A little bit sick

Getting a little sick again.

Starting to hate reading newspapers due to time constraints, felt like being back at internship when and if you don't have things to do in office, your other job is to read newspapers.

Feeling a little discouraged about journalism. The media is so enclosed it's like penetrating a brick wall with a nail that needs lots of hammering. Unlike business corporations who often actively seek new employees into their belts (if they can afford to) through the media, the media is such a tight organisation you practically need to know someone somewhere to bring you into it, or rather, try a lot of luck. There's never a sign for recruitments of journalists. The tell-tale signs are nowhere.

Afraid of living up to that name, that position. Back then, I was afraid of the grades that will drop if I made any stupid mistake. Now, I'm just more afraid of being there but not being there at the same time.

Afraid of misusing my future position and treat it as a "job" than a "passion". It lies just at a thin line when there's additional stress about. Maybe I need another internship to set my bars straight.

Actually worrying for a job now. All that measly sum I have do not seem to be helping me. Just wondering, how much do you have when you started for a job?

Ever had this sensation that you are awed over someone because of his/her talents and you wish to be that person, and then now you are going to go out to be someone and when you think about it you get jittery? Yea....

Must be something the virus brings out strangely cause I'm pouring out things that usually cannot affect me. I can also say I'm worried that I'm never going to find the perfect replacement for my aging laptop or have enough money to purchase the Onyx, but somehow monetary materials always come to thought later. I may always speak about it (to my boyfriend at least) but now I'm worried for my future. If my future is not secured, what's the whole point buying new gadgets to help set up the future?

I'm going to need a boost of spirit. I don't know how since I don't really have the time.

~Please take my away from here~

~I'd like to make myself believe, that planet Earth turns slowly, it's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep, 'cause everything is never as it seems~

-Fireflies, by Owl City-

P/S: I might post that post about my observations on climate change, but I'm afraid of the reaction I'll get. In reference to Steve McCoy, What am I? A Mainstreamer, a Laggard, or the Innovator, the Change Agent?

I'd like to ask, Dude, there's no place for the Observer?