In another 2 weeks, I'll be embarking on my second stage being in university life, which is pursuing the degree course. Some might argue that degree life might be a pain, some might say it shall be a breeze. I doubt any kind of breeze will come from my course, which has appeared on the title. I'll pursuing lessons of being part of the media society.
Not many would choose the life of being a journalist, said that this is the hardest career in mass communication and pays very little. This is very much evident when my university has only two, if not, one class in every degree course. This minimal number represents endangered species. Luckily, this course is creditable. If not, I would not have choose this university in the first place.
Journalism, according to Wikipedia, is "a discipline of gathering, writing and reporting news, and more broadly it includes the process of editing and presenting the news articles". This is what I have to learn during my 3 years studying this course, and I have to endure the large amount of paperwork to be done. Even so, I probably had to keep allowing creativity to knock into my head and say "Hey, just do this and forget the old set of rules! This is you!". Yep, journalism changes rules and styles easily, which is why they have editors, because editors, are like disciplinary teachers. They either think your story was good, quick, and have lots of coverage, or they might squeeze your head dry to see how many creative juices are there.
I'm preparing to face a very hectic journey ahead, filled with lots of running around. This is the fate of a journalist I guess, running around, trying to gather news, jotting down whatever that is useful, make good use of it, write out a report, hand it to the editor, re-edit your piece of work, make interviews no matter you have personal feelings towards the interviewee or not, being criticised, being judgmental, being very meticulous and so on. Ouch, I might have to create another persona to fit into that role, because although I like the feeling of running around, not being in the office, not wearing formal wear(journalists can't wear formal wear and run around do they?), but I might get tired of it after a while. Yet I don't want to regret choosing what I do best, which is, well, writing?
I discovered this part of my talent late, because my family emphasized on all rounder academics and sports, or they give me a wrong talent to pursue on: organ practise. I like music, but I'm for sure not the type to play on the keyboard. I was too restless to sit down and play a piece. It was until I got fascinated with chinese lyrics that I discovered the writer in me. Nothing has ever stop me from writing since then. I never actually published any articles on newspapers, mainly because I don't think I want to join in the debate, nor am I good at poems (writing, and poems are not the same), so I'd just observe how the reporters write their reports, with no distinctive style, and no taste. Everything looks and sound the same. But I can see the differences when they took in reports from other countries. The other journalists have more capacity in writing. They probably had done more research, but still it is evident on how they wrote out their distinctive style. I sure hope that there is a chance for the journalists here to be able to write out a style on their own.
There are nine elements of journalism, which none in this country nor other countries has fulfilled all the elements, only some. Here's a look on the nine elements:
1. Journalism's first obligation is the truth.
This is one element that I vow to keep if I ever go into the world of journalism. No matter what kind of pressure I have, I'll keep the one thing that ever encouraged me into journalism: portraying the truth to the whole world. Unfortunately, sometimes, the government can do stupid things to cover the truth that is against them. And I'm not only talking about the government in my country.
2. Its first loyalty is to its citizens.
One element leads to another, and they are all interrelated. The government must know that the press, is working to fulfil its work to the major part of the country which is the citizens, and not to serve the government, so be prepared for some major opposition if they didn't do their job well. Lets just hope those political parties would leave the press alone, instead of giving threatenning endorsements.
3. Its essence of discipline is verification.
Nothing much to say about this one, except that a journalist have to make clear of the news report that they are supposed to give, and whether is it a fraud or a real truth. Or not, the tragedy of China Press is going to happen again. the Nude Squat incident is still vividly on my mind. It will be a severe warning to all press that they must verify clearly on the incident.
4. Its practitioners must maintain an independence from those they cover.
This element, can cause the journalist to lose an arm, a leg, or possibly, his or her life. This is because a journalist when they report on something, it might go against a certain company, it might expose a secret organisation, it might turn one person into living hell, and they all want to prevent that from happening, so in order to stop the journalist from exposing their secrets to the media, several actions could be done. This is a risk of a journalist, at the possible ends of losing one's life. However they must not bow down to the fear, because what they only want to do is to find the truth. Therefore, bribes might help, but, if there is anyone as stubborn as me, I'd probably be dead anytime if I was told to investigate or do something life threatenning.
5. It must serve as an independent monitor of power.
Power. The power of writing. Any kind of news exposed to the public will either be propelled someone to a celebrity status, or act as a death sentence to many. That is how powerful news can be. Which is why the journalists are responsible with what they write. However, paparazzis can just write nuisance, and the press agency still got sued. What a "wonderful" bunch of dogs, them paparazzis.
6. It must provide a forum for public criticism and compromise.
Well, this part is served in every newspaper. The public can always write in to express their dissatisfaction, their greetings, their complaints. Luckily, companies too make use of this to explain their actions, or their wrongdoings. Oh, they even allow companies or a certain persona to apologise to the public via advertising.
7. It must strive to make the significant interesting and relevant.
This is what I don't see in my country, interesting? relevant? The only thing interesting is news from other foreign agencies in other places. What ever happen to researches that were done in Malaysia itself? Those very topics that make people cringe, those very topics that makes people understand a new level of knowledge? I certainly miss those days of how I enjoyed reading all parts of the newspaper, before some certain authority bogged it down with unnecessary pressure.
8. It must keep the new comprehensive and proportional.
Not sure how to explain this, but, I guess the news that are meant to be small, don't get too worked up on it, but those news that requires alot of attention, like feature stories, do lots of research, interview people, and write and rewrite it so that it fits into whatever that is happening now, and also the taste of the public. There is a fact that the public prefers negative stories over positive ones, though I'm hoping to report more positive than negative.
9. Its practitioners must be allowed to exercise their personal conscience.
Now this, could not be practised in this country for the time being. Why do I say so? Every press agency has a political party to "rely" on. So how do the media practitioners be allowed to exercise based on their personal feelings about a certain issue? Everytime when there is an election going on, the political party that has major influences on the media, gets more media coverage. Nothing much was said on what the opposite party did during the whole election period. In the end, who wins? The one that has more media coverage. It is sad that this is happening. Luckily, blogs are available and I at least get to see the two sides of faces that this media news have. Though I pray I get the freedom to even READ them in the future. Because, hey, I'm a blogger too.
Well, that sums up on what I feel about journalism. Hopefully, I'm able to excel in it. I don't pray to stay in this country for a career, because I don't think I can survive the pressure, unless I got into leisure like magazines and travel. Hopefully, my degree life is going to be a happy one. Hectic, yes but a happy hectic life.
Thanks and good day.
Not many would choose the life of being a journalist, said that this is the hardest career in mass communication and pays very little. This is very much evident when my university has only two, if not, one class in every degree course. This minimal number represents endangered species. Luckily, this course is creditable. If not, I would not have choose this university in the first place.
Journalism, according to Wikipedia, is "a discipline of gathering, writing and reporting news, and more broadly it includes the process of editing and presenting the news articles". This is what I have to learn during my 3 years studying this course, and I have to endure the large amount of paperwork to be done. Even so, I probably had to keep allowing creativity to knock into my head and say "Hey, just do this and forget the old set of rules! This is you!". Yep, journalism changes rules and styles easily, which is why they have editors, because editors, are like disciplinary teachers. They either think your story was good, quick, and have lots of coverage, or they might squeeze your head dry to see how many creative juices are there.
I'm preparing to face a very hectic journey ahead, filled with lots of running around. This is the fate of a journalist I guess, running around, trying to gather news, jotting down whatever that is useful, make good use of it, write out a report, hand it to the editor, re-edit your piece of work, make interviews no matter you have personal feelings towards the interviewee or not, being criticised, being judgmental, being very meticulous and so on. Ouch, I might have to create another persona to fit into that role, because although I like the feeling of running around, not being in the office, not wearing formal wear(journalists can't wear formal wear and run around do they?), but I might get tired of it after a while. Yet I don't want to regret choosing what I do best, which is, well, writing?
I discovered this part of my talent late, because my family emphasized on all rounder academics and sports, or they give me a wrong talent to pursue on: organ practise. I like music, but I'm for sure not the type to play on the keyboard. I was too restless to sit down and play a piece. It was until I got fascinated with chinese lyrics that I discovered the writer in me. Nothing has ever stop me from writing since then. I never actually published any articles on newspapers, mainly because I don't think I want to join in the debate, nor am I good at poems (writing, and poems are not the same), so I'd just observe how the reporters write their reports, with no distinctive style, and no taste. Everything looks and sound the same. But I can see the differences when they took in reports from other countries. The other journalists have more capacity in writing. They probably had done more research, but still it is evident on how they wrote out their distinctive style. I sure hope that there is a chance for the journalists here to be able to write out a style on their own.
There are nine elements of journalism, which none in this country nor other countries has fulfilled all the elements, only some. Here's a look on the nine elements:
1. Journalism's first obligation is the truth.
This is one element that I vow to keep if I ever go into the world of journalism. No matter what kind of pressure I have, I'll keep the one thing that ever encouraged me into journalism: portraying the truth to the whole world. Unfortunately, sometimes, the government can do stupid things to cover the truth that is against them. And I'm not only talking about the government in my country.
2. Its first loyalty is to its citizens.
One element leads to another, and they are all interrelated. The government must know that the press, is working to fulfil its work to the major part of the country which is the citizens, and not to serve the government, so be prepared for some major opposition if they didn't do their job well. Lets just hope those political parties would leave the press alone, instead of giving threatenning endorsements.
3. Its essence of discipline is verification.
Nothing much to say about this one, except that a journalist have to make clear of the news report that they are supposed to give, and whether is it a fraud or a real truth. Or not, the tragedy of China Press is going to happen again. the Nude Squat incident is still vividly on my mind. It will be a severe warning to all press that they must verify clearly on the incident.
4. Its practitioners must maintain an independence from those they cover.
This element, can cause the journalist to lose an arm, a leg, or possibly, his or her life. This is because a journalist when they report on something, it might go against a certain company, it might expose a secret organisation, it might turn one person into living hell, and they all want to prevent that from happening, so in order to stop the journalist from exposing their secrets to the media, several actions could be done. This is a risk of a journalist, at the possible ends of losing one's life. However they must not bow down to the fear, because what they only want to do is to find the truth. Therefore, bribes might help, but, if there is anyone as stubborn as me, I'd probably be dead anytime if I was told to investigate or do something life threatenning.
5. It must serve as an independent monitor of power.
Power. The power of writing. Any kind of news exposed to the public will either be propelled someone to a celebrity status, or act as a death sentence to many. That is how powerful news can be. Which is why the journalists are responsible with what they write. However, paparazzis can just write nuisance, and the press agency still got sued. What a "wonderful" bunch of dogs, them paparazzis.
6. It must provide a forum for public criticism and compromise.
Well, this part is served in every newspaper. The public can always write in to express their dissatisfaction, their greetings, their complaints. Luckily, companies too make use of this to explain their actions, or their wrongdoings. Oh, they even allow companies or a certain persona to apologise to the public via advertising.
7. It must strive to make the significant interesting and relevant.
This is what I don't see in my country, interesting? relevant? The only thing interesting is news from other foreign agencies in other places. What ever happen to researches that were done in Malaysia itself? Those very topics that make people cringe, those very topics that makes people understand a new level of knowledge? I certainly miss those days of how I enjoyed reading all parts of the newspaper, before some certain authority bogged it down with unnecessary pressure.
8. It must keep the new comprehensive and proportional.
Not sure how to explain this, but, I guess the news that are meant to be small, don't get too worked up on it, but those news that requires alot of attention, like feature stories, do lots of research, interview people, and write and rewrite it so that it fits into whatever that is happening now, and also the taste of the public. There is a fact that the public prefers negative stories over positive ones, though I'm hoping to report more positive than negative.
9. Its practitioners must be allowed to exercise their personal conscience.
Now this, could not be practised in this country for the time being. Why do I say so? Every press agency has a political party to "rely" on. So how do the media practitioners be allowed to exercise based on their personal feelings about a certain issue? Everytime when there is an election going on, the political party that has major influences on the media, gets more media coverage. Nothing much was said on what the opposite party did during the whole election period. In the end, who wins? The one that has more media coverage. It is sad that this is happening. Luckily, blogs are available and I at least get to see the two sides of faces that this media news have. Though I pray I get the freedom to even READ them in the future. Because, hey, I'm a blogger too.
Well, that sums up on what I feel about journalism. Hopefully, I'm able to excel in it. I don't pray to stay in this country for a career, because I don't think I can survive the pressure, unless I got into leisure like magazines and travel. Hopefully, my degree life is going to be a happy one. Hectic, yes but a happy hectic life.
Thanks and good day.
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