Stop

Stop. Seriously. Stop.
I'm tired.
So much bullshit.
So much money to pay and repay. So little time.
Tired of working on things I don't have passion on
Tired of working. Full stop.
But the bills kept accumulating.
Sometimes I have the engine to keep on chugging and sometimes I feel like, fuck it.
Today's one of those days.
I have all the enthusiasm to go and see the world in the morning. By afternoon all that evaporated. I just don't want to see people. I can't be bothered to go there and face them all.
They can't be bothered with me, so I don't want to be bothered with them.
I say that now, but I know I'm in the wrong. It's the pain and anxiousness talking, the uncertainty and what not.
I hate working there, but I cannot tell them that. They asked me if I'm still around. I'm still around but I cannot deal with them anymore.
Dealing with people is hard. I hate that. I want to rid of it, and I'm slowly learning how. One key point is to deal with them.

I'm supposed to do that today. But I can't muster the courage to do so...I feel like I'm wasting the organisation's time and money.

Yep, I'm still experiencing that emotional cycle.