I lost my sense to write anything serious.
How? How?
Well I can always talk about my CNY experience.
My CNY this year is a very happy one. So happy that everyone who've seen me will know I've been smiling loads. I just don't know why but I couldn't hide this sense of happiness lingering.
My usual years going back to Klang has always been a very unhappy one because I wasn't very close with my paternal family after my father's passing. I would always go there and be bored. Like really bored and I don't know how to help my grandma because she'll always look at us with that really sad face. My brother on the other hand will get a few hands on stuff like his PS2 and he can play with a younger cousin brother.
Of course, the worst part of being there was facing the elder cousins who probably have the mentality of "i pwn joo!" because they were the uber elite English people. I don't understand why is it so hard for them to open their mouths to ask questions and they can just sit at a corner talking to their own family. Hurk. Sickenning.
So I've been asking (more like pleading) my mom to let me drive there myself because if I go too early I'll end up being bored. And finally this year, I'm allowed to. My sister was also quite sick of being bored there too. And we went there only when the dinner was about to start, so we have lesser need to greet the uber elite cousins.
Then, a very cute surprise came, in a form of a little girl called Abigail. She was such a darling and so pretty and cute. Not exactly part of the family, as she was the cousin's girlfriend's niece. But she played with all of us anyway. My smile was probably really infectious because she warmed up to me immediately, calling me "jie jie" so much, and listen to all the teases and taunts my uncle could do that could make her giggle. Then again, this is my uncle, a speech giving machine. Never mess with a lawyer.
And my paternal family finally knew about Ephyon after I hide from them for so long. Truth to be told I didn't exactly intend for them to know about him because I wasn't close to them. But after awhile they knew about him and we talked about relationships a bit. It's good to know that my boyfriend is accepted here, without question. Well they can't argue much, I'm already with him for so long.
Next would be the reunion dinners I've been going to. We finally have our own Famwie reunion dinner. We tossed the yee sang, ate healthy food, laughed a lot and drank beer. Under the recommendation of the resident beer drinkers, I drank a bottle of Heineken. It doesn't disappoint, and not as bitter as a Guiness Stout. But my other friend bought Tuborg, and I liked that taste. I'm counting on the next drink with them boys and I can buy Tuborg.
But after that I have several other yee sang toss with my maternal families, one with my uncle, and another with my aunts who came back to see their mother. My grandma was the happy one because her daughters all came back to see her every year despite the treatment they received when they were younger (back then, the male was pampered more than females.) My uncle was a good man but not exactly the nicest son because he never really stays long for her, and would prefer to be with the wife's family. So she said she liked her four daughters including my mom =). And by the way, Ephyon finally ate a reunion dinner with us. And they were very nice to him. My aunt even said he's a very handsome man, and I cannot agree more =).
After that, we went to visit Ephyon's maternal grandmother and his aunt who came back to bring a very good news. His cousin is going to get married. Her boyfriend finally proposed after four years of good relationship, and they were hoping that Ephyon will come, finally, to reunite with the whole family over in Australia. Knowing him and being closer with his maternal side, he agreed. I was happy for him of course, and told him to behave himself when he goes there. Until he asked,
"Why don't you come as well? The more the merrier. Po po (grandmother for translation) will like it"
His grandmother and aunt kept nodding their heads in excitement. So I guess I'm following =). Oh my god, so much travelling this year. Not to mention that possible trip to the Anime Expo in Singapore, I wonder if Ephyon still remembers about his promise to attend it this year. Ahahaha.
Then after nearly two years of not seeing each other, we, the Subang Utama gang, finally made a point to visit each other's houses. With different experience piling on top of each of us, we finally were able to chat and talk more often about what we know and what we can do. But we never forget to joke about each other, what with our different experience. But due to our timing we always rushed throughout the visit, but still accomplished 6 houses in 4 hours. Tis an amazing achievement if you ask me.
I've never been so happy regarding celebrating CNY.
And the best thing of all, I've never asked for all this to happen. I guess my happiness has spread aplenty everywhere. Even my colleagues back at the office were wondering about my grins and cheeky smiles. I don't know. It's just such a happy occasion.
My CNY is so different this year =D. I was never thinking of it as a grouchy occasion wishing it to pass very fast this year. It's a good thing.
I'm still in a happy mood despite being busy. Hope that you guys have good CNY celebrations too.
Balancing it out
Posted by
cDi
comments (3)
Have you ever tried asking yourself, why do you choose a course to study? It could be your parents, it could be your interest, it could be the only thing that you can study, it could be forced. But you definitely will study that course until you've obtain a diploma/degree for what you are doing.
I definitely love to write that is why I've had Journalism. I have this sense of justice inside me, wanting to tell the truth to the others who need to know about them. And for another reason which was personal to me hence I will not talk about it.
I know it's a little too early to say this because after all, what do I know in 3 weeks? I've just started adjusting to the system whereby I know who are the ultimate people to report to, how to write different worksheets, how to talk to some of my colleagues.
I wish to say that I love my working environment, but sadly, it's hard to say that I do. What more with the tales seniors of my previous batches, all came here with good and motivating selves, and they made the editors so happy. One of them had an allowance raise because his articles were so good. I'm really disheartenned because my competitive self would want the same kind of treatment but my own student self just wants to drag through the internship and just pray that it ends early.
And then slowly, I'm starting to hate writing......
How will I pick up my steps from here then? Now I see why is it so important to keep your head straight because sometimes when situation demanded you to become a journalist and not an intern, you can't just go back, tell your editor, "I can't do it! I don't know how! I'm only an intern so I expect you to teach me!"
I've never did that, and sometimes I wished I could do that......
I don't know how is it like for the other industries, but in where I worked, you stand your own the moment the editors know you can. You are given the biggest crappiest events, and you must write it like it's gold. Write it like you love it. Write it with your enthusiasm put inside. Write like how you write a blog. Write because you want to write.
But I slowly find myself shielded away from enthusiasm, freezing in the air-conditioning office, just to read and write. Read and write, I couldn't feel and hear people as I could the last time. I cannot feel symphathetic to every Tom, Dick or Harry. I cannot let my emotions flow into the article.
And then slowly, my writings just became....words......
Now I see the reason why my mother was against me pursuing what I love, because no sooner that when you start working that you know, What you love, becomes what you hate. And then you start feeling really angry with yourself and ask, why do you choose a path that you will hate what you loved to do?
Because when I want to love my job, other people's perspective was "a job is a job".......
I wished I had more time to keep my feelings settled down because I cannot process everything inside my head now. Everything happens so fast. Work, write, sleep, work, write, sleep. And then when something unexpected happens you process it in your mind as well. But my heart, is really empty from all that thinking. All I do is think, but I don't reflect on what I thought about and I couldn't feel content.
My brains are thinking faster than my heart and emotions can follow....that's why I feel so much stress and grief......
I'm sure there are ways to balanced out my priorities as a working journalist and as the girl who I am before working. If only I don't feel so much fear about the new roads that I have to learn, the new things that I have to see, the new faces I have to meet, the new scoldings I've yet to receive.
Help me out here.....how to show that interns have feelings too?......
I definitely love to write that is why I've had Journalism. I have this sense of justice inside me, wanting to tell the truth to the others who need to know about them. And for another reason which was personal to me hence I will not talk about it.
I know it's a little too early to say this because after all, what do I know in 3 weeks? I've just started adjusting to the system whereby I know who are the ultimate people to report to, how to write different worksheets, how to talk to some of my colleagues.
I wish to say that I love my working environment, but sadly, it's hard to say that I do. What more with the tales seniors of my previous batches, all came here with good and motivating selves, and they made the editors so happy. One of them had an allowance raise because his articles were so good. I'm really disheartenned because my competitive self would want the same kind of treatment but my own student self just wants to drag through the internship and just pray that it ends early.
And then slowly, I'm starting to hate writing......
How will I pick up my steps from here then? Now I see why is it so important to keep your head straight because sometimes when situation demanded you to become a journalist and not an intern, you can't just go back, tell your editor, "I can't do it! I don't know how! I'm only an intern so I expect you to teach me!"
I've never did that, and sometimes I wished I could do that......
I don't know how is it like for the other industries, but in where I worked, you stand your own the moment the editors know you can. You are given the biggest crappiest events, and you must write it like it's gold. Write it like you love it. Write it with your enthusiasm put inside. Write like how you write a blog. Write because you want to write.
But I slowly find myself shielded away from enthusiasm, freezing in the air-conditioning office, just to read and write. Read and write, I couldn't feel and hear people as I could the last time. I cannot feel symphathetic to every Tom, Dick or Harry. I cannot let my emotions flow into the article.
And then slowly, my writings just became....words......
Now I see the reason why my mother was against me pursuing what I love, because no sooner that when you start working that you know, What you love, becomes what you hate. And then you start feeling really angry with yourself and ask, why do you choose a path that you will hate what you loved to do?
Because when I want to love my job, other people's perspective was "a job is a job".......
I wished I had more time to keep my feelings settled down because I cannot process everything inside my head now. Everything happens so fast. Work, write, sleep, work, write, sleep. And then when something unexpected happens you process it in your mind as well. But my heart, is really empty from all that thinking. All I do is think, but I don't reflect on what I thought about and I couldn't feel content.
My brains are thinking faster than my heart and emotions can follow....that's why I feel so much stress and grief......
I'm sure there are ways to balanced out my priorities as a working journalist and as the girl who I am before working. If only I don't feel so much fear about the new roads that I have to learn, the new things that I have to see, the new faces I have to meet, the new scoldings I've yet to receive.
Help me out here.....how to show that interns have feelings too?......
This is so appropriate for the current situation.
Posted by
cDi
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Please go read Shadowfox's revealing post about the past and the present situation about the finance industry, and what the aftermath will be like.
My mom told me, that if a South American's man's prediction will be any truth, by 2012, USA will be the ultimate sacrifice. And they'll start picking their steps again, rebuilding the USA that they knew before.
As for me? Hmm, the editors at my office are very well aware about it. I know, because I hear them discussing about it, thus giving me more exposure about what is really going on.
How I love being part of the press because I am enlightenned. And thanks Rin for her invitation for that Friday trip. Without your trip to that talk, I wouldn't know the seriousness about the world.
I'm still young, thankfully, thus not at the mind to buy a credit card yet. And I won't be too after this ;-).
Plus, the Sunburst Music Festival better bring this band! They'll create the biggest noise! Woot!
"I'm sorry to say, your generation is probably going to suffer the worst"
Posted by
cDi
comments (0)
He told that to me when we sat side by side at the Convention Centre.
I barely knew him, but he was friendly, he smiled, and he asked a lot of questions. I doubt he's actually a Malaysian because a Malaysian won't be that curious about the press.
He said it was a good thing I came to listen because I'm young and I don't know a lot about investments.
I totally did not understand a word of what they said but I did catch a few main keywords that can be used as the article.
"This is bullshit," I told him.
I knew it was bullshit. My mom used to do unit trusts too. You can't make money out of investing in things in Malaysia.
Then he told me about Anita Mui and Leslie Cheong, how they spend quite their savings investing in unit trusts, letting them mature, and they now leave a few hundred million for their loved ones.
But they are dead, I thought to myself. The money all over the world will not bring them back to life.
"The problem is that, they forgot to mention about the corruption part"
"Malaysia is very corrupt. Your generation will suffer the worst of it. It'll be like the times after World War II. Because these people will take your money, and run away with it."
"I'm telling you this because you look old enough to be my daughter. And I felt that it's a waste if you have to go through conditions imposed upon you, and they are not caused by you at all" he said.
"I got to go. The bus is here." He put on his shades, and left.
That Singaporean/Hongkie unit trust salesman, he was thankfully one of the more comfortable people I can talk with.
But I forgot to tell him, that I actually know it's happening.
And I'm prepared.
I barely knew him, but he was friendly, he smiled, and he asked a lot of questions. I doubt he's actually a Malaysian because a Malaysian won't be that curious about the press.
He said it was a good thing I came to listen because I'm young and I don't know a lot about investments.
I totally did not understand a word of what they said but I did catch a few main keywords that can be used as the article.
"This is bullshit," I told him.
I knew it was bullshit. My mom used to do unit trusts too. You can't make money out of investing in things in Malaysia.
Then he told me about Anita Mui and Leslie Cheong, how they spend quite their savings investing in unit trusts, letting them mature, and they now leave a few hundred million for their loved ones.
But they are dead, I thought to myself. The money all over the world will not bring them back to life.
"The problem is that, they forgot to mention about the corruption part"
"Malaysia is very corrupt. Your generation will suffer the worst of it. It'll be like the times after World War II. Because these people will take your money, and run away with it."
"I'm telling you this because you look old enough to be my daughter. And I felt that it's a waste if you have to go through conditions imposed upon you, and they are not caused by you at all" he said.
"I got to go. The bus is here." He put on his shades, and left.
That Singaporean/Hongkie unit trust salesman, he was thankfully one of the more comfortable people I can talk with.
But I forgot to tell him, that I actually know it's happening.
And I'm prepared.
Dear dumbfucks who call themselves parents
Posted by
cDi
comments (1)
Do you have a brain? Do you know what a brain looks like? Do you know that if you have a brain I wouldn't have to call you dumbfucks?
If this is the kind of life I go through as a parent, I might as well stop having children because the children will probably look like me and be dumb as well. You stupid looking dumbfucks who think that when you have children, you own the right to every single freaking thing in this planet.
You see right, YOU, are not the friggin government! You are all just inconsiderate ASSHOLES who think are doing some kind of FREAKING MORAL DUTY as a goddamn parent. HELLO! WAKE UP! YOU ARE JAMMING UP MY PEACEFUL QUIET NEIGHBOURHOOD YOU SONS OF BITCHES! AND IT'S A GODDAMN SATURDAY! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET YOUR BLOODY RUNT STAY IN THE GODDAMN SCHOOL???
And not only that, as if jamming the streets surrounding the school, YOU DUMBFUCKS HAVE TO JAM THE PERSIARAN TUJUAN ALL THE WAY FROM USJ, UNTIL THE FEDERAL FUCKING HIGHWAY!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU FUCKERS!!! HUH!! CHILDREN ONLY WHAT!!! THEY WON'T DIE OF DEHYDRATION WHEN YOU LEAVE THEM AT THE SUN FOR 30 MINUTES!!! CAN'T YOU FUCKERS WAIT??? HUH?? HUH???
SEND YOUR BLOODY KIDS TO SOMEWHERE NEARER YOU FUCKERS! WHY DO I HAVE TO TOLERATE THE LIKES OF YOU?? LET LICK HUNG GO BANKRUPT BECAUSE THEIR SORRY ASS DESERVES TO, WITH THEIR CORRUPTED WAYS OF ASKING DONATIONS!! FUCKED UP CAPITALIST BASTARDS WITH ALL OF YOU CRONIES LICKING YOUR BUTT!!! AT LEAST GET YOUR KID TO WALK!! THEY WON'T DIE OF SUNBURN!!
I as a resident of Subang Jaya, have to TOLERATE FUCKERS LIKE YOU FROM SHAH ALAM, PUCHONG, AND KUALA LUMPUR!!!! BECAUSE YOU THINK LICK HUNG IS A PRESTIGIOUS SCHOOL! LICK HUNG IS NOTHING MORE THAN PIECES OF GREEDY PIGS WAITING TO POUNCE ON MORE LAND, AND GUESS WHAT? YOU GUYS ALL BUY FOR THAT TRICK!!
Your kids probably won't die from dehydration or skin cancer, your kids probably will die from all that GODDAMN SUFFOCATION FROM AIR-CONDITIONING! GO! GO! GO LET THEM SNIFF SOMEMORE CHLOROFLUOROCARBONS!!! LET THEM KNOW HOW FAKE THE AIR IS! REAL AIR THAT FILLS WITH BACTERIAS WILL ACTUALLY MAKE THEM LIVE! NOT FAKE, PURE VACUMNED AIR!!!
FUCK LICK HUNG YOU GODDAMN CAPITALIST BASTARD! YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE A FREAKING SCHOOL, YOU ARE A FREAKING CAMPUS WHO THINKS YOU CHURN OUT 7 A's VERY WELL, WHEN ALL YOU DO IS TORTURE US TO MEMORISE, MEMORISE, MEMORISE YOU CAPITALIST BASTARDS!
And when the traffic was so bad, guess what? You guys all complain to poor ol' assemblywoman, Hannah Yeoh. All I bet that you were shouting and demanding for explanation, probably giving shithole excuses like "We need bigger roads!", "We need a police to monitor traffic!"
Hello, how about a big GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY AREA AND ENROL YOUR CHILD IN A SCHOOL NEAR TO YOUR PLACE? A GODDAMN SCHOOL IS A GODDAMN SCHOOL!! THE SUBJECTS ARE THE SAME, THE TEACHERS ARE THE SAME, THE STUDENTS ARE THE SAME, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU ALL CRAMP IT UP HERE, IN MY PLACE???
YOU PEOPLE ALL DESERVE TO NOT HAVE ANY RESPECT FROM ANY OF THE YOUNGSTERS IF THEY DO, BECAUSE I HATE PARENTS LIKE YOU PEOPLE, WHO THINK THEIR PRECIOUS, ARE SO FUCKING DELICATE!! THEY ARE HUMANS AND IF THEY DON'T SUFFER THEY WON'T KNOW WHAT REAL LIFE IS LIKE!! DUMBFUCKS!!!
Urgh.....feel so much better now.
A list of what dumbfuck parents do:
1) Making a 2 lane street into 3 lanes
2) Taking the Shell Station entrance as the exit, thinking it'll be so much faster, but ending up getting lots of honks because they created the 3rd lane.
3) Double parking at the already puny lane filled with parked cars so that they can go take their kids.
4) Double parking so that they can have their lunch at the mamak stall. What the FUCK!!
5) Not giving two shits when real drivers who need to do something important, like picking up their frail 81 year old grandmother, honks at you.
6) Laughing at said angry driver. Mother of all fuckers those people.
7) Ignore drivers who really need to go to their destination, not wait there like some silly fuck.
Dear whichever authority that bothers to read this poor puny blog of an anonymous, please look into these problems, identify the real Subang Jaya residents than the fake ones.The real people who needed to go somewhere or need to come back, is really stumped and disappointed with the way you are trying to portray Subang Jaya. Get them out la please T_T.
P.S: Oh and if you want to know how I know the dumbfucks come from somewhere else and not Subang Jaya, it's because Subang Jayan kids can walk! They don't need a friggin car to be there for them. It's so near they can walk back to their house and happily wait for lunch. Unlike dumbfucks who needed to drive all the way from god knows where to pick their kids up. URGH!
If this is the kind of life I go through as a parent, I might as well stop having children because the children will probably look like me and be dumb as well. You stupid looking dumbfucks who think that when you have children, you own the right to every single freaking thing in this planet.
You see right, YOU, are not the friggin government! You are all just inconsiderate ASSHOLES who think are doing some kind of FREAKING MORAL DUTY as a goddamn parent. HELLO! WAKE UP! YOU ARE JAMMING UP MY PEACEFUL QUIET NEIGHBOURHOOD YOU SONS OF BITCHES! AND IT'S A GODDAMN SATURDAY! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET YOUR BLOODY RUNT STAY IN THE GODDAMN SCHOOL???
And not only that, as if jamming the streets surrounding the school, YOU DUMBFUCKS HAVE TO JAM THE PERSIARAN TUJUAN ALL THE WAY FROM USJ, UNTIL THE FEDERAL FUCKING HIGHWAY!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU FUCKERS!!! HUH!! CHILDREN ONLY WHAT!!! THEY WON'T DIE OF DEHYDRATION WHEN YOU LEAVE THEM AT THE SUN FOR 30 MINUTES!!! CAN'T YOU FUCKERS WAIT??? HUH?? HUH???
SEND YOUR BLOODY KIDS TO SOMEWHERE NEARER YOU FUCKERS! WHY DO I HAVE TO TOLERATE THE LIKES OF YOU?? LET LICK HUNG GO BANKRUPT BECAUSE THEIR SORRY ASS DESERVES TO, WITH THEIR CORRUPTED WAYS OF ASKING DONATIONS!! FUCKED UP CAPITALIST BASTARDS WITH ALL OF YOU CRONIES LICKING YOUR BUTT!!! AT LEAST GET YOUR KID TO WALK!! THEY WON'T DIE OF SUNBURN!!
I as a resident of Subang Jaya, have to TOLERATE FUCKERS LIKE YOU FROM SHAH ALAM, PUCHONG, AND KUALA LUMPUR!!!! BECAUSE YOU THINK LICK HUNG IS A PRESTIGIOUS SCHOOL! LICK HUNG IS NOTHING MORE THAN PIECES OF GREEDY PIGS WAITING TO POUNCE ON MORE LAND, AND GUESS WHAT? YOU GUYS ALL BUY FOR THAT TRICK!!
Your kids probably won't die from dehydration or skin cancer, your kids probably will die from all that GODDAMN SUFFOCATION FROM AIR-CONDITIONING! GO! GO! GO LET THEM SNIFF SOMEMORE CHLOROFLUOROCARBONS!!! LET THEM KNOW HOW FAKE THE AIR IS! REAL AIR THAT FILLS WITH BACTERIAS WILL ACTUALLY MAKE THEM LIVE! NOT FAKE, PURE VACUMNED AIR!!!
FUCK LICK HUNG YOU GODDAMN CAPITALIST BASTARD! YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE A FREAKING SCHOOL, YOU ARE A FREAKING CAMPUS WHO THINKS YOU CHURN OUT 7 A's VERY WELL, WHEN ALL YOU DO IS TORTURE US TO MEMORISE, MEMORISE, MEMORISE YOU CAPITALIST BASTARDS!
And when the traffic was so bad, guess what? You guys all complain to poor ol' assemblywoman, Hannah Yeoh. All I bet that you were shouting and demanding for explanation, probably giving shithole excuses like "We need bigger roads!", "We need a police to monitor traffic!"
Hello, how about a big GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY AREA AND ENROL YOUR CHILD IN A SCHOOL NEAR TO YOUR PLACE? A GODDAMN SCHOOL IS A GODDAMN SCHOOL!! THE SUBJECTS ARE THE SAME, THE TEACHERS ARE THE SAME, THE STUDENTS ARE THE SAME, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU ALL CRAMP IT UP HERE, IN MY PLACE???
YOU PEOPLE ALL DESERVE TO NOT HAVE ANY RESPECT FROM ANY OF THE YOUNGSTERS IF THEY DO, BECAUSE I HATE PARENTS LIKE YOU PEOPLE, WHO THINK THEIR PRECIOUS, ARE SO FUCKING DELICATE!! THEY ARE HUMANS AND IF THEY DON'T SUFFER THEY WON'T KNOW WHAT REAL LIFE IS LIKE!! DUMBFUCKS!!!
Urgh.....feel so much better now.
A list of what dumbfuck parents do:
1) Making a 2 lane street into 3 lanes
2) Taking the Shell Station entrance as the exit, thinking it'll be so much faster, but ending up getting lots of honks because they created the 3rd lane.
3) Double parking at the already puny lane filled with parked cars so that they can go take their kids.
4) Double parking so that they can have their lunch at the mamak stall. What the FUCK!!
5) Not giving two shits when real drivers who need to do something important, like picking up their frail 81 year old grandmother, honks at you.
6) Laughing at said angry driver. Mother of all fuckers those people.
7) Ignore drivers who really need to go to their destination, not wait there like some silly fuck.
Dear whichever authority that bothers to read this poor puny blog of an anonymous, please look into these problems, identify the real Subang Jaya residents than the fake ones.The real people who needed to go somewhere or need to come back, is really stumped and disappointed with the way you are trying to portray Subang Jaya. Get them out la please T_T.
P.S: Oh and if you want to know how I know the dumbfucks come from somewhere else and not Subang Jaya, it's because Subang Jayan kids can walk! They don't need a friggin car to be there for them. It's so near they can walk back to their house and happily wait for lunch. Unlike dumbfucks who needed to drive all the way from god knows where to pick their kids up. URGH!
PMS is being a bitch
Posted by
cDi
comments (0)
I have a problem, and it's a monthly problem. Everytime it comes, I believed it has wrecked a few arguments I have with Ephyon. It's a very serious problem, and I don't like this problem. Not when I'm working, not when I'm surrounding people whom I don't know at all.
My PMS is the problem. If it strikes, it strikes really bad. I cannot avoid, and I'm not brought up to learn how to cope. And it's a very strange PMS. It doesn't cause me physical pain, nor any fatigue and such. But when it strikes, I hate it when it struck, every part of me will just crumble down, as seen with what happened recently.
You see, dear gentlemen and girls as well in case none of you had my problem, I need to be super angry and super sad AT LEAST to know that my menstruation is coming. Sometimes super angry will come first, then during the period super sad will come as well.
Sometimes I will have a reason to be super angry or super sad, sometimes I won't, at times I was super angry and super sad for no reason, my boyfriend kept demanding that I tell him the reason to which I couldn't tell, and end up arguing a lot because I'll just take any of his ugly past to throw back at him. >_>
Currently I'm in Super sad mode, because I really need to cry. It's not that the working environment is tough but the constant fear and anxiety is overwhelming. We interns have heard a lot about mistakes from the past and we were so afraid of making the same mistakes again. Or that our stories won't be published, or that we'll be scolded because the editors are very fierce when scolded.
How do I kill that PMS mode most of the time? Super angry is very easy, just go and watch something funny and it'll be gone soon. Spending time with my love was also the best things ever because he can give me the best cuddles in the world. His cuddles warms me up the very minute he bury his face at my neck and snuggle me until I feel all the love from him.
But it's tougher for super sad mode. I can watch something funny if all I feel is just moodiness and anxiety. But if I know that I'm suffering, really feeling grief, whether or not from stress or from something else, crying is probably the best way to show it. But I cannot just cry out like that. My family will be giving me weird looks. I'm always the eldest so I can't just cry like that. Thankfully this time I'm saved because I've just read one of the nicest articles ever contributed by Rin and it made me feel a whole lot better about my choice in journalism.
And do you know how I know? I observed myself. Yes probably people out there you might think: how the heck do you look at yourself and think and know your problem?
I just do a lot of reflecting and I'd always want to correct myself from making mistakes which sucks even more for me because I'd reflect and feel guilty for not seeing the mistake earlier. That is how I came to realise my pattern of mood swings during PMS period. I have been proven correct a few times by my boyfriend and I'm convinced that I'm going through these times.
There's only one slight problem about it: I cannot control it. If I want to burst I will burst. Thankfully these days I can control where and when I want it to burst, but I cannot stop it from bursting. There is no way I can stop it from me wanting to get my solace and cry right from my heart about the unfairness of everything or the depressing thoughts I have. People may try to make me feel better by telling me it's okay, but it's really too bad because I'll need to break down somewhere. Maybe in a disguised form like a very sincere writing, or a touching picture. But I'm still grateful for the people who had been telling and comforting me, so thanks a lot.
That is why my PMS is such a bitch, and that makes me a bitch. It's just very hard to manuver and tell myself that I can always stay happy. Because I can't.
So if any of the guys and girls see me feeling exceptionally stressed, or angry or sad, you know it's the PMS in the works because I'm normally not like that right? =)
Of course, if anyone knows a better way to conquer feelings like mine, please do tell. My emotions are as alive as my own self and I tend to be extremely dramatic especially during PMS times. This is a condition in which I hope to erase soon because I'll soon be facing people whom I don't know and I can't be telling this same story over and over again.
Worst still, what if I'm a mom? I want my kids to see a happy mommy and not a sad mommy that cries for no reason, because they might think mommy is a little crazy.
Then again, my mom said giving birth regulates hormones, for her I mean. I wonder if it's the same for me.
Melodramatic-ness, I need to get rid of it.
My PMS is the problem. If it strikes, it strikes really bad. I cannot avoid, and I'm not brought up to learn how to cope. And it's a very strange PMS. It doesn't cause me physical pain, nor any fatigue and such. But when it strikes, I hate it when it struck, every part of me will just crumble down, as seen with what happened recently.
You see, dear gentlemen and girls as well in case none of you had my problem, I need to be super angry and super sad AT LEAST to know that my menstruation is coming. Sometimes super angry will come first, then during the period super sad will come as well.
Sometimes I will have a reason to be super angry or super sad, sometimes I won't, at times I was super angry and super sad for no reason, my boyfriend kept demanding that I tell him the reason to which I couldn't tell, and end up arguing a lot because I'll just take any of his ugly past to throw back at him. >_>
Currently I'm in Super sad mode, because I really need to cry. It's not that the working environment is tough but the constant fear and anxiety is overwhelming. We interns have heard a lot about mistakes from the past and we were so afraid of making the same mistakes again. Or that our stories won't be published, or that we'll be scolded because the editors are very fierce when scolded.
How do I kill that PMS mode most of the time? Super angry is very easy, just go and watch something funny and it'll be gone soon. Spending time with my love was also the best things ever because he can give me the best cuddles in the world. His cuddles warms me up the very minute he bury his face at my neck and snuggle me until I feel all the love from him.
But it's tougher for super sad mode. I can watch something funny if all I feel is just moodiness and anxiety. But if I know that I'm suffering, really feeling grief, whether or not from stress or from something else, crying is probably the best way to show it. But I cannot just cry out like that. My family will be giving me weird looks. I'm always the eldest so I can't just cry like that. Thankfully this time I'm saved because I've just read one of the nicest articles ever contributed by Rin and it made me feel a whole lot better about my choice in journalism.
And do you know how I know? I observed myself. Yes probably people out there you might think: how the heck do you look at yourself and think and know your problem?
I just do a lot of reflecting and I'd always want to correct myself from making mistakes which sucks even more for me because I'd reflect and feel guilty for not seeing the mistake earlier. That is how I came to realise my pattern of mood swings during PMS period. I have been proven correct a few times by my boyfriend and I'm convinced that I'm going through these times.
There's only one slight problem about it: I cannot control it. If I want to burst I will burst. Thankfully these days I can control where and when I want it to burst, but I cannot stop it from bursting. There is no way I can stop it from me wanting to get my solace and cry right from my heart about the unfairness of everything or the depressing thoughts I have. People may try to make me feel better by telling me it's okay, but it's really too bad because I'll need to break down somewhere. Maybe in a disguised form like a very sincere writing, or a touching picture. But I'm still grateful for the people who had been telling and comforting me, so thanks a lot.
That is why my PMS is such a bitch, and that makes me a bitch. It's just very hard to manuver and tell myself that I can always stay happy. Because I can't.
So if any of the guys and girls see me feeling exceptionally stressed, or angry or sad, you know it's the PMS in the works because I'm normally not like that right? =)
Of course, if anyone knows a better way to conquer feelings like mine, please do tell. My emotions are as alive as my own self and I tend to be extremely dramatic especially during PMS times. This is a condition in which I hope to erase soon because I'll soon be facing people whom I don't know and I can't be telling this same story over and over again.
Worst still, what if I'm a mom? I want my kids to see a happy mommy and not a sad mommy that cries for no reason, because they might think mommy is a little crazy.
Then again, my mom said giving birth regulates hormones, for her I mean. I wonder if it's the same for me.
Melodramatic-ness, I need to get rid of it.
the ugly side of Bukit Bintang
Posted by
cDi
comments (2)
It was a normal sight among the streets of Kuala Lumpur. True to it's true name (translated as muddy delta), the facade of the Golden Triangle were littered and stained, with annoying beggars.
Pasty-faced, wrinkly old women sitting at the side of the street, armed with a cup or a bowl, bowed down to targeted tourists, hopefully to earn a little income to fill their empty stomachs, or their "hurtful soul". And these tourists being filled with money, can't wait to donate a few shillings to these beggars. They thanked them and happily counted their measly sum.
And then my eyes were caught on this very young boy. He was drinking from a fountain in front of a posh restaurant, and admittedly a very good looking boy for an age of 10. The water fountain was obviously not clorined but it wasn't healthy, yet he drank from there.
The security guard saw him and chased him away, and he glared at the guard with his big menacing eyes, and he took his t-shirt to wipe his mouth from the remaining water dripping. He walked swankily, like a street kid, like he knows the place so well he was born to walk on it. Like a Michael Jackson style.
Then he reached to a man puffing away out of Starbucks. He put his hand into his mouth, like the typical Indian way of saying "eat". Swiftly the puffer put a hand in his pocket and passed him to several shillings.
He took one good look, grunted, put the shillings into his pockets, walked past all the other office workers, and walked off.
If I wasn't wrong, I just saw a child beggar his works.
He don't look like a beggar at all, but when he made that motion, people just give money to him. He didn't need to beg, he didn't need to cry. He was as swanky as a street kid. Yet, people do that. Maybe they felt annoyed with the kid. But I'm surprised such begging occurs
This so called Golden Triangle is filled with these people. It's shameful that this land have so-called values so high only the elites can pay for it, but yet it shows nothing elite about their work in ensuring welfare to the poor.
This is the ugly side of Bukit Bintang.
Then he reached to a man puffing away out of Starbucks. He put his hand into his mouth, like the typical Indian way of saying "eat". Swiftly the puffer put a hand in his pocket and passed him to several shillings.
He took one good look, grunted, put the shillings into his pockets, walked past all the other office workers, and walked off.
If I wasn't wrong, I just saw a child beggar his works.
He don't look like a beggar at all, but when he made that motion, people just give money to him. He didn't need to beg, he didn't need to cry. He was as swanky as a street kid. Yet, people do that. Maybe they felt annoyed with the kid. But I'm surprised such begging occurs
This so called Golden Triangle is filled with these people. It's shameful that this land have so-called values so high only the elites can pay for it, but yet it shows nothing elite about their work in ensuring welfare to the poor.
This is the ugly side of Bukit Bintang.
Three Words for work
Posted by
cDi
comments (3)
I hate jams!
Why is today so jammed? I tried waiting till 7.30pm, and start leaving at 8pm. And it's still JAMMED! OMGBBQWTFKNNCCBCHCH.
On the other hand, working is okay la. I live in irony lor. Now just editting stuff, hoping to be on the field, but sometimes don't feel like doing that. Meh.
But at least I get to do stuff as usual but only when it's not bothering my work.
Yet my brain went numb receiving news news news news news news news news......zzzz
Yet I'm so cocooned, I don't know what's going on the outside world.
These 2 days are okay. I can't imagine the next few weeks. Say hello for those who'll miss me in university.
Ciao
Why is today so jammed? I tried waiting till 7.30pm, and start leaving at 8pm. And it's still JAMMED! OMGBBQWTFKNNCCBCHCH.
On the other hand, working is okay la. I live in irony lor. Now just editting stuff, hoping to be on the field, but sometimes don't feel like doing that. Meh.
But at least I get to do stuff as usual but only when it's not bothering my work.
Yet my brain went numb receiving news news news news news news news news......zzzz
Yet I'm so cocooned, I don't know what's going on the outside world.
These 2 days are okay. I can't imagine the next few weeks. Say hello for those who'll miss me in university.
Ciao
Rushing it is worthy?
Posted by
cDi
comments (0)
I don't know if any of what New Strait Times reported is real. But I've been reading The Star for the past few days and I'm partly convinced that the sudden rift between the new Pakatan Rakyat and the Indian community is real. There is a sudden urgency in their tone when they demand for their roles to be uplifted and appreciated.
Personally, I don't know about the Kapar MP until I've read the newspaper about his resignation because he was fed up with PKR. The Ipoh Barat MP on the other hand, had decent media exposure for me to know that he was a good man, a little bit like Michael Chong for Perak. And I'm very certain that he was because it's by the mainstream media. It's very rare to see the mainstream ones praise an Opposition MP.
I understand if they felt the same kind of marginalisation, and had broken promises by the very same people who gave it last year, when they were devastated and felt that their hopes were lost but could be restored if they helped what used to be called the Opposition into power. Which they did. A much more balanced legislation emerged. The Barisan Nasional MPs had to struggle to be present so that certain Bills can be pushed to be let through. Interesting no?
But yet, I cannot understand. Why are they all quitting posts like they totally want to give up every hope for a change? Dudes, you guys are barely even a year into the administration, you think being a politician is easy?
To be a 'proper' politician, and I'm not using the current Barisan Nasional as examples for proper because there's nothing proper about them. To be a proper politician, you have to be judge, lawyer, accountant, banker, loan shark if you have to, teacher, mother (yeah, some constituents can behave like small kids), PR agents. It's not easy, that is why I don't see the reason why the newspapers have to report on how "so and so MP had to use their own money to help the constituents". Are you trying to say that because you can afford to pay the first RM30, 000 to fight for citizens you think that's going to last you for the next 4/5 years?
Why do you rush to give up? Why do you rush to give up on hopes? If they don't give the politicians a bigger position to let you voice it out, work on the grassroots. We've histories of solid MPs in past decades, working their ass off without proper media exposure to show the world how pitiful they are.
I really do wonder what were the real intentions of these politicians. Probably yes, there are favouritisms showing. But heck, favouritism is everywhere. It's like business, except you do not have second options. Okay, you do, as an Independent. But that might mean forking out more money.
Maybe consider the option of not caring for what's going on at the top, but care more of what can you do. If you've done all you can from being an MP, then, well, listen and voice it when you know you have the chance.
But definitely, don't give up. Barisan Nasional can't even build a proper country in 50 years, what more with only 10 months of experience?
P.S: I ain't judge, jury nor executioner. Just an annoyed audience looking at the so-called frustration.
Personally, I don't know about the Kapar MP until I've read the newspaper about his resignation because he was fed up with PKR. The Ipoh Barat MP on the other hand, had decent media exposure for me to know that he was a good man, a little bit like Michael Chong for Perak. And I'm very certain that he was because it's by the mainstream media. It's very rare to see the mainstream ones praise an Opposition MP.
I understand if they felt the same kind of marginalisation, and had broken promises by the very same people who gave it last year, when they were devastated and felt that their hopes were lost but could be restored if they helped what used to be called the Opposition into power. Which they did. A much more balanced legislation emerged. The Barisan Nasional MPs had to struggle to be present so that certain Bills can be pushed to be let through. Interesting no?
But yet, I cannot understand. Why are they all quitting posts like they totally want to give up every hope for a change? Dudes, you guys are barely even a year into the administration, you think being a politician is easy?
To be a 'proper' politician, and I'm not using the current Barisan Nasional as examples for proper because there's nothing proper about them. To be a proper politician, you have to be judge, lawyer, accountant, banker, loan shark if you have to, teacher, mother (yeah, some constituents can behave like small kids), PR agents. It's not easy, that is why I don't see the reason why the newspapers have to report on how "so and so MP had to use their own money to help the constituents". Are you trying to say that because you can afford to pay the first RM30, 000 to fight for citizens you think that's going to last you for the next 4/5 years?
Why do you rush to give up? Why do you rush to give up on hopes? If they don't give the politicians a bigger position to let you voice it out, work on the grassroots. We've histories of solid MPs in past decades, working their ass off without proper media exposure to show the world how pitiful they are.
I really do wonder what were the real intentions of these politicians. Probably yes, there are favouritisms showing. But heck, favouritism is everywhere. It's like business, except you do not have second options. Okay, you do, as an Independent. But that might mean forking out more money.
Maybe consider the option of not caring for what's going on at the top, but care more of what can you do. If you've done all you can from being an MP, then, well, listen and voice it when you know you have the chance.
But definitely, don't give up. Barisan Nasional can't even build a proper country in 50 years, what more with only 10 months of experience?
P.S: I ain't judge, jury nor executioner. Just an annoyed audience looking at the so-called frustration.
Hello 2009
Posted by
cDi
comments (1)
You just gave me stomach discomfort on the glorious first day!
On another note, I don't regret going to 1Utama to celebrate. The fireworks were awesome!
Now its the problem with my stomach discomfort. I'm starting work in 4 days. Bloody....
Hopefully YOUR new year is better than mine.
On another note, I don't regret going to 1Utama to celebrate. The fireworks were awesome!
Now its the problem with my stomach discomfort. I'm starting work in 4 days. Bloody....
Hopefully YOUR new year is better than mine.
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