Tickled

Internet trolls, are also sadly, the majority beings of the universe who'd do anything to make themselves look stupid, pass on stupid bills and vote for stupid people.

This reminds me of this Newsweek article that Obama should concentrate on how to handle the complexities of the Congress instead of appearing on TV so much. But how to? The media had announced an all out war against him for the health care reforms he proposed in which he wishes to push for the bill approval by end of this year.

It's an insane media war Mr. President have to fight. So if the World's Most Charismatic President is having trouble engaging not just his own people, what do you think a puny little state leader like ours can?

Mr. Prime Minister was the smartest, he just don't answer. Mr. Chief Minister whom everyone is going against in Penang right now, tries his best to appease everyone, but also to cover up his mistakes for allowing certain things to pass through before the Kampung Buah Pala scenario had gone out of hand. I believe you can find those issues just by reading Anil Netto, Chan Lilian, and a lot of them Citizen Journalists in Penang. I myself, being not a Penangite, cannot be assured that my ground will be neutral.

It is just that we all grew up to have the most stubborn heads I've seen. To put it in a more general way of explaining situations, no matter how many times the latter news articles had clarified that the late Michael Jackson was suffering from a skin disease that sees his skin became whiter, my mother was still convinced that he bleached his skin, and very much kept announcing so during his death.

And you'd think people haven't tried to explain to her. I did, got into an argument about it to her about it somemore, but it did not see a change to what she sees. Whatever she sees, she's still utterly convinced that his skin was bleached. Can't say that I didn't try no?

The same goes for the climate change issue, the politics in our country, the annoyance towards more and more capitalist ideals now even appearing in the blogosphere. No matter how many intelligent comments given to clarify issues concerning these things, there's more stupider, lower comments that will tend to override what have just been clarified. Intelligence is getting swallowed up, and the only time intelligent people can rebuke stupidity is to show the exact moronic views uttered by themselves to others, and let other stupid people judge their own stupidity laughing at others, until they are being judged as well.

Yes, people. Welcome to the War of Stupids and Trolls. And currently they are always winning due to the coloured views of the world which the dominant people are encouraging and pushing through.

Then you might ask, what is intelligence? Who can call themselves intelligent and smart, or heck, is intelligence even gradeable?

I sincerely don't know. But I know that I'm looking at this really awkward culture being brought up that look like it'll swallow up the world. Well, maybe the world I see will be swallowed, not the whole world. It's still big, no matter how small Walt Disney claims it to be.

As for the Kampung Buah Pala issue, I can safely say, the people who are yelling and pointing fingers at Mr. Chief Minister right now, are people who did not study Public Administration. These offices, they have protocols, and they, sadly, do not work entirely under the state government. So go cry to the Big Bad Wolf, if you can even reach him. Don't get stuck outside the Putrajaya Perdana like some other blogger does.

Although if I were to be a local journalist next year, maybe the first article I will work on is "Kampung Buah Pala - could it have been avoided?", and then ask everyone who wants to give a piece of their mind, or see them claim amnesia to the issue or refuse to give any answer that is smart. That will shut the old trolls up....and make way for new trolls for attack ;)

And I'm not a person without faults. I have, sadly, find myself unable to commit to the 350 climate change no matter how Rin pushes it to me. I like her concept, but my coloured principles prevented me from taking a very active step other than what I'm doing now, which is recycling, reusing, etc etc.

I wonder though, could it be that we are destined to born with coloured, biased principles, therefore God gave us skin colours, and then we try to unmask ourselves by siding with our colours, or have a new principle altogether.

Hmm.....

But still, end thing is, I'm tickled with glee at how we Malaysians react when it concerns our country, and our politics. I bet any citizen reacts the same way, except with America, they converse better than our half-baked English methinks.

Lazy

Finals sucks my soul. Sorry folks who've been waiting for something.

But I'd recommend this song if you feel down. I just watched Cars a few days ago and I loved the storyline and this song to bits! Maybe I'm just a homey person, I get teary thinking about the abandonned town. But it's okay. I love this song. Have to continue studying though so sorry.

Give a Thumbup if it made your day a lil brighter. =)

Torn Asunder

My heart that has been
Pulled, Befuddled
Reasons not known but only to me

Torn, Torn and only Torn,
Stretched but not till its limits
If I will myself to commit, no more self

Wish for the stars for something?
I grab the opportunities
It's faster for me to huddle and crash through
instead of using a group

For some reason
Rock with You sings through me
I love him
That singer

What is but of dreams to me?
Find that question hard to answer
Not when it's easily dashed
Actually not really
My main agenda remained

Eyes look into the sky
Feet tied to the ground
Paralysed, unable to move
What am I to you?

Uncapable to touch the sky
No one wants the dirt I'm carrying
Definitely, maybe
The only comfort was the ability to still grab dirt

I'm sorry
I wish to
But if you can look at what I'm carrying
Maybe it's not supposed to be

How many are fortunate?
I'm fortunate
fortunate enough to survive that is
Not fortunate to extend help
None

Ring around, ring around,
Torn asunder, torn to pieces
I'll put me back again
But not you

Sorry
I'm torn
Will remain so
Until my things change
for my sake

Merdeka post - My thoughts rang true from an unlikely someone

Sorry for the belated Merdeka post, my heart's fluttering somewhere that day, and my concentration's not full enough to dedicate yet another disappointing year in the Malaysian books.

However, somewhere quite far away from home, I saw a blog post that were buried in the archives from someone very unlikely, someone famous enough for me to dig through that archive and eventually found that thought-provoking post that I think what Malaysians should think about.

That person, is Jason Mraz.

I know, I've never really raved about him, but after watching his concert and writing a review about it. (I did say I interned in a newspaper right? Go find them. Hint: English newspaper only *winks*) I went to check his blog and I really liked his writings. So quirky, so unpredictable.

Never did I think that he'd write a post that struck so true, so my dedication to my Malaysia, is through him.

Credits to Jason Mraz, for touching the lives of not just his musical fans, but also from his blog (Note - he wrote this as a campaign for Barack Obama, but once you minus that factor, it still struck true to Malaysians):

"Patriotism 101, Ignorance & Why I’m VOTING for President Obama!

Patriotism isn’t necessarily a good thing. When the World Trade Center was skillfully felled, Americans felt threatened suddenly, and were told immediately it was the doing of Terrorists from Afghanistan. With blind faith we wielded our flags and gave permission to our young men to leave home and begin global terror of our own. We continued blindly down that road for years until hundred of communities and thousands of lives were destroyed by US brut force.

Yes, the United States, a country founded by immigrants in search of promise and independence, is the same country that suspiciously views any non-American as some kind of enemy or alien species. How did this happen? Since when did we become some proud American Race?

Heck. I forget sometimes that the early settlers, pilgrims, and explorers also relied on slavery and the slaughtering of indigenous tribes. So perhaps we’re doing nothing new and being bad is just stuck in our genes.

I grew up hearing racial slurs left and right by elders and peers. The hurtful, fear based words were usually names inserted after discriminatory remarks such as, “Learn to speak English, you ________.” I never understood it.

Growing up, there was always at least one kid at school from some place else and he or she never EVER posed a threat to me. I was always impressed with their worldly view or neat cultural interests they displayed at talent shows and show & tell.

Patriotism has caused this country to think it’s the only country in the world, that the world should respect our authority for some reason. This singular way of thinking is not only making the US an embarrassment, it’s positioning us quickly as the new enemy.

I do not want someone in the White House with previous WAR experience. I am NOT voting for Patriotism. I am voting for peace, progress, and unity. Sadly, this vote is referred to as the vote for change. Because peace, progress and unity is something we still do not represent in the United States.

I do not want someone in the White House who will continue to seek out Al-Qaeda and trick TV watching Americans into thinking we should invade Iran. (Sadly, that is what is happening between commercial breaks, and some candidates are oddly supporting MORE WAR. ????)

I also do not want someone in the White House who continues to allow lobbyists to influence the decisions of our lawmakers. The corporate money that contributes to Congress will always be worth more than your votes or phone calls that you make to your Senator or Representative. Chain emails and petitions don’t seem to have the same charm as their fat checks. If it did, Health Care would be affordable or free, our vehicles would be electric, and there would likely be enough jobs for everyone in the country, as we wouldn’t have closed so many manufacturing plants in the last 50 years.

With enough votes, Washington will HAVE to listen to us. It’s been too close in the past therefore the WAR-mongers keep on doing their dirty business.

Our nation is divided in far too many ways. We are split socially and economically and it’s at its worst inside the government.

Republicans and Democrats are both Americans with equal rights, yet somehow they are discriminated against based on opinion and fall too favorably to one side or the other without being open to respectful dialogue.

I’m being drastic, but I’m not.

I hope America can pull itself out of the hole she appears to be in. I hope the dollar can climb back up to a realistic value. I hope the Corporations are given less power and local people are able to participate in capital adventures again.

Rather than put so much emphasis on enemies and foreign policies, I hope America wakes up to its own poverty situation. We are not the leaders of the free world anymore, so why not do some housework in the meantime and get our shit together.

Rather than put so much emphasis on enemies and foreign policies, I hope America wakes up to its own poverty situation. We are not the leaders of the free world anymore, so why not do some housework in the meantime and get our shit together."

-Jason Mraz-

Our country is not the free country, it's not the biggest country in the universe, but it acts as much a miscreant as the biggest country itself. Not just the ruling party, but the opposition as well. We need to wake up and prick ourselves to the biggest thorn on earth - we are not competent in any sort in this world. Our youngsters, in any rate, SUCK at finding work anywhere. So Lets do something this Merdeka - Do your worst to show love for your country if you truly want it to develop. Whether to equip yourself, to be an activist, to actively write in any space. Show that you care, you do love this country.

Be a lover, not a patriot.

Selamat Hari Merdeka.

Almost Forgotten

The weird about my PMS is, I tend to find the oddest stuff possible when my mind's wandering around. This PMS struck me hard enough to allocate time for such eccentricism, I've almost forgotten how is it to be emotional at these precise times.

I don't why but I felt compelled to find for that someone whom I felt very close to through her writings. It was, I think, some time after Form 4 and I was once again clueless and not very sure where I want to go. I was stuck in a science class which was in fact not really the biggest mistake I've made, but close enough. I used to read her column in Section 2, now known as Startwo. I still remember her column comes out every Monday, together with the other columnist Mary Schneider.

Then as I stayed in the library after school, while waiting for my friend as he was the only Add Maths tutor I can ever understand, I somehow chanced upon finding her book, which was a compilation of what she wrote during the earlier editions, the ones which I will not find because I was too young or haven't existed. It was almost like her travelogue, most of it concerning the sights and sounds she experienced being "out there" (I used to call travelling "out there" because I felt hopeless without a passport, and I really loved to travel). I will never see anything high end or classy, but always about India, about Bangladesh, about Africans. About Asia.

Somehow I gathered that travelling was her work, and it had to do with educating women, she chronicled about life trying to give certain education to women, empowering them, letting them know about liberalisation, and the challenges she faced during those times. It was a magical story. She presented in a neutral storytelling way because she initially wanted to chronicle it like it was for her mother. I was enthralled by the stories, dismayed by the women she approached, felt sad for certain consequences she faced, and so on. For a feeble minded Form 4 student, I was thoroughly impressed with her.

You can say, she inspired me into journalism. I loved her stories, I loved her writing. I loved how she put a stand into everything and not making a damn big fuss about it, back when a big fuss was really, something small. Back when journalism actually was of something sensible and sensical (of course, now I know it was all suppression). I loved her travels. I've never been so grateful before for a school library, well known for stocking storybooks instead of real research work but I truly am grateful to find that book at that time.

When I became older I was told that my mom eventually joined her network of e homemakers when she took a 2 year break off working, to build and shape us after our father's passing. I couldn't really say that I'm that excited over that prospect. Homemaking was never my mother's cup of tea and she could never see herself selling things over the internet or even trying to become an internet entrepreneur. I guessed my mom was just too old or too used to physical workload to embrace technology, not as easily as we do.

I didn't like that part of her actually. I prefer the writer part. The one that would make me sit down before she opens yet another chapter of magical stories, unravelling and making me awed. However it seems that most people are impressed with her homemaking network and I won't be surprised. It was an achievement that most people still find amazing as they were the first movers.

And then it came. I don't know who was the last decision maker. I suspected it was The Star rather than herself. (Alright, confirmed it WAS The Star. Sons of bitches!) The end to her column. I should've gaped in horror but she gave me hope by telling us she'd write on her blog, which was her daughter's Christmas present. By then I was already in Journalism, having to be perfectly sure I am not going to fail my language papers, and actually score a damned good grade in English in SPM to reaffirm my decision to join Journalism. (My GSE was B3 though. Argh! Wish I could amend that)

It's been two years since. She hasn't updated that blog of hers, the last I've checked.

I hate to think that my favourite writer has stopped contributing her thoughts and words to inspire so many more others who might find her articles worth a read, in spite of reading other blogs like political-socio ones, like funny witty ones, like personal ones. I hate to think that. But it's been two years.

I've thought alot about other things since then, I've also done my internship, contributed a few of my pieces on the newspaper. I wished I really stopped to think about her, to think about the reason why I'm here, to stay, for good. Sadly I've never, and I've almost forgotten about her. Took me quite awhile before I remembered how cosy it was to be back at the library, re-reading that book, wishing that I was 16 once more, filled with dreams to want to become a journalist, instead of actually stepping inside to do so. But it's just my glimpse in the past, just to relive how it feels like once more.

"Stories for my Mother" was her column name. Chong Sheau Ching was her name. I really missed her writing, but I've almost forgotten her.

If only she starts writing again.....

Almost Died

Hello Hello.

I'm blogging from my campus lab after having like, two classes in between cancelled and the next class will be 2pm. I guess I've abandon this long enough and I should update something again.

I almost got killed by the amount of assignments this year. Maklumlah, Ini dipanggilkan Tahun Akhir. Haven't started Final Year Project, and there's this assignment that deserved to weigh a tonne on the weighing scale. And another few classes that were pissed-off worthy due to the lecturers, and then some tantrums are thrown by other quarters that is sad to say, really turning my life.

What an amazing thing is I've managed to sail it through without throwing a big fit, at most I'll have restless sleep but so far I have yet to bitch around. Much. With loud voices that I want to yell at the world. What an amazing thing.

Don't mind me my thoughts are in shambles due to the many compressed events, I can't just unzip all of them in a simple blog post.

I've found a new love to play with when there's money, so bye bye Sony Ericsson, maybe another time when you've really improved with something worth a mention.

I will also invest in a new laptop when I can. The time has come to move on from the current one I'm using, but nevertheless that laptop has served me well. Time to move on to better gaming, and for once, a laptop with graphics card.

I'm getting kinda sick looking at StarMag's Dear Thelma for some reason. Especially about cases regarding infidelity that involves sex. Made my blood boil for some reason. Some men are just quite disgusting really. Don't want to divorce your wife because you love her and then went to look for younger poon. So nice to fuck meh? I really do wonder what old males think sometimes. In fact, not just old males, any male who cheats, I do wonder what the fuck were they thinking.

I'm being really cynical ever since I return from internship. A lot less tears, a lot more temper. Hmm. I like it though. People don't mess with me that much already.

And H1N1, I never worried about it. Built my immune system long before it became a pandemonium now. I've read Zewt's post and I thank the gods I'm not being sick in the first place. Gladly.

And and,wait, how come macam tarak recession news? Everything a-okay already? Must be la.

Still observing the political arena as usual, nothing much stood out. Even if it did I already missed it and therefore no point to elaborate further. I still like that RPK prank by another blogger though. It definitely shows alot about the professionalism in handling certain news and videos. They really should consider changing the management team or something. RPK's website should be for people who work under dedication for him and not something else.

For some reason, when news of The Nut Graph reported that they could not afford anymore money, somehow certain bloggers' comments section have turned into a bashup, something along the lines of "Padan muka, too much PR news". Hello, you want free media who are able to give different views or be stuck with mainstream news forever? Lets face it, we'll never turn back the time. Times has changed, unless the government feels appropriate to cut the Internet now.

Do you know that DAP now has a restaurant? It's called Rocket United Cafe. Coursemates all like to go there some other time.

What else? I think that's it la, nothing much already. Out of things to tell here.

Bye bye. Ciao ciao.

Anti ISA Rally - A Review

Contrary to my previous blogging styles where I wrote continuously, I'm going to break it down to a few parts because it will cover different segments of what the Anti ISA Rally is about, and what impact will it have on Malaysians in the future. This is one blog post that I do not want my format or my topic to not be in focus.

Included in these segments were questions around blogs and websites (most of them anonymous and stupid) as well as doubts casted by Malaysians upon the reasons for protests and rallies, why must it happen, and many more facts to come. Most of these views are mine and presented by me, so if you want to blast or comment, target me alone. Thanks.

Anti-ISA - Politcally motivated

Many were upset to see the presence of Anwar Ibrahim, Lim Kit Siang, Members of Parliaments, and PAS supporters as they turn up at the rally gather points with massive support. They chose to walk with those who were non affiliated with anyone at all. And for some reason certain bloggers and commenters were abashed that their presence turned the Anti-ISA rally into a political machinery.

My lecturer (the best I've had in years) said this, "We have to make do with what we have in Malaysia, even if it isn't ideal,"

The presence of NGOs are too small and too weak in Malaysia to conjure a major support or even possess enough charisma to gather enough Malaysians so that their points are actually through for the government to see. It is unfortunate that garnering political support could only summon enough to voice out or show strength at the face of the government and the royal institution, pushing them to make a firm decision for the issue they focus on. In this case, the abolishment of ISA.

Had there a really convincing NGO that could muster the support of not just the urbanites, but also the rural citizens, then the organisers can march on without fear, without any political affiliation, with help from the many ordinary people who participated or just provide many information so that the rally could go on peacefully.

But until that time comes, Malaysians will have to make do with what they have, and be used to seeing politicians around the citizen arena, if they want to create a civil society.

Lack of participation of other races

Again, this issue had turned to be really stale with the many comments saying "I don't see Chinese around", "Where's Hindraf?", and "95% semua Melayu aje".

My question:"So?"

What's so apprehensive about having a major race parading and marching around the city? Isn't that exactly what the social structure of our country is like? 70% of Malays, the rest all are smaller portions to make into Malaysia. What is the message these anonymous idiots are trying to pass on? That unfortunately the Chinese, Indians and the other races categorised into "lain-lain" do not seem to care about ISA? That they are ignorant about the growth and development in this country especially when it comes to ISA?

How about this, how many of the people from those races actually have been detained under ISA? Not counting the politicians alike? Close to none. So why should it be their issue? And what is it to say about those from other races who actually came out to campaign and march on with the rest of their Malay brothers? Bravery? Political agenda? Self gain?

Think before anymore mentioned about the lack of participation on other race. How about this plain and simple fact: ISA is wrong, and people are campaigning because it IS wrong, not because of ANYTHING else.

Disruption of peace - Why must it be Kuala Lumpur

This comment takes the cake, and what made me angry the most. A somewhat peaceful rally was disrupting the peace of normal KL civilians around, minding their own shopping business, because of them that the police needed to take action, such as firing tear gasses around when people are still DRIVING, and spraying water aimed at protesters but also towards CARS who were there at the wrong place at the wrong time!

Oh yes, it IS the protesters' fault indeed, because KL civilians are unwittingly worried about their families outside. They could be harassed by protesters everywhere because based on the protesters' incessant slogan shoutings that seemed seditious and noisy to the ears of Malaysians, that marching in public raising fists actually meant destroying their property and wrecking buses, or even *gasp* harassment! That the protesters will go around scaring people and threatens to disrupt businesses!

My my, the protesters are scary indeed, where are the news reports about those worries? Zero, Nada. Zilch, Ling. Disruption of traffic yes, but peace? Malaysians never had peace since the March 08 elections. Get used to it, we are living in turmoil times where disruptions will occur every few months or so.

And why must it be Kuala Lumpur? Why can't they do it somewhere, maybe Kota Kinabalu? Maybe Johor?

Kuala Lumpur is established as a capital city for too many reasons, one being the symbol of Malaysia, what with the best looking architecture, and also a "capital city", generating income and finances enough to power up the full country of Malaysia.

But due to its symbol, it IS and WILL BE used for the many rallies held before times, and in the future. The symbol of development and growth starts in Kuala Lumpur and it will not end just here. Soon many other places might become potential rally points. But as long as it covers federal issues, you can bet that Kuala Lumpur will be the major and ultimate rally points.

This is why Malaysians should be proud of Kuala Lumpur; be proud that it is used as a capital city and a symbol of Malaysia, for different reasons, whether for economic development, or showing stresses of law and order abuse.

Education

I believe the Malaysian citizens should be more educated about the purpose of certain rallies and protests. This is why my FYP had something to do with the media and its educational purposes. The way the media represented issues like ISA are demeaning, if not there's no partiality, and not transparent. They are like wounded dogs (pun: Media supposed to act as watchdog), who could bark but will whine when their pressure points are pressed hard by their owners.

The Online Media have also represented, if not, different individual's view about the protests, rallies, politics, and also about different views. Read them CALMLY. If you don't agree with them, don't end up commenting over something stupid. This is for your educational needs and thinking, not to rebuke or presenting your views harshly.

I guess Malaysians are still far from being civic-minded. But I'd also be beefed if I needed another politician to remind people about having "first class infrastructure, third class mentality".

Lack of awareness

Of course, go on to many of the websites, especially Rocky's Bru, and a couple of other blogs to see the many comments that were demeaning and unsupportive of the Anti-ISA rally, based on the comments above which I have split up to (oddly enough, they are all anonymous. Coincidence?)

The lack of awareness was really frustrating. Especially when it comes with the protest that says it is a disruption of peace. True maybe, for that day, but please tell me any countries that has rised from development without any sort of protest rallies or even riots that occured around the nation.

If you want your country to develop, these must persist to happen because not everyone is like you, who's happy with every policy the government makes or uphold. Not everyone is like that. And as time passed, everyone starts being unhappy with them except you.

So who's being unaware and uncivilised now?

Lack of youth participation

Youths are not many in numbers compare to the many who appeared in the protest march. But I still don't see why is this a big issue. So the youths are worried of the tear gasses and water cannons. Big deal, everyone's afraid of that, plus the threats by police, the arrests. What is it that youths have to participate in it?

And the education that majority of the Malaysian youths received are not exactly giving much exposure on how is it like if people want to join or participate in this. So if there are lack of youth participation, maybe people should start empowering them or providing them the right and necessary information. It is after all, their choice if they want to go or not.

Actions from now on

If dear fellow Malaysians are not the protest kind nor do they want to be caught in the hype, at least follow up on issues that concerned you the most.

Register as a voter, and actually went out to vote. You don't have to announce to the world who you support (since most of you, especially youths out there has a blog). Cast a vote to show about who you really want to see to grasp power.

Read the mainstream media, but if you have access to the internet, go there, read up the other reviews. They may not be pleasant, but thinking and making a decision was never pleasant.

For rally goers, Join a rally when you have the mentality to. It's understandable that not everyone can just march up to the streets with throngs of other people, but when you can and are prepared, calm enough to react without panicking. Go ahead.

Stop asking obvious questions. Most people knew perfectly well why certain events had to go on and yet they don't want to give a definite answer to the questions, fearing that it will be the ultimate answer they have to admit to. Why, you should be doing that now would you?


Conclusion

I remember reading a blog by a girl my age 2 years ago, 2007, when I did not talk much about politics because I don't blog about things I'm not clear of. She was talking about how esctatic is it to join a big crowd, to deliver a memorandum to the Palace 2 years ago. The Bersih rally, the rally before March 08 that further led Pakatan Rakyat into power.

In her own words, "So Inspiring! :)". Her own words, she said she was proud to become part of history, she said her family and her boyfriend were so proud of her. She was not attacked by tear gas or water cannons, and they managed to peacefully hand in the memorandum to the King.

True, it was inspiring written 2 years ago. Me and her, we were both 19, we were both filled with idealistic inspirations, both wished to see that there is hope in Malaysia after all. That triggered me to join political science as a minor, there was even that slightest idealism as we studied the difference between ideals and realism.

2 years later, 2009, I joined the Anti-ISA rally. I was there, because I was being a journalist. I needed news for my mock up newspaper, which was an assignment. All I can think of was to be safe with my friends, not separating from them. I was tear gassed and chemical water was sprayed. My family was not that worried because they know I'm being impartial. Ephyon however, could not resist sms-ing me every few moments just to keep contact with me.

See how different rallies are 2 years ago from now? It's no longer inspiring, it's no longer for an idealistic purpose, but to push and force a reason out from the government, to take practical actions, like abolishing the ISA for good. It's no more fun and games. Rallies will keep happening and happening. Because Malaysians will get more fed up in the end if nothing changes.

As for that girl, nothing was said about her involvement in this rally.

I think she grew up. I think I did too. Learning about political science, and being in internship changed my perception.

Fighting also has a right purpose.

Are you angry?

Yet another innocent man died in the gallows of what should be upholding justice. Are Malaysians angry?

Apparently, yes. They were shocked, saddened by the sudden departure of a budding young man who would have been a fine politician. 30 year old. This is not a big number, it is an age you and I can achieve easily.

He was supposed to marry his darling fiancee who had a 2 month old unborn inside of her, his child. He was to quit the political aide job so that he could be by her side and be in Malacca for the rest of his life raising that innocent child.

He was not the first death to made it to the news headlines. Different personas, same kind of victims. Who did they die to?

We all have the answers. We all know who did this. What is keeping us from taking any action towards them? What made them not wet their own pants?

It is the years of brainwashing led by the geniuses beyond their times. I applauded Dr Mahathir for being part of this propaganda. Being part of this product clearly enlightenned me instead. The majority of the young became wary of joining what it's called politics. Wary, scared, unimpressed, angry. Through education, we have never been taught to challenge the elderly, mainly the educated, the upper class, the wiser ones. No we've never challenged.

Shouldn't it be time to do so? Ask questions, be clear of the situation, do not take answers like "Because it is so" as an answer. Definitely not.

For years, I've observed myself and my mates getting beaten down just because we question the bureaucracy of the system which I called UTAR. We ask again and again to make clear of the situation. However, the ever "warm" course tutor would constantly say sentences like "I hope it clears the situation and no more questions will be asked". Know what it means? It is a silent threat, saying "Ask more, or faced being expelled".

Sigh.

Why? What's with this mentality? Isn't the tertiary educational system being brought up to constantly ask questions? Why? Why? Why? If we are unsure, don't make us follow rules that we do not know nor matters right? What is with this mentality? Tell me?

But for me, at least I know, I'm not angry. If I clearly don't know, I'll ask questions. If not, I'll challenged the lecturer. I've done so before and I'm very sure I will do it again to rational lecturers who see the light behind all of these arguments. It isn't petty, and I do not argue for the sake of arguing. So listen if you want!

So all I do now is ask questions again and again until they feel annoyed, until they felt compelled to answer these questions, until they feel like puking, till they need to tell the truth. Are you that angry, to kill them? To let them have a shorter life just because one of the comrades are dead?

No, I prefer they stay, I prefer that their lives prolonged, so they'll forever see that gush of blood at their hands, that their accidental "oops" slip led a man fell 9 storeys down. That they will live, in constant fear of getting stoned should they be among the public.

Are we angry? Yes we are. But are we going to let the anger get through our heads and resort to cursing them? No.

But if that's the case, more people will die due to injustice wouldn't it? Yes

Darren Kang, A. Kugan, Teoh Beng Hock however, will not die in vain. They have prepared a path for the next election to come. Lets watch and see, how many more people can choose to ignore the very blatent truth in their face and still fleeing themselves from being part of the destruction of society, one that can only be salvaged, when youngsters are going to actually make a move.

Are you angry? Yes, I am.

Are you?

The Death of The King

Michael Jackson

1958 - 2009

"All the world will be your enemy"

"Prince of a thousand enemies"

"And whenever they catch you, they will kill you"


"But first, they must catch you"



"Singer, dancer, musician, King of Pop"

"Be cunning, and you will never be destroyed"

-reference from Watership Down and Supernews: The Death of MTV.

Its cases like these that I wonder if the media have done anything good or have been going down the dogs lately. He Lived and Died under the spotlight of the media.

Thank you for the songs. Rest.

Conflict of Roles

I'm a student

I'm a daughter

I'm a granddaughter

I'm a girlfriend

I'm a sister

I'm a leader

I'm a journalist

I'm a political observer

I.....can't achieve what I really want to do....

Sigh.

I read the guest column by Rin who is currently volunteering for The Nut Graph and honestly I felt that she was truly progressing towards achieving what she really need. I felt good for her...

I couldn't feel good for myself.

Every year as I came into university I'm constantly bogged by the conflict of roles, majority of them coming from family problems.

Fulfil my duty as the eldest daughter, the eldest sister, the granddaughter, the girlfriend...

Then what will happen to my duty as the student, the leader, the political observer, the journalist?

Can I even achieve those without feeling already bogged down by the conflicting roles involving my bond with the family and love? These ties that are filled with so much emotion?

It's easy to take the other roles away because I couldn't be emotionally committed to them. What more with the current baggage that I'm currently carrying. I'd be a living miracle, or a living genius, if I can maintain both committed to my family and what I really want to do?

I'd have wanted to achieve so much, constantly dreaming for a way so that I seize the quickest opportunity to stay focused on what I can and want to do. But unfortunately, until the baggage is lifted from me and I'm relieved of my position do I truly feel that I could be responsible in chasing my dream.

I feel like I'm chasing it half-heartedly. There's no commitment to what this is. Sure, my mom said it easy about studying. Sure, my friend said it easy about going out to play. Without a care in this world? Yea why not, your parents shouldn't be worrying about you now that you're 21 and growing.

How many of you would want to try and live in these shoes? Stay with the grandparents your whole life, and this year you could barely even communicate with your grandmother because she's showing symptoms of dementia and living in denial, unwilling to embrace the fact and bear with her and mom's naggings everytime it concerned about your well-being and wondered why I couldn't score in exams? (I'd like to see you say yes to this. Really)

How many of you would want to leave class and go straight home despite friendly invites by your coursemates to stay and have lunch with them which could possibly for the pleasure of your well-being because these are supposedly the rights enjoyed? Just because your single mother is currently working elsewhere and your grandmother fell ill and have fever?

How many of you would want to constantly live with the agony of knowing your dreams will never be achieved because of family commitments and you know your mother is drumming into your head with the words "money money money can't support"?

I'm envious with everyone without the extra family burden. Living with 3 generations definitely do not make me a better achiever.

Ideally, I could live like Rin. I'd really want her life, fighting for a cause, willing to do what it takes to practise journalism from the best.

But In reality, I'm CiNDi. As if the companies will actually let this flaw be put into consideration. I cannot spread my wings until I'm done with my job, which I was BORN to take, not WILLING to take.

I can't blame anyone for this job. I've given up on asking "why?" to God and also to Mom.

My friend once said, I have the courage because I've did what so many people couldn't do in my personal life.

Will that courage even be reflected into my job? (Actually it has, I don't know. I just feel stupider now by trying to make myself feel better with this meagre of an achievement.)

.........I really wonder, when can I ever stood up and say, I really want to do something, without feeling doubtful or worried about other factors......

Please, if I may, I wish to no more feel the conflict of roles......

I dream of.....

I've been dreaming a lot more compared to before.

But it's most probably due to the fact that I'm graduating soon, that I really want it to end faster.

I've been reading a couple of my friends' blogs recently, and they all desire, not to continue their work in Malaysia. If they can, and God willing, they'd wish to travel outside and try their very best to stay out, enjoy and taste the freedom of being the global citizen.

Some, wished to live the American dream. Visit nightlife, Times Square, all that American culture.

Some, wished to just keep trekking, whether is it jungles, deserts, cities, slums, as long as they can stand on that ground; does it matter if the ground is classy or dirty? They just loved to walk.

I know that nowadays when I really wanted something, I can. All I needed was to take that one step and say "Yes, I'll do it! And it's not for anyone's sake, it's MY sake."

I complained once about wanting to Escape from not just the family, but from everything, including my love. I did it, one year later, after my internship, with a friend. It's not alone, but nevertheless it was a journey unintended for any sort of sightseeing. Just escape la. I did it, and I really felt good, rejuvenated.

Today, I promised myself that I'd trek the forest, and I did. I did a 45-minute stint at the Bukit Nanas Forest Reserve, which was, in my opinion, one of the okay forests for its place nearby a LRT station. I still miss FRIM the most, their canopy walks are really breath-taking. You really take in breaths, but it really made you appreciate nature for what it is. I know the forests aren't that small, but my boyfriend insisted that he came along as well and if he didn't, I would've spent more than 45 minutes inside that forest reserve.

But this is me, I'm always having people who cared, and love me, which caused them to worry a lot about me.

But I do wonder, what if my dreams do come true? That the sacrifice I need to make was to actually leave everyone? Mom, family, Ephyon, Friends, people who'd really appreciate my existence in their life?

And yet, my mind lingers, to visiting the old towns of England, to be able to capture the snow in Switzerland, witness beauty of Icelandic waterfalls, cherish that moment of having only myself in France, Italy, England. Living the Berlin dream......

But yet it was a dream filled with obstacles. It's never easy to achieve it. One look at the requirements they needed in international media organisations just for their industrial training alone and I could just faint. Theirs were really demanding, and I kept wondering to myself: What sort of lessons do media students in American colleges and universities go through just to enter this media organisation?

And then I thought: With my qualifications, I'll never be able to enter, and live the dream, the dream of throwing my bag onto my shoulder and just keep on truckin'

If I could live that dream, I guess a few years of being just by myself, that painful separation, no matter what, I guess it will be worth it. It's not that I don't love them, but I'd really really love to go somewhere worthwhile, staying there for a couple of years.

After all, it wouldn't hurt to dream a little bit before letting reality sunk in, right?

Jaya Supermarket

Mom seemed to not be wavered when I told her about Jaya Supermarket's collapse yesterday.

Actually I was the one more worried because Ephyon was near the scene of the disastrous fall.

Then the pouring of one of the many blogs who mourned the collapse of "the earliest landmarks in Petaling Jaya".

I did not have much memories of that place, other than being able to stop by it once in awhile after walking from PC block to the bus stop back when the option of a car is not available.

When me and Ephyon had no cars and could only walk around holding hands while going to the grubby Popular bookstore.

Not a lot of memories for that place. I seemed to have more fondness for new buildings than old unless the old buildings come together to form a small little town.

But if it must have been a major spot for the many residents of Petaling Jaya here.

Oh well...gone it will someday. Pray that the casualties came out alive and not in another body bag.

Refrain

My mind's a blur nowadays. It's filled with all the latest information that I tried very hard to find, keep, to be used for reference in the future.

Or will it be used?

I refrain from commenting on my life so much that I felt the essence of even mentioning it started to flow away from my hands even as I pen it down here.

And then I would start asking, "What's the point of mentioning it?"

I wished to share the many philosophies I came across during the internship, that of which I have learnt to accept despite having hate for it. But I refrain from commenting on it because it involves my life.

I wished to share my many opportunities just looking at the events that I've attended. I really do wish to share it here but I do not know how to begin and how to end.

I'm astounded yet disappointed with the current media system. I chose to accept, love and hate it. I'm fascinated by it, attempting to research it, only to find much less of what is researched could not be used. Nothing much of Malaysia's media system that could be used for publications.

It's this sad fact: we are all but an empty core, all but a regurgitation of what others brought into and introduce.

The media system is nothing but regurgitation. We report, we publish, we are basically vomitting what others have expressed. The only times when opinions really mattered were those of book reviews and movie or music or even food reviews.

We have never experienced transparency and I fear that we never will be. If anything, we are genuinely afraid of being too transparent, that the citizens could read the law like a textbook, use it to their own accord to the abusive level, what was left was what of no value. The core value of law has vanished.

I'm not sorry to say that if any of the media companies in Malaysia deserves any awards for credible journalism outside of this country, I can tell them they are admiring a pile of vomit.

I'm at the same time deprived of any pop culture knowledge, any knowledge, readable or not. Despite portraying my capabilities of flaunting my language flawlessly without any hesitation, my editors pointed out I'm still obviously too young and too naive for any proper reviews nor could I become a analyst at this age when I do not have an all-rounded coverage over what has been going on for this while.

I'm at a disadvantage for giving into the foundation system, jumping too much for an age that discriminates you for being too young, underknowledged, not too acknowledged into the working class.

When I graduate, I'd probably be getting my ass out of here.

I'm dreaming of Europe, maybe to be more precise, Germany.

Stay tuned, I'm not going to be refraining myself a lot after this holiday.

What does not kill you, simply makes you stronger

What does not kill me, simply irked me to no end.

Thank you, No thanks. Goodbye

New rules

It is right over there at the new slot. Please read. Thank you.

I still have the original postings of the blog. Don't worry. I kept my word, but I do not trust myself to trust others anymore.

Thank you, No Thanks, Goodbye.

Irrelevance

Kata untuk diajar hari ini: Irrelevance.

Maksudnya: Something unrelated to a matter being considered.

Contoh:

A friend confided that she had a one night stand with another guy, and she had gotten back with her sonuvabitch boyfriend. She was depressed. I tried to ensure she wasn't grieving too badly, while fighting the urge to ask her about the difference between the two guys because it will be a matter of irrelevance.

Terima Kasih kerana telah belajar satu lagi perkataan yang boleh diguna untuk pertuturan setiap hari.

Sekian.

Assumptions

I have people who assumed I'm going against Earth Hour Malaysia for no particular reason; therefore I'm a cynic.

I have people who assumed I'm not happy with my work; therefore I'm not extending my internship.

I have people who assumed I took my boyfriend for granted just because I do not comment on the handphone; therefore I'm unappreciative of him.

I have people who assumed my articles were good to be published; therefore I'm a good writer/journalist.

I have people who assumed I'm going to accuse them whenever I tried asking them something not discussed before; therefore I doubted their friendship.

I have people who assumed I will know about certain activities through the boyfriend; therefore I do not need to be informed personally.

I have people who assumed they know everything about me; therefore they can say hurtful words without thinking.

I have people who assumed I'm against bloggers and Nuffnang for no good reason; therefore I'm a pessimist.

I have people who assumed I do not change my mind after certain thoughts; therefore I give up easily if there are any changes.

I have people who assumed I do not care; therefore I'm fierce even when playing different roles.

I have people who assumed I'm strong; therefore it is alright to constantly praise me so, or I should not complain everytime I feel emotionally affected and needed a space to rant.

And now, I'm going to assume that I have people who assumed that I'm not happy with their behaviour; therefore I'm writing this.

I just find it amazing that some people just do not know who I am after like, 3 years of friendship? That they could assume so much of me, jumping into conclusions within a snap of a finger?

No offense, but do grow up? Or at least ask me why do I think like that about certain issues that I deemed negative before assuming I was just being a brat like you out there? Sometimes I answer like a brat because I feel that some people don't deserve a mature answer.

If I'm not angry, why am I posting this? Because I'm rather annoyed with the assumptions. Not angry, annoyed. Nice to see how they still couldn't penetrate or couldn't be arsed to get to know me further though. Shows a lot about how they took this friendship and trust for granted huh?

I remember on a dinner, there was a trip being planned, and I jokingly added a guy whom was generally despised. But one guy blurted out "WHO THE FUCK WANT TO INVITE HIM?????" (no joke, that was how loud it was).....leaving an awkward situation, or having the boys all smirking the dark. Probably wondering why was I so stupid to talk about that guy.

If only they knew how he has changed, even noticed and know that he had close to no friends in university now due to certain actions in the past. Oh but, yea, since when my words was ever worth listening to? I don't pout and suddenly not receiving calls or do I get myself into sticky situations so that I need to be rescued. I could be just helping to boost his image only hor?

Of course, how would I know how much they hated him? I didn't bear any sort of grudge nor bitter memories about him in the past, nor am I bearing any now. Sure, annoying he was before, but certainly mellowed down a lot, even knowing when to shut up. Even when only 2 friends turn up for his birthday celebration, he never fretted. In fact, we still had a really good time.

Oh, but what would people know? They assumed he's as lousy as before. Forever. Will be. Always.

And I'm the one laughing inside because I'm amazed by the powers of sociology, the evolution of the EQ and mental maturity. No doubt, I'm not saying that I have the EQ and mental maturity of a God. But at the very least, I try my very best not to assume anything negative that has happened to my friends. My dear friends. My very very dear friends. The ones who tell it straight to your face as if trying to have a debate without checking their facts. The ones who immediately became astounded with my strength, but appalled and disgusted if I ever show my weak self.

And this is why I do not have a best friend. Sorry folks, no such vacancy for any of you =)

Don't read this...i'm talking to myself

I couldn't imagine how sorry I am to screw today up...for no good damned reason, and then caused the person to fuss so much because it was done after the return from Bali.

I'm not surprised if I don't fuss so much after a long trip back and having to face a noob in make up.

"You're in the beauty line. Wear more make up," Man, if only she knew I was only an intern....

I can't help but only to say sorry sorry sorry ><...I seriously screw up. And I'm gonna go to the corner and repent about this.....

No one at fault ler this time. Only me. ><....cannot tahan....beauty is definitely not my strongest point....

Once a crap, always a crap.

Need....more......balance...and...time..management...farkness!!

screw screw screw screw....next time, let me learn to not do anything....ANYTHING...T_T

Haiz.....why I so smart go and pitch this kind of lousy idea....

------Update at 9.16pm------
I'll just keep updating this like facebook or twitter, because I'm talking to myself mah.....this is where random thoughts will fly out.

Actually, everybody was right, I should've stayed in newsdesk. It may be a strict environment, but at least I only need to answer to three people. The PRs, have nothing against me (I think).

Now I also have to answer to the interviewees and I wonder why do I need to.

I don't like being personal to people that I don't know whether they are vulnerable to me or not.

Sucks, why is this happening?

---------Update at 12.17am-----------
No longer feeling bad, thanks to all the friends I've talked to. Catch you next time. Bye.

The best thing about stupidity

It's that it occurs when you had already expect it to happen.

Political stupidity:

General Election: Cabinet reshuffle. UMNO Election: Cabinet reshuffle.

My goodness, cabinet reshuffles every year with the UMNO elections right, might as well make that the definitive election. Why bother going through the General Election that includes the kecik pucuk of 30% of the so-called 'minority group'?

Eh wait, no, the other non-UMNO members would've been pissed off too. Ehehehe. But still Cabinet reshuffles every year like this, we all die la. Never get any problems.

Funniest capitalism stupidity:

I've said before that I love it when these idiotic bloggers who had joined some goddamn "blogging community", and then posted blog advertisements on their blog for some promotion gimmick.

No, I don't really care about those blog gimmicks.

The best part is that this new trendy way to save Earth called "Earth Hour" where it prompted the cities to switch off their lights for one full hour before switching it on.

Frankly, its a nice stunt, but only for the people who didn't do much saving before and thinking that "oh noz! it's time!" >_>

My house has been practising recycling for more than 10 years now, since the 90's. I think 1997 or 1998.

My personal intolerance of the cold temperature actually helped saved the usage of air-cond. Heaters are a great comfort after you emerged from an air-cond blasting office (aka my office! Farkers why so cold one?)

But the best part is that some bloggers, they blog that Earth Hour is a stupid stunt. It is merely a WWF trick, it is not going to help, it is not useful. bla bla bla

With a Nuffnang promotion ad next to it telling people to switch off the lights in support of Earth Hour.

*grunts snorts resisting urge to lol*

Dudes and Dudettes who are into this internet business shit, at least remove that ad before you bitch or you'll end up as a collection of my print screens showing the exact stupidity that gives me more reason to stop believing in internet business.

Unless these business enterprises has no business ethics, because internet business ethics is as virtual as cyberspace law.



Oh how I love being mean.

By the way, it's not that I don't want to support Earth Hour, but I have a dinner to attend tonight. So it will be full of lights at 8.30pm anyway.

Trust me, Earth Hour won't make a big difference in Malaysia. See if they have a press conference after this Earth Hour stint to calculate exactly how much energy + money Malaysians have helped to save.

I'd believe this Earth Hour stunt in Sydney and Melbourne that they have a good cause. Cannot believe the ones in Malaysia though. They couldn't even stop the illegal wildlife trafficking activities here. How to convince people to flick a switch?

Temptation

What a metaphor, "Heart skipped a beat" to describe the moment when I laid my eyes on him.

Clad in a black figure hugging silk shirt with pants of equally good quality, he was sitting there sipping his glass of chivas. Such regal elegance. My heart was jumping out for him. And he wasn't just concentrating on any girls dancing in that party. Oddly enough, his friends decided to leave him be.

Then he turned to me. His daunting brown eyes was set upon me.

I turned and head straight into the ladies.

Looking at my face made over just for this occasion, I hardly believe it was me. The eyes that were previously cover by spectacles, are now shining with shades of blue and gold. Those pale lips have been redone and are now glossy with a shade rosier than my original lip colour. I liked it that way. It makes me keeping that au naturale.

God, I'm only here for that free flow of Heineken. My colleagues encouraged me to try and play dress up for the sake of being playful.

"Babe, you're fucking 23. Wear something that suits your age," she said, while throwing a dress I swear with my own life I will not wear to work, or actually ANYWHERE. If it wasn't That bloody threat she issued to me, that until I wear that dress to a function she will not speak to me nor approve my articles.

"And bring some fucking pictures to prove it!" she said.

"Alright I KNOW already! Goddamn it leave me to work!"

Now I'm here, all alone in the toilet, minus all that vomitting sounds of the drunk women who tried too hard to impress their other halves, feeling hot inside. And slightly lusty.

One look at that guy and he had driven me this crazy, I can't imagine approaching him in a calm and nice way like any innocent and party going girl would.

I really want that sexy beast.....

Shaking off that thought, I began to re-apply my make up. Who cares about him anyway? There are so many girls out for a fun, he can just pick any girl to have fun with him. Such a swooning hunk, it's no surprise if he has gone off with others by now.

After a good 15 minutes. I walked out again, no longer gazing at that direction. I just want my cold beer.

"Hey Matt, another round,"

"Whoa missy. You are quite the drinker are you? You new?"

"Yes sir. I heard there's free beer. I do not show myself except for the smell of free cold Heineken,"

And one glass was firmly on my hands. I just can't get rid of my alcoholist behaviour instincts to save my life. But the moment that cold beer reached my lips, going down the throat till it warms my stomach.

"Chivas, Matt"

"Right on, sir,"

A chivas-filled glass was set next to my Heineken. The man was sitting just next to me.

"Hi. You looked new," he said, putting his hand out.

"No. I just stop by for free drinks," I shook his hand, noticing that gold watch on his wrist.

"Heh. You are different than my other preys in this club," he said, letting that black hair slide over his handsome face.

"Prey? Whoa slow down there, tough nut. Who do you think you are?" I just shoot away and was slightly annoyed, not to mention angry. This is the exact reason why I didn't want to talk to him, because I'll end up knowing another crazy jerk who sleeps around.

"I happen to be the owner of this place, and you've just insulted the person who provided you free drinks by assuming he's a jerk," he remarked coldly.

I didn't buy it, and I called Matt over. Turns out he was telling the truth. Well, half truth. He doesn't even operates the club. He's just another rich kid looking for trouble.

I couldn't stand anymore of his arrogance, and wanted to pull my handbag and get out of here. That idiot, whoever he is, had just ruined my mood and I will not just sit there getting bullied by him.

But he grabbed my hand and dragged me into the corner of the club, and stared at me for the longest time.

"What the hell do you want?" I demanded, gritting my teeth.

"Are you disappointed? That I didn't turn out the way you imagined me to be?" he looked at me with an odd sense of concern.

I couldn't answer him. I just let him look at me, feeling his body so close to mine.

He began to lift my chin, and starting caressing my face.

"You are beautiful...I love looking at you. Your lips, eyes, your neck..mm.." he whispered in a tone so low and soft I felt myself wanting to grab him. Instead, I kept clenching my fist.

"I'm not an object or a toy. I'm...I'm...." before I could finish that sentence, he went and kissed me.

He really went all out. Must have felt that same lust for me, I can feel it when his tongue wrestled mine, his lips feels so soft, he was holding me tight, and I think, I felt something in him tightenned...

I pulled him away, and he looked slightly perplexed. I gave him a really doubtful smile. It's strange that he looked so cute even though he looked genuinely shocked.

"The night is not over. I still want to have fun," I said playfully, before dashing into the dance floor.

He followed not too long after. At first, I really couldn't enjoy myself with the crowd. But he came, and swept me away. Dancing really was an enjoyable experience for once, especially when I really couldn't match him. But I really loved to be close to him, to dance with him.....feel him so close to me

We danced till close to 2am, then he slowly led me to his car. We have a few rather intelligent chats there. It's amazing how vast his knowledge was, and previous stereotypes I have had against him had gone off my head.

We finally reached his place, because he claims that he kept his best wines in his house, would I like to go try them?

I laughed silently, that was the oldest trick in courting ever been used. Except, I bought into it. I can't wait to be lured into it.

He took out the finest wine glass with a bottle of Chateau Margaux.

"Expensive stuff," I mused.

"Only for the women who are priceless to me," he teased.

More than one woman, I thought to myself, He's challenging me. I smiled smugly.

A few clinks and a couple of glasses, we had another long chat. I felt drawn towards him more than ever. Part of me enjoyed this moment when we "battled" it out to see who succumbs to lust, yet part of me really wishes, he'll just get on with it and stop making me wait.

Two hours later, when the bottle of wine is finished, and we were out of conversations, he still hasn't make the move. I thought I might grew impatient. But strangely, I don't. It's a good thing that the whole lusty affair is finally over, and all I need to do now, was to ask him to send me back, and hopefully we'll have another round of long talks.

I was beginning to feel that I enjoyed his company.

"Hey. Thanks for everything. I must go now, if not I can't work" I told him.

He paused. I took it that he was too drunk to respond. I've decided to take a taxi, and before I left, I don't know why, I just kissed his cheek.

"Bye." I said.

As I was near to the door, I felt him hugging me from behind.

"Don't go...please stay," he said in the very same whisper.

The flame within me flared up. I felt his too.

I turned around and we begin to kiss, passionately. I really couldn't hold it in any longer. I guessed he read my mind, and begin lifting me up to his bedroom.

He threw me gently onto his bed, and the cover were so smooth, I began to loosen up to all the comfort suddenly around me. He was on top of me, and we began to kiss again.

Slowly, I unbuttoned his silk shirt and it revealed a well kept body. A guy who pays routine visits to the gym, and he definitely have a good taste. Good thing he's a man too. Didn't shave too much of his hair. I love a man like that.

He started feeling me everywhere, leaving me to gasp in pleasure. His hands were quick, taking out my clothing one by one, until what's left was my lingerie.

"Mmm....babe, you're sexy, but with just your bra and panties on, you look hot," he teased, and bent down to kiss my neck while fondling my thighs.

I let him do most the work. He seemed more than enthusiastic and before I knew it, he start being a little more adventurous, he got lower and lower...

I stopped him at the nick of time, to tell him "Wait. I'm not done with you," and I shoved him down, with him facing me now.

"Oooh, you love to be the dominating one do you? Rrrr, I like that," he told me in that really sexy tone that I couldn't resist.

Unfastenning the belt was easy, what's hard was to stop looking at what will be revealed underneath those briefs. I was really in awe. Is this happening? Could this be real?

We kissed again, more passionately than before. I've never been so sweaty and feeling so wanted inside.

He turned me over, this time holding my both hands to the bed. I couldn't move, but he was panting, and he asked me this.

"Do you want this to just be part of temptation, or do you want to be serious?" with seriousness shown beneath his face of wanting.

I looked at him, and I could sensed, that this time, I want it to be real.

"We'll have fun first, then we'll be serious," I taunted.

He smiled.

Within minutes, I felt an eruption of pleasure.

It felt so good. What a temptation.

-End-

Inspired by the Russian version of Arash's Temptation and Jason Mraz's Butterfly.

Enjoy. Finally, my kegatalan untuk menulis is not there anymore ;-).