Yesterday - I managed to actually drive to the street where it resides.
Today - I managed to drive into the street and waited by the gateway. Thrice.
I didn't go in. I couldn't. Too scared. I wanted to experience coming back to it alone, not when there are people around.
My anxiety is ridiculous. I feel a huge surge of it at the thought of seeing new people, working with new people. It takes a long time for me to warm to people I know/don't know, that if the other side is impatient about it, then we might not cross paths.
The problem is even if I quit this position because I cannot muster the courage to go back to it, it doesn't matter; I generally dread connecting to people, period. All jobs and positions requires some form of connection, one way or another. And I'll only resign to isolation.
That's why I keep holding on. But..gah, so hard to determine and understand how to go about this.
I have an idea how. But i'll talk it out tomorrow. Hopefully, there's a general direction I can work on. *fingers crossed*
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