An eventful day (not really)

Zzzz zzzz zzzzz......*snort snort*..hmm..what?

Oh, right, an eventful day....

Crap, my mind is too tired to salvage every bits of entertaining elements of today, which will probably end by the time this post is published.

Let me try to write it ala, what time of the said activity started. Sorry la, my brain is really trying really hard to stay awake but it fails to due to exhaustion of this particular eventful day.



7.30a.m: Picked up boyfriend, and his coursemate aka part of the famwie too. Saw an old lady. She looked perpetually shocked with the reverse of roles. (Female driver, male passenger).

7.48a.m: Stepped into class, said "hi". Then Tutor came in. Briefed the class awhile, stopped, looked at me and said "I remember you". =D It's too bad that I will not have Public Speaking as a subject in my course.

8 a.m: Tutorial officially starts, and there are many latecomers coming in.

8.15a.m: Boyfriend go present. He had a topic called "Global Warming". I thought he was trying to be funny, linking global warming to petrol prices and crime rates -__-. Turns out he was really stumped with the topic. And tutor didn't find it a laughing matter. What more when he finished at only 3 minutes and 22 seconds. Too fast. The best is 4 - 5 minutes.

8.25a.m: Boyfriend sat down looking dejected. He made too many mistakes in an impromptu speech. And apparently he thought that taking another topic will be too risky, but, turns out all the others got easier topics. He felt even worst. Bleh.



10.20a.m: Girl was presenting about death. She mentioned about her experience with death, which her father just passed away last semester. She was about to cry, which was a big no-no in presentations, thankfully she didn't and carried on. But after she went to her seat. Immediately she started crying non-stop. All her friends started crying too. Walau, =.=. I feel so, err, immuned to these kind of problems. Although actually I lost my grandpa at that time too.

11a.m: Ordered some Indian curry rice to be brought back to eat. Mutton curry, mmm, fried chicken, mmm. Who cares about cholestrol? Let me indulged in sinful pleasures =D.

1p.m: Tried to connect to the Internet. Argh, DNS server error, Proxy server error, Port error. This new modem really not good. -_-. Forget it, sleep first.

1.30p.m: Zzzz....

4.16p.m: Zzzz....what? Eh? I thought boyfriend is supposed to pick me up at 3p.m? I smsed him and called him. -__-. Miscommunication, but at least he was on his way here.

5p.m: Yayz, Sunway pyramid! Makan....

5.30p.m: Nice meal for the boyfriend. I didn't enjoy much though. Haha. Then suddenly, some very fierce noises can be heard. A few Mandarin speaking people were there. I assume from China, cause their accent is super heavy. Got a couple who looks and sounds Malaysian. Okay, there are five of them. 2 guys, called Black Shirt and Blue Shirt (because it's easy), then the girl is called err, Handbag, because she was carrying one. Malaysian couple shall remained as Malaysian couple, because they didn't do much.

So Black Shirt was fighting with Handbag, and Handbag got pissed off and said "Lets go!!" and stormed out. Blue Shirt followed, but Black Shirt kept stopping him, and then something about relationships and such cause I can't hear them properly. So Blue Shirt and Black Shirt kept pushing each other. Some other customers actually went away from that scene in case something happens. Then the unthinkable happen. Black Shirt, took a knife from the tray, and aimed at Blue Shirt, with a threat! In front of moi and boyfriend 0.0. Blue Shirt was calm for a guy who was pointed with a knife. The rest of the restaurant wasn't that calm though. Manager went to call for security, Many of them rushed to pay the bills. Thankfully, no one was hurt. But that sure was unneccessary if it's over a girl. I mean, no offense, but Handbag looks like Furong Jiejie. Yeuch.

Then the rest of the day were spent trying to connect to the Internet because somehow, our connection is very very blocked. Gah!

Yeap, no thanks to the Internet, I only managed to finish this post now.

It is......26th of October, 5.48p.m.

Yes, that's how much my internet sucks.

Eventful day is yesterday. Today? Not really

What I really think about the whole lawsuit war

It started when I read Rocky's account of his defense for Utusan Melayu after all those furore about Teresa Kok getting locked up in ISA and for suing Utusan Melayu for their false article about the Azan controversy. That article, received a lot of flak I daresay.

Then Utusan Melayu published a short story named "Politik Baru YB J". I must say, that short story is decent, something that students will study in Bahasa Melayu. But of course, that story ended up with the death of this "fictional" MP, because she is a "threat to the harmonious society".

So now Teresa Kok has resort to suing Utusan Melayu and the Short story author, Chamil Wariya, for RM100 million.

(Note: Original lawsuit was RM30 million)

The second lawsuit had received mixed reviews from the public. As I glanced at Rocky's website, majority of them were saying that she's now aiming from being rational to being obsessed with trying to bring Utusan Melayu down, that the amount was unnecessary.

And then, many mainstream journalists seemed to start feeling the bitterness about this whole lawsuit war, because if Utusan Melayu can be sued, so can they in the future. But problem is, there are many others who feel nonchalant about the issue, now is feeling annoyed with all the negativity surrounding this issue.

I, for instance, don't see what is the big problem now.

I tried discussing about it to my boyfriend, because I constantly update him with what is happening. And he asked me, "So do you think that Teresa Kok should sue?"

And this is what I really think.

I think, that as a member of the public, we should just continue to eat, shit and sleep. There are so many other things to worry about, and we had to worry about some politician battling some newspaper?

Please la, mainstream newspaper journalists sekalian, don't make us, the younger noob ones to see the light for you.

What Teresa Kok is doing, is as normal as ANYONE would do. Hello, try getting caught and sent to jail for a news that was fabricated and you tell me if you can put it down, smile and go "Ah, where were we? Yes, I shall continue serving the people".

Then later on getting thrown with Molotov cocktails but still continue with that bimbotic tone of "Molotov? Is it a drink? No matter, serve the people! They are the priority! Teehee!"

Not to mention receiving death threats about you and your family, you'll go "Aww, stupid people, CIBAI also spell wrongly. It's 'CHEEBYE'. Now shoo, my priority is to sleep. Teehee!" eh?

No. You would react like her. And blame all the shit on that "source" who was not even true.

So now we come to the term of whether should Utusan Melayu make up news like that and turn people's heads.

My thoughts would be, So? Do we even READ them?

If they want to create rumours, and if the people chose to be stupid and listen to that kind of bullshit, who are we to stop them? And you think Utusan Melayu is the only one pulling that stunt? Puh-leese, There are TONS in Hong Kong. Apple Daily is fucking famous for getting sued. And they are still very much alive and kicking.

What about those newspapers in America? I've seen lots. Remember there was once that they sparked a discussion just based on Hillary Clinton's cleavage? *rolls eyes*

Don't go set up some tabung, you know they can afford to pay RM130 million without you anyway.

Oh, and so everyone goes around and said "This is not journalism! We must repair this!".

Fuck you, I'M studying journalism and what you are seeing is called Yellow Journalism and Tabloidization. It's perfectly normal, only noobs like you guys all treat it like it's a big matter. And I'm talking from the perspective of the public. Not Teresa Kok. Of course it's a big matter to her.

And the short story creation is called "sensationalism". By adding dramatic elements to the news, they create rumours and tension. And that's the EXACT reaction they are receiving from audiences now. Case in point, why didn't they publish this short story in a later date? And why MUST they choose to publish it now when the whole lawsuit battle is the hype? So what if they are hated? It's perfectly known that this is not for any literary purposes. Fame knows no bounds. Hatred is also a kind of fame. Shame on you guys to fall into that trap.

And what's the point of being so hyped up about this kind of newspaper, they are there to mess with your mind. I'm sure Tony Pua could account to that because he was also a target some time back. They are the newspaper that creates sensation, nothing wrong with that.

What is wrong is your reactions about this issue. BOTH the public and the journalists. You guys said that it is inevitable that Press freedom will never be absolute in Malaysia, but you guys forgot the mention the very base of human rights.

The right of defending one's self. And that is what she is doing. Whoever mentioned that she's dragging her own constituents down with this, well in my opinion, that's a moronic statement.

My advice is, just read the updates, but don't react. There is no return for Utusan Melayu to become a factual newspaper, and they know that. So if you like to read dramatic stuff instead of the usual boring titbits, then go ahead. If you don't read them, then just don't read them. Don't get so uptight about it.

Yay, ranting done. Back to eat, shit, and sleeping.

I know if I really don't care, I wouldn't even NEED to blog about it. However, there are too many people on the net behaving that way, and it's getting on my nerves. And what's a blog if it's not for me to whine.

WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINY
Why is everybody so up and jumpy (over this issue)?

That's it. Ciao.

P.S: Salam Bro. This Teresa Kok issue is getting out of hand, why don't you go on strike like the one last time?

P.P.S: After the highlight of this short story only do I realised that we have a "Malaysian Press Institute". If that institute is so great, what am I doing here?

Lessons learnt from the first tag

I called it a first tag because I was really just tagging another person who is the real deal XD. The real freelance journalist. Haha.

Rin was the enthusiastic girl who loves nature so much that she invited me along. Padan muka, I told her she couldn't handle it herself, so she should invite someone else to go with her.

Then she said, "Why don't you come along?"

=.=

So went off I did, made a little mistake when I parked at the wrong spot at 6.50am, but at least I didn't delay them much.

A one hour drive, on a Ford Ranger (first time sat on it, meh, not comfortable at all) to Tanah Merah, Negeri Sembilan. Where we are going to get our first assignment, to cover the event of the closing of the project between the NGO, and the big corporate company with Tree Planting.

So after a quick change, we saw all the Boss boss sekalian, suddenly we go speechless. I don't know any of them! Argh! What am I supposed to say?

Then after the breakfast, I saw the founder of the NGO that gave us this assignment. Wah, not bad, quite soft spoken, and speaks English rather eloquently.

One rather cool thing was the VIP there, although he wasn't so cool when he first arrived. The moment he arrived, everyone stood up and go "Boss, Boss" and shook his hand. Then my mind was thinking, "Hmm, must be those kind of VIP who take the hoe and smash it to the ground three times and that's it". Rather distasteful.

We further had that thought when we came by only one car, and we needed to get into other cars because the members present were a lot. So we needed to hitch a ride at another car, then that manager saw this and he said, "No worries, I'll sit with somebody else. My driver can drive you there."

Okay. Big tall car. Singapore car license. Driver. This is really a rich guy. Distastefulness felt. Although we were smart enough to not say anything.

Then as we reached to the plot, where the tree planting actions were supposed to be held. They were briefed by the original worker when suddenly, that VIP stopped him.

He got his hands dirty and taught us the proper way to deal with plants, because he used to handle Palm Oil trees.

Fuyoh. Everybody was clapping. And he went on and taught the others on how to plant trees. Everybody have fun, sort of. Ha.

My misperception came from the fact that the VIP was young, and that he probably got the top position without knowing what oil palm plantation is really about.

However, after a talk with our senior supervisor, apparently he's involved with the estate plantation for 30 years and he started from the bottom.

30 years? He barely looked over 40! Not to mention he's quite good looking.

Fuyoh, my misperception changed. There are really good managers out there after all. Those who REALLY understand how is it like to deal with these sort of business. I salute those kind of people.

To those "undergraduates" who think they can apply the top position and stay there, Ptui, learn how to mingle with the common folk first. Get their respect. That's where the PM failed I think.

Then when we came back, instead of the typical syrup, they served the people coconuts, as in, REAL coconuts, freshly plucked from the coconut trees they had planted nearby. Really a good finishing touch, as Mr. Founder said.

After that, a few of those managers came by to talk to us. Ha, we really are amateurs there, what more when I was the youngest (I'm not even 20 yet! I feel so insignificant! Gah!). A quick chat with them revealed that they really didn't know what they were supposed to do until they were there, as they had admit rather bashfully.

So, this is a pseudo-event? But some of them were really knowledgeable about the whole project. Mr. Founder were briefing to them about the money that could be used resourcefully, purchasing RM30 - RM40 per tree seedling, and he revealed that they can get them in Sabah for only RM5! 0.0

With the money that is usually as expensive as your typical nasi lemak or char kuey teow in Kuala Lumpur, you can purchase a natural forest tree seedling in Sabah.

I should ditch my nasi lemak allowance. Haha. I want to go to Sabah! But, Sabah's airplane ticket is equivalent to 100 natural forest tree seedlings.

Sigh

Other lessons I've learnt:

- Mr. Founder is a Muslim, but he couldn't speak Malay (Or at least that's what I think. Didn't ask him, so sensitive). Maybe he's a convert. Maybe he's a foreigner cause he don't look local. My senior supervisor was telling us the little mistake he made in Kulim yesterday. He addressed the audience who are mostly adults, as "Budak-budak". And he was the only English speaker to a mostly Malay audience. So today he was saying "I did mess it up didn't I?". He didn't want to speak Malay because he didn't want to be criticised as having the "slang". Aww, so cute la. Moral of the story: Don't judge a book by its cover.

- I saw two Malays who are very good in speaking Mandarin. I haven't seen those ever since I left my chinese primary school. It's a very nice touch. But my English was better. I only spoke Mandarin to people whom I'm close with.

- The Mr. VIP case. That guy deserves to be the Boss. =D

- My senior supervisor who told us a few stories about European boyfriends. My gosh, their cultures are really different. And it was really funny. =D will tell you more about it when I know more about European stuff.

- My love towards greenies has been restored! I'm not sure why am I such a forest freak, but since young I've been to more forests than beaches. Really, I'd rather get sucked by leeches than getting myself salty wet.

Woot! Bring it on! Rin, if you are reading this, I hope you get more assignments, then I'll be tagging you along. XD

Ciao!

I heart Nury, and it's not a helicopter

I heart Vittachi, but it's not a side brand of Vitagen. (lame. pun. sorry.)

Meet Nury Vittachi. Asian (somewhere along the lines a Malaysian), Journalist, Columnist, Humourous, Guru (like Guru Pitka™), Crazy Fellow, but best of all, He have a kick-ass website, which has articles that comes out once in awhile in The Sun for the Malaysian region.

I've read about him when he was discussing about Facebook, which also appeared in The Sun, but I didn't really put it in mind till much later (which is today), when I came across yet another pleasantly humourous tale about American politicians, and the Asian audience.

Read it HERE.

What I like was one paragraph that the fact that he likes to make the journalists from the West so agitated about our ignorance towards the current situation of American Politics, or they think this is the "MUST WATCH" of the Political Arena.

Hah, Americans, so full of themselves. I don't give a rat's ass if my assignment reports are coming up. (Reference from Two and a Half Men. Americanization. Mmmm. Wait, what?)

Still, I'd like his jokes and his writing style. It's different, refreshing from what I have to read every other day on Malaysian news. You know, times like this, Even I would think Raja Petra's website is sensationalising news to the fullest, even though it's the truth.

Not to mention he had published a few children's books for his Hong Kong audience where he is based at now, conducting lectures for screenplay and writing (Too bad, the Broadcasting course here would need some), managed to organised Literary awards which he had set up with two other writers, one kind of prominent Shirley Lim Geok-lin (Anyone remember the poem we have to study in Form 4? Anyone? Silverfish? Baba Nyonya? Rain?)

If you really felt the blues, like me, head over to his website. I would like to be like him in the future, but ah, tis a long road, I will shape my writing style after that.

Till then, I'm adding a new link to my links of must reads.

Bye.

Wild Wild Wild

I'd like to imagine myself at my dying moments,
lying in a scene,
It could be either an accident, or the bed I laid on for the past few years,
Heaving and hoffing, my few weak breaths,
As I tried to reenact my last precious moments of my life,
It better be something that I achieved,
As I drift away,
As my heart skipped a few beats,
Hopefully it'll be a smile,
And my eyes could bat,
Slowly stopping, stopping....


I'd like to imagine myself flying,
Jumping off from a building,
So exhilarating,
Wait, I don't have anything to support me!
Ahhh, Oh gosh! I'm falling really hard!
Don't panic. Reorganise.
And....
Ooh, that's not so hard.
Ahh, what a very nice feeling, gliding along skies.
Touching the white clouds,
Ignoring the gray ones,
Let the wind brush my cheeks,
Ticklish, I hope.
And then I just want to keep flying, and flying, and flying....


I'd like to imagine myself as a elf princess,
Possibly immortal like everyone else in the planet,
Loving all the cute creatures around,
Savouring the various berries,
Prancing around the ever-refreshing grassy hills,
So happy,
I make flowers bloom at the wrong seasons,
And I'll just go all giggly,
Roll down the hills,
Feeling so happy and satisfied,
Did I mention I was barefooted?
Yeah, so happy, so happy....


I'd like to imagine myself as an expecting mother,
Wishing my baby wouldn't kick as much,
Wishing my back pain wouldn't hurt as much,
Wishing I wouldn't be as grumpy, as much,
Wishing my husband wouldn't be so grumpy, as much too,
Seeing the baby grow and grow,
Dreading the delivery time,
Roll my eyes,
And think,
If my period are always painful,
My delivery will be ten times worst,
Sigh.....


I'd like to imagine myself being something recognisable,
Journalist, blogger, author, Prime Minister?
Nah, Prime Minister way out of my league,
But still, it's nice being popular,
But I personally hate popularity,
That's why I'm still anonymous,
So contradicting,
But I'd like people to appreciate what I do,
Not who I am,
Some people could cross that line,
I like my image preserved,
Yet promote myself,
Teehee, Hugo XX was one small achievement,
And then seeing my blog link in places that I don't know,
Thanks for the heads up,
Femes Femes......


I'd like to imagine myself,
as a typical Scorpio,
There are three kinds,
One the chilly Scorpio,
Two the fiery Scorpio,
Three the strong Scorpio,
Jade Z is the fiery Scorpio, in my opinion,
Samantha P, is the strong Scorpio, I think,
CiNDi is the chilly Scorpio, definitely,
I'm so chilly that no one had melted my heart and be allowed to be in it,
There used to be one, but our cracks had caused me to push him out,
Oh Scorpio, Scorpio, Scorpio,
Our personalities so intertwined,
So confusing,
Yet true, we have the alluring charm,
I can make people miserable if I want to,
Bleh......


Argh,
After so long,
So so long,
All I can conjure is,
all these fragments of imaginations,
Gah,
Too practical = not good,
Feels so hard to express myself,
Had to cut my sentences shorter to enrich the tone,
Gah,
My brain too much politics,
Time to indulge in books,
Ciao.....

I Did Better But

How la????!

I'm 0.01 short of having my chance of changing my category from category B to category C in my resumé! Or 0.008 depends on how I see it.

Yes I'm still stuck at a 2 perpuluhan 9, but oh I don't know how Buddha plays the fool with me, give me 2 perpuluhan 99, which I'm really fucking short of that very tiny weeny digits, to change my results to 3.0 and above!

And then I can happily go and change my category.

How la???!

Some industrial trainers said they might not take the short semester results into account. I agree, by mid semester I would already know which company I'd go to, which might or might not be a good choice T_T.

Lets see how I categorise it.

Good Choice = The Sun, News Straits Times.

Average Choice = The Star, Malay Mail

Bad Choice = Not listed in fear. Please ask me personally.

OH DARN IT! There's even a chance of going into Malay newspapers. How do they choose people to go where???

How now? Brown cow?

Takkan pay RM100 to mark the whole paper again just for that measly 0.008?

Oh, What to do???

Help?

Why oh why oh why am I put into such a tight situation.......><

cryptic short memos

Number one:

I'm utterly disgusted to the point that even cursed words cannot express my rage.

This old man, if you are so disgusted with the visitors who came knocking to your open house, for pete's sake, don't organise a freaking open house then.

You knew your popularity had been waning down, so you should've just fire your PR agents who told you to conduct your open house like it is a normal thing.

And must everyone who go there wishes you when you've OBVIOUSLY known that you are not in their best interests?

Sure I know it is not courteous to first wish you a Hari Raya, and then politely tells you that they need to discuss about the ISA, but still, must you, repeat that you feel disappointed for these people, TWICE?

In Malay, and in English?

And great, you did that in public because you know the visitors who go there for free food is going to support you for the sake of the food.

You know they are kissing your hand, but do they wash their mouths first before doing so?

Hmph.

Read more HERE and HERE. Damn bloody pissed off with him.

Number Two:

Hooray for Singaporeans! Now we know the youngsters are not as obedient. Press freedom is a hurrah and must, to deflect stupidity, tyranny, idiocy. Lets fight against press oppression together!

Number Three:

So he said that he only write two to three advertorials a month and sometimes he cannot make it like that.

Sighyoh, why don't he just said he like to write them? Why must he said it like he's forced and obliged to write advertorials?

Bring back the old guy la come on, don't tell me he's afraid of trolls already?

That is why I don't like that community. Lucky. I love my privacy too much to sacrifice it.

Number Four:

Sighyohyoh, Rocky is becoming the Man!

Nyahaha, I like the fact that he is constantly in touch with the blogging community and is very neutralised. He neither hates, nor loves, the current administration, the previous administration, and the best of all he loves journalists. Ma friend went there and she have visitors ;).

Number Five:

Thank you Eyeris, I don't know I got there, since I didn't ask you to do it, but but thank you! =D.

(See whether you read this if I don't link you hur hur)

The End!

What Matters: Should they or should they not?

I'm putting this in the "What Matters" column because I find this a very good argument, and hopefully secure us a better future, ridding the unnecessary ties with them.

I was browsing The Star Online, and there is a veep candidate Donald Lim, who pledged that MCA should sell off their shares binding the Chinese Media, and that they should restore press freedom to the current situation in Malaysia.

They have controlled four newspaper, mainly SinChew, Nanyang, China Press, and Guang Ming Daily. Basically that equals that they have secured the readers from most Chinese readers, leaving the independent ones not really getting any readership because they don't have a proper sense of direction.

What do I think of Chinese newspapers in general?

Well, I think that Chinese newspapers are very good at creating awareness on what matters to the readers. And they have a knack on sensationalising crime news. It's not entirely their fault, but I'm brought up by Chinese education so I kind of understand that chinese wordings have a sense of emotion, that could drive people, something like how calligraphy does it.

So what do I think?

Bear in mind that the shares which is currently RM47 million, is posing as a political deadweight for the party. Why so? Even as they had economic control over these newspapers, they had no control over the contents sometimes. Look what happen to the Ahmad Ismail incident, carelessly just being let go by the MCA. Most MCA members only spoken only after it is blown out of proportion.

But should they sell it off?

What I'm afraid is that if that is the case, the business corporations will snap up those shares soon, and then what will happen?

The newspaper's direction had to depend on the business revenues that they had accept. So it is not entirely free of opinion, not being able to represent the people, but instead represent the company they work for, ending up to become part of capitalism. And that is demeaning for a newspaper, for any newspapers.

It is very hard to choose because on one hand, you have a newspaper with political affiliations, which spreads their propaganda, censors away other opinions, showing a biased image; on the other hand, became a capitalist slave, publishing articles according to risks and economic development, lost your touch with society in order to appease the elites, portraying a different kind of "bias".

My guess is that they should just let the papers go without consider the buy or sell function. Sure, RM 47million is a lot of money that will be gone to waste, but at least press freedom will be restored, and it might not be entirely a liability.

I'm really really bad with mathematics hence I couldn't really give out proper calculations, portraying risks and failures about buying or selling the shares of a newspaper. But I'm all up for his suggestion that political parties should let go of the newspapers, and let themselves choose if they want to be "friends" with the political party.

Plus.

Please don't consider only the Chinese media, there's also the English media, that higher institution which I'm currently studying and that primary school. They are also be done out of good deeds, which should not have any pressure put on them to constantly remind them that they are indebt with MCA.

Think.

Girl friends

A very recent conversation with Ephyon about my high school friends really just struck me and left me wondering about, well, girls, and their roles as friends.

As girls, most of the erm, general public would assume, that "birds of a feather gather together". That as girls, they'll help girls more, they'll share secrets, they'll gossip about the latest things from grouses to fashion to blogs to backstabbing, it's an endless list with what would girls do if you put them together.

So what about girls and their roles as friends to guys? What do these boys think when a girl goes and talk to him?

The story is like this.

I have a very good friend called T, and she was very close to me during form 4 and form 5, especially when she constantly faced a lot of relationship problems with her jerk boyfriend. So after a very turbulent relationship they finally finally FINALLY (I'm emphasizing that cause I really want them to break. Ahem) cut off their ties. So after that, we split ways, she went on to Form 6, and I went on to Foundation.

But during the 6 months break, I was working part time at a shopping mall, and I got to be close with this guy called B. I knew B in high school but we are just not close, except, for the fact, that we were, erm, Jay Chou fans. >< We went to Jay Chou events occasionally, and also go for the 2005 Jay Chou world concert. Had some carpooling. So yeah, quite cool.

(I know, shut up, I was growing, there's tend to have some confusion somewhere. Plus plus, I was not the true Jay Chou fan. My sister was. I had to babysit my sister. Oh god, why is puberty such an embarassment.)

Anyways, the thing was, B and T were together this year (until I heard that they broke up with a promise. Something like that). Which I find quite shocking, unbelievable, because she did not tell me. And and and, because it's B.

What's so shocking about B?

Well during my part time working at that shopping mall, B often came to visit me during his lunch time. He could come out because he works in a shop. I can't really move a lot because I was working in a stall. Sometimes he would come with this very very pretty lady, who also works in a different shop. We are all SPM leavers, so yea, we talked abit. But pretty lady didn't really want to talk to me. She wants to talk to B more, about what also I'm not sure.

I find that weird, and stupid, not to mention I felt a great disdain towards that kind of character, had my first taste of what bitchiness is like.

So sometime after that I didn't see pretty lady tagging B along, which I find weird. And then B was also becoming very very weird. He starts telling me about his past relationships, and how it hurts. He start telling about how girls would all approached him, only to try and be with him, like in a relationship. Cause well, okay, B is quite a charmer, he's tall, he's handsome, he can entertain girls, he's humourous.

Oh great, I just made him perfect.

But he's not that perfect cause he said he was sick with all these girls, coming up to him just for the sake of his looks and funny attitude. Then he said to me

"Do you know why I can tell all these to you?"

I was thinking 'Oh shit...oh shit! I don't like you man! You're good and all, but seriously! Please don't freaking confess to me! I'm still healing from the heartbreak!'

He said, "Because you are the only girl who is sincere to be my friend. And didn't want to be with me".

-______-

I went stunned for awhile, and I burst out laughing. I was laughing so hard I almost fell down. In front of the customers. I don't know, but I find it very very funny. It's like saying that I'm the only girl who treats him as a friend, but the other girls all treat him like the future boyfriend to be.

Obviously he didn't find it a laughing matter. But back then, I couldn't take his words serious enough. Lets face it, I was never a beautiful lady, and that he appreciates me to be his friend, but really, No Pretty Girl wanted to be sincerely his friend? Come on la. I find that hard to believe.

But after a few more guys said that, it ain't a laughing matter anymore.

Apparently in the guys' eyes, there are two kinds of girls. One, is the targeted kind, whereby they are mostly pretty, and cute, not to mention hot. They are however, according to the guys I knew, scheming, and only want to be in a relationship (like couple couple la), not interested to know about what guys want, what are their interests, and certainly do not care if the guy likes them or not until they reject them openly.

Second kind would be the sincere kind. Who really made friends with them, because of just well, friends. Won't argue or fight back, will listen and give advices. And if need be, offer help.

I happen to often fall in the second category.

Which really got me thinking.

What the Fuck?

It's like saying that I'm the only one without intention to make friends with them. And what do they mean by sincere or not sincere? It's like saying, that only ugly bitches like me would be friends, but pretty ladies are scheming types?

Not that I discriminate pretty ladies, I give them credit when it's due, but I'm sure not all pretty ladies are scheming bastards. And plus, I'm sure there are plenty out there who are good to be friends.

But apparently they find it rare. And it is very hard to find.

It's not that hard, they just didn't find it hard enough. But that was then, at 18, everything seems new.

I'm sure 2 years on, they've found some other girls who are like me, but of course, whenever they can, they'll tend to remind me that I was the first girl to treat them that way -___-.

The first non scheming girl friend.

Men, why do they even exist?

I mean, I'm posting this question to you readers out there. Is it really that weird to have a person of the opposite sex to sincerely treat you like a friend?

For me it wasn't. But anyone of you beg to differ or agree with me?

P.S: Yea, so about B. Because of that story, I kind of doubted his sincerity with my good friend T. But since he didn't hurt her, I guess he's good. He'd better be. *cracks knuckles*

P.P.S: Apparently Ephyon's theory was that because I heard those words so much, that I had the impression that I was only good enough to be a guy's girl friend, not a lover. But look where I am now =).

Oh crap...

The nerve wrecking tingling feeling that sends jolts down my spine. BIG. SHOCKING. JOLTS.

Oh crap.....

Please please please, I don't want to know my results. After what I got last time, I just don't want to know them.

Oh crap.....

I promised not to worry them, so why do I feel that nerve?

Oh crap.....

Oh crap.....

Oh crap.....

I don't want to know my results until I graduate, or something =(

Oh crap.....

Why do I feel like this....I hate knowing them now =(

Oh crap.....

I don't want to know my results. Please? Like seriously?

No people. The results ain't out. But I don't like to wait.

Why can't I just graduate peacefully without having to wait for the results huh?

Booooohooohoohoohoohooo.....I think I got exam results phobia.

Crap....Fuck....Shit.....god, I hate exams.....but I hate the invention of Exam results more.

I even have nightmares.....oh crap...nooo.....T_T

Ephyon, please take me out more often T_T.

Please bring me on a holiday.......please just let me do anything but wait here for the nerve wreck to burst T_T.

I'm hiring anyone to read my results and be a polite and kindly person to just tell me I'm either at 2 or 3 or 4 wtf.

Drop me an email, or volunteer if you want to wtf.

Anything to save me from worrying sick about my goddamn results which should be non-existing T_T.

Crap.....I feel like one.

Help? =(

Update 1.41am:

I still can't sleep. I feel like a loser who couldn't accept reality. But Goddamn it, the pain is still fresh, I'm still stung with the helplessness.

Sigh, why do I even try?

Sometimes I wished that the university don't concentrate so much on the finals. I mean, everything we learned ain't just based on paper writing. My reports are so much better, if only the courseworks expanded more.

Oh but who am I kidding?

I'm just trying to hide my intentions of not knowing my marks. Okay, how bad it is? It made me dropped to a 2 point 9 from a 3 point 3. That's how bad.

And now after so long, I finally found my guts to be worried about Comm Theories. Which I shouldn't, but I am anyway, because I didn't do one question.

And I want to work in a newspaper that I like, so badly, not the erm, designated newspaper, nor any crappy newspaper. Okay, maybe not so bad, but still! What if I don't get to be hired because my results are so crappy?

Or maybe I should be happy?

Please let me be happy.

Like genuinely full of love happy when I have things to do?

I need my uni life back. My life was so fruitful. Now I feel so useless wihtout finance, transport, or plans to do anything for semester break.

Sigh. Help? Again?