Too many questions, the need to escape, again

Again I feel like escaping from this place I live in. What's up with that?

Just as again I heard how my grandmother chokes on the softest of food, I feel the need to run away from this place who will soon be too depressing to stay in when my grandmother did move on to another realm. I hate it when death occurs, really do hate it ever since I got that shock of my life.

I also feel the need to have privacy. Since young I never get my own room, I probably got my own corner but that's about it. If I want my own space the only space I go to is my boyfriend's room (which isn't really that private) or my own brain. And now when I'm working and my brain's constantly spilling out and I can't contain it anymore.

How sad is it for a human to just want to get her own private area? Hate being such a human sometimes. I don't need and yet crave connection and communication. I want to rant on Facebook but since I have added my boss, sometimes it's just coincidental my problems are coinciding with the work he gave me. If I rant, wow, I don't know what to say or how to reply back. The perils of adding your current boss into Facebook...

If I was given this one day to rest, would I want to just drive and drive and drive away? Until I reach the end of the solar cycle? (just stupid talking). I guess I'm very fascinated with the idea of running away because I've watched Honey and Clover and honestly that took up a lot of guts to just off your handphone and communication devices and just go on your windy road. In the real world, doing that and you'll end up with a police report and some team trying to search for you.

Who else then have a dream like mine? Just escape, escape, fucking escape? Do I need to do something to my life or my thinking to really feel like I'm not burdenning anyone? What is it missing? What is it? That I cannot feel liberated and soar through without feeling that something is holding me back?

And Just who the Heck am I living for? Why do I get the feeling it's not about me, but always about someone else? Someone else who I deemed more important but not myself? Am I even serious when I say that? Am I even trying to figure it out when I say that?

Perhaps I'm too ashamed of myself, perhaps I don't know if I've ever tried harder. Perhaps my confidence level hasn't been released and I constantly get pushed down so easily.

Bah. Escape!!