I'm Sick

The kind where I could still rush to the toilet even when I didn't eat for the whole morning.

Not even drinking!

I was supposed to post a blog post about nuisances, but I guess I had to postpone it.

Let me describe what I feel right now.

It is like I've been laced with all kinds of chemicals, and currently brewing in my stomach. And one of them, is going to be rejected through my mouth.

I feel so fucking uncomfortable.

Stomach discomfort + headache + dizzy spells + wanting to sleep + Irritation = A fucked up Cindi.

What's even better, I'm going to bitch about my life, because it just went for an overturn.

My grandpa came back from the hospital after another surgery, however, it made him feel even worst than before. He can't even walk, can't speak, don't recognise me even when I waved at him, weak until he couldn't control his only good hand (his other hand went weak after suffered a stroke)

Grrr! Why is it that every visit to the hospital his conditions worsened?

And now my mom, who is also a single mother, now is contemplating whether should she work or not tomorrow.

Mahai, Why can't others just took care for them?? What are we supposed to do with two elderly grandparents?

What's more when two of us are studying in colleges and university and my brother have basketball training.

(Personally, I would prefer my brother to stop his basketball training, his studies are deteriorating over it)

What's more when the maid who is supposed to take care of my grandpa is not here yet, earliest is next Tuesday.

And even then, we kind of suffered, with me doing most of the night house chores, while my brother did the morning ones.

Only the sister didn't do any, "forgot liao". Grrr....

That is why I hate being the eldest, it's in the conscience that the eldest must do everything. Fuck fuck fuck that perception, being the eldest really sucks!

Back to my grandpa, as far as I can say, these conditions only happen today, so hopefully, he'll recover within days. If not, it'll add on a major burden for my family.

What is more, Ephyon decides to hold his "all guys outing" on the very day when I feel the worst, which is tonight, currently, now.

I didn't want to speak to him. He's not worth knowing how serious my family conditions are right now because he don't care.

All guys have this "emotional detachment". They certainly don't feel the pain when their girlfriends told them how tragic are their conditions.

That is why I didn't want to speak to him. It feels so dreadful to hear him just say "Okay". Okay? How it be okay? Then he might add on and said "Well what else to do you want me to say?"

I've never complained that I lack of dresses, perfumes, jewellery, flowers, plushies, or make up. Because I never used them. It's not that hard, and it saves a lot of money, and we spent more on food. And all I want was hugs and kisses, unfortunately, he always used it at the wrong time.

And now, this.

I can never understand why he can't just fucking reject the offer for ONCE! Even if I asked him to, he'll say "I'll do it...lor" with that grudging tone that I was restricting him.

So I let him. I only hope he'll suffer for his Communication Theory presentation. I prepared so well also I kena "hentam" like no business. Their group barely prepared. I hope they fare worse.

I'm not in shame to curse him because he deserves it.

And to that gang of boys who always stand up for Ephyon and view it from a guy's point of view, Shut Up! You don't suffer from having two elderly people staying at your house, you don't have to see them constantly coughing, gasping for air, having to carry them with your brute strength, and act like you are the strongest, and what's more, having to smile and say everything is fine, all the fucking time. If any one of you dare to say that you, are suffering even more, than I do, I'll make sure that I leave that inner circle because I'm SICK of your antics on "my balls are fucking smaller!!! Can't you see???"!

What Famwie? There is no fucking famwie in this inner circle. I only go for Dylane, who gave me the best hugs and at least willing to listen everything before trying to present her arguments. Yea, sometimes, you people did sms, but it's only that once in the blue moon, and I do most of the initiating.

Do YOU people EVEN CARE? I doubt so, or probably because you guys stay too much with Ephyon, and just because he didn't tell you everything it didn't occur to you to ask me in person? Whether am I really alright?

Forget it, there's no point on continuing to rant about it. It'll probably be better if I leave this group because I don't see anything in common within us, other than the fact that I'm still with Ephyon.

Or maybe this is because I'm feeling so sick that my brains started to blur.

See, I'm "sacrificing" for you "nobles" that I have to find a reason as to why I'm feeling this way now.

Screw it, I'm off.