It's that it occurs when you had already expect it to happen.
Political stupidity:
General Election: Cabinet reshuffle. UMNO Election: Cabinet reshuffle.
My goodness, cabinet reshuffles every year with the UMNO elections right, might as well make that the definitive election. Why bother going through the General Election that includes the kecik pucuk of 30% of the so-called 'minority group'?
Eh wait, no, the other non-UMNO members would've been pissed off too. Ehehehe. But still Cabinet reshuffles every year like this, we all die la. Never get any problems.
Funniest capitalism stupidity:
I've said before that I love it when these idiotic bloggers who had joined some goddamn "blogging community", and then posted blog advertisements on their blog for some promotion gimmick.
No, I don't really care about those blog gimmicks.
The best part is that this new trendy way to save Earth called "Earth Hour" where it prompted the cities to switch off their lights for one full hour before switching it on.
Frankly, its a nice stunt, but only for the people who didn't do much saving before and thinking that "oh noz! it's time!" >_>
My house has been practising recycling for more than 10 years now, since the 90's. I think 1997 or 1998.
My personal intolerance of the cold temperature actually helped saved the usage of air-cond. Heaters are a great comfort after you emerged from an air-cond blasting office (aka my office! Farkers why so cold one?)
But the best part is that some bloggers, they blog that Earth Hour is a stupid stunt. It is merely a WWF trick, it is not going to help, it is not useful. bla bla bla
With a Nuffnang promotion ad next to it telling people to switch off the lights in support of Earth Hour.
*grunts snorts resisting urge to lol*
Dudes and Dudettes who are into this internet business shit, at least remove that ad before you bitch or you'll end up as a collection of my print screens showing the exact stupidity that gives me more reason to stop believing in internet business.
Unless these business enterprises has no business ethics, because internet business ethics is as virtual as cyberspace law.
Oh how I love being mean.
By the way, it's not that I don't want to support Earth Hour, but I have a dinner to attend tonight. So it will be full of lights at 8.30pm anyway.
Trust me, Earth Hour won't make a big difference in Malaysia. See if they have a press conference after this Earth Hour stint to calculate exactly how much energy + money Malaysians have helped to save.
I'd believe this Earth Hour stunt in Sydney and Melbourne that they have a good cause. Cannot believe the ones in Malaysia though. They couldn't even stop the illegal wildlife trafficking activities here. How to convince people to flick a switch?
Temptation
Posted by
cDi
comments (1)
What a metaphor, "Heart skipped a beat" to describe the moment when I laid my eyes on him.
Clad in a black figure hugging silk shirt with pants of equally good quality, he was sitting there sipping his glass of chivas. Such regal elegance. My heart was jumping out for him. And he wasn't just concentrating on any girls dancing in that party. Oddly enough, his friends decided to leave him be.
Then he turned to me. His daunting brown eyes was set upon me.
I turned and head straight into the ladies.
Looking at my face made over just for this occasion, I hardly believe it was me. The eyes that were previously cover by spectacles, are now shining with shades of blue and gold. Those pale lips have been redone and are now glossy with a shade rosier than my original lip colour. I liked it that way. It makes me keeping that au naturale.
God, I'm only here for that free flow of Heineken. My colleagues encouraged me to try and play dress up for the sake of being playful.
"Babe, you're fucking 23. Wear something that suits your age," she said, while throwing a dress I swear with my own life I will not wear to work, or actually ANYWHERE. If it wasn't That bloody threat she issued to me, that until I wear that dress to a function she will not speak to me nor approve my articles.
"And bring some fucking pictures to prove it!" she said.
"Alright I KNOW already! Goddamn it leave me to work!"
Now I'm here, all alone in the toilet, minus all that vomitting sounds of the drunk women who tried too hard to impress their other halves, feeling hot inside. And slightly lusty.
One look at that guy and he had driven me this crazy, I can't imagine approaching him in a calm and nice way like any innocent and party going girl would.
I really want that sexy beast.....
Shaking off that thought, I began to re-apply my make up. Who cares about him anyway? There are so many girls out for a fun, he can just pick any girl to have fun with him. Such a swooning hunk, it's no surprise if he has gone off with others by now.
After a good 15 minutes. I walked out again, no longer gazing at that direction. I just want my cold beer.
"Hey Matt, another round,"
"Whoa missy. You are quite the drinker are you? You new?"
"Yes sir. I heard there's free beer. I do not show myself except for the smell of free cold Heineken,"
And one glass was firmly on my hands. I just can't get rid of my alcoholist behaviour instincts to save my life. But the moment that cold beer reached my lips, going down the throat till it warms my stomach.
"Chivas, Matt"
"Right on, sir,"
A chivas-filled glass was set next to my Heineken. The man was sitting just next to me.
"Hi. You looked new," he said, putting his hand out.
"No. I just stop by for free drinks," I shook his hand, noticing that gold watch on his wrist.
"Heh. You are different than my other preys in this club," he said, letting that black hair slide over his handsome face.
"Prey? Whoa slow down there, tough nut. Who do you think you are?" I just shoot away and was slightly annoyed, not to mention angry. This is the exact reason why I didn't want to talk to him, because I'll end up knowing another crazy jerk who sleeps around.
"I happen to be the owner of this place, and you've just insulted the person who provided you free drinks by assuming he's a jerk," he remarked coldly.
I didn't buy it, and I called Matt over. Turns out he was telling the truth. Well, half truth. He doesn't even operates the club. He's just another rich kid looking for trouble.
I couldn't stand anymore of his arrogance, and wanted to pull my handbag and get out of here. That idiot, whoever he is, had just ruined my mood and I will not just sit there getting bullied by him.
But he grabbed my hand and dragged me into the corner of the club, and stared at me for the longest time.
"What the hell do you want?" I demanded, gritting my teeth.
"Are you disappointed? That I didn't turn out the way you imagined me to be?" he looked at me with an odd sense of concern.
I couldn't answer him. I just let him look at me, feeling his body so close to mine.
He began to lift my chin, and starting caressing my face.
"You are beautiful...I love looking at you. Your lips, eyes, your neck..mm.." he whispered in a tone so low and soft I felt myself wanting to grab him. Instead, I kept clenching my fist.
"I'm not an object or a toy. I'm...I'm...." before I could finish that sentence, he went and kissed me.
He really went all out. Must have felt that same lust for me, I can feel it when his tongue wrestled mine, his lips feels so soft, he was holding me tight, and I think, I felt something in him tightenned...
I pulled him away, and he looked slightly perplexed. I gave him a really doubtful smile. It's strange that he looked so cute even though he looked genuinely shocked.
"The night is not over. I still want to have fun," I said playfully, before dashing into the dance floor.
He followed not too long after. At first, I really couldn't enjoy myself with the crowd. But he came, and swept me away. Dancing really was an enjoyable experience for once, especially when I really couldn't match him. But I really loved to be close to him, to dance with him.....feel him so close to me
We danced till close to 2am, then he slowly led me to his car. We have a few rather intelligent chats there. It's amazing how vast his knowledge was, and previous stereotypes I have had against him had gone off my head.
We finally reached his place, because he claims that he kept his best wines in his house, would I like to go try them?
I laughed silently, that was the oldest trick in courting ever been used. Except, I bought into it. I can't wait to be lured into it.
He took out the finest wine glass with a bottle of Chateau Margaux.
"Expensive stuff," I mused.
"Only for the women who are priceless to me," he teased.
More than one woman, I thought to myself, He's challenging me. I smiled smugly.
A few clinks and a couple of glasses, we had another long chat. I felt drawn towards him more than ever. Part of me enjoyed this moment when we "battled" it out to see who succumbs to lust, yet part of me really wishes, he'll just get on with it and stop making me wait.
Two hours later, when the bottle of wine is finished, and we were out of conversations, he still hasn't make the move. I thought I might grew impatient. But strangely, I don't. It's a good thing that the whole lusty affair is finally over, and all I need to do now, was to ask him to send me back, and hopefully we'll have another round of long talks.
I was beginning to feel that I enjoyed his company.
"Hey. Thanks for everything. I must go now, if not I can't work" I told him.
He paused. I took it that he was too drunk to respond. I've decided to take a taxi, and before I left, I don't know why, I just kissed his cheek.
"Bye." I said.
As I was near to the door, I felt him hugging me from behind.
"Don't go...please stay," he said in the very same whisper.
The flame within me flared up. I felt his too.
I turned around and we begin to kiss, passionately. I really couldn't hold it in any longer. I guessed he read my mind, and begin lifting me up to his bedroom.
He threw me gently onto his bed, and the cover were so smooth, I began to loosen up to all the comfort suddenly around me. He was on top of me, and we began to kiss again.
Slowly, I unbuttoned his silk shirt and it revealed a well kept body. A guy who pays routine visits to the gym, and he definitely have a good taste. Good thing he's a man too. Didn't shave too much of his hair. I love a man like that.
He started feeling me everywhere, leaving me to gasp in pleasure. His hands were quick, taking out my clothing one by one, until what's left was my lingerie.
"Mmm....babe, you're sexy, but with just your bra and panties on, you look hot," he teased, and bent down to kiss my neck while fondling my thighs.
I let him do most the work. He seemed more than enthusiastic and before I knew it, he start being a little more adventurous, he got lower and lower...
I stopped him at the nick of time, to tell him "Wait. I'm not done with you," and I shoved him down, with him facing me now.
"Oooh, you love to be the dominating one do you? Rrrr, I like that," he told me in that really sexy tone that I couldn't resist.
Unfastenning the belt was easy, what's hard was to stop looking at what will be revealed underneath those briefs. I was really in awe. Is this happening? Could this be real?
We kissed again, more passionately than before. I've never been so sweaty and feeling so wanted inside.
He turned me over, this time holding my both hands to the bed. I couldn't move, but he was panting, and he asked me this.
"Do you want this to just be part of temptation, or do you want to be serious?" with seriousness shown beneath his face of wanting.
I looked at him, and I could sensed, that this time, I want it to be real.
"We'll have fun first, then we'll be serious," I taunted.
He smiled.
Within minutes, I felt an eruption of pleasure.
It felt so good. What a temptation.
-End-
Inspired by the Russian version of Arash's Temptation and Jason Mraz's Butterfly.
Enjoy. Finally, my kegatalan untuk menulis is not there anymore ;-).
Clad in a black figure hugging silk shirt with pants of equally good quality, he was sitting there sipping his glass of chivas. Such regal elegance. My heart was jumping out for him. And he wasn't just concentrating on any girls dancing in that party. Oddly enough, his friends decided to leave him be.
Then he turned to me. His daunting brown eyes was set upon me.
I turned and head straight into the ladies.
Looking at my face made over just for this occasion, I hardly believe it was me. The eyes that were previously cover by spectacles, are now shining with shades of blue and gold. Those pale lips have been redone and are now glossy with a shade rosier than my original lip colour. I liked it that way. It makes me keeping that au naturale.
God, I'm only here for that free flow of Heineken. My colleagues encouraged me to try and play dress up for the sake of being playful.
"Babe, you're fucking 23. Wear something that suits your age," she said, while throwing a dress I swear with my own life I will not wear to work, or actually ANYWHERE. If it wasn't That bloody threat she issued to me, that until I wear that dress to a function she will not speak to me nor approve my articles.
"And bring some fucking pictures to prove it!" she said.
"Alright I KNOW already! Goddamn it leave me to work!"
Now I'm here, all alone in the toilet, minus all that vomitting sounds of the drunk women who tried too hard to impress their other halves, feeling hot inside. And slightly lusty.
One look at that guy and he had driven me this crazy, I can't imagine approaching him in a calm and nice way like any innocent and party going girl would.
I really want that sexy beast.....
Shaking off that thought, I began to re-apply my make up. Who cares about him anyway? There are so many girls out for a fun, he can just pick any girl to have fun with him. Such a swooning hunk, it's no surprise if he has gone off with others by now.
After a good 15 minutes. I walked out again, no longer gazing at that direction. I just want my cold beer.
"Hey Matt, another round,"
"Whoa missy. You are quite the drinker are you? You new?"
"Yes sir. I heard there's free beer. I do not show myself except for the smell of free cold Heineken,"
And one glass was firmly on my hands. I just can't get rid of my alcoholist behaviour instincts to save my life. But the moment that cold beer reached my lips, going down the throat till it warms my stomach.
"Chivas, Matt"
"Right on, sir,"
A chivas-filled glass was set next to my Heineken. The man was sitting just next to me.
"Hi. You looked new," he said, putting his hand out.
"No. I just stop by for free drinks," I shook his hand, noticing that gold watch on his wrist.
"Heh. You are different than my other preys in this club," he said, letting that black hair slide over his handsome face.
"Prey? Whoa slow down there, tough nut. Who do you think you are?" I just shoot away and was slightly annoyed, not to mention angry. This is the exact reason why I didn't want to talk to him, because I'll end up knowing another crazy jerk who sleeps around.
"I happen to be the owner of this place, and you've just insulted the person who provided you free drinks by assuming he's a jerk," he remarked coldly.
I didn't buy it, and I called Matt over. Turns out he was telling the truth. Well, half truth. He doesn't even operates the club. He's just another rich kid looking for trouble.
I couldn't stand anymore of his arrogance, and wanted to pull my handbag and get out of here. That idiot, whoever he is, had just ruined my mood and I will not just sit there getting bullied by him.
But he grabbed my hand and dragged me into the corner of the club, and stared at me for the longest time.
"What the hell do you want?" I demanded, gritting my teeth.
"Are you disappointed? That I didn't turn out the way you imagined me to be?" he looked at me with an odd sense of concern.
I couldn't answer him. I just let him look at me, feeling his body so close to mine.
He began to lift my chin, and starting caressing my face.
"You are beautiful...I love looking at you. Your lips, eyes, your neck..mm.." he whispered in a tone so low and soft I felt myself wanting to grab him. Instead, I kept clenching my fist.
"I'm not an object or a toy. I'm...I'm...." before I could finish that sentence, he went and kissed me.
He really went all out. Must have felt that same lust for me, I can feel it when his tongue wrestled mine, his lips feels so soft, he was holding me tight, and I think, I felt something in him tightenned...
I pulled him away, and he looked slightly perplexed. I gave him a really doubtful smile. It's strange that he looked so cute even though he looked genuinely shocked.
"The night is not over. I still want to have fun," I said playfully, before dashing into the dance floor.
He followed not too long after. At first, I really couldn't enjoy myself with the crowd. But he came, and swept me away. Dancing really was an enjoyable experience for once, especially when I really couldn't match him. But I really loved to be close to him, to dance with him.....feel him so close to me
We danced till close to 2am, then he slowly led me to his car. We have a few rather intelligent chats there. It's amazing how vast his knowledge was, and previous stereotypes I have had against him had gone off my head.
We finally reached his place, because he claims that he kept his best wines in his house, would I like to go try them?
I laughed silently, that was the oldest trick in courting ever been used. Except, I bought into it. I can't wait to be lured into it.
He took out the finest wine glass with a bottle of Chateau Margaux.
"Expensive stuff," I mused.
"Only for the women who are priceless to me," he teased.
More than one woman, I thought to myself, He's challenging me. I smiled smugly.
A few clinks and a couple of glasses, we had another long chat. I felt drawn towards him more than ever. Part of me enjoyed this moment when we "battled" it out to see who succumbs to lust, yet part of me really wishes, he'll just get on with it and stop making me wait.
Two hours later, when the bottle of wine is finished, and we were out of conversations, he still hasn't make the move. I thought I might grew impatient. But strangely, I don't. It's a good thing that the whole lusty affair is finally over, and all I need to do now, was to ask him to send me back, and hopefully we'll have another round of long talks.
I was beginning to feel that I enjoyed his company.
"Hey. Thanks for everything. I must go now, if not I can't work" I told him.
He paused. I took it that he was too drunk to respond. I've decided to take a taxi, and before I left, I don't know why, I just kissed his cheek.
"Bye." I said.
As I was near to the door, I felt him hugging me from behind.
"Don't go...please stay," he said in the very same whisper.
The flame within me flared up. I felt his too.
I turned around and we begin to kiss, passionately. I really couldn't hold it in any longer. I guessed he read my mind, and begin lifting me up to his bedroom.
He threw me gently onto his bed, and the cover were so smooth, I began to loosen up to all the comfort suddenly around me. He was on top of me, and we began to kiss again.
Slowly, I unbuttoned his silk shirt and it revealed a well kept body. A guy who pays routine visits to the gym, and he definitely have a good taste. Good thing he's a man too. Didn't shave too much of his hair. I love a man like that.
He started feeling me everywhere, leaving me to gasp in pleasure. His hands were quick, taking out my clothing one by one, until what's left was my lingerie.
"Mmm....babe, you're sexy, but with just your bra and panties on, you look hot," he teased, and bent down to kiss my neck while fondling my thighs.
I let him do most the work. He seemed more than enthusiastic and before I knew it, he start being a little more adventurous, he got lower and lower...
I stopped him at the nick of time, to tell him "Wait. I'm not done with you," and I shoved him down, with him facing me now.
"Oooh, you love to be the dominating one do you? Rrrr, I like that," he told me in that really sexy tone that I couldn't resist.
Unfastenning the belt was easy, what's hard was to stop looking at what will be revealed underneath those briefs. I was really in awe. Is this happening? Could this be real?
We kissed again, more passionately than before. I've never been so sweaty and feeling so wanted inside.
He turned me over, this time holding my both hands to the bed. I couldn't move, but he was panting, and he asked me this.
"Do you want this to just be part of temptation, or do you want to be serious?" with seriousness shown beneath his face of wanting.
I looked at him, and I could sensed, that this time, I want it to be real.
"We'll have fun first, then we'll be serious," I taunted.
He smiled.
Within minutes, I felt an eruption of pleasure.
It felt so good. What a temptation.
-End-
Inspired by the Russian version of Arash's Temptation and Jason Mraz's Butterfly.
Enjoy. Finally, my kegatalan untuk menulis is not there anymore ;-).
Writing it out, just for myself
Posted by
cDi
comments (0)
Dear me,
I've sorely realised the sudden changes of myself, when I begin to ask the stupidest questions ever to the bunch of friends who have seen and cared for me through thick and thin.
My friends were puzzled as to why do I bring up these questions now. I do wonder myself. But no more wondering, I do not want to bring more misery into my life than I have in the first place. I just want to write this story to you.
I begin to question about things that I shouldn't have in the first place. I started having idealistic thoughts about work, and I started feeling jumpy, irritated, angry over the smallest obstacles ever.
Then, I've made a mistake confiding in, of all people, one of the strictest lecturers ever. I've receive a sense of awakenning that I have never felt before after receiving that email. I begin to feel angry at first, questionning on why that email filled with sacarsm was mocking my work. But then, I've cooled down. But at that very same time I've created annoyance to people who were deeply concerned with me.
Sometimes I'm just not the person who is willing to give in to the cycle because I'm a believer of breaking out. However, that does not apply to the working life and definitely will bring me more shame and disgust by the people at work had I seriously stupidly confronted the employers about it. But I didn't. All I did was trying to seek a clarification and I ended up getting blasted.
I know this time I really undermined the work in the line of journalism. I feel ashamed because my assumptions had caused displeasure to so many people who might have been directly or indirectly being affected by it. I shouldn't have given into the temptation of relaxation and the assumption of leisure work, that when I was suddenly thrown into chaos as before, I kept justifying my position.
But in the end the cruel reality is, there is no position. My work was to learn. And to learn I have to work. Hard. Rough. Toughen up. That was my goal and I shouldn't have let the little negative emotions eat me up until I crumble down with no questions ask and no doubt, I was prevented from learning anything at all.
No more justification on who is stricter, who is more lenient. Every employer does things their way and as the one who wants to learn I should accept these learnings with a big heart. I have and as my memory was slowly fading as to who, how, what, when, and where did my confidence start to fade and my heart starts to crumble, I should let it go and concentrate on fulfilling that remaining weeks to come.
It is silly to assume that at these last moments only do those questions pop up. Probably it is precisely that I have too much time in my hands that I begin to question and judge the system. No doubt, that email brought me back to the core and I'm trying my best to stop judging and start learning. None of the media systems are perfect, and I should be really careful by now.
Thank you the email writer, for bring my life back into focus. Your strict wordings had woken me up to the reality I will be plunging in. Might as well give me the wake up call now rather than me getting thrown into the spiral of despair and finally, doing the unthinkable. Thank you for the reminder of what Journalism really was.
I'm sorry to my current coursemates who are interning with me. You had to listen to my unjustified complaints, tolerate my unjustified behaviour, I've been piling massively on unnecessary worries on you guys and now I realised that I must stop doing so. Please if you are reading this, do forgive me for my attitude. I swear I will try to change, or at the very least, revert to who I was before.
To my boyfriend, you were right. All I ever did was complain, and complain about work whenever I see you. I've been giving unneccessary emotional burden because I felt that I have no place to go but to only talk it out with you. Even so, you have never failed to bring me out of misery. With that, I thank you. I don't know what else to say that will not be categorised to being corny.
To my friends in uni, msn and facebook, sorry for being the pessimist for the past few weeks. I'm sorry you had to look at that side of me. I don't know if I was used to be the optimist or the person who tries to cheer everyone up, but I know I've probably let a lot of people down because of my constant complaints. I'm sorry, I hope I didn't do any harm, if I did please give me time to redeem myself.
To my family, they might not read this, but mom had been the most helpful mom I've ever had. Her work experience were wide and it puts me to shame that I could not even last three months, compare to her 30 years. Her wise words brought me out of reality in a calm sort of way unlike the email wrtier who jerked me out of idealistic thoughts. She knew which button I needed to be pushed and she did it very well. Mom, I can never express the many thanks that you've bring to pull me out of my constant struggle with the nothingness. My endless struggle with emotions just kept me trapped, and thank you for pulling me out.
To my colleagues and *cough* boss, if they read blogs, yes, I'm willing to open my heart to learn more and stop thinking that I shouldn't be part of any activities. Truth remains that I still love to be the nosy person to want to know everything about anything. However, if my attitude of late has been really lousy and I didn't seem to want to do work. Then grade me as badly as possible. I deserved it.
To myself, you are on your own now. Now you know why being 21 years old hurts. No more la-la land, no more ideals. Stand on your own two feet and please have some sense of toughenning in yourselves. Your heart is too fragile and a little shock could send you tumbling like a goat. Throw away the negativities. Try and pull yourself up again.
I will pull you up from the constant pessimism you've felt. No more assumptions, just expectations.
I will do it, and be the girl who first went into internship. I write, because my mom said writing will make me feel better.
Writing this memo/note to myself does make me feel so much better. Thank you mom. Thank you. Thank you everyone. Gratitude is the best medicine to defeat pessimism.
Regards,
me
I've sorely realised the sudden changes of myself, when I begin to ask the stupidest questions ever to the bunch of friends who have seen and cared for me through thick and thin.
My friends were puzzled as to why do I bring up these questions now. I do wonder myself. But no more wondering, I do not want to bring more misery into my life than I have in the first place. I just want to write this story to you.
I begin to question about things that I shouldn't have in the first place. I started having idealistic thoughts about work, and I started feeling jumpy, irritated, angry over the smallest obstacles ever.
Then, I've made a mistake confiding in, of all people, one of the strictest lecturers ever. I've receive a sense of awakenning that I have never felt before after receiving that email. I begin to feel angry at first, questionning on why that email filled with sacarsm was mocking my work. But then, I've cooled down. But at that very same time I've created annoyance to people who were deeply concerned with me.
Sometimes I'm just not the person who is willing to give in to the cycle because I'm a believer of breaking out. However, that does not apply to the working life and definitely will bring me more shame and disgust by the people at work had I seriously stupidly confronted the employers about it. But I didn't. All I did was trying to seek a clarification and I ended up getting blasted.
I know this time I really undermined the work in the line of journalism. I feel ashamed because my assumptions had caused displeasure to so many people who might have been directly or indirectly being affected by it. I shouldn't have given into the temptation of relaxation and the assumption of leisure work, that when I was suddenly thrown into chaos as before, I kept justifying my position.
But in the end the cruel reality is, there is no position. My work was to learn. And to learn I have to work. Hard. Rough. Toughen up. That was my goal and I shouldn't have let the little negative emotions eat me up until I crumble down with no questions ask and no doubt, I was prevented from learning anything at all.
No more justification on who is stricter, who is more lenient. Every employer does things their way and as the one who wants to learn I should accept these learnings with a big heart. I have and as my memory was slowly fading as to who, how, what, when, and where did my confidence start to fade and my heart starts to crumble, I should let it go and concentrate on fulfilling that remaining weeks to come.
It is silly to assume that at these last moments only do those questions pop up. Probably it is precisely that I have too much time in my hands that I begin to question and judge the system. No doubt, that email brought me back to the core and I'm trying my best to stop judging and start learning. None of the media systems are perfect, and I should be really careful by now.
Thank you the email writer, for bring my life back into focus. Your strict wordings had woken me up to the reality I will be plunging in. Might as well give me the wake up call now rather than me getting thrown into the spiral of despair and finally, doing the unthinkable. Thank you for the reminder of what Journalism really was.
I'm sorry to my current coursemates who are interning with me. You had to listen to my unjustified complaints, tolerate my unjustified behaviour, I've been piling massively on unnecessary worries on you guys and now I realised that I must stop doing so. Please if you are reading this, do forgive me for my attitude. I swear I will try to change, or at the very least, revert to who I was before.
To my boyfriend, you were right. All I ever did was complain, and complain about work whenever I see you. I've been giving unneccessary emotional burden because I felt that I have no place to go but to only talk it out with you. Even so, you have never failed to bring me out of misery. With that, I thank you. I don't know what else to say that will not be categorised to being corny.
To my friends in uni, msn and facebook, sorry for being the pessimist for the past few weeks. I'm sorry you had to look at that side of me. I don't know if I was used to be the optimist or the person who tries to cheer everyone up, but I know I've probably let a lot of people down because of my constant complaints. I'm sorry, I hope I didn't do any harm, if I did please give me time to redeem myself.
To my family, they might not read this, but mom had been the most helpful mom I've ever had. Her work experience were wide and it puts me to shame that I could not even last three months, compare to her 30 years. Her wise words brought me out of reality in a calm sort of way unlike the email wrtier who jerked me out of idealistic thoughts. She knew which button I needed to be pushed and she did it very well. Mom, I can never express the many thanks that you've bring to pull me out of my constant struggle with the nothingness. My endless struggle with emotions just kept me trapped, and thank you for pulling me out.
To my colleagues and *cough* boss, if they read blogs, yes, I'm willing to open my heart to learn more and stop thinking that I shouldn't be part of any activities. Truth remains that I still love to be the nosy person to want to know everything about anything. However, if my attitude of late has been really lousy and I didn't seem to want to do work. Then grade me as badly as possible. I deserved it.
To myself, you are on your own now. Now you know why being 21 years old hurts. No more la-la land, no more ideals. Stand on your own two feet and please have some sense of toughenning in yourselves. Your heart is too fragile and a little shock could send you tumbling like a goat. Throw away the negativities. Try and pull yourself up again.
I will pull you up from the constant pessimism you've felt. No more assumptions, just expectations.
I will do it, and be the girl who first went into internship. I write, because my mom said writing will make me feel better.
Writing this memo/note to myself does make me feel so much better. Thank you mom. Thank you. Thank you everyone. Gratitude is the best medicine to defeat pessimism.
Regards,
me
This is highly interesting
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cDi
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http://fakemediamalaysia.blogspot.com/
They came, they saw, they questioned, they get answers, they munched on the free food. They took pictures of pretty models. What more can they ask for?
Have you seen any of them during your assignments?
I've seen all of them, even saw one of those guys twice during assignments and I even chatted with him >_>. Thankfully he looked too old so I probably wouldn't care much about his "business-y" issues.
Be wary, be so wary. Thank god I don't say much about myself or even exchanged phone numbers with them >_>.
I should go and laugh at the PR companies now kthxbai.
Ok la, the credit is they do give publicities too. On BLOGS! *guffaws* NO FACE ONLY! Bwahahaha
I wonder which kind of bloggers are worst? Those who faked themselves as the media to go in or those who smugly went in as "bloggers"?
Comment comment!
They came, they saw, they questioned, they get answers, they munched on the free food. They took pictures of pretty models. What more can they ask for?
Have you seen any of them during your assignments?
I've seen all of them, even saw one of those guys twice during assignments and I even chatted with him >_>. Thankfully he looked too old so I probably wouldn't care much about his "business-y" issues.
Be wary, be so wary. Thank god I don't say much about myself or even exchanged phone numbers with them >_>.
I should go and laugh at the PR companies now kthxbai.
Ok la, the credit is they do give publicities too. On BLOGS! *guffaws* NO FACE ONLY! Bwahahaha
I wonder which kind of bloggers are worst? Those who faked themselves as the media to go in or those who smugly went in as "bloggers"?
Comment comment!
What Inconsiderate Singles!
Posted by
cDi
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I would like to appeal to whom it may concern, that at times, you just need to let go.
At times, you just don't need that certain person to help you. Or if you already knew that person's relationship status, then you would have been more considerate to try and speed things up, or put the shooting time at another date so that person can actually make better preparation for the upcoming UTAR farking ball?
Just because you are single it doesn't mean the others weren't. How many crew members' other halves that you've done with them being worried sick of their lovers on the set?
And of all days, you just have to finish it on a Sunday when you KNEW the UTAR ball was tomorrow! you freaking knew because you were supposed to sit in the same table as I do and my boyfriend!
So you do know that he has a girlfriend, you do know there was a UTAR ball, you do know that he always try to call me on the set (I think, if you ain't blind), you knew he wanted to go home badly.
So I can safely call you an inconsiderate single. As how his Dota kakis are at the same category. My definition of "inconsiderate singles" are "just because you are a single it doesn't mean you can pull him into it and make the others who love him wait."
Don't try to convince me this is work needing to be done. Fuck work. It's the fucking communication breakdown between your whole bloody crew that caused the problem in the first place. If you can't even made up your bloody mind on the outcome of the story then don't even try to fucking pitch some stupid abstract useless out of the world story!
Yes I've had enough of all the Chinese-ed sillyness and due to you the inconsiderate single I have 1000 more reasons to hate them now.
You don't even let those who initially planned to go back home go so that they can enjoy the Prophet Mohamad's Birthday. That is like four days of holidays if it wasn't for your "properly-planned" schedule. I'm pining for him like mad but I never once whined so that he won't be obliged to dump his work for me.
There's a new game waiting for him, there are tonnes of idea waiting for his approval, there has yet time to do his shopping for more reasons than one, I want to watch the "Watchmen" movie with him because it's his favourite comic. I want to share with him my experience going to so many places also I can't find the right time to do so.
And it is all thanks to you bunch of inconsiderate singles! I'm not going to apologise for what I've said and if you have any decency to feel shameful you should. And this is me being nice here trying to limit all my cursed words into just fuck. If not you'll hear more than just that. You watch yourself tomorrow and if you knew how I feel then you better stay off my way.
At times, you just don't need that certain person to help you. Or if you already knew that person's relationship status, then you would have been more considerate to try and speed things up, or put the shooting time at another date so that person can actually make better preparation for the upcoming UTAR farking ball?
Just because you are single it doesn't mean the others weren't. How many crew members' other halves that you've done with them being worried sick of their lovers on the set?
And of all days, you just have to finish it on a Sunday when you KNEW the UTAR ball was tomorrow! you freaking knew because you were supposed to sit in the same table as I do and my boyfriend!
So you do know that he has a girlfriend, you do know there was a UTAR ball, you do know that he always try to call me on the set (I think, if you ain't blind), you knew he wanted to go home badly.
So I can safely call you an inconsiderate single. As how his Dota kakis are at the same category. My definition of "inconsiderate singles" are "just because you are a single it doesn't mean you can pull him into it and make the others who love him wait."
Don't try to convince me this is work needing to be done. Fuck work. It's the fucking communication breakdown between your whole bloody crew that caused the problem in the first place. If you can't even made up your bloody mind on the outcome of the story then don't even try to fucking pitch some stupid abstract useless out of the world story!
Yes I've had enough of all the Chinese-ed sillyness and due to you the inconsiderate single I have 1000 more reasons to hate them now.
You don't even let those who initially planned to go back home go so that they can enjoy the Prophet Mohamad's Birthday. That is like four days of holidays if it wasn't for your "properly-planned" schedule. I'm pining for him like mad but I never once whined so that he won't be obliged to dump his work for me.
There's a new game waiting for him, there are tonnes of idea waiting for his approval, there has yet time to do his shopping for more reasons than one, I want to watch the "Watchmen" movie with him because it's his favourite comic. I want to share with him my experience going to so many places also I can't find the right time to do so.
And it is all thanks to you bunch of inconsiderate singles! I'm not going to apologise for what I've said and if you have any decency to feel shameful you should. And this is me being nice here trying to limit all my cursed words into just fuck. If not you'll hear more than just that. You watch yourself tomorrow and if you knew how I feel then you better stay off my way.
Tomorrow....what kind of tomorrow?
Posted by
cDi
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Nakusu koto ga hirou tame nara Wakareru no wa deau tame
(If losing things is to pick them up, then parting is for meeting)
“Sayounara” no ato ni wa kitto “Konnichi wa” to deaun da
(After "Goodbye," certainly, We'll meet with a "Hello")
Midoriiro shibafu ni nekoronde itai Doubutsu mo issho ni gorogoroshitai
(I want to lie down on the green grass, I want to tumble together with the animals)
Kyou wa ii koto ga takusan atta kara Asu mo ii koto ga takusan aru you ni
(If many good things happened today, Then I wish that many good things will happen tomorrow too)
O-hi-sama dete yuuhi kirei de Hoshi ni negai ashita ga kuru
(The sun comes out, the setting sun is beautiful, I wish upon the stars, and tomorrow comes)
Doushite icchau no?Issho ni kaerou
(Why are you leaving? Lets go home together)
Kenka o shite ano ko ga naite “Gomen nasai” ienakute
(Getting into a fight, that child cries, Unable to say "I'm sorry")
Kokoro no naka sakebi naite mo Kotoba ni shinakya dame da yo
(Even if you scream and cry inside your heart, It's useless if you don't turn them into words)
Arigatou arigatou boku no o-tomodachi Aitai na atarashii tomodachi no minna
(Thank you, thank you, my friends, I want to see all of my new friends)
Kimi to te o tsunagu Sore wa tsubasa ni naru
(I hold hands with you, it turns into wings)
Minna no te tsunagu Oozora mo toberu
(I hold hands with everyone, We can fly through the great sky)
Warau warau ooki na koe de Yonde yonde daisuki na…
(I laugh, I laugh with a loud voice, Calling, calling for my favourite....)
Niji-iro kakehashi watatte “okaeri”
(Crossing the rainbow-coloured bridge, I say "welcome back,")
O-kane ga ne atte mo tomodachi wa kaenai Nani mo nakute mo ne minna ga irun da
(Even if you have money, you can't buy friends, Even if I don't have anything, everyone is with me)
Minna kiite boku-tachi no yume Minna shitte boku-tachi o
(Everyone, listen to our dream, everyone knows of us)
Anata wa doushiteru? Boku wa ne genki da yo
(How are you? I'm fine)
Anata wa doushiteru?Boku wa ne genki da yo
(How are you? I'm fine)
------------------------------------------------------------------
My heart felt sour everytime I heard this song. More so after I've attended the International Conference: Youth on Terrorism.
I've been witnessing 200 youths who could only sit and watch when their country crumble day by day.
These youths may not all come from war-torn countries, but many of them have enough experience facing conflict in their own countries that we could only imagine happening here.
"Millions are dying in Nigeria....."
"What kind of message are we going to pass back to Palestine?"
"How will you justify terrorism just by sitting there?"
"What do you know about the Russia and Chechyan conflict? Don't you think we don't treat them as brothers?"
It really pains me, because most of the international youths, they either came from Middle East, or Africa. Each of them bears a face of hard-beaten pain. I'd expect rich kids but no, these are students who have probably lived and seen the different sufferings occured.
Worst still, the speakers seemed very interested to place most of the terrorists responsibilities towards the youths. The Abu Sayyaf Group, The LTTE, The Al-Qaeda, Jemaah Islamiah, Southern Thailand riots, they mention again and again that the youths could have been victims of the systems.
They were wondering what made the youths turn to violence? Truth is, why not?
The Adults seemed to be destroying everything they had already, why not push a few of their buttons and aimed to give them a taste of their own medicine?
These youths I bet were struggling with their inner demons. Though I admit, this international conference is by far, the most democratic conference. One might think that due to certain confidential reasons, University students were not informed of this of course. I don't know how do the other youth councils found out. If I was not informed by it through my editors and that he asked me to go writer a feature about it I'll never live to see the day when I could hear the troubles of the youths with my own EARS.
It also gave me a sense of awakenning.
Youths will probably never change the course of direction until we move like 80% of them.
Sadly, as how we've seen, only about 10% of the youths in the whole world is aware of certain measures that needs to be taken before a certain kind of world peace could be attained.
Take for example, this song "Tomorrow". It appears on a certain episode of a popular anime, Gundam 00. The original ending to this song shows the graphics of women and children singing. One of these women were clad in "tudung" and the children had more than just one colour of iris. The men were wearing soldier clothing, with turbans on their head.
But you'll never see that image in the present media. Nor will you see the Americans or the Brits understand the undergoing traumatic experience they have caused. Guess what? I'm as ignorant. I wouldn't have known about the existence of this song had it not my boyfriend told me about it. Nor would I be bothered because I was originally not a mecha fan.
If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have made so much research and spotted often too many Anti-Zionist symbols found in that one series alone. But even as I know the company or the country who had produced such anime are fully supporting themseles. That is why they can self-generate funds, create their own technology, their country have self sustainability. Look, their country still continues to function economically even though the government shows signs of failing. That was how aware they were.
And Gundam 00 seemed to fair pretty well within the anime community. Problem is will it reach out to the other youths who could understand the underlying (or rather obvious) presentation it is showing? Or worst still, will the Gundam 00 lovers actually understand the true portrayal of the anime?
Might I add, during the International Conference, the only representative country from the West was Canada?
Worst still.....Everytime I hear this song I cried for the youths who probably find their questions unanswered, and the trouble of their country will continue to haunt them.
And I want to do something about it.
Tomorrow....What Kind of Tomorrow?
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