Boredom

Friends. Some friendships last a lifetime. Others disappear within hours of just knowing each other. I try to cherish every friend I have everytime I get to know them. Friends are gained by taking the initiative to get to know strangers whom you think have the same interest with you.

I had learned not to label anyone as "best friends". By doing so, no one is equal. The very best friend will do anything with you, and only you. Sometimes if she goes out with other friends without you getting the invitation, you'd feel irritated and frustrated. Isn't she my best friend? Why is she hanging out with others and not me? Then cracks happen, and the bond will disappear, as if it had never happen at all.

There are many stages of friends. I knew some friends when I was younger, while attending kindergarden. Then after that, we separated, and I got to know friends from primary school, via as classmates or society members, some I know them younger, but not really close, until very much later. After that stage, I knew those who were from the same secondary school. It was a larger circle of friends, due to the constant change of class every year. While some kept in touch with me, I had lost touch with others. It saddens me, but life is an ongoing process. You win some, you lose some. It is very hard to actually remain faithful to friends who are long gone.

Now that I'm in the university level, I know newer friends, but yet still keep in touch with my old school friends, thanks to the advance technology of handphones and internet. But somehow, when asked about class reunion, I was always reluctant. Should I go? Should I retain my friendship with my old friends? What if I see the people that I don't like? Well, I don't see any class reunion for my secondary school level yet.

I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I bore people. I'm not sure if that is the reason why people don't really want to talk to me anymore. But some, I admit, is due to my neglect. I fail to go to them when they need assistance. I fail to tell them that I still care, I fail to balance my attention between friends, I have try and fail to make sure that none of my friends felt left out in anything we talk on. I felt silly, but it is the truth sometimes. And when it is the truth, I felt regret. Regretting for not realising it earlier on. So I take my step very cautiously, trying not to trod on sensitive paths that may result in my friends leaving me without me knowing at all. I'm already used to being alone, but of course it is better when I have friends around to hang out with, to be crazy enough in front of them, to be able to hear them scolding me for what I did wrong, and most importantly, to be able to help me remain who I am now.

I feel thankful towards all my friends, and I'm deeply sorry if I had ever neglected any of you. I will try my best not to do that. I know I have to make a new balance again when I have something new in my life now. Maybe you are bored with me, maybe not, but I just to tell everyone who had entered my life, left, or still remain, thank you for making me who I am now. As for my current friends, I will try to make the best of my time to be there. I know I must be ignorant nowadays. I apologise. But I just want you to know, my friends are more important than love. Love can be searched again, but friends, once lost, I won't be able to find the same person as my friend again. I appreciate everything that everyone do. Please, do forgive this ignorant girl. I will become who I was before.

This post is dedicated to the amazing girls of UTAR. Deqian, Dylane, Ming Min, Yin Jiun, Atiqah, Kamini, and Stephanie. Thank you for being there. I'm sorry if I made any mistakes. I enjoy all of your company, and I hope that I'll be able to remain close friends with all of you amazing people.

Thanks and good day.