The Thing About Being Strong

People are very weak in some ways, and some are not. I've just got my latest task, which is to make my grandfather live on his remaining days of his life, to make sure he's happy, until he's ready to leave this world. As he stays with my family throughout my lifetime, it was a duty for us. And thank goodness, unlike two years ago, he's less fussier, and would let girls like me and my sister help him change his clothes, feed him, and that he will not feel embarassed nor will he show temper towards being incompetent. Not especially since I've tried my best, to save him from his attack.

And it is because I've did that (the saving him thing), that people all around telling me that I'm brave, I'm steady, I'm strong, I'm matured, I've did the right thing, I'm like my mother, I'm all things positive because my grandfather could still live on because of me.

It didn't just occur to me to being strong like that. I wasn't born being who I am now, the strong, brave girl. As anyone who bothered to read my previous post, three years ago, I wasn't like that. I was depressed, having low self-esteem, not knowing how to love myself. But as I went into university, and finally finding people who clicks with me, that I don't have to be too girly, I've found my solace. I've always known all along that I am who I am, but never brave enough to find out how much could I push myself, how much confidence I had in me. And yet, whenever I pulled out philosophies that only I seem to know, people go around praising me that I have a matured heart and mind, and all that.

Thing is, why are you telling me I'm matured and steady and strong? You mean if there was an emergency that occurs to you, you won't act like what I did? I was doing what was needed to be done. And the matured praise, I'm so sick about that praise, and it's not like you are stupid, just not observant, if you were you would've come up with the same philosophy as me. So that is one thing I hate to hear too, it's like you were just trying to be close to me that is why you call me mature, trying to make me feel happy. If it was three years ago, I would have happily lap it up, but now, if you do that in front of my face, and you are a stranger, I'll just ignore you. If it is said by close friends and relatives, well, I'll just accept it without actually knowing what it really meant or is there a hidden message.

It's not easy living with grandparents. Granted, they do grow old, their eyesight do became a problem after a while, and that they tend to nag even more than before. But, all the same, you couldn't hurt them, especially their heart, because if they become sad, or angry, they will be very weak and negative, and then when they became sick, no medication could repair their already broken heart. So you are telling me, that when their condition deteriorates, you would still scold them or argue with them till they cry? No right?

So it's not that I'm matured, it's just that you are not put into my situation. And I bet there are thousands out there with the same situation as I do, only that, my friends, you only get to know one of that few thousands out there. You know, single mother family, barely affording house expenses, bright (as my mom had confirmed that I'm bright), strong, in control.

Strong...I believe everyone has strength. It may not be as obvious as mine in a situation like this (getting my grandfather into the hospital in time and remaining calm), but, it could be, daring to disobey a leader who obviously got the whole concept wrong, brave enough to break up with a boyfriend who is obviously abusing you, physically, mentally or emotionally, or brave to make your stand that have positive ripple effect. Any of these are strengths, and all of you guys could be strong for that reason.

But of course, strong as how you may be, some strengths stemmed from support from loved ones. So, even a strong girl like me will need all the support I can to go through this. Even if I'm all ready and prepared for what has to come, I shall need some guidance, advice, not to mention a few encouraging words. Please help if you can.

But of course, to everyone out there, Be Strong.