Don't read this...i'm talking to myself

I couldn't imagine how sorry I am to screw today up...for no good damned reason, and then caused the person to fuss so much because it was done after the return from Bali.

I'm not surprised if I don't fuss so much after a long trip back and having to face a noob in make up.

"You're in the beauty line. Wear more make up," Man, if only she knew I was only an intern....

I can't help but only to say sorry sorry sorry ><...I seriously screw up. And I'm gonna go to the corner and repent about this.....

No one at fault ler this time. Only me. ><....cannot tahan....beauty is definitely not my strongest point....

Once a crap, always a crap.

Need....more......balance...and...time..management...farkness!!

screw screw screw screw....next time, let me learn to not do anything....ANYTHING...T_T

Haiz.....why I so smart go and pitch this kind of lousy idea....

------Update at 9.16pm------
I'll just keep updating this like facebook or twitter, because I'm talking to myself mah.....this is where random thoughts will fly out.

Actually, everybody was right, I should've stayed in newsdesk. It may be a strict environment, but at least I only need to answer to three people. The PRs, have nothing against me (I think).

Now I also have to answer to the interviewees and I wonder why do I need to.

I don't like being personal to people that I don't know whether they are vulnerable to me or not.

Sucks, why is this happening?

---------Update at 12.17am-----------
No longer feeling bad, thanks to all the friends I've talked to. Catch you next time. Bye.

The best thing about stupidity

It's that it occurs when you had already expect it to happen.

Political stupidity:

General Election: Cabinet reshuffle. UMNO Election: Cabinet reshuffle.

My goodness, cabinet reshuffles every year with the UMNO elections right, might as well make that the definitive election. Why bother going through the General Election that includes the kecik pucuk of 30% of the so-called 'minority group'?

Eh wait, no, the other non-UMNO members would've been pissed off too. Ehehehe. But still Cabinet reshuffles every year like this, we all die la. Never get any problems.

Funniest capitalism stupidity:

I've said before that I love it when these idiotic bloggers who had joined some goddamn "blogging community", and then posted blog advertisements on their blog for some promotion gimmick.

No, I don't really care about those blog gimmicks.

The best part is that this new trendy way to save Earth called "Earth Hour" where it prompted the cities to switch off their lights for one full hour before switching it on.

Frankly, its a nice stunt, but only for the people who didn't do much saving before and thinking that "oh noz! it's time!" >_>

My house has been practising recycling for more than 10 years now, since the 90's. I think 1997 or 1998.

My personal intolerance of the cold temperature actually helped saved the usage of air-cond. Heaters are a great comfort after you emerged from an air-cond blasting office (aka my office! Farkers why so cold one?)

But the best part is that some bloggers, they blog that Earth Hour is a stupid stunt. It is merely a WWF trick, it is not going to help, it is not useful. bla bla bla

With a Nuffnang promotion ad next to it telling people to switch off the lights in support of Earth Hour.

*grunts snorts resisting urge to lol*

Dudes and Dudettes who are into this internet business shit, at least remove that ad before you bitch or you'll end up as a collection of my print screens showing the exact stupidity that gives me more reason to stop believing in internet business.

Unless these business enterprises has no business ethics, because internet business ethics is as virtual as cyberspace law.



Oh how I love being mean.

By the way, it's not that I don't want to support Earth Hour, but I have a dinner to attend tonight. So it will be full of lights at 8.30pm anyway.

Trust me, Earth Hour won't make a big difference in Malaysia. See if they have a press conference after this Earth Hour stint to calculate exactly how much energy + money Malaysians have helped to save.

I'd believe this Earth Hour stunt in Sydney and Melbourne that they have a good cause. Cannot believe the ones in Malaysia though. They couldn't even stop the illegal wildlife trafficking activities here. How to convince people to flick a switch?

Temptation

What a metaphor, "Heart skipped a beat" to describe the moment when I laid my eyes on him.

Clad in a black figure hugging silk shirt with pants of equally good quality, he was sitting there sipping his glass of chivas. Such regal elegance. My heart was jumping out for him. And he wasn't just concentrating on any girls dancing in that party. Oddly enough, his friends decided to leave him be.

Then he turned to me. His daunting brown eyes was set upon me.

I turned and head straight into the ladies.

Looking at my face made over just for this occasion, I hardly believe it was me. The eyes that were previously cover by spectacles, are now shining with shades of blue and gold. Those pale lips have been redone and are now glossy with a shade rosier than my original lip colour. I liked it that way. It makes me keeping that au naturale.

God, I'm only here for that free flow of Heineken. My colleagues encouraged me to try and play dress up for the sake of being playful.

"Babe, you're fucking 23. Wear something that suits your age," she said, while throwing a dress I swear with my own life I will not wear to work, or actually ANYWHERE. If it wasn't That bloody threat she issued to me, that until I wear that dress to a function she will not speak to me nor approve my articles.

"And bring some fucking pictures to prove it!" she said.

"Alright I KNOW already! Goddamn it leave me to work!"

Now I'm here, all alone in the toilet, minus all that vomitting sounds of the drunk women who tried too hard to impress their other halves, feeling hot inside. And slightly lusty.

One look at that guy and he had driven me this crazy, I can't imagine approaching him in a calm and nice way like any innocent and party going girl would.

I really want that sexy beast.....

Shaking off that thought, I began to re-apply my make up. Who cares about him anyway? There are so many girls out for a fun, he can just pick any girl to have fun with him. Such a swooning hunk, it's no surprise if he has gone off with others by now.

After a good 15 minutes. I walked out again, no longer gazing at that direction. I just want my cold beer.

"Hey Matt, another round,"

"Whoa missy. You are quite the drinker are you? You new?"

"Yes sir. I heard there's free beer. I do not show myself except for the smell of free cold Heineken,"

And one glass was firmly on my hands. I just can't get rid of my alcoholist behaviour instincts to save my life. But the moment that cold beer reached my lips, going down the throat till it warms my stomach.

"Chivas, Matt"

"Right on, sir,"

A chivas-filled glass was set next to my Heineken. The man was sitting just next to me.

"Hi. You looked new," he said, putting his hand out.

"No. I just stop by for free drinks," I shook his hand, noticing that gold watch on his wrist.

"Heh. You are different than my other preys in this club," he said, letting that black hair slide over his handsome face.

"Prey? Whoa slow down there, tough nut. Who do you think you are?" I just shoot away and was slightly annoyed, not to mention angry. This is the exact reason why I didn't want to talk to him, because I'll end up knowing another crazy jerk who sleeps around.

"I happen to be the owner of this place, and you've just insulted the person who provided you free drinks by assuming he's a jerk," he remarked coldly.

I didn't buy it, and I called Matt over. Turns out he was telling the truth. Well, half truth. He doesn't even operates the club. He's just another rich kid looking for trouble.

I couldn't stand anymore of his arrogance, and wanted to pull my handbag and get out of here. That idiot, whoever he is, had just ruined my mood and I will not just sit there getting bullied by him.

But he grabbed my hand and dragged me into the corner of the club, and stared at me for the longest time.

"What the hell do you want?" I demanded, gritting my teeth.

"Are you disappointed? That I didn't turn out the way you imagined me to be?" he looked at me with an odd sense of concern.

I couldn't answer him. I just let him look at me, feeling his body so close to mine.

He began to lift my chin, and starting caressing my face.

"You are beautiful...I love looking at you. Your lips, eyes, your neck..mm.." he whispered in a tone so low and soft I felt myself wanting to grab him. Instead, I kept clenching my fist.

"I'm not an object or a toy. I'm...I'm...." before I could finish that sentence, he went and kissed me.

He really went all out. Must have felt that same lust for me, I can feel it when his tongue wrestled mine, his lips feels so soft, he was holding me tight, and I think, I felt something in him tightenned...

I pulled him away, and he looked slightly perplexed. I gave him a really doubtful smile. It's strange that he looked so cute even though he looked genuinely shocked.

"The night is not over. I still want to have fun," I said playfully, before dashing into the dance floor.

He followed not too long after. At first, I really couldn't enjoy myself with the crowd. But he came, and swept me away. Dancing really was an enjoyable experience for once, especially when I really couldn't match him. But I really loved to be close to him, to dance with him.....feel him so close to me

We danced till close to 2am, then he slowly led me to his car. We have a few rather intelligent chats there. It's amazing how vast his knowledge was, and previous stereotypes I have had against him had gone off my head.

We finally reached his place, because he claims that he kept his best wines in his house, would I like to go try them?

I laughed silently, that was the oldest trick in courting ever been used. Except, I bought into it. I can't wait to be lured into it.

He took out the finest wine glass with a bottle of Chateau Margaux.

"Expensive stuff," I mused.

"Only for the women who are priceless to me," he teased.

More than one woman, I thought to myself, He's challenging me. I smiled smugly.

A few clinks and a couple of glasses, we had another long chat. I felt drawn towards him more than ever. Part of me enjoyed this moment when we "battled" it out to see who succumbs to lust, yet part of me really wishes, he'll just get on with it and stop making me wait.

Two hours later, when the bottle of wine is finished, and we were out of conversations, he still hasn't make the move. I thought I might grew impatient. But strangely, I don't. It's a good thing that the whole lusty affair is finally over, and all I need to do now, was to ask him to send me back, and hopefully we'll have another round of long talks.

I was beginning to feel that I enjoyed his company.

"Hey. Thanks for everything. I must go now, if not I can't work" I told him.

He paused. I took it that he was too drunk to respond. I've decided to take a taxi, and before I left, I don't know why, I just kissed his cheek.

"Bye." I said.

As I was near to the door, I felt him hugging me from behind.

"Don't go...please stay," he said in the very same whisper.

The flame within me flared up. I felt his too.

I turned around and we begin to kiss, passionately. I really couldn't hold it in any longer. I guessed he read my mind, and begin lifting me up to his bedroom.

He threw me gently onto his bed, and the cover were so smooth, I began to loosen up to all the comfort suddenly around me. He was on top of me, and we began to kiss again.

Slowly, I unbuttoned his silk shirt and it revealed a well kept body. A guy who pays routine visits to the gym, and he definitely have a good taste. Good thing he's a man too. Didn't shave too much of his hair. I love a man like that.

He started feeling me everywhere, leaving me to gasp in pleasure. His hands were quick, taking out my clothing one by one, until what's left was my lingerie.

"Mmm....babe, you're sexy, but with just your bra and panties on, you look hot," he teased, and bent down to kiss my neck while fondling my thighs.

I let him do most the work. He seemed more than enthusiastic and before I knew it, he start being a little more adventurous, he got lower and lower...

I stopped him at the nick of time, to tell him "Wait. I'm not done with you," and I shoved him down, with him facing me now.

"Oooh, you love to be the dominating one do you? Rrrr, I like that," he told me in that really sexy tone that I couldn't resist.

Unfastenning the belt was easy, what's hard was to stop looking at what will be revealed underneath those briefs. I was really in awe. Is this happening? Could this be real?

We kissed again, more passionately than before. I've never been so sweaty and feeling so wanted inside.

He turned me over, this time holding my both hands to the bed. I couldn't move, but he was panting, and he asked me this.

"Do you want this to just be part of temptation, or do you want to be serious?" with seriousness shown beneath his face of wanting.

I looked at him, and I could sensed, that this time, I want it to be real.

"We'll have fun first, then we'll be serious," I taunted.

He smiled.

Within minutes, I felt an eruption of pleasure.

It felt so good. What a temptation.

-End-

Inspired by the Russian version of Arash's Temptation and Jason Mraz's Butterfly.

Enjoy. Finally, my kegatalan untuk menulis is not there anymore ;-).

Writing it out, just for myself

Dear me,

I've sorely realised the sudden changes of myself, when I begin to ask the stupidest questions ever to the bunch of friends who have seen and cared for me through thick and thin.

My friends were puzzled as to why do I bring up these questions now. I do wonder myself. But no more wondering, I do not want to bring more misery into my life than I have in the first place. I just want to write this story to you.

I begin to question about things that I shouldn't have in the first place. I started having idealistic thoughts about work, and I started feeling jumpy, irritated, angry over the smallest obstacles ever.

Then, I've made a mistake confiding in, of all people, one of the strictest lecturers ever. I've receive a sense of awakenning that I have never felt before after receiving that email. I begin to feel angry at first, questionning on why that email filled with sacarsm was mocking my work. But then, I've cooled down. But at that very same time I've created annoyance to people who were deeply concerned with me.

Sometimes I'm just not the person who is willing to give in to the cycle because I'm a believer of breaking out. However, that does not apply to the working life and definitely will bring me more shame and disgust by the people at work had I seriously stupidly confronted the employers about it. But I didn't. All I did was trying to seek a clarification and I ended up getting blasted.

I know this time I really undermined the work in the line of journalism. I feel ashamed because my assumptions had caused displeasure to so many people who might have been directly or indirectly being affected by it. I shouldn't have given into the temptation of relaxation and the assumption of leisure work, that when I was suddenly thrown into chaos as before, I kept justifying my position.

But in the end the cruel reality is, there is no position. My work was to learn. And to learn I have to work. Hard. Rough. Toughen up. That was my goal and I shouldn't have let the little negative emotions eat me up until I crumble down with no questions ask and no doubt, I was prevented from learning anything at all.

No more justification on who is stricter, who is more lenient. Every employer does things their way and as the one who wants to learn I should accept these learnings with a big heart. I have and as my memory was slowly fading as to who, how, what, when, and where did my confidence start to fade and my heart starts to crumble, I should let it go and concentrate on fulfilling that remaining weeks to come.

It is silly to assume that at these last moments only do those questions pop up. Probably it is precisely that I have too much time in my hands that I begin to question and judge the system. No doubt, that email brought me back to the core and I'm trying my best to stop judging and start learning. None of the media systems are perfect, and I should be really careful by now.

Thank you the email writer, for bring my life back into focus. Your strict wordings had woken me up to the reality I will be plunging in. Might as well give me the wake up call now rather than me getting thrown into the spiral of despair and finally, doing the unthinkable. Thank you for the reminder of what Journalism really was.

I'm sorry to my current coursemates who are interning with me. You had to listen to my unjustified complaints, tolerate my unjustified behaviour, I've been piling massively on unnecessary worries on you guys and now I realised that I must stop doing so. Please if you are reading this, do forgive me for my attitude. I swear I will try to change, or at the very least, revert to who I was before.

To my boyfriend, you were right. All I ever did was complain, and complain about work whenever I see you. I've been giving unneccessary emotional burden because I felt that I have no place to go but to only talk it out with you. Even so, you have never failed to bring me out of misery. With that, I thank you. I don't know what else to say that will not be categorised to being corny.

To my friends in uni, msn and facebook, sorry for being the pessimist for the past few weeks. I'm sorry you had to look at that side of me. I don't know if I was used to be the optimist or the person who tries to cheer everyone up, but I know I've probably let a lot of people down because of my constant complaints. I'm sorry, I hope I didn't do any harm, if I did please give me time to redeem myself.

To my family, they might not read this, but mom had been the most helpful mom I've ever had. Her work experience were wide and it puts me to shame that I could not even last three months, compare to her 30 years. Her wise words brought me out of reality in a calm sort of way unlike the email wrtier who jerked me out of idealistic thoughts. She knew which button I needed to be pushed and she did it very well. Mom, I can never express the many thanks that you've bring to pull me out of my constant struggle with the nothingness. My endless struggle with emotions just kept me trapped, and thank you for pulling me out.

To my colleagues and *cough* boss, if they read blogs, yes, I'm willing to open my heart to learn more and stop thinking that I shouldn't be part of any activities. Truth remains that I still love to be the nosy person to want to know everything about anything. However, if my attitude of late has been really lousy and I didn't seem to want to do work. Then grade me as badly as possible. I deserved it.

To myself, you are on your own now. Now you know why being 21 years old hurts. No more la-la land, no more ideals. Stand on your own two feet and please have some sense of toughenning in yourselves. Your heart is too fragile and a little shock could send you tumbling like a goat. Throw away the negativities. Try and pull yourself up again.

I will pull you up from the constant pessimism you've felt. No more assumptions, just expectations.

I will do it, and be the girl who first went into internship. I write, because my mom said writing will make me feel better.

Writing this memo/note to myself does make me feel so much better. Thank you mom. Thank you. Thank you everyone. Gratitude is the best medicine to defeat pessimism.

Regards,
me

This is highly interesting

http://fakemediamalaysia.blogspot.com/

They came, they saw, they questioned, they get answers, they munched on the free food. They took pictures of pretty models. What more can they ask for?

Have you seen any of them during your assignments?

I've seen all of them, even saw one of those guys twice during assignments and I even chatted with him >_>. Thankfully he looked too old so I probably wouldn't care much about his "business-y" issues.

Be wary, be so wary. Thank god I don't say much about myself or even exchanged phone numbers with them >_>.

I should go and laugh at the PR companies now kthxbai.

Ok la, the credit is they do give publicities too. On BLOGS! *guffaws* NO FACE ONLY! Bwahahaha

I wonder which kind of bloggers are worst? Those who faked themselves as the media to go in or those who smugly went in as "bloggers"?

Comment comment!

What Inconsiderate Singles!

I would like to appeal to whom it may concern, that at times, you just need to let go.

At times, you just don't need that certain person to help you. Or if you already knew that person's relationship status, then you would have been more considerate to try and speed things up, or put the shooting time at another date so that person can actually make better preparation for the upcoming UTAR farking ball?

Just because you are single it doesn't mean the others weren't. How many crew members' other halves that you've done with them being worried sick of their lovers on the set?

And of all days, you just have to finish it on a Sunday when you KNEW the UTAR ball was tomorrow! you freaking knew because you were supposed to sit in the same table as I do and my boyfriend!

So you do know that he has a girlfriend, you do know there was a UTAR ball, you do know that he always try to call me on the set (I think, if you ain't blind), you knew he wanted to go home badly.

So I can safely call you an inconsiderate single. As how his Dota kakis are at the same category. My definition of "inconsiderate singles" are "just because you are a single it doesn't mean you can pull him into it and make the others who love him wait."

Don't try to convince me this is work needing to be done. Fuck work. It's the fucking communication breakdown between your whole bloody crew that caused the problem in the first place. If you can't even made up your bloody mind on the outcome of the story then don't even try to fucking pitch some stupid abstract useless out of the world story!

Yes I've had enough of all the Chinese-ed sillyness and due to you the inconsiderate single I have 1000 more reasons to hate them now.

You don't even let those who initially planned to go back home go so that they can enjoy the Prophet Mohamad's Birthday. That is like four days of holidays if it wasn't for your "properly-planned" schedule. I'm pining for him like mad but I never once whined so that he won't be obliged to dump his work for me.

There's a new game waiting for him, there are tonnes of idea waiting for his approval, there has yet time to do his shopping for more reasons than one, I want to watch the "Watchmen" movie with him because it's his favourite comic. I want to share with him my experience going to so many places also I can't find the right time to do so.

And it is all thanks to you bunch of inconsiderate singles! I'm not going to apologise for what I've said and if you have any decency to feel shameful you should. And this is me being nice here trying to limit all my cursed words into just fuck. If not you'll hear more than just that. You watch yourself tomorrow and if you knew how I feel then you better stay off my way.

Tomorrow....what kind of tomorrow?

Nakusu koto ga hirou tame nara Wakareru no wa deau tame

(If losing things is to pick them up, then parting is for meeting)

“Sayounara” no ato ni wa kitto “Konnichi wa” to deaun da

(After "Goodbye," certainly, We'll meet with a "Hello")

Midoriiro shibafu ni nekoronde itai Doubutsu mo issho ni gorogoroshitai

(I want to lie down on the green grass, I want to tumble together with the animals)

Kyou wa ii koto ga takusan atta kara Asu mo ii koto ga takusan aru you ni

(If many good things happened today, Then I wish that many good things will happen tomorrow too)

O-hi-sama dete yuuhi kirei de Hoshi ni negai ashita ga kuru

(The sun comes out, the setting sun is beautiful, I wish upon the stars, and tomorrow comes)

Doushite icchau no?Issho ni kaerou

(Why are you leaving? Lets go home together)

Kenka o shite ano ko ga naite “Gomen nasai” ienakute

(Getting into a fight, that child cries, Unable to say "I'm sorry")

Kokoro no naka sakebi naite mo Kotoba ni shinakya dame da yo

(Even if you scream and cry inside your heart, It's useless if you don't turn them into words)

Arigatou arigatou boku no o-tomodachi Aitai na atarashii tomodachi no minna

(Thank you, thank you, my friends, I want to see all of my new friends)

Kimi to te o tsunagu Sore wa tsubasa ni naru

(I hold hands with you, it turns into wings)

Minna no te tsunagu Oozora mo toberu

(I hold hands with everyone, We can fly through the great sky)

Warau warau ooki na koe de Yonde yonde daisuki na…

(I laugh, I laugh with a loud voice, Calling, calling for my favourite....)

Niji-iro kakehashi watatte “okaeri”

(Crossing the rainbow-coloured bridge, I say "welcome back,")

O-kane ga ne atte mo tomodachi wa kaenai Nani mo nakute mo ne minna ga irun da

(Even if you have money, you can't buy friends, Even if I don't have anything, everyone is with me)

Minna kiite boku-tachi no yume Minna shitte boku-tachi o

(Everyone, listen to our dream, everyone knows of us)

Anata wa doushiteru? Boku wa ne genki da yo

(How are you? I'm fine)

Anata wa doushiteru?Boku wa ne genki da yo

(How are you? I'm fine)

------------------------------------------------------------------

My heart felt sour everytime I heard this song. More so after I've attended the International Conference: Youth on Terrorism.

I've been witnessing 200 youths who could only sit and watch when their country crumble day by day.

These youths may not all come from war-torn countries, but many of them have enough experience facing conflict in their own countries that we could only imagine happening here.

"Millions are dying in Nigeria....."

"What kind of message are we going to pass back to Palestine?"

"How will you justify terrorism just by sitting there?"

"What do you know about the Russia and Chechyan conflict? Don't you think we don't treat them as brothers?"

It really pains me, because most of the international youths, they either came from Middle East, or Africa. Each of them bears a face of hard-beaten pain. I'd expect rich kids but no, these are students who have probably lived and seen the different sufferings occured.

Worst still, the speakers seemed very interested to place most of the terrorists responsibilities towards the youths. The Abu Sayyaf Group, The LTTE, The Al-Qaeda, Jemaah Islamiah, Southern Thailand riots, they mention again and again that the youths could have been victims of the systems.

They were wondering what made the youths turn to violence? Truth is, why not?

The Adults seemed to be destroying everything they had already, why not push a few of their buttons and aimed to give them a taste of their own medicine?

These youths I bet were struggling with their inner demons. Though I admit, this international conference is by far, the most democratic conference. One might think that due to certain confidential reasons, University students were not informed of this of course. I don't know how do the other youth councils found out. If I was not informed by it through my editors and that he asked me to go writer a feature about it I'll never live to see the day when I could hear the troubles of the youths with my own EARS.

It also gave me a sense of awakenning.

Youths will probably never change the course of direction until we move like 80% of them.

Sadly, as how we've seen, only about 10% of the youths in the whole world is aware of certain measures that needs to be taken before a certain kind of world peace could be attained.

Take for example, this song "Tomorrow". It appears on a certain episode of a popular anime, Gundam 00. The original ending to this song shows the graphics of women and children singing. One of these women were clad in "tudung" and the children had more than just one colour of iris. The men were wearing soldier clothing, with turbans on their head.

But you'll never see that image in the present media. Nor will you see the Americans or the Brits understand the undergoing traumatic experience they have caused. Guess what? I'm as ignorant. I wouldn't have known about the existence of this song had it not my boyfriend told me about it. Nor would I be bothered because I was originally not a mecha fan.

If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have made so much research and spotted often too many Anti-Zionist symbols found in that one series alone. But even as I know the company or the country who had produced such anime are fully supporting themseles. That is why they can self-generate funds, create their own technology, their country have self sustainability. Look, their country still continues to function economically even though the government shows signs of failing. That was how aware they were.

And Gundam 00 seemed to fair pretty well within the anime community. Problem is will it reach out to the other youths who could understand the underlying (or rather obvious) presentation it is showing? Or worst still, will the Gundam 00 lovers actually understand the true portrayal of the anime?

Might I add, during the International Conference, the only representative country from the West was Canada?

Worst still.....Everytime I hear this song I cried for the youths who probably find their questions unanswered, and the trouble of their country will continue to haunt them.

And I want to do something about it.

Tomorrow....What Kind of Tomorrow?

Powerless

"Learn, learn, learn, learn, learn, learn, learn, learn, learn........"

Powerless to change anything.

At one point, I felt that they were putting me higher than others. I don't know why must they send me out for all those assignments. I don't possess any special power nor do I actually know what to do.

I really want to say that I'm not hurt, but I am. And I want to rest. I just want to rest.......

My house is no longer home. My mom have to fly off to Italy soon. I will have to become eldest as usual. My last week in the desk brought me more troubles than that whole month combined. Why and what is going on?

I'm too stressed out to understand everything else but my own self. I haven't been concentrating in what I'm doing and only want to do my work just only because I want to finish it. I guess it really pisses off people sometimes.

As they have said, it's a rough sea out there, if I can make it here, I can make it anywhere.

I pray it is really like that. And I'm sincerely praying.

I really want to survive the remaining two days......

Tough girl not to be

If only there is such a thing as password protected post for Blogger. But then again, maybe I just want to rant it out because I really cannot stand the incoming pressure when every editor out there wants me to demand why do I have to do these stuffs.

Because, in my office, it is almost like being in American Idol. I have to report to Randy, Paula and Simon. If I get Paula, "she" will willingly listen and allow me some freedom to do my own things without feeling pressured.

Randy and Simon on the other hand, are kind of the stricter people but they are also willing to teach. Unfortunately, I don't know what has happened recently. Maybe the whole system changed, because all of a sudden I have to report to them separately instead. My colleagues have been telling me that that is their way of doing things but I didn't believe them until I see it myself.

Frankly, I hate it.

Moreover, they don't read my blog so I can never tell them the more they tried to help and criticised me, the more I placed disappointment and anxiety onto myself. That is why I never liked being criticised. It's not really scolded because they weren't being loud to me. Being unreasonable, maybe. Being rude, maybe.

Several of my friends wondered why don't I ever defend myself if they ever think I was in the wrong. I don't know. I just don't. Probably because I was thinking "I'm intern, I should say sorry, thank you." If it concerns about the news story, I can and will defend my story.

But sometimes it was as if my character was attacked. Sometimes it feels that way, but it was also consoling because when they listened to me and then start teaching me on how to write the news. But frankly it's a little too much for me especially since I was already in the mindset of "Yay, I'm switching desks soon!".....But it is due to that mindset that probably brought me to jeopardy, back to ground zero, back to square one, back to being the amateur when she first came in.

For the first time in many years, I broke down due to excessive emotional stress piled upon me. Crying for hurt and crying due to stress is totally different. But worst still, my colleagues realised I couldn't laugh at jokes anymore. I find that serious. Very serious. The last time that happened, I was under depression. I sincerely hoped that wasn't the reason why I couldn't laugh. I sincerely hoped that.

My friends have been very encouraging and even some of my colleagues realised I wasn't being myself. True, I haven't. But that's how I was when in duress and stress. I have been being an ear to other people's problems, I've forgotten to deal with my own stress if I ever face one.

Ever notice that even I write until here I've never blame the editors? You have? Well that's because I'm not supposed to unless they are really real assholes, in which I'm thankful I haven't receive the full blow yet. What is this wei? Final countdown? When all hell breaks loose at the last few days ?

My friends have said that I could go through it. True, maybe I can. But have you heard of the word "Muka Tembok"? It literally mean "Wall face". A journalist's face have to be that THICK to withstand all the blows, slams and injustices thrown to them by the editors, outsiders, public?

My "muka" was a "muka tembok" for the past few weeks, but all of a sudden, that "tembok" went crumbling at the last week. I thought and prayed that I will get a smooth "transition" from this desk to another desk because I was already feeling my "tembok" crushing down. My worst horrors were confirmed when one sentence uttered by my editor could just hurt me to the core. "Poor reporting skills." "What a boring intro." That was what he said.

By right it was my fault and I should accept defeat and admit I was wrong. I did, but at the same time I felt so hurt I cannot explain why I couldn't be as bubbly as before. I used to still go back to my desk laughing, smiling and joking with my admin clerk and colleagues.

This tough girl has her moments of fragility. Ephyon tried his very best to make me feel better but it is just hard because I cannot find the reason to smile anymore. It's not like my assignments are fun, outgoing, exciting. It used to be. But certain changes took place and then, those smiles, laughter are all wiped off.

I felt pathetic to cry alone drinking hot Milo in a lonely cafeteria. I believed maybe they saw the red eyes to know what I was doing. I think. I don't know. Even as a sad girl I never forget my courtesy and say "thank you" to those who've tried to teach me. So maybe they didn't realised I was feeling down or something.

For once, I wished I'd never have a toughened look, to feel that I was the weaker sex, to wish that I had more sympathy instead, to not wish so soon that I actually declared I loved working there.

For once, I wished I could just stomp off, drove my car, and escape from my current surroundings. Even my home feels distant, no longer warm.....

For once....I wished I was allowed to crumble, cry and scream......

My tough image, I don't want it this time.

It was one of those days

That I would consider taking a fake MC...

Dig up a hole....

Tie up my long hair....

Aim properly....

And dunk my head into that fluffy sand.....

Gutter Journalism, Scoop, Reward? More Shocked Expressions.

My head's spinning with all the thoughts inside my head and I'm exploding, trying to get things straight, before I resumed working tomorrow. I don't want those thoughts to affect the way I work.

Gutter Journalism is such an "honour" given to a certain newspaper who had broke the story about Elizabeth Wong's picture scandal. So far, no one knew about the pictures and why it existed, how it existed. Yes the headlines portrayed on that newspaper was really misleading, misguided, it aims to boost sales.

But has it really boosted sales? We can't just assumed that it has unless you have evidence of them having a frenzy over this "picture scandal". If not then the newspaper certainly did not just commit a crime. It was a devastated disgusting method. But hey, they are fighting with three other English dailies.

But apparently a lot of them had forgotten that these people are now separated from NSTP. So they are trying very hard to have circulation. So it's a little pitiful. It's an act of desparado but I guess why not. After all, if they broke another story about a 13 year-old boy father like the other one, then that will be totally freaky.

And plus, they alerted her about the pictures first. Read her press statement HERE. If they didn't, she'll probably still not know about what's going on no? They could've been at their worst ethics and just post the pictures and write the news without telling her. What would you think of that then? Her scandal needs to be exposed because it was a sign of another failure to lure the powers that would be. That is just the worst thing they can do to turn her into another power. Thankfully, she was strong. But maybe she cannot believe in so many things in life now. Love Lockdown for real.

Some might not agree with me but hey, that's how I see it no?

Speaking about Scoop. I cannot say much about this. I daresay, a lot of us only knew about it after we read the newspaper. Our own newspaper -___-. And then there were the calls for the journalists/editors who exposed it, and they said they cannot tell it to them until everything is confirmed. They kept their mouths shut. I have people asking me too. And they told me that the place where they worked, the people were quite annoyed that my company scooped it first.

Who has the credibility to get the so-called scoop anyway? There are reasons so blatant to your face on why certain stuff are not in your grasp. That's all I can say. I gave a few information over what has been happening but not much because I don't dare to expose nor say anything outside of my grounds.

Speaking of ethics, I've been taught from university that it is good if we do not accept any rewards. Those little media gifts are okay, but what if you receive cash beneath the gifts that you had? I have not receive something as big as cash, because the news I've been to so far are just marketing events that they cannot just simply bribe any journalists. Some journalists are also famous for not taking anything. Err, actually, I haven't meet anyone who didn't take any gifts. Seriously.

But to be fair, those little gifts I have, I gave most of them to my family. They are quite happy receiving it. They marvel at the power of me being able to bring back so many things. Things that they could never dream of getting for free. I've made my stand to bring back those gifts for my family. They needed it more than I do. My luxury is already here. My laptop. But yet they were so happy because I bring back another free bag, free t-shirt, vouchers. Most of these stuffs cannot even compensate to one laptop. It's one of those little things I can do for my family =).

Speaking about family, my editors asked about where I lived and about my dad, maybe to bridge communication since my desk is so near to theirs. I told them the same story I've been telling for the past 8 years. Again, the same shocked expression, but this time because they found out my dad passed on at 46 years old. Is that really young? I wouldn't know. But I felt so stupid to tell them about my dad. Then I'll probably get some kind of automatic sympathy again. Sigh. Hopefully they still look at me like their normal employee again.

The bits and pieces of my life as a journalism intern. And all these happen only today. Can you imagine what I go through everyday if they are as emotional like this? That I have so many thoughts about the going ons? meh. Tis life.

The events somehow are related with each other, chained by me

Of Slumdogs and Buttons

That was how I spent Friday the 13th and Valentines' Day. Also known as CiNDi's day offs. I'll go back to work on a Sunday. It's pretty shitty, but that's what interns are for no?

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was a life journey never expected to be told in this way. Starting out as an 86 year old infant, growing younger as he passes by time, Benjamin Button begins his life's journeys told only in his way.

I must admit, the narration by Brad Pitt was so good. I'm starting to have a change of views on him. Nevermind his bloody relationship with Angelina Jolie. Brad's the real man who grows with charisma over time. They made America evolved through all those times, from the Great War of 1918, to the World War II, to his surroundings growing in a old folk's home, living along with the blacks, having grace and faith in Lord Jesus, believing that his condition is irreplaceable, to finding his true love coming back to him.

What I love about that movie was the way they address each other. Nearly none. They never said they love each other. But it was evidently shown that they have unrequited love the way they tell each other Good night. You need to watch it to believe the whole concept of their love being told by saying Good Night.

Although when it was almost the end, I was disrupted by some fuckers who just cannot stop laughing. It wasn't even fucking funny. Ok la, if you must know, it's the scene whereby Daisy was old and Benjamin was really young, like "Meet Joe Black" kind of photoshopped young man. It was really a enduring and saddening scene. But guess what?

Fuckers called Beng Beng and Lian Lian just have to spoil the whole thing by laughing at Daisy's wrinkles. That's not funny! >_> Them idiots and their immature and childish brains cannot shut up, then might as well not watch the movie. It'll ruin their delicate mind because they cannot think straight looking at Daisy's wrinkly butt. (go watch yourself if you want to know about Daisy's butt)

But my ratings for it was good. 8.5/10, due to the whole storyline concept. His life was nothing ordinary to some, but he seemed very nonchalant about it. In fact, he accepted his life very well. Until somebody arrived in his life, but nevertheless he have loved that person unconditionally.

That was my Friday the 13, also one of the unluckiest days of my life. Met up with so much shit I was practically shouting by the time I reached to fetch Ephyon. That's how bad my trip was. Never seen so many bad things happen at once. >_>

Ah Valentines' wasn't anything worth shouting about too. Mostly due to the fact that Ephyon had classes to attend until 2pm. "On a Saturday?" Most people would ask. Yes, on a Saturday. As if it wasn't a tradition before this.

But the best thing of all was to not watch what GSC Cinemas offered for their Valentines' promotion. Some "Marley & Me" promotion that was supposedly for couples to feel the Valentines' vibe.

My boyfriend and I (actually it was me, Ephyon became too busy with his assignments), opted for the other movie whom everybody never heard of, until it won numerous awards in the Golden Globe Awards. I was watching it live from my desk, Them numerous times who emerged to take their prize, thanking the audience and the journalists' votes (this is where I felt so perasan). No one knew a story about a poor Indian boy raising to fame in such a peculiar way could be such an endearing story. So endearing, it garnered another 10 more Academy Award nominations. Yes, I wanted to watch Slumdog Millionaire on a Valentines' Day, and I did.

It beats any of the current movies. I'm certainly not pleased that it's only shown in the GSC International screening due to the language. Even though the production crew was English, but somehow they have distinctively captured the Indian taste, the Indian style of making a Indian movie out of it. And I dare to say it because I grew up watching Hindi and Tamil movies. Those 2pm shows on TV3. I've never failed to watch them, and back then the subtitles were the only source of finding out what they were saying, but it doesn't matter.

Speaking of the subtitles, I like Danny Boyle's way of putting the subtitles. It's no longer just at the bottom of the screen, with white text translating what they are saying. But rather, they were EVERYWHERE. The subtitles followed the young stars as they speak. It appears by their side, on top of them, Just next to them. And these texts have different colour backgrounds, to me it looked like a vibrant of India's famous colours. It was innovative. And yet it made the whole movie looked grittier.

Yes, the movie was gritty. It felt gritty to me because I've read through their history, and some of the scenes depicted were actually really sad, despite the fact my boyfriend and I have reassured ourselves they were reflective of India's past, seeing the scene being played still hurts me. Such a boy who have to endure all those things in life.

That could also be the only reason why this movie is a hit. The West, pardon to say, they've never seen poverty to that extreme extent. I bet they couldn't either. They claim they can help the Africans but I bet sometimes when they try to understand the poor's situation, they were so horrified with that kind of poverty they decided, "This movie is worth it!"

Not to say that it is not worth it, but you know how the West works sometimes....lalala....

But the best reward I've gotten from this? A.R. Rahman.

"O....Saya" is such a song that compiles traditional Indian drums, traditional singing, with modern mixing, and English raps from famous Indian rapper, M.I.A. Sorry to disappoint a certain Pixar fan, but I'm rooting for this song to get the Oscars instead. Jai Ho? A bit too generic Bollywood-ish aftertaste for me. Especially since me and Ephyon didn't expect THAT ending. Danny oh Danny, you truly surprised us.

This movie is a 9/10 in my books. I've always liked Hindi/Tamil movies. This gave me the reason to believe in loving Indian movies again =D.

My Valentines' was very homey. After the movie, we just head straight to my home, cook a very nice cabonara pasta served with cheesy sausages and grilled beef pastrami. The boyfriend did most of the cooking this time. I just boil the spaghetti. A nice touch compared to what I had last year.

Lets see, I have tons of other movies waiting for me to watch. Burn After Reading (just to see Brad Pitt be a blonde cute dopey idiot XD), Frost/Nixon (Because I admire David Frost alot after watching him in Al-Jazeera English), ooh ooh! City of Ember (symbolism and mystery solving freak la me), The Reader (maybe, if it wins the Oscars), Monsters vs Aliens (because Seth Rogen make me smile in the trailers), Coraline (the trailer alone freaked me out so badly I want to watch it =D), Watchmen (because I believe in Zack Snyder. Unfortunately my boyfriend can never remember his name).

And what will happen to the big movie names like Terminator Salvation! Transformers 2! Punisher: Warzone! ?

I don't know. Ask my boyfriend on that part.

Ciao ciao =D. Oh happy me with movies =D.

Feelings of receiving the first paycheck

None.

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....











....










Well seriously, none.

I don't feel extremely elated but you know what's the better reward? Being at the good side of the editors. =D They can be of the nice if you keep on their good side. But they are also of the conservatives so they cannot understand about us youngsters and our fascination about gadgets.

Say, my headphones. Me editor said it was a "canggih" little thing. Of course, this baby has a retractable cord so I don't have to worry about the length of the cord and whether it annoys the hell out of me at work. He was quite happy tinkering with the gadget but then he just have to add "youngsters and their gadgets these days....".

-____-

On another note, Situations at university are getting tensed because of some "overwhelming" people and their "lack of electronics". Not to mention they "gracefully gave a loan" to the juniors because they "severely lacked of resources" due to "unforeseen circumstances that prevails the students from leaving its current location".

Yeap. I feel the pity sometimes but my boyfriend with his handsome head thinks "a student should not question their rights, or the lack of it". So much for trying to question and ask why is there a lack of resources.

One of my friends tried to question why can't we join the press ourselves, in which that way we get Malaysiakini, The Nut Graph, those other more stimulating and challenging stuff fit for my friend. And she ended up being in err, somewhere she didn't like to. A certain company which is not mine, in case my colleagues who are reading this might misunderstand me. She tried writing an email to our course tutor and the answer was, rather, beat around bushes.

Why are we not allowed to question authority when academics is not about "I listen to you" but "Lets have a proper argument"? Are our lecturers stuck in "teacher's syndrome"?

But anyways...I can't even remember what I want to talk about. Short entry la this one. Bye.

Yea, I'm supposed to report to a certain zewt. My pay is a mere RM391. Not bad for an intern. My friends could have gotten lower. Token of appreciation as according to HR.

Bye for real.

And the real winners are: Mainstream Media

Yea, the truly real winners of every Perak fiasco caused since January. You people are truly truly, the real contributors to what has happened over in Perak.

Oh no, I ain't talking about the journalists, they may have decided on the news angle from the start that they found the correct angle to attack on the Perak situation, but the last one to talk are the editors. I guess the editors themselves have found their way to edit the news so that in a way they were targetting the ruling party in Perak.

And they won. They officially won. BN will now take over Perak, and soon, every mainstream media will be joyfully overloading their news with more political biasness.

Everywhere in my office, RTM1 was blaring with great delight, the situation of Perak turning into their desire. They don't need to edit any freaking scenario to make them look like they side with BN. They practically show it live on the spot. What is there to edit? Everything is coming into place. The Sultan of Perak knowing his "big" gut, surely had adhered and adored the BN administration. Why not eh?

The Mainstream media has won, for their efforts to become the doctors of spinning. Spin to the way that the Pakatan Rakyat were viable to attacks and the citizens themselves became wary of their tactics. Spin to the way that everything was Ngeh-Nga's fault, spin to the way that the Indian MPs do not get the treatment they deserve. And they finally did it.

The biggest victory of all, was the stopping of reliance onto blogs. Suddenly, you stopped seeing them trying to extract blog post, transcripts that are available online. They finally revert to their old ways, spinning, plundering their way into the citizen's mind to remind them....Bloggers are individuals, they do not represent you.

It's just sad isn't it? Their voice to reason, their voice to balance, just came to a standstill. Suddenly, with the power of money, everything makes sense. Why the sudden direction has turn into another way, why were they so daring to show their biased heads. Suddenly, that 90% fully BN coverage re-emerged.

Now, with one more state back in the hands of the power, they have more reasons to cheer, more reason to be frank with their political agenda, more reasons to be biased and not getting subjected to ridicule.

They are finally back on track.

I don't dare to say that the company I work in is extremely neutral, but when we saw the newsflash, our face fell. Each and everyone of us in the newsroom. But we still resumed to our schedule. The editors still rushed to make sure they know that such a thing really happened. The journalists in the room had to call those from outside to recheck facts and send it in for the editors to read.

I wonder if the company I work in will become the only mainstream media that will not succumbed to criticism? Or will it?

But for now, the mainstream media won the political agenda. BN should really thank them. They were the true slaves for you.

Here I would to show you what did Russell Peters say about the Media for his stand-up comedy:

I kinda blame the media for what's going wrong with the world right now, cause they kinda perpetuate stereotypes about people. They don't tell you that's what you were doing, they don't go "hey this is what you need to think", but then you know how people's brains work. What they do is that they enforce all this shit you know? What they do is that they'll show you an image of somebody, of a different racial background, and then they'll show you, an alternate image, like right away, something completely different. They don't say the two images are together. They kinda present it like "What do you think?" *shrugs*

Like what they do is that they'll show you an Asian guy and a car accident, *shrugs*

They show you an Indian guy and a 7-11, *shrugs* "What do you think?"

They show you an Arab guy and an explosion, "I KNEW IT!"

But that's what they do, they convince us that things aren't what we think, you know. And all they do is they kept showing you different Arabs and all the violence, they never show you Arab people doing their regular Arab Things.......

(For more please go check his latest comedy Red, White and Brown)


I concur. And I've been seeing that sort of alternating image.

PKR men are quitting almost everywhere, with BN men's smiling faces.

"What do you think?"

The victory goes to the mainstream media.

Two

"Keat, you better get a girlfriend soon. Don't let my daughter chase up and get married first!"

There were shouts of laughter as my mother had severely "warned" Keat, my 28 year old male cousin, about my relationship with Ephyon. Well, I can sort of understand her worries. I'm only 21 and I already have a solid boyfriend, who even ate a Chinese New Year reunion dinner with us now. Soon we are going to be distributing red invitation cards to our wedding dinner.

Yes, I've officially stepped into the second year of relationship with the one and only boy who finds me rare.

Two years stuck with my first and only boy. Two years of shouting matches, fights, arguments, heated discussions, cold shoulders, cuddles, kisses, hugs and all sorts of crap me and him used to share.

It's amazing how I can even survived for the second year considering the amount of damage he has done to me or even the amount of damage we caused to rip out each other's heart.

Yes, I'm not the most perfect girl ever. Heck, I'm far from being perfect. But he ain't Mr. Perfect man as well. He couldn't be arsed to write proper poems or long romantic emails. He couldn't be arsed to learn how to cook just to let me try his cooking. He couldn't be arsed to learn how to dress properly, learn how to take camwhore pictures with me. He just couldn't be arsed.

At this stage of the relationship, we pretty much are so used to each other's flaws, we couldn't be arsed about it. I used to be so mad whenever he goes out with his friends and still think that it's the absolute right thing to do. Most of those shouting matches occured because of that. But then after a while I just cannot be arsed. The point of being angry was because of the hope that he/she will change, but after one year plus of being with that man and shouting and crying so that he'll change and he still doesn't, you just save your tears la.

Come on, I begged him, crying, a few times to let me out of the relationship because I cannot stand the way he lives his life. He doesn't want to let me go, and he doesn't want to change. Then what does he want me to do? Be angry for the rest of my life? I started to just let him do his thing while I do mine. It's no longer anger that I felt, but sheer emptiness and heaps of disappointment. Definitely a much better feeling than anger and grief.

And yet somewhere lurking at my heart I was wishing, sincerely wishing that he'll change but what, or who am I anyway?

I thought I can be a girlfriend who can change him because of his special identity, but after two years, I'm still just "girlfriend". I'm not family, I don't have the role to be advising him on what has to come. I'm just supposed to be there listening to him, and only giving advises when he wants me to. If not, I guess I'm supposed to shut up and not care about his life whatsoever. Let him live it.

That's how a relationship should be eh?

Nevertheless, this relationship was one of those I guarantee will cherish within me, whether or not will I marry him. This is because we are just inseparable. We talk, we laugh, we cuddle...we smile weirdly at each other, make faces for the camera....

And everytime my friends complain about their state of relationship I really felt blessed that my problems so far just consisted mainly lifestyle problems. We did have a little problem in commitment during the start due to a mistake he made, but by the time I was writing this post I had probably already got over it.

I remember my friend came up to me and feeling sad, she asked me, "What kind of topics do you usually talk with your boyfriend?"

And I threw out "Oh the usual, our friends, gossip, current issues, politics, human rights, World War 2, History, Literature...."

She gaped at me and said, "okay enough, I feel the pain...."

"....my boyfriend just called me dumb, because I don't have any topics to talk about to him"

I really felt pity for her, but being a human who do feel selfish I was relieved I had never once being called dumb by the man who I loved so much. Can you imagine how painful will that be to be called dumb? Yes he did try to chase me out of the car before, but being a man with an ego who need deflation, he still apologised for all the crap he's given me.

And apparently, he's thankful for me being the extraordinaire and the ever chatty, masculine-like girl. Believe me, I still do not carry a handbag, despite my mother's pleads that I go get one. I really hate carrying a handbag. I prefer either my pockets or the backpack. And as always, he doesn't bother about me carrying an extra bag, it blocks his view of certain body parts also wtf XD.

But as I've heard so much about Ephyon, I feel really pleased to be with this man for my next few years to come.

Dear Ephyon,

I've written this post earlier because I was afraid by the time I actually wrote it on that day itself, I cannot write it out.

I've had so many mushy things to say about you. And I think, I am currently the only one eligible to do so, because never in my life do I have to endure such a pain in the ass in a form of a man.

Yes, I do think that you are a pain in the ass. Still is at certain times. But heck, what were you expecting? That I'm completely non-chalant about your behaviour? You know better than I do when it comes to your behaviour, and thankfully I've been with you long enough to have taught you about certain things.

I know, being a girlfriend and a teacher at the same time is going to hurt our relationship. I've been receiving many of those repercussions from you. But I thought to myself, you know, if I don't voice it out, would others do? And despite the fact that I knew I was going to get lots of misunderstanding from the circle of friends (which became true after that no?), I still do it.

I don't know if you are going to treat this message seriously. I already feel scared wanting to assume your perceptions are like this, because assumptions are going to ruin what we've been trying to build up. Trust? Belief? You might find it good to hear, but I do not really put so much hope on those two now.

I prefer to savour every moment I could with you, because whoosh! another year has gone. Time flies really fast, and I soon realised that as we grow time does not wait. When you get hurt it means you really will get hurt, and time will not turn back to heal you.

Frankly, I was afraid for myself too. We are staying in a very turbulent time when Malaysia kept plunging in pointless despair. With no one to turn to, and no one that can feel pity for you. I was actually feeling really perplexed when I watched that video of A. Kugan's mangled body. Because I was so afraid, that could be you. Yeah, like being a Chinese actually makes things better, but no, he was a 23 year old man. Just as old as you. I really don't want to find you lying at a mortuary with blood and scars and bruises all over. Justice has not really been very kind to Malaysians and the very last thing I needed was to accept pointless death. I feel afraid.

But that had made me feel stronger for you. The more I can feel about you. I've actually never been so happy about my Chinese New Year this year. Not because of the lack of angpaus, not because of the blaring news of the economic crisis and the screams of children of Gaza, but because I can stand so firm and stood so tall to show myself that I can do what I like without feeling a sense of pain or oppression, and I know you will be there, standing beside me.

You may not agree with my every point of views, you may not be happy with every of my political stand, but I know if I need you to, you will be the supporting pillar for what we have built up together. That mentality for a better future, that linguistic skills, that big heart that can forgive anything, being so open about what we could do.

I still admire most was the way you could forgive someone and let go very easily and not being meticulous. There was one car accident that was obviously the woman's fault when she knocked into your car, and it took quite a while for your grandpa to repair it. I was trying to hard to convince you to call her, make her pay, but all you said was "Leave it be. Why would I be so concerned about such an amount? I have better things to worry"

The only other place I've heard that sentence was in a book titled "The Last Lecture" by the late Randy Pausch. He was charged double times on his credit card bill and he wanted to claim it back, until he realised "I only have a month to live, I have better things to worry about than a double charged credit card bill".

Should I say that you have a wisdom of a dying man, or should I really be impressed with how open you see about things?

But thank you for letting me see how it's like living your way. I can't wait for the forthcoming adventures, just you and me. The upcoming Sunburst Music Festival? The Famwie Trip? That possible trip to Australia? I just can't wait what is in for our 2009 =)

And of course, the obligatory, I Love You =3

With tons of love, kisses and hugs
CiNDi