When God becomes your spiritual homie

Have anyone of you had that weird feeling, that "somebody" up there, had been watching over you?

....

Anyone?

....

Sigh....

Oh well, I'll just blog about it anyway. Probably for the fun of reading it myself.

I got the feeling that Buddha is watching over me. Like, seriously watching over me. And taking really good care of me. *looks up suspiciously*

Nowadays I felt like I could just talk to Him. I don't really meditate anymore.(as in sitting up specially to meditate) So I just sleep meditate. And some time I just  talk stupid stuff to Him.

Like the other day, as I was sexually frustrated like in my previous two posts below, I asked for a solution to Buddha.

He did give me a solution, by providing me a nightmare on the consequences of having premarital sex. -________-

Nice solution man. I'm scarred for life now waiting until I'm 21 now just kicking back and letting fate go YOUR way and till YOU decide when I can have an even more intimate relationship with my boyfriend.

Sigh. I have this very ambiguous friendship with my homie here.

When I was younger, and had just started my education about Him. I frequently read about his past life. All about him doing good though. And about his lifetime as the Buddha. And I thought Buddha is like Jesus. "ask and you shall receive" that kind. Back then I was 10 okay? So I'm sort of naive about the definition of God.

So everytime I tried to ask for something. He decides to give me something of the opposite.

I ask for peace and prosperity. He decides to give me a little bit of chaos here and there. I ask for my mom to be more generous. He decides to make her stricter. The most apparent one is that I ask for a boyfriend, He gave me a reject.

Haiyoh, he'll never fulfill my wishes. Until 17 also no matter how much I religiously pray for Him, I medidate myself, and no matter how I concentrate myself partly on being devote to Him, I just became a lot like a failure. At least that is what I think anyway.

So I start to stop doing most of those practises, and start working part time, and then going into university. And waddaya know, everything I asked for before this, suddenly all piling up to let me taste them. I have peace, my mom's less stringent on me, I got a boyfriend. I practically have a life on my own.

So, is Buddha trying to say that I shouldn't depend on him? And that if I just so happen to find a solution in my life, I should just thank Him because somehow, even when I didn't ask for it, He pointed a path for me?

This dude's really hard to get along man. Still, I can't help but feel that He's always there looking at me, helping me through. Because in some weird ways, no matter how bad I fall, I won't fall too badly. Just slightly above that. Still hurts, but you'll have that deja vu feeling that you'll fall even worst.

And which God would actually interrogate you in your dreams three weeks after you are with your boyfriend? 

That dude made me choose between eternity in Nirvana or my boyfriend =.= (for people who wanted the long story, contact me. Sorry. Only for friends to hear)

And when I chose boyfriend, He said he'll make sure my relationship last for my whole life =.=

Anyways, the other day, I asked my mom, and I told her about what I experienced (omitting the offending part), and she said to me, blatantly

"You don't ask from the Buddha. You only ask for guidance. He's not God. He's only a Teacher."

Ah, that sudden realisation of the fact that I worshipped him too much when I was young suddenly just made me gone emo over that Man.

But last night I still asked Him anyway, "Why do you pay so much attention to me? Why do you love me so much?"

He didn't reply.

Macha, reply la.

Sigh.

That's how I know my homie.

I think He'll really laugh His ass off if my supposedly "spiritual" post about Him, didn't turn out to be much of the "spiritual" side.

Oh well. Till next time then.