Dear Buddha,
Sim Ee is lost now, wandering in my cloud of thoughts. She don't know where to go, I didn't have the map to guide her out. I'm clueless myself, what have I done to her. I locked her inside me. She struggled to get out, but at the moment I see her beloved, I couldn't stop myself.
Sim Ee tried to tell me to stop acting cute, because she hated cutesiness. She didn't really like to do that often. But her beloved never complain, so I never stop. She was shocked with my attitude. She was flabbergasted, but she was locked, so she couldn't do anything. She lost her spirit.
Sim Ee didn't like to to complain. She was actually okay with any consequences, she was brought up to not complain, and be able to accept everything around her and just get used to new situation. Yet her beloved was silent when I complained, and I just continue to do so. She yelled at my stupidity to not think before I said anything to hurt him. I know myself, but it was always too late, that I left another scar in his heart. She was heartbroken. She lost her mind.
Sim Ee loves being with different people. She likes to be surrounded by friends and family, and different new people indeed. She loves the freshness about it, knowing more people is more like her. She has no qualms about it. Yet her beloved loves to have me by his side, so I always stick to him. She looked at the fresh faces just passing by her, another opportunity of knowing a new friend is lost. She glared at me with her tear-stained face, and with red eyes, telling me how can I do this to her. I didn't listen, just continuing whatever I'm doing with him. She's completely given up. She lost her soul.
My lord, I've just conquered her, then her beloved realised he loves her more than me. He shattered me into a million pieces, so hard that it's hard to pick up. I am not whole now. He revived Sim Ee back when she was almost close to being destroyed. I tried picking up my pieces but to no avail. People other than him wants Sim Ee back. I was shocked. I thought people loved me. But they do not. They love Sim Ee more.
My lord, I cannot complain. I've been conquering her for the past 2 months. It's more than enough for me to enjoy the world, when I wasn't really enjoying when I'm tormenting her mind and soul. I feel guilty myself, in order to be alive, I need her dead; She's okay with death, but it's not the way with her beloved and her friends. She made a bizzare promise about staying true to herself as she goes on with her relationship. It didn't happen, I tormented her into a half beast within 2 months.
My lord, PLEASE! Help her! She needs to be back! She wants to be back! Her Beloved wants her back! Her friends want her back! Her family wants her back!! And I WANT HER BACK!! BUDDHA!!! LISTEN TO THE CALL OF THE LOST SOUL!!! BRING HER BACK!!!!!!!!
From,
Pieces of new personality
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Abstraction is an ego. And my ego is an abstraction. Welcome to my world where things are not under control.
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6 comments:
HEY HEY!!!! wats this i read that u lost ur self....erm....thats just rubbish la...!!! no one can lose them self...they just wish that it was not them, get wat i mean?? what ur goin tru now, i haven gone tru..but i'll let u this much...u dun hav to look to god to help u...u hav to look at ur self...look into ur soul...this is how we learn how we hav adapted to the environment around us...this is why we grow n b mature...this is life..its not complaining o anyhitn else, this alter-ego that ur describing is kinda of ur "dark" past that u hav not let go..i'll say this boldly...i'll giv u a month o so..mayb less..u'll b okie...u hav to learn to take it one step at a time..ask questions, tell ppl even if it may make u look bad..u noe y?? cuz there will b understading...its impt to ppl...6 degreez...i told ya b4 mah...so woli la..u evolving, ur growing...sooner o later, u'll bloom to b a better person...dun think too much la auntie simee
~one Love~
~huskie boi~
I love u no matter wat happens...
Ur post is abit confusing here and there probably because u're talking about urself, just using another way...reflection of self using another self. I might wanna warn u, to take care of things nicely before u revert to MPD-Multiple Personality Disorder. A stage where u'll be dangerous to urself, to an extend harmful to those related or around u as well.
Personality is built afterborn, if some insists that its by nature then yes I would agree but in a way that it's bits of nature, expanded and grown by the environment and treatment received all the while. Personality can be in contradiction at times, like this! Its consist of a few major elements from my perception: 1stly, u care about how people view u. U can't deny and say that NO I DONT GIVE A DAMN OF WHAT PEOPLE THINKS. Well if ur at that stage I don't think u'll be writing about this. It's about how people see u or what people see u as that made u in such confusion. Especially when u feel that ur distance between u and them grows further when ure trying out a change. What people think of us and what our loved ones expected of us may be important, but losing urself means everything's gone.
Next would be what u really expect of urself. What do u want to be? What do u want others to see u as? How do u want others to judge u eventhough judging is not right before knowing u. U don't have the need to have personalities to please people around u, or personalities so that u don't lose those u hold on to dearly. People come and they go, u have to learn how to let go and accept changes around u because life's all about changing and adapting to ur surroundings, not losing urself in all these. Pleasing everyone and keeping people from walking out of ur life is tiring, so don't even try. Coz if u do, u'll worn urself out in the end. That's when u'll claim losing urself because u are CONFUSED of ur own feelings and others as well.
Partners, ur beloved should not try to change u. If he loves u he'll need to love ur everything. Including ur change.
Change for urself and for ur own good. Learn how to let go and accept new things. Don't let issues come across what u wanna do because in the end of the day YOU are going to be the one who regrets not doing the things that u want to...JUST BECAUSE of this that those him her who whaa whoh. Appreciate and be grateful of what u already have, don't emphasize of what u already lost, and ur past. The past is important, but it shouldn't be the factor that stops u from anything NOW, or future.
Thank u and good luck. Be happy, you got the choice. Change the way u view things, and u'll find it how amazing it heals by viewing on a different perspective.
Hey, like what you have stated in your post. You already know what you problems are. Since you know it, then you are not totaly lost. All you need to do now is just to correct it and try to improve yourself.
So, the choice is in your hands. It is up to you to choose what you want and how you want it to be.
Good day. And hope that you'll find your way out soon. ^^
aunty sim ee wht happen to u ? recently i learn sumthing that is u dun have to be wht ppl want u to be, just b anyone u like b ur self and that is more than enough, i like the aunty sim ee that she always take care of me so much and always help no matter wht prob i face. so aunty sim ee u r very good d so dun think so bad about ur self k?
miss u a lot
Sim Ee......there is no need to think till that deep. We all love you the way you are. The Sim Ee of the past is Sim Ee of the past. You wouldn't want to go back to the Sim Ee that just followed what her deceased dad told her to do,do you? Sorry i had to bring that up....but i like you the way you are. I told you before and I want to tell you now again. The two closest people to me are you and Marc and I know for a fact that Marc loves you no matter what and into whichever personality you change to but that is not the point. The point is that we want you as you are and we don't care what you change into. We will all love you for who you are not what you think we want you to be. Moving on and just going with the flow is the best you can be. We love you for that. There is no need to turn back time. You guys changed me and I'm really glad for the change though it cost me dearly. I know that I'm saying in one voice for everyone that,we,your family,MarcShyam,Cheng Hui and the others love you the way you are. There is no need for a change nor for a reverting back to your oldself. If you still want to,I'll beg you to stay the way you are cause that's why we love you. For being the way you are....
~Your sot sot,cheeky Wolf~
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