Green Bicycle

I used to like this very cute, funny anime, when Animax was free in Astro (I've blogged about it two years ago) called Honey and Clover.

I never knew the meaning of Honey and Clover, until I looked in Wikipedia. But I was so attracted to the lives of these five characters, mainly art college students, each trying to hide their true feelings about each other.

There's sentimental Takemoto, overly introvert Hagumi, logical leader Mayama, crazy innocent princess Ayumi, and lastly, quirky, idiotic Morita.

They were all art students, and are able to express themselves, absorbing themselves wholly into their artistic world, but they found it so hard to conceal their own feelings for each other.

Ayumi likes Mayama, and Hagumi, Morita and Takemoto are entangled in a love triangle. A lot of narrations were done through Takemoto.

Out of all the characters, I like Takemoto the most. He's very sentimental, he loves his art, and loves Hagumi. Such a romantic guy.

Okay la, you had to forgive me, I was a very lonely forlorn girl, and I haven't met Ephy, but I was very into anime, and Animax was for free.

But what I like most was the questions of life that he posted in most of the episodes. The beautiful little things in their bustling life of Tokyo, made me think a lot of what I'd like to do with myself.

One episode that really got my heart was the time when he decides to go on a bicycle expedition, after finding out that the contents inside his fridge was empty. Okay, might sound stupid, but he'd been dreaming about that bicycle expedition after he repeatedly failed in his job interviews after graduating from college.

I still remember the exact words.

"When I was young, Papa gave me a green bicycle. It was a very nice bicycle. I liked to ride it. And as I rode...and rode...I asked myself. How far can I go without turning back?"

I kept asking myself, if I was given a simple tool, a bicycle, or heck, a car, given Malaysia's circumstances of not really having a bicycle policy, how far can I go, without having a handphone, without informing my family, without letting anyone knowing where I'd go.

How far can I go without turning back?

How far can I go and find something, and then turn back?

His close relationship with his late father was also touching, as once during the expedition, he tried to cycle and chase the train with a star shaped logo, just because his father said "look for the star". Well, normal people won't try to chase a train with just a bike.

He fell down from being too fast, and cried. But he knew, his father's memories will always be there.

I love that show, it really made me think a lot about life, escapism, and questions about simplicity.

I'm blogging about this because I recently felt like wanting to be alone and isolated. Haha.





Akanai mabuta kosutte mieru
Looking through closed eyelids

Pastel moyou no mirai ni
At a pastel patterened future

Chiribamerareta kigou wo tadoru
Persuing scattered codes

Taburi yoseta hyoujou
Pulling up facial expressions

Nee, nandakke sagashiteita mono
Hey, what was it that we were looking for again?

Are wa sou ne itsudakke
That's right, exactly when were those days

Bokura ga inryoku ni sakarainagara deatta koro
when we used to meet,
denying the attraction that was forming between us?

Sore wa waltz no youda ne fushigi sa
It was like a waltz, mysterious

Sasayaku youna komorebi no kousaten de
Like a whispering at the criss-crossing of sunbeams

Futari waltz no youni ne mawarinagara
While they spun around as if waltzing

Egakidashite yuku mono
They were expressing something

Atatamesugita omoi wo zenbu
All their thoughts were beyond warm

Hakidashite mieru landscape
The spit out landscape has been

Hantoshi ijou kusuburaseteru
Smoldering for over half a year

Image ni hi wo tomoshite
Bring light to the image

Nandakke nakushite shimatta mono
What was it you lost

Sore demo iindatte
But still it's ok

Bokura no inryoku de hikiai motome au no darou
Our gravity allows us to seek the comparisons

Sore wa waltz no youda ne suteki sa
That was like a waltz, beautiful

Tsubuyaku youna saezuri kikinagara
While listening to some muttered chirps

Maru de waltz no youni ne futari ga
It was like a waltz as those two

Egakidashite yuku mono
Were expressing something

Aa, toboketa genjitsu mo
Ah,
Reality is playing dumb

Genshoku de nurikaete shimae
as we repaint it in primary colors

Hikiyosete ageru kara nee
I'll bring it closer to you

Soko kara odori tsudzukeyou
From there let's continue dancing

Futari dake no waltz
A waltz just for us

Sore wa waltz no youda ne fushigi sa
It was like a waltz, mysterious

Sasayaku youna komorebi no kousaten de
Like a whispering at the criss-crossing of sunbeams

Futari waltz no youni ne mawarinagara
While they spun around as if waltzing

Egakidashite yuku mono
They were expressing something

Credits to Gendou Anime for the lyrics.

Women are snobs; Men are slobs.

And I'm bored.

Yeap, great. I'm spending my holidays constantly staring on the laptop.

That's why I don't update much. I don't have much to update in the first place. It's like, my brain depreciates whenever I'm on the holiday. Which is why I don't really like it. What's a holiday when you sit around doing nothing?

And I have nothing to criticise for the moment cause I'm way behind. I've been reading a lot of criticisms though.

I can share something with you guys though.

I'm currently playing

Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures.


It's fun hearing that theme over and over again, as you play as mini Lego Indy fighting different stories based on the original trilogy. It's so cute, had been taking out my time to do them, as some are hard and very frustrating.

I was also re-playing Sam and Max, from Season 1 and Season 2. What's nice about a dog and his psychopath rabbit? All the references towards pop culture and the fact that they were so well together. =). I'm ever grateful that Dylane introduced me to this game, I'm addicted to it.



I'm such a gamer.

Hmm, or maybe it's time I go continue playing God of War 2, been keeping that in the racks since Chinese New Year due to the constant workload. I wonder if I should play that instead. Mindless hacking seems like a great idea to take out my time.

What else? Maybe I should go get more PC games that uses a lot of thinking, like, Broken Sword 4, provided that I found the one compatible with dual core. >_>

And, what else? Oh yeah, Lego Batman, after seeing the whole Alfred kicking villain's ass while gracefully holding the tray. As Ephyon said, he'll never let the tray go. Hehe. It's so cute.

Watch the video here.



And a new song for all to listen. I'm sure a lot of people have heard of the dance pop version, but I personally liked the acoustic one. Very erm sexy? Slash the fact that Akon's voice spoiled it. His voice should just stay at the dance pop version.



Toodles.

I'm not happy.

I would have thought that guys who do their best to try and hurt their girlfriends are the worst scums in the world. Like the hotel throwing out case, but no matter how he debates, he was still wrong for letting her out like that, and not doing anything to chase her back.

I thought he wouldn't. My own love wouldn't

But he did.

He told me to get out of the car, in front of so many people sitting in the car with him.

And no one defended me.

I'm not happy. I've got what I presumed as a scum as my boyfriend.

I'm so confused right now. I'd thought no matter how angry a person is, they shouldn't do that.

But he did. I'm disappointed, frustrated, angry, sad. But what am I to do? 

His birthday mah.

And then he repeated that getting out of his car, so many times.

For once I wished he just walk away and join all his buddies (and mine) for his dinner, then I go take the public transport home.

And then he followed me.

It's just so weird, having a boyfriend who just want to chased you away and then following you until you stop and look straight at him.

But I'm not happy anyway, getting such a treatment.

I'm sure he would say that he wouldn't be happy when he sees this, but ah, who the fuck cares? If he didn't want me blogging about it then he shouldn't do that to me.

Probably a public scrutiny will wake him up.

I had to say that I'm sorry for ruining his birthday mood.

Then who's sorry can I hear from because I've just lost the respect of being equal, and being a loved one? Should loved ones be commanded like that?

Feeling ranty, sleepy, teary and the lost of respect for men. This is not how I want to be loved. I'd thought I want to protect his image in public, didn't want to scold him, tegur him in public. And he mistook that as my way to ruin his mood.

In the end he was happy again, and I tried to be, but I am so damn fucking sad inside. I still feel fucked up, I still feel angry, and yet?

No one was there to protect me.

I'm not happy. I just want to get consolation. Even if this will be scorned, but again, who the fuck cares?

That Generation Gap

Today marks the second time I'm blogging about Ephyon's birthday. To remember it, I shall post a problem that I have with Ephyon sometimes.

He had a certain disregard for people younger than him. That's right, you heard it, we, the university mates, are mostly younger than him, and he disregards us! >(

Why? Because apparently due to the constant change in our education system, which slanted more and more towards memory power than creativity and multi-tasking, the generation from 1987 onwards were all products of stupidity, according to him.

I hate it when he argues with me as if I'm supposed to know some stuff.

Like the fact that Captain Nemo was a very famous book character called "10,000 leagues under the sea" but I didn't know because I was playing a game called Azada 2 and it features characters from various literary classics. (on a side note, Azada 2 is fun =D) Or the fact that with my vast usage of language I could've expand it further if only my knowledge of certain Western topics would expand!

>_> He expects me to be as "intelligent" as him, or as fluent in English as he is!

And when I didn't want to argue he'll said "Oh well, it's the generation gap I guess"

God I hate that word so much, I tried so hard to repent my "mistakes" by Wikipedia-ing more, read more, and learn more. But it's never up to his standards, ESPECIALLY when it comes to literature.

Never for once he'll bow down and tell me that I for once, am more knowledgeable. T_T Am I really that bad? That Politics is the only strong argument I have against him?

Oh, except for one thing *rolls eyes*

Chinese literature. Because after 11 years of education in a Chinese school, his grasp of Mandarin is weaker than mine.

But so what, he'll shrug it off, and then going back to complain to me how narrow-minded the people are these days, that this is their limit (with a hand sign indicated as a border), and oh, the ignorance of not willing to touch literature or finding more opportunities to increase their command of English, and the fact that I read lesser books than he does.

But he never know how hurt I am whenever he said those words. So just because there is a generation gap, that I have to make myself feel inferior than he is?

Instead of educating me because he loves me, he disregards me because of his stereotype towards people younger than him.

I think the only person he had utmost respect would be Dylane. Because she reads as much as she can, and we are at the same age. I love her too, but urgh, his stereotyping.

Stupid male hormones. I curse that element, seriously.

He is an asshole when it comes to

1) Comics
2) Literature [especially classics! T_T]
3) Current issues.

Sigh. It is a problem, albeit not a big one, but one that I didn't like to deal with. It's just abit sickening. I know sometimes I am ignorant, but due to my limited exposure (not to mention my fantasies with Disney. I was drowned in cartoons since young), I didn't really come across books that I really like, except, History and Legendary tales, which could be Fantasy.

Our famous quote was that a 2 year gap had spun out many differences, especially in terms of exposure. Him with me, mine with my sister.

Sigh.

Happy birthday asshole, enjoy your 22nd year filled with happiness, and your lover here. I couldn't really give much, nor is my language as strong as yours, nor do I really love to read, but you know what?

I love you anyway. And you did love me for a reason, not for other reasons that are consistent with your stereotypes sigh.

I hate to be reprimanded by you, seriously, so can you just keep the opinions to yourself for a week at least? =(

I wish I could just weaved out a poem, as quick as it could be, but too bad, my mind is still blank, as I've just finished exams.

What else? I think that's it. There are many more I can talk about you, but I'm saving it for many years of your birthdays to come. =)

I love you asshole, kitty, boo, fatman, hairy potter, Ephyon.

Reporting made easy: the September 17th Edition

I've reading a lot of news, and watching many of the videos for the past day, while waiting for updates to come. But today as I flipped and read today's headlines on The Star, I can't help but wonder how much more patience will I have on this newspaper until the Editors stopped putting so much censorship onto the newspaper will I see some proper reporting.

This is intriguing though.

What's interesting is the amount of microphones from both sides.

Anwar: 7 microphones

PM: 5 microphones

Anwar PWNz!

Now lets compare with the company these mics represented.

Anwar: Malaysiakini, TV9, 8tv, 8tv chinese, RTM, TV PAS, DISE (don't know what company is that)

PM: RTM, RTM, TV3, Bernama, NTV7.

Anwar PWNz!

Why? Because Anwar's press conference had many of the companies that consists not only from the government, but from other sectors as well. That shows that the public from various sides will be able to receive the news. Hence the more the news is spread, the bigger the bounderies, and the bigger the reception will be.

Sad to say no one really wants to hear the PM talk anymore. And it is really erm..disappointing considering that he's still the leader of the nation. It also shows how weak his relations with the media.

And what further to infuriate the public than having the DPM to (according to him) boldly witness a signing of Memorandum of Understanding for High-Speed Broadband access between TM and the Chief Secretary of Energy, Water and Communications!

Yes, that really spells "BOLD" considering that both are government servants.

Oh but it did not stop there, to further add more "dramatic elements" to the "story", TM have a very large ad, thanking the DPM, taking up one whole page which could have been filled up with important news, NEXT to that news!

I kid you not.

Sickenning.

I don't really have to reprimand on the fact that newspapers dwell on Advertising revenue to make rounds about their news. And that the advertisers chose the selected space. But the advertisement just have arrogance on every section.

Don't use hidden message man. Thank you? More like "Najib for PM".

On another note, I was watching the Anwar speech at Kelana Jaya stadium, provided by Malaysiakini. I don't really need to post most of them here, because the link to the Youtube channel is provided.

Overall, Anwar had been making offending remarks about the media about 3 - 4 times throughout the speech. No not just any media, he's not that angry. Just Utusan Melayu, New Straits Times, RTM and TV3. He told them they can brag all they want, but they can never replace the facts reported by others.

Ouch, imagine if those journalists present personally support Anwar.

Then again, some of them just like to create chaos, like me =D. Bad news, is good news, that's the motto. Bad news sells.

Yeap, that's the end of reporting made easy.

On towards my personal stuff:

When I first suggest it to Rin, my initial impression is that not many will support this move. Because mainly most of us will be too busy studying for Communication Theories, and that they would be afraid of getting clamped down. I thought that maybe, as students, they would not want to take action. But I was surprised, not to mention baffled.

Most of my coursemates turn up with a black T-shirt!

And those who didn't wear, had simply forgot.

They support the move with passion, and my coursemates, Steven and Firebird, used their time to make ribbons like this.

We marched into the exam hall. We are the only ones in a group who wore black. Some of the latecomers saw and said "Whoa, funeral".

I can't help it because I want to say "We are here to commemorate the death of press freedom", but when entering the exam hall we are supposed to remain silent. Too bad.

Some people asked me why is it yellow? I didn't know how to answer, so I just told them it's a symbol of freedom, and yellow is the colour of royalty, "Daulat Tuanku".

And I wore that T-shirt the whole day with the ribbon. I gave Ephyon one yellow ribbon too. We both wore it with pride while walking around Sunway Pyramid, having lunch and conversations. The ribbon is still at my side, in case I need to use it.

And I was browsing through Facebook just now to see a "Free Teresa Kok against ISA" with a yellow ribbon sign. I can't help but feel proud of myself.

Oh, and what Rin said. Please email to me if you want to pass on the message to Teresa Kok, Raja Petra Kamaruddin, or Tan Hoon Cheng. English, Mandarin, or Bahasa Melayu, your choice. We'll send these messages to them. I'm sure most of you have my personal email address, but to those who don't, just use the one on my blog for now.

Oh oh oh! One more thing, that has nothing to do with politics or September 16th.

Somebody complain that everyone freaking earns revenue through blog wor.

Really ah? Do you see me with "I serve some shit ads"? Do you see me wanting to review stuff? Do you see me endorsing some shitty brand?

Don't generalise when you can la. Okay? Aiyah, I'm sure that I'll be rebuked because I'm very perasan to feel insulted by her when she didn't mention me, and probably I'll get myself another post by her entitled "stupid bitch part 2". Probably the main points covers how she have the right to stereotype and that is what she'll do. Oh well.

And another thing. My friend said I have growing popularity o_O

Really or not? I still think it is superficial, because I visit my own blog everyday to see how intelligent I am to see if I have any comments.

Yea right, I wonder who would read this blog anyway. Only friends close to me would. I know, thanks for the hits.

Toodles.

P/S: Notice the change of expression of that Rela member standing just behind Anwar as he progress through his speech. From not listening to being in awed with Anwar speech. Haha. The power of a powerful speech.

Madness...it has begun

from Haris Ibrahim's blog.

Got a call from lil hummingbird.

“We must meet. RPK is in danger.”

We met.

“You look like shit!”, he said.

“I feel like that as well”, I replied.

“You remember when RPK was in remand at Sungai Buloh the last time and he refused to eat or drink and the prison authorities got so worried that they begged his wife to get him out?

“Well, RPK is on hunger strike again. No food and no water. The authorities know that his kidneys will not be able to take this for long too long. They are going to let this carry on in the hope that complications set in and that he will suffer organ malfunction.

“That’s why even though there are news reports that Teresa’s family will be allowed to see her, probably tomorrow, there is no word that RPK’s family will be allowed the same. Lawyers have already written asking that they be permitted to meet with RPK but no word yet.

“They’re going to wait until his condition is critical before they get him medical attention. By then it will be too late. RPK would already be dead.

“That’s what they are banking on. They’ll say he brought it on himself.

“You people can hold all the vigils you want. That’s not going to get him out.

“Pakatan have to move now. Anwar has to stop this nonsense of waiting for enough Malay MPs to crossover before he seeks the audience with the Agong to intimate that Pak Lah has lost the confidence of the majority of MPs in Parliament. Didn’t the rakyat reject race-based politics at the last general elections and at Permatang Pauh? Go form the federal government now.

“Anwar has the numbers already, so he should not delay any longer.

“RPK has been without food or water since Friday. He’s not going to last long.

“We must get him out now. Otherwise the authorities will be returning him to us in a coffin!

And we can only get RPK out now if Pakatan takes over immediately”.

It has begun. Unofficially, the chain of events spiralling from March till now. All that matters, all that atrocities. It will create chaos. Madness it is. It has begun

From Malaysia-Today:

Latest Update: DSP Ibrahim Jaffar called Madam Marina at 12pm (15 Sept 2008), to inform her that her family can visit RPK in Bukit Aman at 11am tomorrow. His laywers are also allowed to do so at 11am on Thursday (18 Sept 2008). - admin

The Joker, in the Dark Knight said "Introduce a little....anarchy".

V, in V for Vendetta said "..A building is a symbol, as is the act of destroying it. Symbols are given power by people. A symbol, in and of itself is powerless, but with enough people behind it, blowing up a building can change the world."

You hate to admit it, but anarchists are right. Make them feel powerless. 

Raja Petra Kamaruddin is a blogger's symbol. The act of destroying him, will change the world.

But hopefully, they will not let him be destroyed.Madness, it has begun.

"Remember, remember, sixteenth of September, that Malaysian turnover plot;

I know of no reason this turmoil and chaos should ever be forgot."

What are we going to do?

Guess the bargaining is rather insufficient is it?

Unblock the portal, arrest the prepetrators.

3 are currently under ISA. We are told not to be violent.

Violent? Nah, never cross my mind. We have other things like exams to worry about.

So this is what we can do.

My Communication Theories paper is on Tuesday, September 16th. I shall march in with a black t-shirt. Because I'm a Journalism student, and I can't stand the injustice placed upon the journalists! 

It's not fair for them, to report the truth, but to eat some shit! NOT FAIR AT ALL!

So I will walk in with a black t-shirt to show that I. AM. NOT. HAPPY. BUT. I. WILL. NOT. BE. VIOLENT!

and what else? Some of my coursemates were afraid, because we are also a UTAR-ian. We are under MCA.

What is the meaning of "under MCA" now? Does it bring any meaning? Will it give us protection and immunity? Will they scrutinised us?

Sinchew Daily is also under MCA, and look what happen? A ISA treatment, for an innocent woman, reporting, the Truth.

I don't think so. We are not protesting on the streets. Just wearing the t-shirt. So what damage will we get?

Plus, black t-shirt not cool meh?

It's time we students stood up for what is our right to express ourselves! No foul words exchanged, no propagandas! We don't need those. Only to show our dissatisfaction.

Anyone want to join our March to the Exam Halls on September 16th?

P.S: Why yellow and black? From rocky's blog

A 2.34am sms: Hi evryone,here's a message from our frens in sin chew to wear black clothes and yellow ribbons as a sign of protest against the detention of their colleague tan hoon cheng under the ISA.apologies for the late hour.

How to be femes blogger.

Super bored, so currently taking my eyes off reports and taking a leaf out of Ryan Higa's context to create and present you:

HOW TO BE......FEMES BLOGGER! from an unrealiable source

Lesson no.1

You Must Know which year you start your blog. This is to show how and what kind of characteristics you must possess to be femes.

If you start blogging since premature blog times (2002 - 2005), you are basically already super femes, even though what you post is only about your personal lives, and had no true deep context at all.

If you start blogging since the Golden Age of Blogs (2005 - 2006), you are there, but not there. That means you must churn out real shit (with proper or improper context), to stay on course with all the top top bloggers. And half of those who started to blog at this time don't even survive because the super femes are still there, so chances of you being femes if you blog at this era, is slim, but only if you have other titles (like famous author, famous lawyer, famous asshole)

If you start blogging at the Misused Age of Blogging (2007 - now), most probably you spam comments and asking femes bloggers to read your blog, and only rely on other blogs to feed your poor soul (and soul-less blog), and if you need to be even more femes, easy, join an internet advertising company! Sure boost your status to celebrity status within a jiffy. Your chances to be femes is more than those who had been blogging since the Golden Age, because you absorbed enough knowledge to start your own blog.

Lesson no. 2

You Must Show Pictures of yourself to be femes. Don't care if you are skinny, tall, dark, ugly, not ugly. Heck, not even your real pictures also! Use something to represent you. Sure attract people anyway. Pictures say a thousand words yes?

Mine is this:

It's from Face Your Manga. Can turn your face to look manga-like. So this avatar somewhat represents me, with all that angst yes?

Lesson no. 3

You must know the category of bloggers.

Because since 2007 onwards some hidden misunderstood (not to mention misguided) philosopher decides to categorise bloggers into a few categories so that blog followers will worship them solely and not divert their attention elsewhere.

So we have:

Socio-political bloggers (or so-po bloggers) - Bloggers who only blog regarding about Social and Political issues only. A rare personal account of themselves will submerge from time to time.

Example: Tony Pua, Jeff Ooi, Education in Malaysia, Rocky's Bru, Marina Mahathir.

Mixed up bloggers - Bloggers who practically mix things up from Politics, to Social, to Personal, and then to Thought-provoking issues. Oh and might I add, these bloggers are rather rare.

Example: Zewt, Vincent, Minishorts.

Particular-field bloggers - Bloggers who are assigned to blog only about certain stuff, like travel, food, fashion, and so on. They blog for the sake of giving good feedback, and for people to seek reviews, not to mention gain knowledge on certain areas.

Example: Nicole Kiss, KY, Suanie, Eyeris

Personal bloggers - Bloggers who mostly post just their personal lives, updates it more often, and mostly just rants about what they can do about life too. They occasionally will venture into politics and social stuff but only when the issue is "heboh" enough.

Example: Pretty much every other blogger out there. Femes personal bloggers would be Fireangel, Canni Sia (not that personal anymore though), May Zhee, Sweat Lee, and Pinkpau. Mostly girls that can be that femes posting personal stuff I might add.

Flaming bloggers - Bloggers who flame and flame and flame somemore, pretty much anything that pisses them off. Most flame bloggers are actually quite good at flaming others, and their purpose not only create an ecological balance on the blogosphere, they provide very good humour and gossip.

Example: Shadowfox, Raja Petra Kamaruddin.

Celebrity Bloggers - I don't even know how they exist. They just turn celebrity, having millions worshipping their blog, complaining that they don't get enough. They are normal, but they just turn freakish the moment these supporters are around. Oh and might I add, they are the ones who earns money through blogging too.

Example: Keju, Canni, Snowing, Dawn itch (See, I can't even pronounce their names properly. And I won't provide URLs for this category since they are femes enough anyways)

Messed Up bloggers - Bloggers who are pretty much high even without substance and would stop at nothing to try and make themselves look funny even though they know deep inside them they are not. But it don't matter, because they just want to publicly humiliate themselves to be femes. Negative or positively femes, it don't matter, still femes.

Example: Me. (didn't see that coming did you?)

And with these three lessons, you'll see, your site meter, it'll go up...

Up...

and UP some more!

Teehee! The End

*Disclaimer: This blogger will not be responsible for offending anyone because her brain is half-fried due to overheating from studying mcLuhan, Habermas, Agenda setting, and Marxist. She only seeks to entertain people who bothered to read her blog. Again, she's too poor to pay for any lawsuit.*

When God becomes your spiritual homie

Have anyone of you had that weird feeling, that "somebody" up there, had been watching over you?

....

Anyone?

....

Sigh....

Oh well, I'll just blog about it anyway. Probably for the fun of reading it myself.

I got the feeling that Buddha is watching over me. Like, seriously watching over me. And taking really good care of me. *looks up suspiciously*

Nowadays I felt like I could just talk to Him. I don't really meditate anymore.(as in sitting up specially to meditate) So I just sleep meditate. And some time I just  talk stupid stuff to Him.

Like the other day, as I was sexually frustrated like in my previous two posts below, I asked for a solution to Buddha.

He did give me a solution, by providing me a nightmare on the consequences of having premarital sex. -________-

Nice solution man. I'm scarred for life now waiting until I'm 21 now just kicking back and letting fate go YOUR way and till YOU decide when I can have an even more intimate relationship with my boyfriend.

Sigh. I have this very ambiguous friendship with my homie here.

When I was younger, and had just started my education about Him. I frequently read about his past life. All about him doing good though. And about his lifetime as the Buddha. And I thought Buddha is like Jesus. "ask and you shall receive" that kind. Back then I was 10 okay? So I'm sort of naive about the definition of God.

So everytime I tried to ask for something. He decides to give me something of the opposite.

I ask for peace and prosperity. He decides to give me a little bit of chaos here and there. I ask for my mom to be more generous. He decides to make her stricter. The most apparent one is that I ask for a boyfriend, He gave me a reject.

Haiyoh, he'll never fulfill my wishes. Until 17 also no matter how much I religiously pray for Him, I medidate myself, and no matter how I concentrate myself partly on being devote to Him, I just became a lot like a failure. At least that is what I think anyway.

So I start to stop doing most of those practises, and start working part time, and then going into university. And waddaya know, everything I asked for before this, suddenly all piling up to let me taste them. I have peace, my mom's less stringent on me, I got a boyfriend. I practically have a life on my own.

So, is Buddha trying to say that I shouldn't depend on him? And that if I just so happen to find a solution in my life, I should just thank Him because somehow, even when I didn't ask for it, He pointed a path for me?

This dude's really hard to get along man. Still, I can't help but feel that He's always there looking at me, helping me through. Because in some weird ways, no matter how bad I fall, I won't fall too badly. Just slightly above that. Still hurts, but you'll have that deja vu feeling that you'll fall even worst.

And which God would actually interrogate you in your dreams three weeks after you are with your boyfriend? 

That dude made me choose between eternity in Nirvana or my boyfriend =.= (for people who wanted the long story, contact me. Sorry. Only for friends to hear)

And when I chose boyfriend, He said he'll make sure my relationship last for my whole life =.=

Anyways, the other day, I asked my mom, and I told her about what I experienced (omitting the offending part), and she said to me, blatantly

"You don't ask from the Buddha. You only ask for guidance. He's not God. He's only a Teacher."

Ah, that sudden realisation of the fact that I worshipped him too much when I was young suddenly just made me gone emo over that Man.

But last night I still asked Him anyway, "Why do you pay so much attention to me? Why do you love me so much?"

He didn't reply.

Macha, reply la.

Sigh.

That's how I know my homie.

I think He'll really laugh His ass off if my supposedly "spiritual" post about Him, didn't turn out to be much of the "spiritual" side.

Oh well. Till next time then.

Jazzing....

With James Morrison and Duffy. =D and sometimes with Shayne Ward, and some oldies.

What? I can be chic too, with Duffy's song appearing in Sex and the City the movie which gives girls goosebumps, but I like it because it's filled with so much feminine soul. Makes me feel more vibrant inside. The song is sexy.

But since I'm in the relaxed mood (next paper is not until Friday). I will entertain that UMNO guy's request on giving speculation about September 16th. Poor guy complains that bloggers are being quiet about it.

I'm speculating that Anwar will not ask the party to cross over to Pakatan Rakyat.

I'm speculating that Anwar will not be unethical in his ways of asking parties to cross over.

And no, I don't think DAP had any clue on what is going on. Only PKR themselves knew about it. Even we are just waiting for something to happen. To which, I don't even know what's going on! No one knows. Serious.

Although my biggest suspicion would be that Anwar would convince the Barisan Nasional members to table a motion of no-confidence. Instead of all that "crossing over" bullshit. I mean, having your own member turn against you brings out more damage than having them, to cross over unethically, then only turn their back against the leader?

That's just my speculation anyways.

Ah well, time for my next post! Adios.

Below are the songs that I'd like to share with my friends out there so that they can jazz to it too.

Grrr....

I'm trying hard not to think about it....

Trying really really hard not to think about it....

It's not easy achieving something like this, you know, one and a half years of not doing...it... (Okay guys shut up, I know it's sex but I like to make it mysterious and I'm emo like that)

If relationship have no lust, only love, abit mundane.

Lust abit not lust abit, sien....

Then I go read people of my age. Wuah, fulamak, buat dua tiga kali per week. Or when in LDR they miss doing it (some call it aheming =.=).

Kanasai. When's my turn? (Like competition wtf)

Then the big blow.

Headline screams "MP GOES CAMPING"

But the blurb made me scream.

"Daniel Radcliffe: I lost virginity at 16"

Tick

Tick

Tock

GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*runs around and rips hair*