To Bitch

I'm sorry for being away for so long. The thesis finally caught up to me. But since I'm awaiting feedback, I guess I could compose a little something, just anything to keep my mind out of it.

I've been really frustrated and angered by negativity and I feel like having some kind of space to rant out. If people were to try and talk me out of this my suggestion is to just stay away. I'm pure angry.

I have this really unlawful feeling towards girls. Not just any girls, but girls who generally feel weak and unprotected. They think the whole world owes them something, therefore they'd stop at nothing to exert every single pity they can from people. Bummer.

I once had knew this girl through those idol forums. We chatted abit, I think she was one year younger than me. Pretty looking lass, since we exchanged pictures. Mine left nothing to desire of course. But we often chat on MSN, because that's where my free time went when you're 15 and out of PMR.

Well back to pretty lass. It started off about our admiration for idols who gets sponsored, and sponsored a free phone as well. We marvel about handphones because it's impossible for us to get and secure one for our needs. Then she told me, how sad she was. She was using a Nokia. She wanted to upgrade to a new phone, but her parents do not allow her to. So she was ranting, complaining about it, said it was restricting her freedom (god knows what freedom, but whatever LOL), and then she said she cried a lot thinking about that upgrade that never happened.

I'd think she expected pity, because when I said "I'm sharing, with my sister, one number, one phone, a shitty Alcatel one at that". Hoping to tell her there are people out there less fortunate and she should widen her perspectives abit.

She called me a liar.

Only then I threaten to show her my late father's picture (I don't know how did it lead to that) that she knew I was telling the truth. She apologised for those words.

But, she stopped talking to me after that.

Then I felt that she was truly an idiot to not appreciate what her parents had done to her. And then I think to myself, would I be pushed to live this kind of life if the circumstances did not turn against me?

It was after this incident, I try not to talk about my past life. It's too harsh for currently living standards. I'm honest. Nobody could imagine living the life I used to live. In fact, even my current life also no one wants to live in it.

Hence, the only reason why I feel very strongly towards girls (or bitches, when I'm angry) who couldn't stand up for themselves when they need to. It just makes my blood boil when they cannot find their own solution and have to rely on others to make their lives easier. I mean, come on, it's your friggin life, you don't need someone to assist you every step away.

Then people would say, oh sure, YOU don't know what it feels. YOU are not studying at another state like THEY are. YOU have the advantage what. What's with the fuss?

Anyone who told me that, will get a big FUCK YOU.

Even if I don't live in other states, Hello, you think Kuala Lumpur is easily conquered with the wave of a finger? I also went through trouble before I could reach certain destinations, ON MY OWN mind! You think like you? Had to rely on someone else just because, maybe because, you don't know the function of Google Maps Hmm?

Of course, sometimes it can't be helped if some of my girl pals feel helpless due to lots of parental restrictions towards them (and sometimes me). And I believe if you have the time, do some THINKING before opening your mouth to ask. Your brains are there for thinking and research.

Goddamnit, and I get even angrier sometimes because it's so close to home for me =(. I can't avoid it, nor can I solve it, because my solution is too harsh for current situations it seems. All I do is just wait till my Feminism barometer reaches its limit. What happens after that might just change my whole life forever.

I feel like a bitch bitching about it, but if I don't I'll just become angrier. Sometimes, its towards friends whom I'm close to, sometimes its towards people whom I've started to dislike. It's a terrible trait, but I absolutely view weak-shits with disdain. Plenty of it.

What am I to do to get those bitches to wake up? A tight slap, will that be good enough? A simple scolding and telling off, will that be alright? A good advice on how to survive yourself?

In any case, somebody was quoted to saying I can't change the world, but goddamnit, can I change the people around me to stop being so vulnerable to these weakshits? Who knows, as my other friend say, Maybe because people are lonely, so they always try to seek company. Yeah, probably so lonely they seek these people out to give them all the comfort they need. Win-win situation.

In times like this, I'm glad my favourite "Don't Fuck With Me" blogger is around to be read. She has a family, four sons somemore. What I like best is that her husband listens whenever she has something to complain. And yes, she has the problem with weakshits too. Except, hers was a guy. Mine....don't even talk about mine. Can't talk, don't talk, don't want to talk. Enormously plagued.

I need more "Don't Fuck With Me" bloggers around. So that one day, I'll really say those words, and hopefully weakshits be away from my life.

Actually there's another solution. But it takes two to tango. The letting go part of tango.

Sigh.

Sorry, maybe no post of the Third Year. Mostly it will be caused by me being busy. Nothing more. I think.

Since I feel better now, I'm going to resume to preparing the presentation.

Mini stress one - check.