Sigh, now what?

I keep checking Facebook, like an addict. And I don't know why.

Maybe it's because I yearn to speak to someone, anyone that isn't my family, about my current predicament.

I hate my current self so much right now. So timid, so withdrawn, so out of touch with everyone, unable to keep up as the time kept moving on so quickly. Several times I thought about how useless I am in society.

I used to be a thinking person, able to elaborate and share my analysis about the world, but my illness has prevented me from doing any real sort of thinking and I can't seem to keep up anymore. As more people on Facebook kept sharing amazing stories that they've discovered, I'm left stranded in my own empty mind, unable to comprehend just what everyone was fussing/ranting/gossiping about anymore.

This is more frustrating than finding a job (something that I also struggle to do), this is part of my identity and I'm upset that this comprehension and understanding of the political as well as socio-economical aspects of life are no longer within my grasp. It's sickening and sad, but I can't cry about it either, since medication seems to have taken away my ability to cry as well.

Sigh. I wish there was something I can do to stop feeling like this.