Whee

Joy. Euphoria. Excitement. It keeps pouring out and out.

I've not laughed so much till I'm in tears. I've not joked so much that I laughed till my jaws hurt. Until today.

I should have seen it coming when I could feel my inner happiness and just couldn't stop smiling, even if it is with people that I'm not familiar with.

My heart was open with joy, willing to listen, does not question too much when given a glimpse of other worlds, and is gracious enough to let go of that attachment instead of harping on it, feeling proud or whatever. All I feel is gratitude. Kamsahamida.

I like this feeling. But it is my responsibility to maintain it. Just as I feel braver in accepting light, I have to steel myself to go back and look at the past, where darkness was apparent. The last time I had this feeling, I was too cocky, too careless. I held on to these perceptions that these things define me. When actually, I should define me.

I'm still searching for that me. That me that I can held on to with unwavering spirit and steely resolve, that me that can make mistakes, admit it, cry over it, then shrug it off (no point pretending i'm not a crybaby at this point), and move forward.

But right now, I'm happy with what I got, at the same time, I'm trying to remember that this is a memory I can come back to, not an attachment I should cling on to.