I'm back, but lost....

I'm finally here again, blogging. I'm supposed to enjoy this activity as I would highlight some topics that people tend to ignore. But I felt strange. Due to a virus attack my laptop is not working the same way now, and I felt lost. I can't seem to say it. But my laptop had grown inside me, and after that sudden attack, I became lost in my thoughts. What had happen? Why didn't I know it sooner? It happen almost in a flash and that virus is almost eating up my system, and I kept running anti-virus programs, one after another. I kept battling to make sure it stays alive, and I won, only to fall into a trap and my laptop officially "died" without warning.

Imagine all that heartache I had gone through when that happenned. Of course, that feeling is covered inside and I show more of anxiety. But still I have nightmares. What happens if I can never use my laptop again? What happens then? Am I going back to my old life, where I had to argue with my siblings over excessive usage of the family laptop? I don't know. I really felt a lost now, because that ideal laptop of mine is working properly. I know it's unbelievable, but I felt like crying.

This is almost like you lose a friend, and then when you recall the memories that you have with him or her, you felt so empty inside, you felt like you have spend all your emotional energy focusing on your lost friend, trying to find a way, just to see them again. And you are afraid that you are only dreaming all along, and wake up to find that you have still lost your friend. That hopelessness, and that kind of grief, is bound to make anyone break their nerves down and cry with all their might. I know that feeling so well, because that was what I felt, when my father left the world all of a sudden. But, he left us with lots of problems. And my grief turns to hatred.

I don't know what this means, and of course I can't compare my feelings for my friends to my feelings for a laptop, but I've put all my effort into understanding both of them, and if really my friends leave me without reason, I may have to accept, but somehow I will feel empty inside. Like I have a body without a soul. This emptiness is going to keep us awake, that life is short, and we must appreciate every step that we take. Somehow, we youngsters must feel the passion in life. But too much passion will end up disastrous, and we fall into a grey area where you cannot feel, or, you don't dare to feel anymore.

I'm almost in that grey area, if it wasn't for my purpose in life I would have just fall through, and without warning, my soul taken away from my body, and I become a lifeless shell. But look, here I am with blood, sweat, tears and a heart that can feel the agony and passion that most youngsters have nowadays. I can only say, I am young. And even though I had lost track of myself, I will come back, with a burning desire to live my life. Thanks and good day.