I know I did mention that my next post, was to be how I battle the wrath of Screamyx and Tek Ni Shen, but it was a losing battle. I'm now in FTZ again because my current situation is that I can't even use the dial-up. Those idiot Tek Ni Shens came, and killed my phone line, literally. I can't even use dial-up, can't call out, can't receive calls. Whoopee eh?
But nah, I am writing this because I felt like writing. I realised I didn't mention much about my dad. And even if I did, it was just a passing by mention or it was something negative about it. I didn't really want to go through all the chronological stuff about what had happened.
But today I went to offer my prayers together with the rest of my family. It has been 7 years since that day when he left us all of a sudden. I didn't really do much other than offering the incense. What more, I went around to see how much that lot were filled with different people who passed on later. It is after all, a tower which holds different urns by different people who had passed on. Young and old, some of them babies, they each had a face that the people will remember.
I passed by one of these slab stone to find a woman who's husband had been battling for her urn to return to him. He wrote a letter naming his pain from being separated from his wife, after she had returned to her hometown, and died there. She died without telling him, and as her rightful husband he wanted to go through the rights of law to reclaim his wife's urn and placed somewhere closer to him.
It was disheartenning to watch dramas like these. He must have had a tough time persuading his in-laws, tough time keeping his composure. Sometimes I wonder why a death could make relationship became far worst than before.
Somehow my case was that way too.
I called my mom "Mommy" since young, but my dad was subjected to be called "Papa". Reason behind it being that I've learnt how to call his name by the time I am 7 months old. Unfortunately, that was the only thing I could say until I was the age of 5. I don't know why my mother went to the conclusion that I was being a slow-learner, but she told me my first understandable sentence was uttered at 5, which was very slow.
I don't remember that part of the memory.
I only remember sleeping on my father's shoulder and he carries me around. It was a very nice feeling, considering the amounts of drool on his shoulder. And the countless I woke up crying with a fever, and he carefully placed me at his arm, never letting go till the next morning.
However, he was also a cruel father (at least in the eyes of other friends). He never used a cane like my mother would use whenever the children did something bad. Instead, he used his big, muscly hands, and smacked us till his palms were red. His palms weren't the only ones red as he make us cry for mercy. It was really painful, and it was nothing like a cane. Somehow every beating he made it was straight from the heart, that he intended to make us feel the pain.
Then again, he was the best source whenever we want to go and play. That is because he likes playing as well, and he brought us to Genting Highlands, The national Zoo during its glory, but never overseas. It was my mom's idea to not give us a passport until we were 18 (until I was deceived of course. She waited until I become 18, not all three children).
The best times of my life were celebrated with my dad, but it was also the worst times that I've had with him. After the 1997 financial crisis, he started to become reclusive, drinking beer almost everyday, and he started to think of logic for himself, not for his family. He started putting blames. That wasn't the dad I knew.
However, that revived his political awareness, as he helped in PKN, as he volunteered his house to become a venue for a speech. It wasn't as open as how Hannah Yeoh had campaigned, but were always subjected to houses because the draconian devil, was oppressing on the opposition. He helped out in setting up what would be USJ.com.my now, with many of the moderators who's names I've known since I was young, who still actively participated in helping Hannah Yeoh getting her big break. I was somehow related to that.
But at 2001, he left us.
No message, no regrets. All he had with us was a trip to Colmar Tropicale a week earlier, that last happy moments he has with his family.
As we sealed his urn with a stone slab that bears his face, I realised we've sealed so many other relations.
We've sealed our good family relationship with the paternal family, and they will always remember my dad whenever they see me and my siblings. My grandmother never smile again after that. She never asked about our lives after that. It was really strained.
I on the other hand, without realisation, sealed my innocence and adolescent behaviour with him.
I used to be a very selfish, and ignorant girl. When I want something, it must be mine, if not I'll throw a tantrum so badly that I'll break doors. Countless times I've ripped a good dress because it was too hot (and at the age of 6 bear in mind). And I've tried knocking the door with my chubby hands because my grandmother thought it was to be a punishment to lock me outside. My cries were never sympathetic, always it'll be because of me, me, me.
That time, it sealed everything. Without realising it myself, I "grew up"
Without knowing, my behaviour changed. I don't cry as much anymore. Even as accusations piled up against my will never have I retaliated by crying, because I don't really have any proper good friends to confide into. As everyone remembers laughing gaily over the silliest joke available I find myself always being so independent, not talking to anyone.
It was here when I started to close my own feelings and started listening to others. By hearing them sharing with me their innermost problems do I realised I could maybe be a good friend to them. I shared with them a lot of things but nothing bad enough that must be a secret.
A lot of people called me matured. Too many, in fact, that I kept putting up that role of being the sensible, logical "auntie" around giving advices, making sure they get the comfort, and ensure my ears are always there to listen to them.
Until that blog post, which I announced that I don't want to celebrate my birthday.
Many were shocked with that announcement. Shyam told me to grow up, some others wrote a post about friends, and that I should appreciate them. Many others came to talk to me after a long time.
If it was anything comforting, it could mean my mean streak was coming back. I was becoming that selfish ignorant girl who was lost at the age of 13.
I've gotten so used to people calling me a strong, dependable matured girl, that the moment Shyam told me I should grow up, I was suddenly filled with anger, yet I didn't think much and leave it at that. I was turning back to who I was before, that part of me which was sealed after so long, emerged.
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if Papa didn't die? Would I be here, knowing these bunch of friends, or would I have always be the misunderstood freak?
Odd enough, it was this love-hate relationship I've had with Papa that I found love. I remember they were all going to Kek Lok Si, because Janice wanted to pray to her father, to forgive her for not coming to visit often.
I was really bad. I didn't went in to pray. I was too afraid of seeing other friend's fathers that I stayed outside until they were done. That sort of started my relationship with Ephyon.
I doubt this is really a post to explain why I felt that way when I blogged about not celebrating my birthday. I don't think I need to tell you how I was back then, because alot of my coolest and closest friends are known when I am in university. I could understand if they couldn't understand why do I behave that way.
Then again, it's not a full post about Papa.
It is just a journey of how I grew up, and how Papa's death was influencing the way I behave, and how I am.
I don't know if my mean streak will stay, or would it vaporise and I'll become that loving "auntie" you people love so much, but this is something I want to tell my dad, even if he's not there.
Dad, you used to look down on me because my cousins were all achieving results that would make any parent proud. You shoved to me mom and your results to tell me that I was born to parents who have good results. But what is the point of good results, when I wouldn't be happy?
I'm now studying Journalism, the ONE and ONLY relative from YOUR clan doing so. Others were pursuing Medicine, Science, Engineering, Law. Boring!
I stand out to be one of those who dare to be extraordinary. So what if I could be looked down because in their opinion, Journalism is a "common" subject? At least I DARE to, and I do not have to feel like I'm kept within the line of "goodness".
So what if my cousins finished studying. One of your favourite cousins, finished law, but so what? He chose to work in a band. Does that mean that law was his interest, or he finished achieving what his parents want him to achieve?
I wish you could see me now. To see how I turned 20, with a resolution that the next time if I feel like throwing a tantrum about how friends are abandonning me, the first thing I'll do is ignore that fact, and face the smiling crowd.
I may never know who do or do not wish me with sincerity. But at least I want to tell you Papa, that I've grown up, that I knew how to psychoanalyze myself without needing much help from others.
At one point I wondered why couldn't I have someone who would tell my friends and family why I behaved like that, instead I have to explain them myself. Makes me feel really narcissist, that I love myself so much I throw tantrums, and then explain to them MYSELF why I behave like that.
Nobody could look at me like that Papa, and you used to be that messenger. I honestly thought I found a substitute messenger in the form of Ephyon, but it appears that in the end, I have to explain to them myself why I behave that way.
It may not seem anything now, that you would be 53 if you were alive. But still, Papa, no matter what I knew about you, you will always have the respect and love from your favourite daughter.
Happy belated birthday Papa. Hopefully I would know that it's you when I can see you again.
6-month sabbatical
Posted by
cDi
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I called. We chatted.
He couldn't do it my way. He was being helpful he said.
I couldn't do it his way. I won't learn how to tolerate.
The most, I told, was that I will 忍
忍得一时风平浪静，退一步就海阔天空。
That's the best I can do. I'm a born Scorpio. I can't be helped.
Because all he could say was sorry if he couldn't comply, and let our relationship rot.
My wish was that his problem can be solved. That's it. I don't see why I had to comply. It's not like he'll be the guardian forever.
What if he needs to? It's okay. I'm through. Maybe I'll back away. Who knows?
There will be a 6 month gap between me and him. My industrial training first, his industrial training later.
That gap might be widened or narrowed.
That 6 month sabbatical, that 6 month break from all things lovey dovey, that 6 months.
If we can maintain it, good.
If we can't?
Too bad.
Let it come. I want to be tested.
That's it. The end.
My next story is about the battle against Screamyx and Tek Ni Shen. Stay tuned.
He couldn't do it my way. He was being helpful he said.
I couldn't do it his way. I won't learn how to tolerate.
The most, I told, was that I will 忍
忍得一时风平浪静，退一步就海阔天空。
That's the best I can do. I'm a born Scorpio. I can't be helped.
Because all he could say was sorry if he couldn't comply, and let our relationship rot.
My wish was that his problem can be solved. That's it. I don't see why I had to comply. It's not like he'll be the guardian forever.
What if he needs to? It's okay. I'm through. Maybe I'll back away. Who knows?
There will be a 6 month gap between me and him. My industrial training first, his industrial training later.
That gap might be widened or narrowed.
That 6 month sabbatical, that 6 month break from all things lovey dovey, that 6 months.
If we can maintain it, good.
If we can't?
Too bad.
Let it come. I want to be tested.
That's it. The end.
My next story is about the battle against Screamyx and Tek Ni Shen. Stay tuned.
I don't want
Posted by
cDi
comments (5)
When I first started out my blog, I had sworn to not include anything personal about my life. My personal stuff, ongoing, personal, not to be spoken stuff.
However, I would like to pass this message on to my friends.
Friends, I knew that my birthday is coming, but this is one message I want to tell you.
I Don't Want To Celebrate It.
You heard me. I just want my day to go as peaceful as possible, with no bish bang booms, with no songs, no cakes, no presents, no laughter.
I don't know where I get this notion from, to not think of birthdays as a big thing.
But in truth, it is not. It is because a man had to feel special, and chose the day when they made their mothers squirm and struggle to bring them to this world.
It is not the day I want to know how I've changed myself. It is not the day I want to know how I turned to openly welcome my second decade in life.
I'm through with birthdays and I will tell you why.
You people may think of me as friends, but I don't. I don't have friends, I don't have friends who would call me just to say hi. I do have one, and he calls only once in a blue moon, but he always said he called just to say hi, even though actually everytime he called he had a purpose.
I was still hurt from many of the "friends" I've had. Friends who do not go out often. Friends, who lounge around in the cybercafes. Friends, who are coursemates, but never even let me into their little group for empty chats, and only got things to ask me, when there's English and assignment problems.
English, and Assignment problems! Is that my only value in this course? Is that what I was useful for? I'm not frivolous enough so I cannot join in chats of fashion and mindless humour? I'm not Chinese-ish enough so I cannot join in and laugh over stupid cold jokes?
Am I really really really that strict and hard to talk to? Just because I was strict in work that doesn't mean I would be that serious in talking. Are you people really that stupid to mix both of them up?
I remember one sentence, uttered by one coursemate that my standards was "too high". My standards! And I'm a leader who pushes around! And She Don't Like To Be With Me!
No, I wished to tell her. My standards were not high, it was because she wasn't confident about herself, that is why she thought my standards were high.
But so what? My standards became high, hence, no one wants to work with me. They'd rather work with someone else. Or, my communication skills are a problem. OR, I always go out with my boyfriend because all he knew was to be WORRIED with me! When he should be encouraging me to mingle with my friends, even though it was alot of karaoke-ing and bowling. They asked me so many times, They asked me SO MANY TIMES! And I rejected them! Why was I so stupid? Why was I so stupid to follow my boyfriend out all the time??
I don't deserve a birthday. I don't even have true friends.
When I was younger I used to lament why don't I ever have birthdays to celebrate with my friends since it was always a school holiday. Now it is even worst. I bet no one in my course knows.
My little circle may have had something prepared. But here's the message: Stop preparing, and go away.
When am I going to be the priority in that circle? Nobody ever come to me, and go "aiyah, you so weak, let me help you la." No one. They all expect me to be, strong, matured, calm, composed. When they have shit, I shouldn't have.
When my friend is silent, it is abnormal; when I am silent I should be left alone. When my friend is helpless; the whole group went towards her; when I feel helpless, I sought help from the MSN chats.
You ask yourself my friends in that circle, when have I ever become priority?
When?
When the time my boyfriend felt like a piece of shit from an argument?
When the time we were out I was always there listening silently while you guys all laughed away?
And the girls, why do we not talk and chat anymore? Do you people will only be there when there is a birthday?
I understand if my boyfriend's birthday was important. I understand if Islander's birthday was important. I also truly, truly understand if Bloodsun's birthday was important. But I, for the love of my own self and my current life, couldn't fathom why was I important.
I've never done anything important, nor am I too far to do anything important.
Oh sure, my boyfriend. I bet he's the best in this circle. He's the only one who could handle every member of the group, including me. I am rumoured to be "too tough to handle" because I could be very icy cold within minutes. He can go out with the girls when he needs to, he could go to cyber cafe when the boys ask him to. He's the pillar for every woe and joy celebrated there.
Do you understand now?
I know that if you celebrate my birthday it is only giving your face to my boyfriend. You really think I was so stupid to not know? You people will only plan all this because you LOVE Ephyon, not me.
You people don't love me at all. And I know that, from the actions of my own course. I bet you, none of them would go my Friendster or Facebook page, and specifically note down the Youngest member of this class. They would think it was the other girl, not me.
So what is the point of birthdays? Especially mine?
I don't feel proud and I don't feel happy. I wouldn't think it is such a great event at all.
So thank you my friends, for reading this. Maybe it is my nature, but I really want my birthday to be as discreet as possible. Thank you for all that planning, or at least that's what you people want me to think: That you people care.
I've already plan to forget that day's speciality. And I sincerely hope you could do so too.
Lets make my life easier shall we?
Thank you.
Love and Regards,
CiNDi
However, I would like to pass this message on to my friends.
Friends, I knew that my birthday is coming, but this is one message I want to tell you.
I Don't Want To Celebrate It.
You heard me. I just want my day to go as peaceful as possible, with no bish bang booms, with no songs, no cakes, no presents, no laughter.
I don't know where I get this notion from, to not think of birthdays as a big thing.
But in truth, it is not. It is because a man had to feel special, and chose the day when they made their mothers squirm and struggle to bring them to this world.
It is not the day I want to know how I've changed myself. It is not the day I want to know how I turned to openly welcome my second decade in life.
I'm through with birthdays and I will tell you why.
You people may think of me as friends, but I don't. I don't have friends, I don't have friends who would call me just to say hi. I do have one, and he calls only once in a blue moon, but he always said he called just to say hi, even though actually everytime he called he had a purpose.
I was still hurt from many of the "friends" I've had. Friends who do not go out often. Friends, who lounge around in the cybercafes. Friends, who are coursemates, but never even let me into their little group for empty chats, and only got things to ask me, when there's English and assignment problems.
English, and Assignment problems! Is that my only value in this course? Is that what I was useful for? I'm not frivolous enough so I cannot join in chats of fashion and mindless humour? I'm not Chinese-ish enough so I cannot join in and laugh over stupid cold jokes?
Am I really really really that strict and hard to talk to? Just because I was strict in work that doesn't mean I would be that serious in talking. Are you people really that stupid to mix both of them up?
I remember one sentence, uttered by one coursemate that my standards was "too high". My standards! And I'm a leader who pushes around! And She Don't Like To Be With Me!
No, I wished to tell her. My standards were not high, it was because she wasn't confident about herself, that is why she thought my standards were high.
But so what? My standards became high, hence, no one wants to work with me. They'd rather work with someone else. Or, my communication skills are a problem. OR, I always go out with my boyfriend because all he knew was to be WORRIED with me! When he should be encouraging me to mingle with my friends, even though it was alot of karaoke-ing and bowling. They asked me so many times, They asked me SO MANY TIMES! And I rejected them! Why was I so stupid? Why was I so stupid to follow my boyfriend out all the time??
I don't deserve a birthday. I don't even have true friends.
When I was younger I used to lament why don't I ever have birthdays to celebrate with my friends since it was always a school holiday. Now it is even worst. I bet no one in my course knows.
My little circle may have had something prepared. But here's the message: Stop preparing, and go away.
When am I going to be the priority in that circle? Nobody ever come to me, and go "aiyah, you so weak, let me help you la." No one. They all expect me to be, strong, matured, calm, composed. When they have shit, I shouldn't have.
When my friend is silent, it is abnormal; when I am silent I should be left alone. When my friend is helpless; the whole group went towards her; when I feel helpless, I sought help from the MSN chats.
You ask yourself my friends in that circle, when have I ever become priority?
When?
When the time my boyfriend felt like a piece of shit from an argument?
When the time we were out I was always there listening silently while you guys all laughed away?
And the girls, why do we not talk and chat anymore? Do you people will only be there when there is a birthday?
I understand if my boyfriend's birthday was important. I understand if Islander's birthday was important. I also truly, truly understand if Bloodsun's birthday was important. But I, for the love of my own self and my current life, couldn't fathom why was I important.
I've never done anything important, nor am I too far to do anything important.
Oh sure, my boyfriend. I bet he's the best in this circle. He's the only one who could handle every member of the group, including me. I am rumoured to be "too tough to handle" because I could be very icy cold within minutes. He can go out with the girls when he needs to, he could go to cyber cafe when the boys ask him to. He's the pillar for every woe and joy celebrated there.
Do you understand now?
I know that if you celebrate my birthday it is only giving your face to my boyfriend. You really think I was so stupid to not know? You people will only plan all this because you LOVE Ephyon, not me.
You people don't love me at all. And I know that, from the actions of my own course. I bet you, none of them would go my Friendster or Facebook page, and specifically note down the Youngest member of this class. They would think it was the other girl, not me.
So what is the point of birthdays? Especially mine?
I don't feel proud and I don't feel happy. I wouldn't think it is such a great event at all.
So thank you my friends, for reading this. Maybe it is my nature, but I really want my birthday to be as discreet as possible. Thank you for all that planning, or at least that's what you people want me to think: That you people care.
I've already plan to forget that day's speciality. And I sincerely hope you could do so too.
Lets make my life easier shall we?
Thank you.
Love and Regards,
CiNDi
[Insert Title]
Posted by
cDi
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She crossed over a road, leading to the new apartment where she was staying. Concentrating hard on the road where she was leading to to not realise that she was freezing cold.
She did not think that she had to walk all the way back, did not think that her legs will give way. The tram had broken down due to "icycles forming at the electric cable. Situation has now calmed down, but the bus passengers trapped will have to find another way home. Maintenance will be in a moment." It came blaring out from televisions who had just captured them live. She didn't stop to think, just wanted to walk away from the crowd.
It was cold. She didn't wear any gloves on her way back. She cursed herself for not listening to the radio. Then again, "chilly" could have meant something significant. But it didn't for her.
It didn't for any person from her country trying to fit themselves into Washington D.C. And the residents themselves wore gloves.
She reached into her pocket to retrieve a box of cigarettes. Pall Mall, green, 12 sticks. She needed a puff to get herself warm. She flipped it open, only to find it empty. Her last smoke was before she boarded the tram.
Christ, she cursed out loud, before realising that she had unknowingly adopted the local slang. But she still receive many stares due to her Asian features, her long black and slightly curly hair, her taste of clothing, her constant frown. What is the fascination with Asians and their smiles? Jesus.
There it is again, she had been using Jesus Christ as her shield for foul language, even though she hardly embraced the religion. But it was a constant way to swear in this city of "civil manners". The capital of the USA may not be as rowdy as New York, but she still sees resemblance between the two.
She passed by a restaurant, and stopped to look. Cooks, kitchen helpers, busy marinating turkeys with main ingredients. She saw basil as one of it, and was painfully reminded with her friend of the same name back home. Wonder how was his band gigs coming along?
And the turkeys, she wondered. Even though it didn't mean much to her culture, eating turkeys with loved ones seems like a very "family warming" event, in her opinion. And since it was nearing that time of the year, it seemed pretty average, plus, if they do not be quick, they will not finished stuffing the turkeys, and that restaurant is most famous for their big, stuffed, deliciously roasted turkeys.
She walked around a park, where she sees children playing around with mini sleighs, kids who proudly show their parent their snowy achievements. The lake wasn't hardenned enough for skating, hence children were seen trying their best to break the thin iced layer. It may not be suitable for skaters yet, but it is still incapable of breaking with pebbles.
As she was back to the bustling city, and she stopped by to catch her breath. The walk from the last stop where the tram had stalled till this stretch of the city was pretty long. She looked at a homeless man, picking out garbage from the dustbin. She knows the habit of calling garbage "trash" in the country she's currently living, but she felt it was degradetory. The homeless man was seen nicking out whatever was edible, and a bypasser saw the pitiful sight of that tramp, and decided to give him a US dollar. He took the money, and cursed. Thankfully, the bypasser did not understand a single thing he said, which was, ironically Cantonese. She looked on with a bemused expression that a Caucasion tramp could converse Cantonese so well like it is his mother tongue. Then she heard the buzzing sounds signalling pedestrians to cross over, and she did.
She stepped up to her apartment, keys clinking with a worn out spider next to it. And the room was openned, to the many kinds of rubbish she had piled up. The heater was filled with what was already dried up from the previous snowstorm, and she felt lucky that today wasn't it.
She picked up a few clothings, and then switch on her laptop. She randomly checked a few emails, one from her mother, telling her that grandmother finally passed on. Her heart sank, but she knew her grandma has gone on to a better place.
Then she read another email from him. She smiled, and, feeling nostalgic, she clicked on the pictures they took from New York Times Square. That was the only time he went to visit her, and that was three years ago. She was adamant on staying here, and his work commitments are back at the home country. Their relationship didn't go well, hanging on a thread of promise. Her boyfriend (or soon to be ex) had proposed to her, but she don't really know what was her decision.
She had too many secrets lingering here to tell him. She didn't tell him that she took up smoking, she didn't tell him that she's seeing someone, errr, make that, three someones. She started applying for a PR here. The Washington Post decided to make her Head Journalist. And she wondered why she carried on harbouring hopes on something she will lose anyway? And damn it, why isn't he seeing someone else yet?
All these pent up frustrations continued to sting her eyes, and she took out a mini bottle of Kahlua to take a sip. Then, she unraveled her new box of Pall Mall, and with a light click, smoke was coming out of her mouth. Humming to a new tune, she started typing away before she submit another article. Hopefully this time, she gets a Pulitzer.
She was embracing Loneliness, and she liked it.
She did not think that she had to walk all the way back, did not think that her legs will give way. The tram had broken down due to "icycles forming at the electric cable. Situation has now calmed down, but the bus passengers trapped will have to find another way home. Maintenance will be in a moment." It came blaring out from televisions who had just captured them live. She didn't stop to think, just wanted to walk away from the crowd.
It was cold. She didn't wear any gloves on her way back. She cursed herself for not listening to the radio. Then again, "chilly" could have meant something significant. But it didn't for her.
It didn't for any person from her country trying to fit themselves into Washington D.C. And the residents themselves wore gloves.
She reached into her pocket to retrieve a box of cigarettes. Pall Mall, green, 12 sticks. She needed a puff to get herself warm. She flipped it open, only to find it empty. Her last smoke was before she boarded the tram.
Christ, she cursed out loud, before realising that she had unknowingly adopted the local slang. But she still receive many stares due to her Asian features, her long black and slightly curly hair, her taste of clothing, her constant frown. What is the fascination with Asians and their smiles? Jesus.
There it is again, she had been using Jesus Christ as her shield for foul language, even though she hardly embraced the religion. But it was a constant way to swear in this city of "civil manners". The capital of the USA may not be as rowdy as New York, but she still sees resemblance between the two.
She passed by a restaurant, and stopped to look. Cooks, kitchen helpers, busy marinating turkeys with main ingredients. She saw basil as one of it, and was painfully reminded with her friend of the same name back home. Wonder how was his band gigs coming along?
And the turkeys, she wondered. Even though it didn't mean much to her culture, eating turkeys with loved ones seems like a very "family warming" event, in her opinion. And since it was nearing that time of the year, it seemed pretty average, plus, if they do not be quick, they will not finished stuffing the turkeys, and that restaurant is most famous for their big, stuffed, deliciously roasted turkeys.
She walked around a park, where she sees children playing around with mini sleighs, kids who proudly show their parent their snowy achievements. The lake wasn't hardenned enough for skating, hence children were seen trying their best to break the thin iced layer. It may not be suitable for skaters yet, but it is still incapable of breaking with pebbles.
As she was back to the bustling city, and she stopped by to catch her breath. The walk from the last stop where the tram had stalled till this stretch of the city was pretty long. She looked at a homeless man, picking out garbage from the dustbin. She knows the habit of calling garbage "trash" in the country she's currently living, but she felt it was degradetory. The homeless man was seen nicking out whatever was edible, and a bypasser saw the pitiful sight of that tramp, and decided to give him a US dollar. He took the money, and cursed. Thankfully, the bypasser did not understand a single thing he said, which was, ironically Cantonese. She looked on with a bemused expression that a Caucasion tramp could converse Cantonese so well like it is his mother tongue. Then she heard the buzzing sounds signalling pedestrians to cross over, and she did.
She stepped up to her apartment, keys clinking with a worn out spider next to it. And the room was openned, to the many kinds of rubbish she had piled up. The heater was filled with what was already dried up from the previous snowstorm, and she felt lucky that today wasn't it.
She picked up a few clothings, and then switch on her laptop. She randomly checked a few emails, one from her mother, telling her that grandmother finally passed on. Her heart sank, but she knew her grandma has gone on to a better place.
Then she read another email from him. She smiled, and, feeling nostalgic, she clicked on the pictures they took from New York Times Square. That was the only time he went to visit her, and that was three years ago. She was adamant on staying here, and his work commitments are back at the home country. Their relationship didn't go well, hanging on a thread of promise. Her boyfriend (or soon to be ex) had proposed to her, but she don't really know what was her decision.
She had too many secrets lingering here to tell him. She didn't tell him that she took up smoking, she didn't tell him that she's seeing someone, errr, make that, three someones. She started applying for a PR here. The Washington Post decided to make her Head Journalist. And she wondered why she carried on harbouring hopes on something she will lose anyway? And damn it, why isn't he seeing someone else yet?
All these pent up frustrations continued to sting her eyes, and she took out a mini bottle of Kahlua to take a sip. Then, she unraveled her new box of Pall Mall, and with a light click, smoke was coming out of her mouth. Humming to a new tune, she started typing away before she submit another article. Hopefully this time, she gets a Pulitzer.
She was embracing Loneliness, and she liked it.
The Whys
Posted by
cDi
comments (0)
Why do I hate liars? Black and white liars?
Why are blog haters pricks? And blog supporters idiots?
Why some people try very hard to make themselves look intelligent?
Why can't I write a good feature with uses of melancholy, destructive sentences, tuning into despair, wallowing through the darkness? Why can't I write like Basil, who changes a simple, common terminology like "Chilli sauce" into the beautiful word called "condiments"?
Why keep a blog when you want to keep your lives private?
Why bother when you can't be bothered?
Why commit suicide when you can just quit your blog?
Why some people come online with nothing to do?
Why does the New York Times have a readability of 9.2 and The Star is only 2.0? (highest point is 10. Readability = difficulty in reading)
Why am I in Journalism?
Why is it that some people are still passive jerks when they are almost close to obliteration?
Why do we need Pendidikan Moral?
Why do you promote your blog to the whole world, but when a parent gave a suggestion, you show it to the world, causing every other genius and smarter, matured people to not go and comment in your blog?
Why do you discuss about Barack Obama when obviously Three Quarters of your commenters turn out to be tweens who do not give a fucking damn?
Why blog when you can write?
Why do I love and hate the relationships between Newspapers and New Media?
Why do I love and hate Rocky Bru?
Why am I asking these questions?
Why won't I reveal my identity even though I can if I want to?
Why do I blog?
Why?
Why are blog haters pricks? And blog supporters idiots?
Why some people try very hard to make themselves look intelligent?
Why can't I write a good feature with uses of melancholy, destructive sentences, tuning into despair, wallowing through the darkness? Why can't I write like Basil, who changes a simple, common terminology like "Chilli sauce" into the beautiful word called "condiments"?
Why keep a blog when you want to keep your lives private?
Why bother when you can't be bothered?
Why commit suicide when you can just quit your blog?
Why some people come online with nothing to do?
Why does the New York Times have a readability of 9.2 and The Star is only 2.0? (highest point is 10. Readability = difficulty in reading)
Why am I in Journalism?
Why is it that some people are still passive jerks when they are almost close to obliteration?
Why do we need Pendidikan Moral?
Why do you promote your blog to the whole world, but when a parent gave a suggestion, you show it to the world, causing every other genius and smarter, matured people to not go and comment in your blog?
Why do you discuss about Barack Obama when obviously Three Quarters of your commenters turn out to be tweens who do not give a fucking damn?
Why blog when you can write?
Why do I love and hate the relationships between Newspapers and New Media?
Why do I love and hate Rocky Bru?
Why am I asking these questions?
Why won't I reveal my identity even though I can if I want to?
Why do I blog?
Why?
Hey guys.....
Posted by
cDi
comments (0)
I'm FUCKING back!
No not really.
Internet is still down at home, I'm sitting in the most famous internet cafe that made Subang Jaya extremely popular among ravenous males that wants to curb their lustatious desires to kill. And eat.
Yeap, the (in)famous FTZ.
I've been dilligently calling Streamyx for the past 2 weeks that they have already know my name even pronouncing it from backwards.
IDNIC. My name is IDNIC!
They did send a technician over to help check my line status. Then, they send ANOTHER technician in charge of the wiring.
Why the hell do you need TWO technicians to do a job which covers everything in Electronic Engineering? (Might I add, my friend said it was the BASIC!)
But the WIRING technician didn't do a good job! And then today, they have sent LINE STATUS technician over to check my line status. Still suck. He said he had to file a report.
My mom asked "Can't you just call the other guy?"
"No. I have to file a different report before I can do so"
"He doesn't have a handphone?"
"Not that I know of."
-__________-
Colleagues. And he have no idea how to contact the second guy. What The Fuck.
But I had been tempted to tell him "A nutless monkey can do your job!"
I'm so out of date in scandals and internet gossip! Please bring me up to date!
At least Streamyx is more systematic this time. They didn't put some noob into work. Yayness.
Of course, my purpose of being here is not just to satisfy my Internet needs. I need to complete my two assignments pronto.
So see you. Ta.
No not really.
Internet is still down at home, I'm sitting in the most famous internet cafe that made Subang Jaya extremely popular among ravenous males that wants to curb their lustatious desires to kill. And eat.
Yeap, the (in)famous FTZ.
I've been dilligently calling Streamyx for the past 2 weeks that they have already know my name even pronouncing it from backwards.
IDNIC. My name is IDNIC!
They did send a technician over to help check my line status. Then, they send ANOTHER technician in charge of the wiring.
Why the hell do you need TWO technicians to do a job which covers everything in Electronic Engineering? (Might I add, my friend said it was the BASIC!)
But the WIRING technician didn't do a good job! And then today, they have sent LINE STATUS technician over to check my line status. Still suck. He said he had to file a report.
My mom asked "Can't you just call the other guy?"
"No. I have to file a different report before I can do so"
"He doesn't have a handphone?"
"Not that I know of."
-__________-
Colleagues. And he have no idea how to contact the second guy. What The Fuck.
But I had been tempted to tell him "A nutless monkey can do your job!"
I'm so out of date in scandals and internet gossip! Please bring me up to date!
At least Streamyx is more systematic this time. They didn't put some noob into work. Yayness.
Of course, my purpose of being here is not just to satisfy my Internet needs. I need to complete my two assignments pronto.
So see you. Ta.
An eventful day (not really)
Posted by
cDi
comments (0)
Zzzz zzzz zzzzz......*snort snort*..hmm..what?
Oh, right, an eventful day....
Crap, my mind is too tired to salvage every bits of entertaining elements of today, which will probably end by the time this post is published.
Let me try to write it ala, what time of the said activity started. Sorry la, my brain is really trying really hard to stay awake but it fails to due to exhaustion of this particular eventful day.
7.30a.m: Picked up boyfriend, and his coursemate aka part of the famwie too. Saw an old lady. She looked perpetually shocked with the reverse of roles. (Female driver, male passenger).
7.48a.m: Stepped into class, said "hi". Then Tutor came in. Briefed the class awhile, stopped, looked at me and said "I remember you". =D It's too bad that I will not have Public Speaking as a subject in my course.
8 a.m: Tutorial officially starts, and there are many latecomers coming in.
8.15a.m: Boyfriend go present. He had a topic called "Global Warming". I thought he was trying to be funny, linking global warming to petrol prices and crime rates -__-. Turns out he was really stumped with the topic. And tutor didn't find it a laughing matter. What more when he finished at only 3 minutes and 22 seconds. Too fast. The best is 4 - 5 minutes.
8.25a.m: Boyfriend sat down looking dejected. He made too many mistakes in an impromptu speech. And apparently he thought that taking another topic will be too risky, but, turns out all the others got easier topics. He felt even worst. Bleh.
10.20a.m: Girl was presenting about death. She mentioned about her experience with death, which her father just passed away last semester. She was about to cry, which was a big no-no in presentations, thankfully she didn't and carried on. But after she went to her seat. Immediately she started crying non-stop. All her friends started crying too. Walau, =.=. I feel so, err, immuned to these kind of problems. Although actually I lost my grandpa at that time too.
11a.m: Ordered some Indian curry rice to be brought back to eat. Mutton curry, mmm, fried chicken, mmm. Who cares about cholestrol? Let me indulged in sinful pleasures =D.
1p.m: Tried to connect to the Internet. Argh, DNS server error, Proxy server error, Port error. This new modem really not good. -_-. Forget it, sleep first.
1.30p.m: Zzzz....
4.16p.m: Zzzz....what? Eh? I thought boyfriend is supposed to pick me up at 3p.m? I smsed him and called him. -__-. Miscommunication, but at least he was on his way here.
5p.m: Yayz, Sunway pyramid! Makan....
5.30p.m: Nice meal for the boyfriend. I didn't enjoy much though. Haha. Then suddenly, some very fierce noises can be heard. A few Mandarin speaking people were there. I assume from China, cause their accent is super heavy. Got a couple who looks and sounds Malaysian. Okay, there are five of them. 2 guys, called Black Shirt and Blue Shirt (because it's easy), then the girl is called err, Handbag, because she was carrying one. Malaysian couple shall remained as Malaysian couple, because they didn't do much.
So Black Shirt was fighting with Handbag, and Handbag got pissed off and said "Lets go!!" and stormed out. Blue Shirt followed, but Black Shirt kept stopping him, and then something about relationships and such cause I can't hear them properly. So Blue Shirt and Black Shirt kept pushing each other. Some other customers actually went away from that scene in case something happens. Then the unthinkable happen. Black Shirt, took a knife from the tray, and aimed at Blue Shirt, with a threat! In front of moi and boyfriend 0.0. Blue Shirt was calm for a guy who was pointed with a knife. The rest of the restaurant wasn't that calm though. Manager went to call for security, Many of them rushed to pay the bills. Thankfully, no one was hurt. But that sure was unneccessary if it's over a girl. I mean, no offense, but Handbag looks like Furong Jiejie. Yeuch.
Then the rest of the day were spent trying to connect to the Internet because somehow, our connection is very very blocked. Gah!
Yeap, no thanks to the Internet, I only managed to finish this post now.
It is......26th of October, 5.48p.m.
Yes, that's how much my internet sucks.
Eventful day is yesterday. Today? Not really
Oh, right, an eventful day....
Crap, my mind is too tired to salvage every bits of entertaining elements of today, which will probably end by the time this post is published.
Let me try to write it ala, what time of the said activity started. Sorry la, my brain is really trying really hard to stay awake but it fails to due to exhaustion of this particular eventful day.
7.30a.m: Picked up boyfriend, and his coursemate aka part of the famwie too. Saw an old lady. She looked perpetually shocked with the reverse of roles. (Female driver, male passenger).
7.48a.m: Stepped into class, said "hi". Then Tutor came in. Briefed the class awhile, stopped, looked at me and said "I remember you". =D It's too bad that I will not have Public Speaking as a subject in my course.
8 a.m: Tutorial officially starts, and there are many latecomers coming in.
8.15a.m: Boyfriend go present. He had a topic called "Global Warming". I thought he was trying to be funny, linking global warming to petrol prices and crime rates -__-. Turns out he was really stumped with the topic. And tutor didn't find it a laughing matter. What more when he finished at only 3 minutes and 22 seconds. Too fast. The best is 4 - 5 minutes.
8.25a.m: Boyfriend sat down looking dejected. He made too many mistakes in an impromptu speech. And apparently he thought that taking another topic will be too risky, but, turns out all the others got easier topics. He felt even worst. Bleh.
10.20a.m: Girl was presenting about death. She mentioned about her experience with death, which her father just passed away last semester. She was about to cry, which was a big no-no in presentations, thankfully she didn't and carried on. But after she went to her seat. Immediately she started crying non-stop. All her friends started crying too. Walau, =.=. I feel so, err, immuned to these kind of problems. Although actually I lost my grandpa at that time too.
11a.m: Ordered some Indian curry rice to be brought back to eat. Mutton curry, mmm, fried chicken, mmm. Who cares about cholestrol? Let me indulged in sinful pleasures =D.
1p.m: Tried to connect to the Internet. Argh, DNS server error, Proxy server error, Port error. This new modem really not good. -_-. Forget it, sleep first.
1.30p.m: Zzzz....
4.16p.m: Zzzz....what? Eh? I thought boyfriend is supposed to pick me up at 3p.m? I smsed him and called him. -__-. Miscommunication, but at least he was on his way here.
5p.m: Yayz, Sunway pyramid! Makan....
5.30p.m: Nice meal for the boyfriend. I didn't enjoy much though. Haha. Then suddenly, some very fierce noises can be heard. A few Mandarin speaking people were there. I assume from China, cause their accent is super heavy. Got a couple who looks and sounds Malaysian. Okay, there are five of them. 2 guys, called Black Shirt and Blue Shirt (because it's easy), then the girl is called err, Handbag, because she was carrying one. Malaysian couple shall remained as Malaysian couple, because they didn't do much.
So Black Shirt was fighting with Handbag, and Handbag got pissed off and said "Lets go!!" and stormed out. Blue Shirt followed, but Black Shirt kept stopping him, and then something about relationships and such cause I can't hear them properly. So Blue Shirt and Black Shirt kept pushing each other. Some other customers actually went away from that scene in case something happens. Then the unthinkable happen. Black Shirt, took a knife from the tray, and aimed at Blue Shirt, with a threat! In front of moi and boyfriend 0.0. Blue Shirt was calm for a guy who was pointed with a knife. The rest of the restaurant wasn't that calm though. Manager went to call for security, Many of them rushed to pay the bills. Thankfully, no one was hurt. But that sure was unneccessary if it's over a girl. I mean, no offense, but Handbag looks like Furong Jiejie. Yeuch.
Then the rest of the day were spent trying to connect to the Internet because somehow, our connection is very very blocked. Gah!
Yeap, no thanks to the Internet, I only managed to finish this post now.
It is......26th of October, 5.48p.m.
Yes, that's how much my internet sucks.
Eventful day is yesterday. Today? Not really
What I really think about the whole lawsuit war
Posted by
cDi
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It started when I read Rocky's account of his defense for Utusan Melayu after all those furore about Teresa Kok getting locked up in ISA and for suing Utusan Melayu for their false article about the Azan controversy. That article, received a lot of flak I daresay.
Then Utusan Melayu published a short story named "Politik Baru YB J". I must say, that short story is decent, something that students will study in Bahasa Melayu. But of course, that story ended up with the death of this "fictional" MP, because she is a "threat to the harmonious society".
So now Teresa Kok has resort to suing Utusan Melayu and the Short story author, Chamil Wariya, for RM100 million.
(Note: Original lawsuit was RM30 million)
The second lawsuit had received mixed reviews from the public. As I glanced at Rocky's website, majority of them were saying that she's now aiming from being rational to being obsessed with trying to bring Utusan Melayu down, that the amount was unnecessary.
And then, many mainstream journalists seemed to start feeling the bitterness about this whole lawsuit war, because if Utusan Melayu can be sued, so can they in the future. But problem is, there are many others who feel nonchalant about the issue, now is feeling annoyed with all the negativity surrounding this issue.
I, for instance, don't see what is the big problem now.
I tried discussing about it to my boyfriend, because I constantly update him with what is happening. And he asked me, "So do you think that Teresa Kok should sue?"
And this is what I really think.
I think, that as a member of the public, we should just continue to eat, shit and sleep. There are so many other things to worry about, and we had to worry about some politician battling some newspaper?
Please la, mainstream newspaper journalists sekalian, don't make us, the younger noob ones to see the light for you.
What Teresa Kok is doing, is as normal as ANYONE would do. Hello, try getting caught and sent to jail for a news that was fabricated and you tell me if you can put it down, smile and go "Ah, where were we? Yes, I shall continue serving the people".
Then later on getting thrown with Molotov cocktails but still continue with that bimbotic tone of "Molotov? Is it a drink? No matter, serve the people! They are the priority! Teehee!"
Not to mention receiving death threats about you and your family, you'll go "Aww, stupid people, CIBAI also spell wrongly. It's 'CHEEBYE'. Now shoo, my priority is to sleep. Teehee!" eh?
No. You would react like her. And blame all the shit on that "source" who was not even true.
So now we come to the term of whether should Utusan Melayu make up news like that and turn people's heads.
My thoughts would be, So? Do we even READ them?
If they want to create rumours, and if the people chose to be stupid and listen to that kind of bullshit, who are we to stop them? And you think Utusan Melayu is the only one pulling that stunt? Puh-leese, There are TONS in Hong Kong. Apple Daily is fucking famous for getting sued. And they are still very much alive and kicking.
What about those newspapers in America? I've seen lots. Remember there was once that they sparked a discussion just based on Hillary Clinton's cleavage? *rolls eyes*
Don't go set up some tabung, you know they can afford to pay RM130 million without you anyway.
Oh, and so everyone goes around and said "This is not journalism! We must repair this!".
Fuck you, I'M studying journalism and what you are seeing is called Yellow Journalism and Tabloidization. It's perfectly normal, only noobs like you guys all treat it like it's a big matter. And I'm talking from the perspective of the public. Not Teresa Kok. Of course it's a big matter to her.
And the short story creation is called "sensationalism". By adding dramatic elements to the news, they create rumours and tension. And that's the EXACT reaction they are receiving from audiences now. Case in point, why didn't they publish this short story in a later date? And why MUST they choose to publish it now when the whole lawsuit battle is the hype? So what if they are hated? It's perfectly known that this is not for any literary purposes. Fame knows no bounds. Hatred is also a kind of fame. Shame on you guys to fall into that trap.
And what's the point of being so hyped up about this kind of newspaper, they are there to mess with your mind. I'm sure Tony Pua could account to that because he was also a target some time back. They are the newspaper that creates sensation, nothing wrong with that.
What is wrong is your reactions about this issue. BOTH the public and the journalists. You guys said that it is inevitable that Press freedom will never be absolute in Malaysia, but you guys forgot the mention the very base of human rights.
The right of defending one's self. And that is what she is doing. Whoever mentioned that she's dragging her own constituents down with this, well in my opinion, that's a moronic statement.
My advice is, just read the updates, but don't react. There is no return for Utusan Melayu to become a factual newspaper, and they know that. So if you like to read dramatic stuff instead of the usual boring titbits, then go ahead. If you don't read them, then just don't read them. Don't get so uptight about it.
Yay, ranting done. Back to eat, shit, and sleeping.
I know if I really don't care, I wouldn't even NEED to blog about it. However, there are too many people on the net behaving that way, and it's getting on my nerves. And what's a blog if it's not for me to whine.
WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINY
Why is everybody so up and jumpy (over this issue)?
That's it. Ciao.
P.S: Salam Bro. This Teresa Kok issue is getting out of hand, why don't you go on strike like the one last time?
P.P.S: After the highlight of this short story only do I realised that we have a "Malaysian Press Institute". If that institute is so great, what am I doing here?
Then Utusan Melayu published a short story named "Politik Baru YB J". I must say, that short story is decent, something that students will study in Bahasa Melayu. But of course, that story ended up with the death of this "fictional" MP, because she is a "threat to the harmonious society".
So now Teresa Kok has resort to suing Utusan Melayu and the Short story author, Chamil Wariya, for RM100 million.
(Note: Original lawsuit was RM30 million)
The second lawsuit had received mixed reviews from the public. As I glanced at Rocky's website, majority of them were saying that she's now aiming from being rational to being obsessed with trying to bring Utusan Melayu down, that the amount was unnecessary.
And then, many mainstream journalists seemed to start feeling the bitterness about this whole lawsuit war, because if Utusan Melayu can be sued, so can they in the future. But problem is, there are many others who feel nonchalant about the issue, now is feeling annoyed with all the negativity surrounding this issue.
I, for instance, don't see what is the big problem now.
I tried discussing about it to my boyfriend, because I constantly update him with what is happening. And he asked me, "So do you think that Teresa Kok should sue?"
And this is what I really think.
I think, that as a member of the public, we should just continue to eat, shit and sleep. There are so many other things to worry about, and we had to worry about some politician battling some newspaper?
Please la, mainstream newspaper journalists sekalian, don't make us, the younger noob ones to see the light for you.
What Teresa Kok is doing, is as normal as ANYONE would do. Hello, try getting caught and sent to jail for a news that was fabricated and you tell me if you can put it down, smile and go "Ah, where were we? Yes, I shall continue serving the people".
Then later on getting thrown with Molotov cocktails but still continue with that bimbotic tone of "Molotov? Is it a drink? No matter, serve the people! They are the priority! Teehee!"
Not to mention receiving death threats about you and your family, you'll go "Aww, stupid people, CIBAI also spell wrongly. It's 'CHEEBYE'. Now shoo, my priority is to sleep. Teehee!" eh?
No. You would react like her. And blame all the shit on that "source" who was not even true.
So now we come to the term of whether should Utusan Melayu make up news like that and turn people's heads.
My thoughts would be, So? Do we even READ them?
If they want to create rumours, and if the people chose to be stupid and listen to that kind of bullshit, who are we to stop them? And you think Utusan Melayu is the only one pulling that stunt? Puh-leese, There are TONS in Hong Kong. Apple Daily is fucking famous for getting sued. And they are still very much alive and kicking.
What about those newspapers in America? I've seen lots. Remember there was once that they sparked a discussion just based on Hillary Clinton's cleavage? *rolls eyes*
Don't go set up some tabung, you know they can afford to pay RM130 million without you anyway.
Oh, and so everyone goes around and said "This is not journalism! We must repair this!".
Fuck you, I'M studying journalism and what you are seeing is called Yellow Journalism and Tabloidization. It's perfectly normal, only noobs like you guys all treat it like it's a big matter. And I'm talking from the perspective of the public. Not Teresa Kok. Of course it's a big matter to her.
And the short story creation is called "sensationalism". By adding dramatic elements to the news, they create rumours and tension. And that's the EXACT reaction they are receiving from audiences now. Case in point, why didn't they publish this short story in a later date? And why MUST they choose to publish it now when the whole lawsuit battle is the hype? So what if they are hated? It's perfectly known that this is not for any literary purposes. Fame knows no bounds. Hatred is also a kind of fame. Shame on you guys to fall into that trap.
And what's the point of being so hyped up about this kind of newspaper, they are there to mess with your mind. I'm sure Tony Pua could account to that because he was also a target some time back. They are the newspaper that creates sensation, nothing wrong with that.
What is wrong is your reactions about this issue. BOTH the public and the journalists. You guys said that it is inevitable that Press freedom will never be absolute in Malaysia, but you guys forgot the mention the very base of human rights.
The right of defending one's self. And that is what she is doing. Whoever mentioned that she's dragging her own constituents down with this, well in my opinion, that's a moronic statement.
My advice is, just read the updates, but don't react. There is no return for Utusan Melayu to become a factual newspaper, and they know that. So if you like to read dramatic stuff instead of the usual boring titbits, then go ahead. If you don't read them, then just don't read them. Don't get so uptight about it.
Yay, ranting done. Back to eat, shit, and sleeping.
I know if I really don't care, I wouldn't even NEED to blog about it. However, there are too many people on the net behaving that way, and it's getting on my nerves. And what's a blog if it's not for me to whine.
WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINY
Why is everybody so up and jumpy (over this issue)?
That's it. Ciao.
P.S: Salam Bro. This Teresa Kok issue is getting out of hand, why don't you go on strike like the one last time?
P.P.S: After the highlight of this short story only do I realised that we have a "Malaysian Press Institute". If that institute is so great, what am I doing here?
Lessons learnt from the first tag
Posted by
cDi
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I called it a first tag because I was really just tagging another person who is the real deal XD. The real freelance journalist. Haha.
Rin was the enthusiastic girl who loves nature so much that she invited me along. Padan muka, I told her she couldn't handle it herself, so she should invite someone else to go with her.
Then she said, "Why don't you come along?"
=.=
So went off I did, made a little mistake when I parked at the wrong spot at 6.50am, but at least I didn't delay them much.
A one hour drive, on a Ford Ranger (first time sat on it, meh, not comfortable at all) to Tanah Merah, Negeri Sembilan. Where we are going to get our first assignment, to cover the event of the closing of the project between the NGO, and the big corporate company with Tree Planting.
So after a quick change, we saw all the Boss boss sekalian, suddenly we go speechless. I don't know any of them! Argh! What am I supposed to say?
Then after the breakfast, I saw the founder of the NGO that gave us this assignment. Wah, not bad, quite soft spoken, and speaks English rather eloquently.
One rather cool thing was the VIP there, although he wasn't so cool when he first arrived. The moment he arrived, everyone stood up and go "Boss, Boss" and shook his hand. Then my mind was thinking, "Hmm, must be those kind of VIP who take the hoe and smash it to the ground three times and that's it". Rather distasteful.
We further had that thought when we came by only one car, and we needed to get into other cars because the members present were a lot. So we needed to hitch a ride at another car, then that manager saw this and he said, "No worries, I'll sit with somebody else. My driver can drive you there."
Okay. Big tall car. Singapore car license. Driver. This is really a rich guy. Distastefulness felt. Although we were smart enough to not say anything.
Then as we reached to the plot, where the tree planting actions were supposed to be held. They were briefed by the original worker when suddenly, that VIP stopped him.
He got his hands dirty and taught us the proper way to deal with plants, because he used to handle Palm Oil trees.
Fuyoh. Everybody was clapping. And he went on and taught the others on how to plant trees. Everybody have fun, sort of. Ha.
My misperception came from the fact that the VIP was young, and that he probably got the top position without knowing what oil palm plantation is really about.
However, after a talk with our senior supervisor, apparently he's involved with the estate plantation for 30 years and he started from the bottom.
30 years? He barely looked over 40! Not to mention he's quite good looking.
Fuyoh, my misperception changed. There are really good managers out there after all. Those who REALLY understand how is it like to deal with these sort of business. I salute those kind of people.
To those "undergraduates" who think they can apply the top position and stay there, Ptui, learn how to mingle with the common folk first. Get their respect. That's where the PM failed I think.
Then when we came back, instead of the typical syrup, they served the people coconuts, as in, REAL coconuts, freshly plucked from the coconut trees they had planted nearby. Really a good finishing touch, as Mr. Founder said.
After that, a few of those managers came by to talk to us. Ha, we really are amateurs there, what more when I was the youngest (I'm not even 20 yet! I feel so insignificant! Gah!). A quick chat with them revealed that they really didn't know what they were supposed to do until they were there, as they had admit rather bashfully.
So, this is a pseudo-event? But some of them were really knowledgeable about the whole project. Mr. Founder were briefing to them about the money that could be used resourcefully, purchasing RM30 - RM40 per tree seedling, and he revealed that they can get them in Sabah for only RM5! 0.0
With the money that is usually as expensive as your typical nasi lemak or char kuey teow in Kuala Lumpur, you can purchase a natural forest tree seedling in Sabah.
I should ditch my nasi lemak allowance. Haha. I want to go to Sabah! But, Sabah's airplane ticket is equivalent to 100 natural forest tree seedlings.
Sigh
Other lessons I've learnt:
- Mr. Founder is a Muslim, but he couldn't speak Malay (Or at least that's what I think. Didn't ask him, so sensitive). Maybe he's a convert. Maybe he's a foreigner cause he don't look local. My senior supervisor was telling us the little mistake he made in Kulim yesterday. He addressed the audience who are mostly adults, as "Budak-budak". And he was the only English speaker to a mostly Malay audience. So today he was saying "I did mess it up didn't I?". He didn't want to speak Malay because he didn't want to be criticised as having the "slang". Aww, so cute la. Moral of the story: Don't judge a book by its cover.
- I saw two Malays who are very good in speaking Mandarin. I haven't seen those ever since I left my chinese primary school. It's a very nice touch. But my English was better. I only spoke Mandarin to people whom I'm close with.
- The Mr. VIP case. That guy deserves to be the Boss. =D
- My senior supervisor who told us a few stories about European boyfriends. My gosh, their cultures are really different. And it was really funny. =D will tell you more about it when I know more about European stuff.
- My love towards greenies has been restored! I'm not sure why am I such a forest freak, but since young I've been to more forests than beaches. Really, I'd rather get sucked by leeches than getting myself salty wet.
Woot! Bring it on! Rin, if you are reading this, I hope you get more assignments, then I'll be tagging you along. XD
Ciao!
Rin was the enthusiastic girl who loves nature so much that she invited me along. Padan muka, I told her she couldn't handle it herself, so she should invite someone else to go with her.
Then she said, "Why don't you come along?"
=.=
So went off I did, made a little mistake when I parked at the wrong spot at 6.50am, but at least I didn't delay them much.
A one hour drive, on a Ford Ranger (first time sat on it, meh, not comfortable at all) to Tanah Merah, Negeri Sembilan. Where we are going to get our first assignment, to cover the event of the closing of the project between the NGO, and the big corporate company with Tree Planting.
So after a quick change, we saw all the Boss boss sekalian, suddenly we go speechless. I don't know any of them! Argh! What am I supposed to say?
Then after the breakfast, I saw the founder of the NGO that gave us this assignment. Wah, not bad, quite soft spoken, and speaks English rather eloquently.
One rather cool thing was the VIP there, although he wasn't so cool when he first arrived. The moment he arrived, everyone stood up and go "Boss, Boss" and shook his hand. Then my mind was thinking, "Hmm, must be those kind of VIP who take the hoe and smash it to the ground three times and that's it". Rather distasteful.
We further had that thought when we came by only one car, and we needed to get into other cars because the members present were a lot. So we needed to hitch a ride at another car, then that manager saw this and he said, "No worries, I'll sit with somebody else. My driver can drive you there."
Okay. Big tall car. Singapore car license. Driver. This is really a rich guy. Distastefulness felt. Although we were smart enough to not say anything.
Then as we reached to the plot, where the tree planting actions were supposed to be held. They were briefed by the original worker when suddenly, that VIP stopped him.
He got his hands dirty and taught us the proper way to deal with plants, because he used to handle Palm Oil trees.
Fuyoh. Everybody was clapping. And he went on and taught the others on how to plant trees. Everybody have fun, sort of. Ha.
My misperception came from the fact that the VIP was young, and that he probably got the top position without knowing what oil palm plantation is really about.
However, after a talk with our senior supervisor, apparently he's involved with the estate plantation for 30 years and he started from the bottom.
30 years? He barely looked over 40! Not to mention he's quite good looking.
Fuyoh, my misperception changed. There are really good managers out there after all. Those who REALLY understand how is it like to deal with these sort of business. I salute those kind of people.
To those "undergraduates" who think they can apply the top position and stay there, Ptui, learn how to mingle with the common folk first. Get their respect. That's where the PM failed I think.
Then when we came back, instead of the typical syrup, they served the people coconuts, as in, REAL coconuts, freshly plucked from the coconut trees they had planted nearby. Really a good finishing touch, as Mr. Founder said.
After that, a few of those managers came by to talk to us. Ha, we really are amateurs there, what more when I was the youngest (I'm not even 20 yet! I feel so insignificant! Gah!). A quick chat with them revealed that they really didn't know what they were supposed to do until they were there, as they had admit rather bashfully.
So, this is a pseudo-event? But some of them were really knowledgeable about the whole project. Mr. Founder were briefing to them about the money that could be used resourcefully, purchasing RM30 - RM40 per tree seedling, and he revealed that they can get them in Sabah for only RM5! 0.0
With the money that is usually as expensive as your typical nasi lemak or char kuey teow in Kuala Lumpur, you can purchase a natural forest tree seedling in Sabah.
I should ditch my nasi lemak allowance. Haha. I want to go to Sabah! But, Sabah's airplane ticket is equivalent to 100 natural forest tree seedlings.
Sigh
Other lessons I've learnt:
- Mr. Founder is a Muslim, but he couldn't speak Malay (Or at least that's what I think. Didn't ask him, so sensitive). Maybe he's a convert. Maybe he's a foreigner cause he don't look local. My senior supervisor was telling us the little mistake he made in Kulim yesterday. He addressed the audience who are mostly adults, as "Budak-budak". And he was the only English speaker to a mostly Malay audience. So today he was saying "I did mess it up didn't I?". He didn't want to speak Malay because he didn't want to be criticised as having the "slang". Aww, so cute la. Moral of the story: Don't judge a book by its cover.
- I saw two Malays who are very good in speaking Mandarin. I haven't seen those ever since I left my chinese primary school. It's a very nice touch. But my English was better. I only spoke Mandarin to people whom I'm close with.
- The Mr. VIP case. That guy deserves to be the Boss. =D
- My senior supervisor who told us a few stories about European boyfriends. My gosh, their cultures are really different. And it was really funny. =D will tell you more about it when I know more about European stuff.
- My love towards greenies has been restored! I'm not sure why am I such a forest freak, but since young I've been to more forests than beaches. Really, I'd rather get sucked by leeches than getting myself salty wet.
Woot! Bring it on! Rin, if you are reading this, I hope you get more assignments, then I'll be tagging you along. XD
Ciao!
I heart Nury, and it's not a helicopter
Posted by
cDi
comments (0)
I heart Vittachi, but it's not a side brand of Vitagen. (lame. pun. sorry.)
Meet Nury Vittachi. Asian (somewhere along the lines a Malaysian), Journalist, Columnist, Humourous, Guru (like Guru Pitka™), Crazy Fellow, but best of all, He have a kick-ass website, which has articles that comes out once in awhile in The Sun for the Malaysian region.
I've read about him when he was discussing about Facebook, which also appeared in The Sun, but I didn't really put it in mind till much later (which is today), when I came across yet another pleasantly humourous tale about American politicians, and the Asian audience.
Read it HERE.
What I like was one paragraph that the fact that he likes to make the journalists from the West so agitated about our ignorance towards the current situation of American Politics, or they think this is the "MUST WATCH" of the Political Arena.
Hah, Americans, so full of themselves. I don't give a rat's ass if my assignment reports are coming up. (Reference from Two and a Half Men. Americanization. Mmmm. Wait, what?)
Still, I'd like his jokes and his writing style. It's different, refreshing from what I have to read every other day on Malaysian news. You know, times like this, Even I would think Raja Petra's website is sensationalising news to the fullest, even though it's the truth.
Not to mention he had published a few children's books for his Hong Kong audience where he is based at now, conducting lectures for screenplay and writing (Too bad, the Broadcasting course here would need some), managed to organised Literary awards which he had set up with two other writers, one kind of prominent Shirley Lim Geok-lin (Anyone remember the poem we have to study in Form 4? Anyone? Silverfish? Baba Nyonya? Rain?)
If you really felt the blues, like me, head over to his website. I would like to be like him in the future, but ah, tis a long road, I will shape my writing style after that.
Till then, I'm adding a new link to my links of must reads.
Bye.
Meet Nury Vittachi. Asian (somewhere along the lines a Malaysian), Journalist, Columnist, Humourous, Guru (like Guru Pitka™), Crazy Fellow, but best of all, He have a kick-ass website, which has articles that comes out once in awhile in The Sun for the Malaysian region.
I've read about him when he was discussing about Facebook, which also appeared in The Sun, but I didn't really put it in mind till much later (which is today), when I came across yet another pleasantly humourous tale about American politicians, and the Asian audience.
Read it HERE.
What I like was one paragraph that the fact that he likes to make the journalists from the West so agitated about our ignorance towards the current situation of American Politics, or they think this is the "MUST WATCH" of the Political Arena.
Hah, Americans, so full of themselves. I don't give a rat's ass if my assignment reports are coming up. (Reference from Two and a Half Men. Americanization. Mmmm. Wait, what?)
Still, I'd like his jokes and his writing style. It's different, refreshing from what I have to read every other day on Malaysian news. You know, times like this, Even I would think Raja Petra's website is sensationalising news to the fullest, even though it's the truth.
Not to mention he had published a few children's books for his Hong Kong audience where he is based at now, conducting lectures for screenplay and writing (Too bad, the Broadcasting course here would need some), managed to organised Literary awards which he had set up with two other writers, one kind of prominent Shirley Lim Geok-lin (Anyone remember the poem we have to study in Form 4? Anyone? Silverfish? Baba Nyonya? Rain?)
If you really felt the blues, like me, head over to his website. I would like to be like him in the future, but ah, tis a long road, I will shape my writing style after that.
Till then, I'm adding a new link to my links of must reads.
Bye.
Wild Wild Wild
Posted by
cDi
comments (0)
I'd like to imagine myself at my dying moments,
lying in a scene,
It could be either an accident, or the bed I laid on for the past few years,
Heaving and hoffing, my few weak breaths,
As I tried to reenact my last precious moments of my life,
It better be something that I achieved,
As I drift away,
As my heart skipped a few beats,
Hopefully it'll be a smile,
And my eyes could bat,
Slowly stopping, stopping....
I'd like to imagine myself flying,
Jumping off from a building,
So exhilarating,
Wait, I don't have anything to support me!
Ahhh, Oh gosh! I'm falling really hard!
Don't panic. Reorganise.
And....
Ooh, that's not so hard.
Ahh, what a very nice feeling, gliding along skies.
Touching the white clouds,
Ignoring the gray ones,
Let the wind brush my cheeks,
Ticklish, I hope.
And then I just want to keep flying, and flying, and flying....
I'd like to imagine myself as a elf princess,
Possibly immortal like everyone else in the planet,
Loving all the cute creatures around,
Savouring the various berries,
Prancing around the ever-refreshing grassy hills,
So happy,
I make flowers bloom at the wrong seasons,
And I'll just go all giggly,
Roll down the hills,
Feeling so happy and satisfied,
Did I mention I was barefooted?
Yeah, so happy, so happy....
I'd like to imagine myself as an expecting mother,
Wishing my baby wouldn't kick as much,
Wishing my back pain wouldn't hurt as much,
Wishing I wouldn't be as grumpy, as much,
Wishing my husband wouldn't be so grumpy, as much too,
Seeing the baby grow and grow,
Dreading the delivery time,
Roll my eyes,
And think,
If my period are always painful,
My delivery will be ten times worst,
Sigh.....
I'd like to imagine myself being something recognisable,
Journalist, blogger, author, Prime Minister?
Nah, Prime Minister way out of my league,
But still, it's nice being popular,
But I personally hate popularity,
That's why I'm still anonymous,
So contradicting,
But I'd like people to appreciate what I do,
Not who I am,
Some people could cross that line,
I like my image preserved,
Yet promote myself,
Teehee, Hugo XX was one small achievement,
And then seeing my blog link in places that I don't know,
Thanks for the heads up,
Femes Femes......
I'd like to imagine myself,
as a typical Scorpio,
There are three kinds,
One the chilly Scorpio,
Two the fiery Scorpio,
Three the strong Scorpio,
Jade Z is the fiery Scorpio, in my opinion,
Samantha P, is the strong Scorpio, I think,
CiNDi is the chilly Scorpio, definitely,
I'm so chilly that no one had melted my heart and be allowed to be in it,
There used to be one, but our cracks had caused me to push him out,
Oh Scorpio, Scorpio, Scorpio,
Our personalities so intertwined,
So confusing,
Yet true, we have the alluring charm,
I can make people miserable if I want to,
Bleh......
Argh,
After so long,
So so long,
All I can conjure is,
all these fragments of imaginations,
Gah,
Too practical = not good,
Feels so hard to express myself,
Had to cut my sentences shorter to enrich the tone,
Gah,
My brain too much politics,
Time to indulge in books,
Ciao.....
lying in a scene,
It could be either an accident, or the bed I laid on for the past few years,
Heaving and hoffing, my few weak breaths,
As I tried to reenact my last precious moments of my life,
It better be something that I achieved,
As I drift away,
As my heart skipped a few beats,
Hopefully it'll be a smile,
And my eyes could bat,
Slowly stopping, stopping....
I'd like to imagine myself flying,
Jumping off from a building,
So exhilarating,
Wait, I don't have anything to support me!
Ahhh, Oh gosh! I'm falling really hard!
Don't panic. Reorganise.
And....
Ooh, that's not so hard.
Ahh, what a very nice feeling, gliding along skies.
Touching the white clouds,
Ignoring the gray ones,
Let the wind brush my cheeks,
Ticklish, I hope.
And then I just want to keep flying, and flying, and flying....
I'd like to imagine myself as a elf princess,
Possibly immortal like everyone else in the planet,
Loving all the cute creatures around,
Savouring the various berries,
Prancing around the ever-refreshing grassy hills,
So happy,
I make flowers bloom at the wrong seasons,
And I'll just go all giggly,
Roll down the hills,
Feeling so happy and satisfied,
Did I mention I was barefooted?
Yeah, so happy, so happy....
I'd like to imagine myself as an expecting mother,
Wishing my baby wouldn't kick as much,
Wishing my back pain wouldn't hurt as much,
Wishing I wouldn't be as grumpy, as much,
Wishing my husband wouldn't be so grumpy, as much too,
Seeing the baby grow and grow,
Dreading the delivery time,
Roll my eyes,
And think,
If my period are always painful,
My delivery will be ten times worst,
Sigh.....
I'd like to imagine myself being something recognisable,
Journalist, blogger, author, Prime Minister?
Nah, Prime Minister way out of my league,
But still, it's nice being popular,
But I personally hate popularity,
That's why I'm still anonymous,
So contradicting,
But I'd like people to appreciate what I do,
Not who I am,
Some people could cross that line,
I like my image preserved,
Yet promote myself,
Teehee, Hugo XX was one small achievement,
And then seeing my blog link in places that I don't know,
Thanks for the heads up,
Femes Femes......
I'd like to imagine myself,
as a typical Scorpio,
There are three kinds,
One the chilly Scorpio,
Two the fiery Scorpio,
Three the strong Scorpio,
Jade Z is the fiery Scorpio, in my opinion,
Samantha P, is the strong Scorpio, I think,
CiNDi is the chilly Scorpio, definitely,
I'm so chilly that no one had melted my heart and be allowed to be in it,
There used to be one, but our cracks had caused me to push him out,
Oh Scorpio, Scorpio, Scorpio,
Our personalities so intertwined,
So confusing,
Yet true, we have the alluring charm,
I can make people miserable if I want to,
Bleh......
Argh,
After so long,
So so long,
All I can conjure is,
all these fragments of imaginations,
Gah,
Too practical = not good,
Feels so hard to express myself,
Had to cut my sentences shorter to enrich the tone,
Gah,
My brain too much politics,
Time to indulge in books,
Ciao.....
I Did Better But
Posted by
cDi
comments (0)
How la????!
I'm 0.01 short of having my chance of changing my category from category B to category C in my resumé! Or 0.008 depends on how I see it.
Yes I'm still stuck at a 2 perpuluhan 9, but oh I don't know how Buddha plays the fool with me, give me 2 perpuluhan 99, which I'm really fucking short of that very tiny weeny digits, to change my results to 3.0 and above!
And then I can happily go and change my category.
How la???!
Some industrial trainers said they might not take the short semester results into account. I agree, by mid semester I would already know which company I'd go to, which might or might not be a good choice T_T.
Lets see how I categorise it.
Good Choice = The Sun, News Straits Times.
Average Choice = The Star, Malay Mail
Bad Choice = Not listed in fear. Please ask me personally.
OH DARN IT! There's even a chance of going into Malay newspapers. How do they choose people to go where???
How now? Brown cow?
Takkan pay RM100 to mark the whole paper again just for that measly 0.008?
Oh, What to do???
Help?
Why oh why oh why am I put into such a tight situation.......><
I'm 0.01 short of having my chance of changing my category from category B to category C in my resumé! Or 0.008 depends on how I see it.
Yes I'm still stuck at a 2 perpuluhan 9, but oh I don't know how Buddha plays the fool with me, give me 2 perpuluhan 99, which I'm really fucking short of that very tiny weeny digits, to change my results to 3.0 and above!
And then I can happily go and change my category.
How la???!
Some industrial trainers said they might not take the short semester results into account. I agree, by mid semester I would already know which company I'd go to, which might or might not be a good choice T_T.
Lets see how I categorise it.
Good Choice = The Sun, News Straits Times.
Average Choice = The Star, Malay Mail
Bad Choice = Not listed in fear. Please ask me personally.
OH DARN IT! There's even a chance of going into Malay newspapers. How do they choose people to go where???
How now? Brown cow?
Takkan pay RM100 to mark the whole paper again just for that measly 0.008?
Oh, What to do???
Help?
Why oh why oh why am I put into such a tight situation.......><
cryptic short memos
Posted by
cDi
comments (3)
Number one:
I'm utterly disgusted to the point that even cursed words cannot express my rage.
This old man, if you are so disgusted with the visitors who came knocking to your open house, for pete's sake, don't organise a freaking open house then.
You knew your popularity had been waning down, so you should've just fire your PR agents who told you to conduct your open house like it is a normal thing.
And must everyone who go there wishes you when you've OBVIOUSLY known that you are not in their best interests?
Sure I know it is not courteous to first wish you a Hari Raya, and then politely tells you that they need to discuss about the ISA, but still, must you, repeat that you feel disappointed for these people, TWICE?
In Malay, and in English?
And great, you did that in public because you know the visitors who go there for free food is going to support you for the sake of the food.
You know they are kissing your hand, but do they wash their mouths first before doing so?
Hmph.
Read more HERE and HERE. Damn bloody pissed off with him.
Number Two:
Hooray for Singaporeans! Now we know the youngsters are not as obedient. Press freedom is a hurrah and must, to deflect stupidity, tyranny, idiocy. Lets fight against press oppression together!
Number Three:
So he said that he only write two to three advertorials a month and sometimes he cannot make it like that.
Sighyoh, why don't he just said he like to write them? Why must he said it like he's forced and obliged to write advertorials?
Bring back the old guy la come on, don't tell me he's afraid of trolls already?
That is why I don't like that community. Lucky. I love my privacy too much to sacrifice it.
Number Four:
Sighyohyoh, Rocky is becoming the Man!
Nyahaha, I like the fact that he is constantly in touch with the blogging community and is very neutralised. He neither hates, nor loves, the current administration, the previous administration, and the best of all he loves journalists. Ma friend went there and she have visitors ;).
Number Five:
Thank you Eyeris, I don't know I got there, since I didn't ask you to do it, but but thank you! =D.
(See whether you read this if I don't link you hur hur)
The End!
I'm utterly disgusted to the point that even cursed words cannot express my rage.
This old man, if you are so disgusted with the visitors who came knocking to your open house, for pete's sake, don't organise a freaking open house then.
You knew your popularity had been waning down, so you should've just fire your PR agents who told you to conduct your open house like it is a normal thing.
And must everyone who go there wishes you when you've OBVIOUSLY known that you are not in their best interests?
Sure I know it is not courteous to first wish you a Hari Raya, and then politely tells you that they need to discuss about the ISA, but still, must you, repeat that you feel disappointed for these people, TWICE?
In Malay, and in English?
And great, you did that in public because you know the visitors who go there for free food is going to support you for the sake of the food.
You know they are kissing your hand, but do they wash their mouths first before doing so?
Hmph.
Read more HERE and HERE. Damn bloody pissed off with him.
Number Two:
Hooray for Singaporeans! Now we know the youngsters are not as obedient. Press freedom is a hurrah and must, to deflect stupidity, tyranny, idiocy. Lets fight against press oppression together!
Number Three:
So he said that he only write two to three advertorials a month and sometimes he cannot make it like that.
Sighyoh, why don't he just said he like to write them? Why must he said it like he's forced and obliged to write advertorials?
Bring back the old guy la come on, don't tell me he's afraid of trolls already?
That is why I don't like that community. Lucky. I love my privacy too much to sacrifice it.
Number Four:
Sighyohyoh, Rocky is becoming the Man!
Nyahaha, I like the fact that he is constantly in touch with the blogging community and is very neutralised. He neither hates, nor loves, the current administration, the previous administration, and the best of all he loves journalists. Ma friend went there and she have visitors ;).
Number Five:
Thank you Eyeris, I don't know I got there, since I didn't ask you to do it, but but thank you! =D.
(See whether you read this if I don't link you hur hur)
The End!
What Matters: Should they or should they not?
Posted by
cDi
comments (0)
I'm putting this in the "What Matters" column because I find this a very good argument, and hopefully secure us a better future, ridding the unnecessary ties with them.
I was browsing The Star Online, and there is a veep candidate Donald Lim, who pledged that MCA should sell off their shares binding the Chinese Media, and that they should restore press freedom to the current situation in Malaysia.
They have controlled four newspaper, mainly SinChew, Nanyang, China Press, and Guang Ming Daily. Basically that equals that they have secured the readers from most Chinese readers, leaving the independent ones not really getting any readership because they don't have a proper sense of direction.
What do I think of Chinese newspapers in general?
Well, I think that Chinese newspapers are very good at creating awareness on what matters to the readers. And they have a knack on sensationalising crime news. It's not entirely their fault, but I'm brought up by Chinese education so I kind of understand that chinese wordings have a sense of emotion, that could drive people, something like how calligraphy does it.
So what do I think?
Bear in mind that the shares which is currently RM47 million, is posing as a political deadweight for the party. Why so? Even as they had economic control over these newspapers, they had no control over the contents sometimes. Look what happen to the Ahmad Ismail incident, carelessly just being let go by the MCA. Most MCA members only spoken only after it is blown out of proportion.
But should they sell it off?
What I'm afraid is that if that is the case, the business corporations will snap up those shares soon, and then what will happen?
The newspaper's direction had to depend on the business revenues that they had accept. So it is not entirely free of opinion, not being able to represent the people, but instead represent the company they work for, ending up to become part of capitalism. And that is demeaning for a newspaper, for any newspapers.
It is very hard to choose because on one hand, you have a newspaper with political affiliations, which spreads their propaganda, censors away other opinions, showing a biased image; on the other hand, became a capitalist slave, publishing articles according to risks and economic development, lost your touch with society in order to appease the elites, portraying a different kind of "bias".
My guess is that they should just let the papers go without consider the buy or sell function. Sure, RM 47million is a lot of money that will be gone to waste, but at least press freedom will be restored, and it might not be entirely a liability.
I'm really really bad with mathematics hence I couldn't really give out proper calculations, portraying risks and failures about buying or selling the shares of a newspaper. But I'm all up for his suggestion that political parties should let go of the newspapers, and let themselves choose if they want to be "friends" with the political party.
Plus.
Please don't consider only the Chinese media, there's also the English media, that higher institution which I'm currently studying and that primary school. They are also be done out of good deeds, which should not have any pressure put on them to constantly remind them that they are indebt with MCA.
Think.
I was browsing The Star Online, and there is a veep candidate Donald Lim, who pledged that MCA should sell off their shares binding the Chinese Media, and that they should restore press freedom to the current situation in Malaysia.
They have controlled four newspaper, mainly SinChew, Nanyang, China Press, and Guang Ming Daily. Basically that equals that they have secured the readers from most Chinese readers, leaving the independent ones not really getting any readership because they don't have a proper sense of direction.
What do I think of Chinese newspapers in general?
Well, I think that Chinese newspapers are very good at creating awareness on what matters to the readers. And they have a knack on sensationalising crime news. It's not entirely their fault, but I'm brought up by Chinese education so I kind of understand that chinese wordings have a sense of emotion, that could drive people, something like how calligraphy does it.
So what do I think?
Bear in mind that the shares which is currently RM47 million, is posing as a political deadweight for the party. Why so? Even as they had economic control over these newspapers, they had no control over the contents sometimes. Look what happen to the Ahmad Ismail incident, carelessly just being let go by the MCA. Most MCA members only spoken only after it is blown out of proportion.
But should they sell it off?
What I'm afraid is that if that is the case, the business corporations will snap up those shares soon, and then what will happen?
The newspaper's direction had to depend on the business revenues that they had accept. So it is not entirely free of opinion, not being able to represent the people, but instead represent the company they work for, ending up to become part of capitalism. And that is demeaning for a newspaper, for any newspapers.
It is very hard to choose because on one hand, you have a newspaper with political affiliations, which spreads their propaganda, censors away other opinions, showing a biased image; on the other hand, became a capitalist slave, publishing articles according to risks and economic development, lost your touch with society in order to appease the elites, portraying a different kind of "bias".
My guess is that they should just let the papers go without consider the buy or sell function. Sure, RM 47million is a lot of money that will be gone to waste, but at least press freedom will be restored, and it might not be entirely a liability.
I'm really really bad with mathematics hence I couldn't really give out proper calculations, portraying risks and failures about buying or selling the shares of a newspaper. But I'm all up for his suggestion that political parties should let go of the newspapers, and let themselves choose if they want to be "friends" with the political party.
Plus.
Please don't consider only the Chinese media, there's also the English media, that higher institution which I'm currently studying and that primary school. They are also be done out of good deeds, which should not have any pressure put on them to constantly remind them that they are indebt with MCA.
Think.
Girl friends
Posted by
cDi
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A very recent conversation with Ephyon about my high school friends really just struck me and left me wondering about, well, girls, and their roles as friends.
As girls, most of the erm, general public would assume, that "birds of a feather gather together". That as girls, they'll help girls more, they'll share secrets, they'll gossip about the latest things from grouses to fashion to blogs to backstabbing, it's an endless list with what would girls do if you put them together.
So what about girls and their roles as friends to guys? What do these boys think when a girl goes and talk to him?
The story is like this.
I have a very good friend called T, and she was very close to me during form 4 and form 5, especially when she constantly faced a lot of relationship problems with her jerk boyfriend. So after a very turbulent relationship they finally finally FINALLY (I'm emphasizing that cause I really want them to break. Ahem) cut off their ties. So after that, we split ways, she went on to Form 6, and I went on to Foundation.
But during the 6 months break, I was working part time at a shopping mall, and I got to be close with this guy called B. I knew B in high school but we are just not close, except, for the fact, that we were, erm, Jay Chou fans. >< We went to Jay Chou events occasionally, and also go for the 2005 Jay Chou world concert. Had some carpooling. So yeah, quite cool.
(I know, shut up, I was growing, there's tend to have some confusion somewhere. Plus plus, I was not the true Jay Chou fan. My sister was. I had to babysit my sister. Oh god, why is puberty such an embarassment.)
Anyways, the thing was, B and T were together this year (until I heard that they broke up with a promise. Something like that). Which I find quite shocking, unbelievable, because she did not tell me. And and and, because it's B.
What's so shocking about B?
Well during my part time working at that shopping mall, B often came to visit me during his lunch time. He could come out because he works in a shop. I can't really move a lot because I was working in a stall. Sometimes he would come with this very very pretty lady, who also works in a different shop. We are all SPM leavers, so yea, we talked abit. But pretty lady didn't really want to talk to me. She wants to talk to B more, about what also I'm not sure.
I find that weird, and stupid, not to mention I felt a great disdain towards that kind of character, had my first taste of what bitchiness is like.
So sometime after that I didn't see pretty lady tagging B along, which I find weird. And then B was also becoming very very weird. He starts telling me about his past relationships, and how it hurts. He start telling about how girls would all approached him, only to try and be with him, like in a relationship. Cause well, okay, B is quite a charmer, he's tall, he's handsome, he can entertain girls, he's humourous.
Oh great, I just made him perfect.
But he's not that perfect cause he said he was sick with all these girls, coming up to him just for the sake of his looks and funny attitude. Then he said to me
"Do you know why I can tell all these to you?"
I was thinking 'Oh shit...oh shit! I don't like you man! You're good and all, but seriously! Please don't freaking confess to me! I'm still healing from the heartbreak!'
He said, "Because you are the only girl who is sincere to be my friend. And didn't want to be with me".
-______-
I went stunned for awhile, and I burst out laughing. I was laughing so hard I almost fell down. In front of the customers. I don't know, but I find it very very funny. It's like saying that I'm the only girl who treats him as a friend, but the other girls all treat him like the future boyfriend to be.
Obviously he didn't find it a laughing matter. But back then, I couldn't take his words serious enough. Lets face it, I was never a beautiful lady, and that he appreciates me to be his friend, but really, No Pretty Girl wanted to be sincerely his friend? Come on la. I find that hard to believe.
But after a few more guys said that, it ain't a laughing matter anymore.
Apparently in the guys' eyes, there are two kinds of girls. One, is the targeted kind, whereby they are mostly pretty, and cute, not to mention hot. They are however, according to the guys I knew, scheming, and only want to be in a relationship (like couple couple la), not interested to know about what guys want, what are their interests, and certainly do not care if the guy likes them or not until they reject them openly.
Second kind would be the sincere kind. Who really made friends with them, because of just well, friends. Won't argue or fight back, will listen and give advices. And if need be, offer help.
I happen to often fall in the second category.
Which really got me thinking.
What the Fuck?
It's like saying that I'm the only one without intention to make friends with them. And what do they mean by sincere or not sincere? It's like saying, that only ugly bitches like me would be friends, but pretty ladies are scheming types?
Not that I discriminate pretty ladies, I give them credit when it's due, but I'm sure not all pretty ladies are scheming bastards. And plus, I'm sure there are plenty out there who are good to be friends.
But apparently they find it rare. And it is very hard to find.
It's not that hard, they just didn't find it hard enough. But that was then, at 18, everything seems new.
I'm sure 2 years on, they've found some other girls who are like me, but of course, whenever they can, they'll tend to remind me that I was the first girl to treat them that way -___-.
The first non scheming girl friend.
Men, why do they even exist?
I mean, I'm posting this question to you readers out there. Is it really that weird to have a person of the opposite sex to sincerely treat you like a friend?
For me it wasn't. But anyone of you beg to differ or agree with me?
P.S: Yea, so about B. Because of that story, I kind of doubted his sincerity with my good friend T. But since he didn't hurt her, I guess he's good. He'd better be. *cracks knuckles*
P.P.S: Apparently Ephyon's theory was that because I heard those words so much, that I had the impression that I was only good enough to be a guy's girl friend, not a lover. But look where I am now =).
As girls, most of the erm, general public would assume, that "birds of a feather gather together". That as girls, they'll help girls more, they'll share secrets, they'll gossip about the latest things from grouses to fashion to blogs to backstabbing, it's an endless list with what would girls do if you put them together.
So what about girls and their roles as friends to guys? What do these boys think when a girl goes and talk to him?
The story is like this.
I have a very good friend called T, and she was very close to me during form 4 and form 5, especially when she constantly faced a lot of relationship problems with her jerk boyfriend. So after a very turbulent relationship they finally finally FINALLY (I'm emphasizing that cause I really want them to break. Ahem) cut off their ties. So after that, we split ways, she went on to Form 6, and I went on to Foundation.
But during the 6 months break, I was working part time at a shopping mall, and I got to be close with this guy called B. I knew B in high school but we are just not close, except, for the fact, that we were, erm, Jay Chou fans. >< We went to Jay Chou events occasionally, and also go for the 2005 Jay Chou world concert. Had some carpooling. So yeah, quite cool.
(I know, shut up, I was growing, there's tend to have some confusion somewhere. Plus plus, I was not the true Jay Chou fan. My sister was. I had to babysit my sister. Oh god, why is puberty such an embarassment.)
Anyways, the thing was, B and T were together this year (until I heard that they broke up with a promise. Something like that). Which I find quite shocking, unbelievable, because she did not tell me. And and and, because it's B.
What's so shocking about B?
Well during my part time working at that shopping mall, B often came to visit me during his lunch time. He could come out because he works in a shop. I can't really move a lot because I was working in a stall. Sometimes he would come with this very very pretty lady, who also works in a different shop. We are all SPM leavers, so yea, we talked abit. But pretty lady didn't really want to talk to me. She wants to talk to B more, about what also I'm not sure.
I find that weird, and stupid, not to mention I felt a great disdain towards that kind of character, had my first taste of what bitchiness is like.
So sometime after that I didn't see pretty lady tagging B along, which I find weird. And then B was also becoming very very weird. He starts telling me about his past relationships, and how it hurts. He start telling about how girls would all approached him, only to try and be with him, like in a relationship. Cause well, okay, B is quite a charmer, he's tall, he's handsome, he can entertain girls, he's humourous.
Oh great, I just made him perfect.
But he's not that perfect cause he said he was sick with all these girls, coming up to him just for the sake of his looks and funny attitude. Then he said to me
"Do you know why I can tell all these to you?"
I was thinking 'Oh shit...oh shit! I don't like you man! You're good and all, but seriously! Please don't freaking confess to me! I'm still healing from the heartbreak!'
He said, "Because you are the only girl who is sincere to be my friend. And didn't want to be with me".
-______-
I went stunned for awhile, and I burst out laughing. I was laughing so hard I almost fell down. In front of the customers. I don't know, but I find it very very funny. It's like saying that I'm the only girl who treats him as a friend, but the other girls all treat him like the future boyfriend to be.
Obviously he didn't find it a laughing matter. But back then, I couldn't take his words serious enough. Lets face it, I was never a beautiful lady, and that he appreciates me to be his friend, but really, No Pretty Girl wanted to be sincerely his friend? Come on la. I find that hard to believe.
But after a few more guys said that, it ain't a laughing matter anymore.
Apparently in the guys' eyes, there are two kinds of girls. One, is the targeted kind, whereby they are mostly pretty, and cute, not to mention hot. They are however, according to the guys I knew, scheming, and only want to be in a relationship (like couple couple la), not interested to know about what guys want, what are their interests, and certainly do not care if the guy likes them or not until they reject them openly.
Second kind would be the sincere kind. Who really made friends with them, because of just well, friends. Won't argue or fight back, will listen and give advices. And if need be, offer help.
I happen to often fall in the second category.
Which really got me thinking.
What the Fuck?
It's like saying that I'm the only one without intention to make friends with them. And what do they mean by sincere or not sincere? It's like saying, that only ugly bitches like me would be friends, but pretty ladies are scheming types?
Not that I discriminate pretty ladies, I give them credit when it's due, but I'm sure not all pretty ladies are scheming bastards. And plus, I'm sure there are plenty out there who are good to be friends.
But apparently they find it rare. And it is very hard to find.
It's not that hard, they just didn't find it hard enough. But that was then, at 18, everything seems new.
I'm sure 2 years on, they've found some other girls who are like me, but of course, whenever they can, they'll tend to remind me that I was the first girl to treat them that way -___-.
The first non scheming girl friend.
Men, why do they even exist?
I mean, I'm posting this question to you readers out there. Is it really that weird to have a person of the opposite sex to sincerely treat you like a friend?
For me it wasn't. But anyone of you beg to differ or agree with me?
P.S: Yea, so about B. Because of that story, I kind of doubted his sincerity with my good friend T. But since he didn't hurt her, I guess he's good. He'd better be. *cracks knuckles*
P.P.S: Apparently Ephyon's theory was that because I heard those words so much, that I had the impression that I was only good enough to be a guy's girl friend, not a lover. But look where I am now =).
Oh crap...
Posted by
cDi
comments (2)
The nerve wrecking tingling feeling that sends jolts down my spine. BIG. SHOCKING. JOLTS.
Oh crap.....
Please please please, I don't want to know my results. After what I got last time, I just don't want to know them.
Oh crap.....
I promised not to worry them, so why do I feel that nerve?
Oh crap.....
Oh crap.....
Oh crap.....
I don't want to know my results until I graduate, or something =(
Oh crap.....
Why do I feel like this....I hate knowing them now =(
Oh crap.....
I don't want to know my results. Please? Like seriously?
No people. The results ain't out. But I don't like to wait.
Why can't I just graduate peacefully without having to wait for the results huh?
Booooohooohoohoohoohooo.....I think I got exam results phobia.
Crap....Fuck....Shit.....god, I hate exams.....but I hate the invention of Exam results more.
I even have nightmares.....oh crap...nooo.....T_T
Ephyon, please take me out more often T_T.
Please bring me on a holiday.......please just let me do anything but wait here for the nerve wreck to burst T_T.
I'm hiring anyone to read my results and be a polite and kindly person to just tell me I'm either at 2 or 3 or 4 wtf.
Drop me an email, or volunteer if you want to wtf.
Anything to save me from worrying sick about my goddamn results which should be non-existing T_T.
Crap.....I feel like one.
Help? =(
Update 1.41am:
I still can't sleep. I feel like a loser who couldn't accept reality. But Goddamn it, the pain is still fresh, I'm still stung with the helplessness.
Sigh, why do I even try?
Sometimes I wished that the university don't concentrate so much on the finals. I mean, everything we learned ain't just based on paper writing. My reports are so much better, if only the courseworks expanded more.
Oh but who am I kidding?
I'm just trying to hide my intentions of not knowing my marks. Okay, how bad it is? It made me dropped to a 2 point 9 from a 3 point 3. That's how bad.
And now after so long, I finally found my guts to be worried about Comm Theories. Which I shouldn't, but I am anyway, because I didn't do one question.
And I want to work in a newspaper that I like, so badly, not the erm, designated newspaper, nor any crappy newspaper. Okay, maybe not so bad, but still! What if I don't get to be hired because my results are so crappy?
Or maybe I should be happy?
Please let me be happy.
Like genuinely full of love happy when I have things to do?
I need my uni life back. My life was so fruitful. Now I feel so useless wihtout finance, transport, or plans to do anything for semester break.
Sigh. Help? Again?
Oh crap.....
Please please please, I don't want to know my results. After what I got last time, I just don't want to know them.
Oh crap.....
I promised not to worry them, so why do I feel that nerve?
Oh crap.....
Oh crap.....
Oh crap.....
I don't want to know my results until I graduate, or something =(
Oh crap.....
Why do I feel like this....I hate knowing them now =(
Oh crap.....
I don't want to know my results. Please? Like seriously?
No people. The results ain't out. But I don't like to wait.
Why can't I just graduate peacefully without having to wait for the results huh?
Booooohooohoohoohoohooo.....I think I got exam results phobia.
Crap....Fuck....Shit.....god, I hate exams.....but I hate the invention of Exam results more.
I even have nightmares.....oh crap...nooo.....T_T
Ephyon, please take me out more often T_T.
Please bring me on a holiday.......please just let me do anything but wait here for the nerve wreck to burst T_T.
I'm hiring anyone to read my results and be a polite and kindly person to just tell me I'm either at 2 or 3 or 4 wtf.
Drop me an email, or volunteer if you want to wtf.
Anything to save me from worrying sick about my goddamn results which should be non-existing T_T.
Crap.....I feel like one.
Help? =(
Update 1.41am:
I still can't sleep. I feel like a loser who couldn't accept reality. But Goddamn it, the pain is still fresh, I'm still stung with the helplessness.
Sigh, why do I even try?
Sometimes I wished that the university don't concentrate so much on the finals. I mean, everything we learned ain't just based on paper writing. My reports are so much better, if only the courseworks expanded more.
Oh but who am I kidding?
I'm just trying to hide my intentions of not knowing my marks. Okay, how bad it is? It made me dropped to a 2 point 9 from a 3 point 3. That's how bad.
And now after so long, I finally found my guts to be worried about Comm Theories. Which I shouldn't, but I am anyway, because I didn't do one question.
And I want to work in a newspaper that I like, so badly, not the erm, designated newspaper, nor any crappy newspaper. Okay, maybe not so bad, but still! What if I don't get to be hired because my results are so crappy?
Or maybe I should be happy?
Please let me be happy.
Like genuinely full of love happy when I have things to do?
I need my uni life back. My life was so fruitful. Now I feel so useless wihtout finance, transport, or plans to do anything for semester break.
Sigh. Help? Again?
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