Question

Any women out there felt 100% secure about their lovers/spouse/fuck buddies? That their relationship will always be as secure as concrete?

I don't. Sometimes I just think that he shags anyone when I'm not around.

Delusional? It happens.

You just don't know when.

No, not my boy. Some other boy.

Heh.

Bear in mind, that as much as concrete is being strong, the harder the relationship, the harder it breaks, harder for you to pick up the pieces.

I hate being a woman (girl? whatever) for being insecure. But, full confidence, some men just don't appreciate it.

Again, I'm targetting the general circle. No one specific.

Treat your relationship as it comes, don't tighten it. Let it run smoothly, but if it is not yours to make, then fine la. Let it run smoothly.

Sorry for being emo, I'm a little intoxicated with cough mixture that happens to make people feel drowsy. Woozy~~~

He's gone

RIP to Ban Ann, my loving grandfather. He passed away at 88, but according to Chinese age, he's already 91. So he'll have a happy sending instead.

I'm glad to had him for the first 20 years of my life.

Lets move on from now....

Another grandpa....

Will be leaving me soon. But this one, had lived with me throughout my life.

He witnessed my birth, and stayed in the house for 21 years. Even if we don't talk much, I've grown to love him and respect him as a silent man.

Sigh, I'll lose both in a year. It feels saddening to think that another one will be leaving us before he gets to see his home country, China's opening ceremony.

He left his home country, to avoid Mao Zedong's communism dictatorship over China. He produced children that fared so much better than himself.

And his children, one of them, had me.

I felt like I am a combination of two legendary men, because they both created childrens, who later created me.

I'm bad tempered yes, but not as bad as my father, because I have my mother's warmth and rationality.

I'm logical yes, and trying to be as rational as my own mother, who is really the best kind of child, student, employer, employee, friend, wife and mother.

So, whatever it is, I'm already prepared. I mean, thank goodness, my grandmother is able to see things straight, and do not cry or sob, and she's happy her family all came here.

And the best thing is, when my mother asked my grandfather does he recognised her (pointing to my grandmother), even though he's weak, unable to stand up, he said

"Of course, she's my wife"

I think that beats everything. She's happy, so are we.

Praying for his peaceful leave.....

I'm Sick

The kind where I could still rush to the toilet even when I didn't eat for the whole morning.

Not even drinking!

I was supposed to post a blog post about nuisances, but I guess I had to postpone it.

Let me describe what I feel right now.

It is like I've been laced with all kinds of chemicals, and currently brewing in my stomach. And one of them, is going to be rejected through my mouth.

I feel so fucking uncomfortable.

Stomach discomfort + headache + dizzy spells + wanting to sleep + Irritation = A fucked up Cindi.

What's even better, I'm going to bitch about my life, because it just went for an overturn.

My grandpa came back from the hospital after another surgery, however, it made him feel even worst than before. He can't even walk, can't speak, don't recognise me even when I waved at him, weak until he couldn't control his only good hand (his other hand went weak after suffered a stroke)

Grrr! Why is it that every visit to the hospital his conditions worsened?

And now my mom, who is also a single mother, now is contemplating whether should she work or not tomorrow.

Mahai, Why can't others just took care for them?? What are we supposed to do with two elderly grandparents?

What's more when two of us are studying in colleges and university and my brother have basketball training.

(Personally, I would prefer my brother to stop his basketball training, his studies are deteriorating over it)

What's more when the maid who is supposed to take care of my grandpa is not here yet, earliest is next Tuesday.

And even then, we kind of suffered, with me doing most of the night house chores, while my brother did the morning ones.

Only the sister didn't do any, "forgot liao". Grrr....

That is why I hate being the eldest, it's in the conscience that the eldest must do everything. Fuck fuck fuck that perception, being the eldest really sucks!

Back to my grandpa, as far as I can say, these conditions only happen today, so hopefully, he'll recover within days. If not, it'll add on a major burden for my family.

What is more, Ephyon decides to hold his "all guys outing" on the very day when I feel the worst, which is tonight, currently, now.

I didn't want to speak to him. He's not worth knowing how serious my family conditions are right now because he don't care.

All guys have this "emotional detachment". They certainly don't feel the pain when their girlfriends told them how tragic are their conditions.

That is why I didn't want to speak to him. It feels so dreadful to hear him just say "Okay". Okay? How it be okay? Then he might add on and said "Well what else to do you want me to say?"

I've never complained that I lack of dresses, perfumes, jewellery, flowers, plushies, or make up. Because I never used them. It's not that hard, and it saves a lot of money, and we spent more on food. And all I want was hugs and kisses, unfortunately, he always used it at the wrong time.

And now, this.

I can never understand why he can't just fucking reject the offer for ONCE! Even if I asked him to, he'll say "I'll do it...lor" with that grudging tone that I was restricting him.

So I let him. I only hope he'll suffer for his Communication Theory presentation. I prepared so well also I kena "hentam" like no business. Their group barely prepared. I hope they fare worse.

I'm not in shame to curse him because he deserves it.

And to that gang of boys who always stand up for Ephyon and view it from a guy's point of view, Shut Up! You don't suffer from having two elderly people staying at your house, you don't have to see them constantly coughing, gasping for air, having to carry them with your brute strength, and act like you are the strongest, and what's more, having to smile and say everything is fine, all the fucking time. If any one of you dare to say that you, are suffering even more, than I do, I'll make sure that I leave that inner circle because I'm SICK of your antics on "my balls are fucking smaller!!! Can't you see???"!

What Famwie? There is no fucking famwie in this inner circle. I only go for Dylane, who gave me the best hugs and at least willing to listen everything before trying to present her arguments. Yea, sometimes, you people did sms, but it's only that once in the blue moon, and I do most of the initiating.

Do YOU people EVEN CARE? I doubt so, or probably because you guys stay too much with Ephyon, and just because he didn't tell you everything it didn't occur to you to ask me in person? Whether am I really alright?

Forget it, there's no point on continuing to rant about it. It'll probably be better if I leave this group because I don't see anything in common within us, other than the fact that I'm still with Ephyon.

Or maybe this is because I'm feeling so sick that my brains started to blur.

See, I'm "sacrificing" for you "nobles" that I have to find a reason as to why I'm feeling this way now.

Screw it, I'm off.

A day full of Misconceptions

I'm not believing what I've just saw -__-

Just this afternoon we were discussing about the live debate with my comparative politics lecturer, and he thought that Anwar Ibrahim might not have the guts to come for the debate because he had the police right behind him, ready to pounce and catch him.

I agreed to what he said about him, because wow, Anwar who is causing a lot of terror recently, is now getting terrified himself. Maybe he won't come.

But I was sorely mistaken.

He did have the balls of steel, and really showed up and debated.

Nice, interesting, but the method sucks.

What's with the bell? Ding Ding?

-____-

It kind of reminded me of my high school chinese debate. Nevertheless, this is the first live debate, and hopefully not the last. This is a good way to think that those upper guys are really liberal-minded.

I kind of like Ahmad Shabery Cheek, cause he also have the balls of steel. I mean, taking up against Anwar, A political veteran. Whoa.

At least he's having the guts to help change the image of Barisan Nasional. Good.

Anwar, he's had the guts, that's one step. At least, he's true to his word, and really did show up. When we all thought he'll shy away from the controversy.

I think I should let go of negative thinking barriers.

Oh yea, I partly flunked my Communication Theories presentation, partly because our content is not full and equipped with enough arguments.

Tutor was nice enough to came to us personally to tell us we are quite okay, just really need to know which direction are we heading to. But god, getting shot was really really hurtful.

I've never seen so much bullet wounds in my whole presentation career.

That negative thinking barrier of "Negative content sells" must go too.

Argh! Being a Malaysian on this current year sucks, so many misconceptions that I have to throw away.

It'll take me some time to recover from all this.

Sometimes all it took was one small step

I'm not too sure what made me want to write this post, but I guess, every small step matters for many people, who after that had life-changing experiences.

When I got to know Ephyon, we were quite okay friends. Not really too close because we were in different class. I was happier hanging out with Dylane and Islander, and The Phantom. We were all happy people during Foundation.

Then came the Penang trip, where everyone became emo for something that day. I told a white lie to calm one of my friend down. Something about fathers I think. She loved hers, I hated mine. We both lost our fathers. But yet when she cried because she missed her dad so much, that I guess I just want to calm her down by telling her how I missed mine too. It was a drain, and Ephyon just hugged me from behind and kissed me. I was err...too shocked to react. Because I thought we were supposed to be friends. Then we kept playing hide and seek feelings. This went on until the second last day of the trip. That when he was sleeping, and I was talking with Islander about the possibilities of me being with Ephyon, and I just....kissed him on the forehead.

Then we were together since. No confessions needed.

Ephyon had told me that if it wasn't for that kiss, he thought that I wouldn't reciprocated his feelings.

Phew. Haha.

And then I read one of his coursemate's blog about how she was helping out the Dance Club in Setapak, and then she wanted to know one of the dance crew members, her friend was faster than her and got his number, and at first she didn't want to, but she thinks that if she won't do it now, she might not be able to see them again. (This is exactly from her blog ^^). So she got in touch with the guy that she wanted to meet. She became a fan of their dance crew at first.

And then, they were together.

I bet that if she didn't take that one step to get to know the guy, she would not have had a boyfriend by now.

It is the same for many others. I guess it is just different in many ways. I did know that one small action, it might not matter to us, but it matters a lot to them. I think one of them was, that when I was young, at a kindergarden age, I befriended malay and indian friends. It might not seemed much for me, because I was naturally eccentric =.=. I was a rebel kid la if I dare say it. Constantly creating trouble and what not. But my studies were not too bad, so I did help some of them a bit.

When their UPSR results came out, I didn't see where they were.

I wonder what happened to them, I hope they are alright.

Another one would be the ones I had befriended during secondary school and we still keep in touch until now. Ai, please don't say keep in touch, we still remembered each other even if we didn't have any contacts with each other. And I was grateful to have those buggers (because most of them were boys) in my form 5 life. They made my life so much easier to go through without having to look in despair over those Chinese people who always prefer to stick within themselves.

In a way, I've changed them, and they have changed me. Now, I'm extremely good at mingling with anybody, be it Chinese educated, English educated or just plain people. And they have changed their own mindset about other races, because they know that not all people are like that. Or rather, we did not look at skin colours, but attitude. They themselves also acknowledged that some of their own people have massive attitude problems

Because I'm going to be extremely frank here, some of the Chinese had very very problematic attitudes. I find it even easier working with other races, even when sometimes I couldn't understand Bahasa pasar. (Dang, this is something I need to work on, anyone can teach me? Just kidding, I know I had to work on it myself)

So, most ministers who deserved to step down, were never criticised because of skin colour, but of attitude.

But they criticised us based on our skin colours.

Oh well.

But for all of us ordinary citizens, have you took a small step only to receive a life-changing experience?

Meanwhile...

Will anyone else think that the ISA is sufficient for Malaysians now?

Read and judge for yourself.

(Taken from Rocky's Bru. Thank you for the exposure. Or ignorant bastards like us will continue to live in the dark)


Dear YB Syed Hamid Albar
Home Minister


Re: Aina Mardiah Shahrial, 17


You may not know Aina, she is the eldest daughter of Shahrial Sirin, an ISA detainee. On the afternoon of July 2, about 3 pm, she was admitted into Kajang Hospital. The girl was fighting for her life. The family immediately informed authorities at Kamunting, where her father had been detained for the last 7 years.


Somehow, Shahrial was only told of her daughter's illness at 10.30 am the next day, July 3. Aina's mother made a personal appeal to the authorities at Kamunting to let her daughter be with the dad for the last time. The doctors said Aina had only a few hours of life left, God-willing.


The authorities at Kamunting said they could not release Shahrial. They had to get your signature on the release papers. Yes, YB, your precious signature.

Aina's father was finally released at 5pm. It was the longest four-hour journey to Kuala Lumpur.Shahrial got to her daughter's side at 9.45 pm. He was too late. Aina had passed away at 6.20pm without seeing her father.


Thank you, YB, and may Allah bless you and your family.






Truly saddening. And I agree with Rocky this time. Sometimes all we need is common sense. Formalities first or emergency first?


Pictures can be found in Rocky's website. This is something we should remember. So that we are not going to continue to be ignorant towards the lives of the people.

We claimed that as youngsters, we are the almighty and we know what is going on. We know what is coming out, we know that BN must come down.

However, like the Holocaust, do we even know the severity of the damage BN had really done? Until it is exposed?


Just because it did not appear in your favourite blogger's post, or in the mainstream media, does it mean that we can act like NOTHING HAD HAPPEN UNTIL NOW?


We're all only humans. And I'm sick. I'm not sick because of Syed Hamid Albar.

I AM SICK OF THIS EPISODE BECAUSE WE CAUSED THIS TO HAPPEN! WE ARE THE FUCKED UPS THAT DID NOT CARE! THIS IS NOT SOMETHING A PROTEST RALLY OR A FIGHT IN THE PARLIAMENT CAN CURE! I CLAIM MYSELF A HEARTLESS BASTARD!


Rest in peace, dear Aina. You should've deserved a better life, deserved a college education. Yet you were robbed of those, what's more, robbed of the chance to see your father for the last time.


I feel sorry, but sorry is not going to change what had happened to you.

The only thing I could do now, is make people be more aware of what happened. You will be the starting point. Thank you.

Who else could stand up and admit (or clarify) this?

(Taken from Education in Malaysia, original source HERE)

(NOTE: This is an email i received from a reader exposing the latest brain washing tricks deployed by UMNO's apparatus called Biro Tatanegara(BTN). Mind you BTN is 100% funded by tax payer's money)

Biro Tatanegara. Does it ring a bell? Government propaganda or honest student development programme? For those who aren't aware of it, Biro Tatanegara or BTN for short is under the Jabatan Perdana Menteri and it has several modules which all public university students have to attend in the name of "Student Development". On the 6th of July 2008 in UiTM Shah Alam, there were three separate talks being held under BTN with the first one being titled "Pendidikan", second one titled "Ancaman Keselamatan Negara" and the third one titled, "Patriotisma". Smell anything funny yet? No? Read on. You won't even have to smell it after you are done reading this. It'll be stuffed down your throat.

I would like to only focus on the first speaker, Dr. Idris bin Md. Noor. He was supposed to talk about education as that was the title of his speech, but the content was far different. He first went on with the usual introductions but in less than a few minutes, he suddenly touched on the forum on the discussion of social contract in Malaysia that the BAR council organized. He criticized it with all his heart, saying no one should discuss about it as it is unquestionable. Fair enough, I thought at first. Freedom of speech right? But what if he suddenly accuses the "Malay" speaker in the forum, which I'm guessing is Farish A. Noor, as a traitor to the Malay race as a whole? And while he was browsing through his files on the laptop which was projected on the big screen, it was no surprise for me that I saw files entitled "Ketuanan Melayu". He also then went on about the Malay's obsession with magic and ghosts, he said that it is all wrong beliefs through the perspective of Islam because if they really could use magic and other dark arts for fighting, then they should kill Karpal Singh with it.

There are so many quotable sentences, if only I could remember it all. He even said, "Kalau ular dengan India depan mata, ketuk India dulu." He then started to become more impassioned in his speech towards the end, like someone campaigning for a political seat yet failed, and resorted to a multi-purpose hall with bumiputra students. He said so many atrocious things that I will list them down in point form.

-Explained how the Malays aren't racist but others are racist towards us.
-Bangsa Malaysia does not exist, neither does Malaysian Chinese and Indians, only in the strict Malay, Chinese and Indians. (Interestingly, behind a booklet provided to us, one of the objectives of the programme is to produce a -"Bangsa Malaysia". Obviously, he was ignorant).
-Bahasa Malaysia does not exist, it is Bahasa Melayu.-Nothing wrong with waving the Keris.
-Bumiputra hanya 55% di Malaysia, give birth more people!
-The University and Colleges Act was partly made to ensure a Malay Vice-Chancellor in Universities which should be the way.
-Blogs are "berdosa" or sinful.
-Christians will not like Muslims.

But that isn't even the best part. The best part is, he showed a short film on thedangers of Zionism and the illegal occupation of Palestine which was probably the only part of the speech I agreed with and I thought to myself this could be the only fact of the speech but surprise, surprise, at the end of the film, there was a montage of so-called Zionist supporters with the pictures of Anwar Ibrahim, Tian Chua, Teresa Kok, Hishamuddin Rais and Ezam Md. Nor. Then a question popped up in my head. Is Ezam still a Zionist supporter since he is in UMNO now? Does that mean the government has a Zionist supporter as well as the opposition? And expectedly, the speaker was being more anti-semitic than anti-zionist. He even explained how the Pakatan Rakyat ruled states are all going down the drain and he says, "this is what you get if you vote for the opposition!" He criticized Anwar Ibrahim and his colleagues so much along with Pakatan Rakyat while being completely oblivious towards Barisan Nasional's mistakes. As if they have perfect policies.

This was supposed to be a speech touching on education and look how it ended up. It did not even smell anything of education. It was a speech that was not meant for national unity at all. How could it be when you spread hate? I could only sit and ponder quietly while all this was happening. But the speech was not the saddest part. The saddest part was that the majority of students in the hall were cheering him on. I will type out part of the lyrics that were supplied to us, entitled,
"Warisan".

Anak Kecil main api
Terbakar hatinya yang sepi
Air mata darah bercampur keringat
Bumi dipijak milik orang

Nenek moyang kaya raya
Tergadai seluruh harta benda
Akibat engketa sesamalah kita
Cinta lenyap di arus zaman ini

Indahnya bumi kita ini
Warisan berkurun lamanya
Hasil mengalir ke tangan yang lain
Pribumi merintih sendiri
Melayukan gagah di nusantara.

Who were those words referring to? Foreign powers or non-malays?

Perfect welcome to the new intake of University Students. Please spread this to others. People need to know.

I know you should.

written by
A Worried Student,06.07.2008



This is extremely worrying indeed. I'm not sure if the speaker is living in the cave when he obviously did not witness the topple of Barisan Nasional in the recent General Elections 2008. What is he implying?

And Most Importantly, is this really for educational purpose? If not, why isn't the organisers stopping him from being carried away?

Do they INTEND for this to happen?

And even if I want to be wary, I'm not going to be wary over somebody's race, more like going to be wary over somebody's brain level. Because sometimes the level of 'stupid' matters more than the darkness of our skin colours. One of those brains that I have to be wary about would be the Speaker above.

Strangely, I've heard of that song before. I think it was a poem reciting competition by a few people. One of them was reciting this. No one reacted, (because no one was listening to it in the first place >_>) and it was a Merdeka poem. No one suspected that this is a song that has a hidden meaning, because it was Merdeka, and we thought it meant the ex-colonials like Britain, Portugal and Holland.

However, if it is used in this context, the hidden meaning came out.

That speaker is extremely notorious when he tries to reason about how the people of the land should be wary of others. Lets see how he will react when he faced a bunch of liberal-minded academics who are secretly intolerant over ignorant and stupid people.

Do we really need the kind of rubbish here?

I is very the dying.

Suffocating, suffocating.....Mid terms, Assignments, Feature articles! All piled up in a week! Why the torture why????

And I'm so stressed up I need a release station.

Sophia'd better be a good one!! If not I'll tear my hair off and scream! ROAR!!

(Sophia is not a person, will be revealed soon enough)

Few more days, and I'll get my freedom!!

FIGHT...............my ass. I'll sleep first before fighting.

Ta.