Tomorrow....what kind of tomorrow?

Nakusu koto ga hirou tame nara Wakareru no wa deau tame

(If losing things is to pick them up, then parting is for meeting)

“Sayounara” no ato ni wa kitto “Konnichi wa” to deaun da

(After "Goodbye," certainly, We'll meet with a "Hello")

Midoriiro shibafu ni nekoronde itai Doubutsu mo issho ni gorogoroshitai

(I want to lie down on the green grass, I want to tumble together with the animals)

Kyou wa ii koto ga takusan atta kara Asu mo ii koto ga takusan aru you ni

(If many good things happened today, Then I wish that many good things will happen tomorrow too)

O-hi-sama dete yuuhi kirei de Hoshi ni negai ashita ga kuru

(The sun comes out, the setting sun is beautiful, I wish upon the stars, and tomorrow comes)

Doushite icchau no?Issho ni kaerou

(Why are you leaving? Lets go home together)

Kenka o shite ano ko ga naite “Gomen nasai” ienakute

(Getting into a fight, that child cries, Unable to say "I'm sorry")

Kokoro no naka sakebi naite mo Kotoba ni shinakya dame da yo

(Even if you scream and cry inside your heart, It's useless if you don't turn them into words)

Arigatou arigatou boku no o-tomodachi Aitai na atarashii tomodachi no minna

(Thank you, thank you, my friends, I want to see all of my new friends)

Kimi to te o tsunagu Sore wa tsubasa ni naru

(I hold hands with you, it turns into wings)

Minna no te tsunagu Oozora mo toberu

(I hold hands with everyone, We can fly through the great sky)

Warau warau ooki na koe de Yonde yonde daisuki na…

(I laugh, I laugh with a loud voice, Calling, calling for my favourite....)

Niji-iro kakehashi watatte “okaeri”

(Crossing the rainbow-coloured bridge, I say "welcome back,")

O-kane ga ne atte mo tomodachi wa kaenai Nani mo nakute mo ne minna ga irun da

(Even if you have money, you can't buy friends, Even if I don't have anything, everyone is with me)

Minna kiite boku-tachi no yume Minna shitte boku-tachi o

(Everyone, listen to our dream, everyone knows of us)

Anata wa doushiteru? Boku wa ne genki da yo

(How are you? I'm fine)

Anata wa doushiteru?Boku wa ne genki da yo

(How are you? I'm fine)

------------------------------------------------------------------

My heart felt sour everytime I heard this song. More so after I've attended the International Conference: Youth on Terrorism.

I've been witnessing 200 youths who could only sit and watch when their country crumble day by day.

These youths may not all come from war-torn countries, but many of them have enough experience facing conflict in their own countries that we could only imagine happening here.

"Millions are dying in Nigeria....."

"What kind of message are we going to pass back to Palestine?"

"How will you justify terrorism just by sitting there?"

"What do you know about the Russia and Chechyan conflict? Don't you think we don't treat them as brothers?"

It really pains me, because most of the international youths, they either came from Middle East, or Africa. Each of them bears a face of hard-beaten pain. I'd expect rich kids but no, these are students who have probably lived and seen the different sufferings occured.

Worst still, the speakers seemed very interested to place most of the terrorists responsibilities towards the youths. The Abu Sayyaf Group, The LTTE, The Al-Qaeda, Jemaah Islamiah, Southern Thailand riots, they mention again and again that the youths could have been victims of the systems.

They were wondering what made the youths turn to violence? Truth is, why not?

The Adults seemed to be destroying everything they had already, why not push a few of their buttons and aimed to give them a taste of their own medicine?

These youths I bet were struggling with their inner demons. Though I admit, this international conference is by far, the most democratic conference. One might think that due to certain confidential reasons, University students were not informed of this of course. I don't know how do the other youth councils found out. If I was not informed by it through my editors and that he asked me to go writer a feature about it I'll never live to see the day when I could hear the troubles of the youths with my own EARS.

It also gave me a sense of awakenning.

Youths will probably never change the course of direction until we move like 80% of them.

Sadly, as how we've seen, only about 10% of the youths in the whole world is aware of certain measures that needs to be taken before a certain kind of world peace could be attained.

Take for example, this song "Tomorrow". It appears on a certain episode of a popular anime, Gundam 00. The original ending to this song shows the graphics of women and children singing. One of these women were clad in "tudung" and the children had more than just one colour of iris. The men were wearing soldier clothing, with turbans on their head.

But you'll never see that image in the present media. Nor will you see the Americans or the Brits understand the undergoing traumatic experience they have caused. Guess what? I'm as ignorant. I wouldn't have known about the existence of this song had it not my boyfriend told me about it. Nor would I be bothered because I was originally not a mecha fan.

If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have made so much research and spotted often too many Anti-Zionist symbols found in that one series alone. But even as I know the company or the country who had produced such anime are fully supporting themseles. That is why they can self-generate funds, create their own technology, their country have self sustainability. Look, their country still continues to function economically even though the government shows signs of failing. That was how aware they were.

And Gundam 00 seemed to fair pretty well within the anime community. Problem is will it reach out to the other youths who could understand the underlying (or rather obvious) presentation it is showing? Or worst still, will the Gundam 00 lovers actually understand the true portrayal of the anime?

Might I add, during the International Conference, the only representative country from the West was Canada?

Worst still.....Everytime I hear this song I cried for the youths who probably find their questions unanswered, and the trouble of their country will continue to haunt them.

And I want to do something about it.

Tomorrow....What Kind of Tomorrow?

Powerless

"Learn, learn, learn, learn, learn, learn, learn, learn, learn........"

Powerless to change anything.

At one point, I felt that they were putting me higher than others. I don't know why must they send me out for all those assignments. I don't possess any special power nor do I actually know what to do.

I really want to say that I'm not hurt, but I am. And I want to rest. I just want to rest.......

My house is no longer home. My mom have to fly off to Italy soon. I will have to become eldest as usual. My last week in the desk brought me more troubles than that whole month combined. Why and what is going on?

I'm too stressed out to understand everything else but my own self. I haven't been concentrating in what I'm doing and only want to do my work just only because I want to finish it. I guess it really pisses off people sometimes.

As they have said, it's a rough sea out there, if I can make it here, I can make it anywhere.

I pray it is really like that. And I'm sincerely praying.

I really want to survive the remaining two days......

Tough girl not to be

If only there is such a thing as password protected post for Blogger. But then again, maybe I just want to rant it out because I really cannot stand the incoming pressure when every editor out there wants me to demand why do I have to do these stuffs.

Because, in my office, it is almost like being in American Idol. I have to report to Randy, Paula and Simon. If I get Paula, "she" will willingly listen and allow me some freedom to do my own things without feeling pressured.

Randy and Simon on the other hand, are kind of the stricter people but they are also willing to teach. Unfortunately, I don't know what has happened recently. Maybe the whole system changed, because all of a sudden I have to report to them separately instead. My colleagues have been telling me that that is their way of doing things but I didn't believe them until I see it myself.

Frankly, I hate it.

Moreover, they don't read my blog so I can never tell them the more they tried to help and criticised me, the more I placed disappointment and anxiety onto myself. That is why I never liked being criticised. It's not really scolded because they weren't being loud to me. Being unreasonable, maybe. Being rude, maybe.

Several of my friends wondered why don't I ever defend myself if they ever think I was in the wrong. I don't know. I just don't. Probably because I was thinking "I'm intern, I should say sorry, thank you." If it concerns about the news story, I can and will defend my story.

But sometimes it was as if my character was attacked. Sometimes it feels that way, but it was also consoling because when they listened to me and then start teaching me on how to write the news. But frankly it's a little too much for me especially since I was already in the mindset of "Yay, I'm switching desks soon!".....But it is due to that mindset that probably brought me to jeopardy, back to ground zero, back to square one, back to being the amateur when she first came in.

For the first time in many years, I broke down due to excessive emotional stress piled upon me. Crying for hurt and crying due to stress is totally different. But worst still, my colleagues realised I couldn't laugh at jokes anymore. I find that serious. Very serious. The last time that happened, I was under depression. I sincerely hoped that wasn't the reason why I couldn't laugh. I sincerely hoped that.

My friends have been very encouraging and even some of my colleagues realised I wasn't being myself. True, I haven't. But that's how I was when in duress and stress. I have been being an ear to other people's problems, I've forgotten to deal with my own stress if I ever face one.

Ever notice that even I write until here I've never blame the editors? You have? Well that's because I'm not supposed to unless they are really real assholes, in which I'm thankful I haven't receive the full blow yet. What is this wei? Final countdown? When all hell breaks loose at the last few days ?

My friends have said that I could go through it. True, maybe I can. But have you heard of the word "Muka Tembok"? It literally mean "Wall face". A journalist's face have to be that THICK to withstand all the blows, slams and injustices thrown to them by the editors, outsiders, public?

My "muka" was a "muka tembok" for the past few weeks, but all of a sudden, that "tembok" went crumbling at the last week. I thought and prayed that I will get a smooth "transition" from this desk to another desk because I was already feeling my "tembok" crushing down. My worst horrors were confirmed when one sentence uttered by my editor could just hurt me to the core. "Poor reporting skills." "What a boring intro." That was what he said.

By right it was my fault and I should accept defeat and admit I was wrong. I did, but at the same time I felt so hurt I cannot explain why I couldn't be as bubbly as before. I used to still go back to my desk laughing, smiling and joking with my admin clerk and colleagues.

This tough girl has her moments of fragility. Ephyon tried his very best to make me feel better but it is just hard because I cannot find the reason to smile anymore. It's not like my assignments are fun, outgoing, exciting. It used to be. But certain changes took place and then, those smiles, laughter are all wiped off.

I felt pathetic to cry alone drinking hot Milo in a lonely cafeteria. I believed maybe they saw the red eyes to know what I was doing. I think. I don't know. Even as a sad girl I never forget my courtesy and say "thank you" to those who've tried to teach me. So maybe they didn't realised I was feeling down or something.

For once, I wished I'd never have a toughened look, to feel that I was the weaker sex, to wish that I had more sympathy instead, to not wish so soon that I actually declared I loved working there.

For once, I wished I could just stomp off, drove my car, and escape from my current surroundings. Even my home feels distant, no longer warm.....

For once....I wished I was allowed to crumble, cry and scream......

My tough image, I don't want it this time.

It was one of those days

That I would consider taking a fake MC...

Dig up a hole....

Tie up my long hair....

Aim properly....

And dunk my head into that fluffy sand.....

Gutter Journalism, Scoop, Reward? More Shocked Expressions.

My head's spinning with all the thoughts inside my head and I'm exploding, trying to get things straight, before I resumed working tomorrow. I don't want those thoughts to affect the way I work.

Gutter Journalism is such an "honour" given to a certain newspaper who had broke the story about Elizabeth Wong's picture scandal. So far, no one knew about the pictures and why it existed, how it existed. Yes the headlines portrayed on that newspaper was really misleading, misguided, it aims to boost sales.

But has it really boosted sales? We can't just assumed that it has unless you have evidence of them having a frenzy over this "picture scandal". If not then the newspaper certainly did not just commit a crime. It was a devastated disgusting method. But hey, they are fighting with three other English dailies.

But apparently a lot of them had forgotten that these people are now separated from NSTP. So they are trying very hard to have circulation. So it's a little pitiful. It's an act of desparado but I guess why not. After all, if they broke another story about a 13 year-old boy father like the other one, then that will be totally freaky.

And plus, they alerted her about the pictures first. Read her press statement HERE. If they didn't, she'll probably still not know about what's going on no? They could've been at their worst ethics and just post the pictures and write the news without telling her. What would you think of that then? Her scandal needs to be exposed because it was a sign of another failure to lure the powers that would be. That is just the worst thing they can do to turn her into another power. Thankfully, she was strong. But maybe she cannot believe in so many things in life now. Love Lockdown for real.

Some might not agree with me but hey, that's how I see it no?

Speaking about Scoop. I cannot say much about this. I daresay, a lot of us only knew about it after we read the newspaper. Our own newspaper -___-. And then there were the calls for the journalists/editors who exposed it, and they said they cannot tell it to them until everything is confirmed. They kept their mouths shut. I have people asking me too. And they told me that the place where they worked, the people were quite annoyed that my company scooped it first.

Who has the credibility to get the so-called scoop anyway? There are reasons so blatant to your face on why certain stuff are not in your grasp. That's all I can say. I gave a few information over what has been happening but not much because I don't dare to expose nor say anything outside of my grounds.

Speaking of ethics, I've been taught from university that it is good if we do not accept any rewards. Those little media gifts are okay, but what if you receive cash beneath the gifts that you had? I have not receive something as big as cash, because the news I've been to so far are just marketing events that they cannot just simply bribe any journalists. Some journalists are also famous for not taking anything. Err, actually, I haven't meet anyone who didn't take any gifts. Seriously.

But to be fair, those little gifts I have, I gave most of them to my family. They are quite happy receiving it. They marvel at the power of me being able to bring back so many things. Things that they could never dream of getting for free. I've made my stand to bring back those gifts for my family. They needed it more than I do. My luxury is already here. My laptop. But yet they were so happy because I bring back another free bag, free t-shirt, vouchers. Most of these stuffs cannot even compensate to one laptop. It's one of those little things I can do for my family =).

Speaking about family, my editors asked about where I lived and about my dad, maybe to bridge communication since my desk is so near to theirs. I told them the same story I've been telling for the past 8 years. Again, the same shocked expression, but this time because they found out my dad passed on at 46 years old. Is that really young? I wouldn't know. But I felt so stupid to tell them about my dad. Then I'll probably get some kind of automatic sympathy again. Sigh. Hopefully they still look at me like their normal employee again.

The bits and pieces of my life as a journalism intern. And all these happen only today. Can you imagine what I go through everyday if they are as emotional like this? That I have so many thoughts about the going ons? meh. Tis life.

The events somehow are related with each other, chained by me

Of Slumdogs and Buttons

That was how I spent Friday the 13th and Valentines' Day. Also known as CiNDi's day offs. I'll go back to work on a Sunday. It's pretty shitty, but that's what interns are for no?

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was a life journey never expected to be told in this way. Starting out as an 86 year old infant, growing younger as he passes by time, Benjamin Button begins his life's journeys told only in his way.

I must admit, the narration by Brad Pitt was so good. I'm starting to have a change of views on him. Nevermind his bloody relationship with Angelina Jolie. Brad's the real man who grows with charisma over time. They made America evolved through all those times, from the Great War of 1918, to the World War II, to his surroundings growing in a old folk's home, living along with the blacks, having grace and faith in Lord Jesus, believing that his condition is irreplaceable, to finding his true love coming back to him.

What I love about that movie was the way they address each other. Nearly none. They never said they love each other. But it was evidently shown that they have unrequited love the way they tell each other Good night. You need to watch it to believe the whole concept of their love being told by saying Good Night.

Although when it was almost the end, I was disrupted by some fuckers who just cannot stop laughing. It wasn't even fucking funny. Ok la, if you must know, it's the scene whereby Daisy was old and Benjamin was really young, like "Meet Joe Black" kind of photoshopped young man. It was really a enduring and saddening scene. But guess what?

Fuckers called Beng Beng and Lian Lian just have to spoil the whole thing by laughing at Daisy's wrinkles. That's not funny! >_> Them idiots and their immature and childish brains cannot shut up, then might as well not watch the movie. It'll ruin their delicate mind because they cannot think straight looking at Daisy's wrinkly butt. (go watch yourself if you want to know about Daisy's butt)

But my ratings for it was good. 8.5/10, due to the whole storyline concept. His life was nothing ordinary to some, but he seemed very nonchalant about it. In fact, he accepted his life very well. Until somebody arrived in his life, but nevertheless he have loved that person unconditionally.

That was my Friday the 13, also one of the unluckiest days of my life. Met up with so much shit I was practically shouting by the time I reached to fetch Ephyon. That's how bad my trip was. Never seen so many bad things happen at once. >_>

Ah Valentines' wasn't anything worth shouting about too. Mostly due to the fact that Ephyon had classes to attend until 2pm. "On a Saturday?" Most people would ask. Yes, on a Saturday. As if it wasn't a tradition before this.

But the best thing of all was to not watch what GSC Cinemas offered for their Valentines' promotion. Some "Marley & Me" promotion that was supposedly for couples to feel the Valentines' vibe.

My boyfriend and I (actually it was me, Ephyon became too busy with his assignments), opted for the other movie whom everybody never heard of, until it won numerous awards in the Golden Globe Awards. I was watching it live from my desk, Them numerous times who emerged to take their prize, thanking the audience and the journalists' votes (this is where I felt so perasan). No one knew a story about a poor Indian boy raising to fame in such a peculiar way could be such an endearing story. So endearing, it garnered another 10 more Academy Award nominations. Yes, I wanted to watch Slumdog Millionaire on a Valentines' Day, and I did.

It beats any of the current movies. I'm certainly not pleased that it's only shown in the GSC International screening due to the language. Even though the production crew was English, but somehow they have distinctively captured the Indian taste, the Indian style of making a Indian movie out of it. And I dare to say it because I grew up watching Hindi and Tamil movies. Those 2pm shows on TV3. I've never failed to watch them, and back then the subtitles were the only source of finding out what they were saying, but it doesn't matter.

Speaking of the subtitles, I like Danny Boyle's way of putting the subtitles. It's no longer just at the bottom of the screen, with white text translating what they are saying. But rather, they were EVERYWHERE. The subtitles followed the young stars as they speak. It appears by their side, on top of them, Just next to them. And these texts have different colour backgrounds, to me it looked like a vibrant of India's famous colours. It was innovative. And yet it made the whole movie looked grittier.

Yes, the movie was gritty. It felt gritty to me because I've read through their history, and some of the scenes depicted were actually really sad, despite the fact my boyfriend and I have reassured ourselves they were reflective of India's past, seeing the scene being played still hurts me. Such a boy who have to endure all those things in life.

That could also be the only reason why this movie is a hit. The West, pardon to say, they've never seen poverty to that extreme extent. I bet they couldn't either. They claim they can help the Africans but I bet sometimes when they try to understand the poor's situation, they were so horrified with that kind of poverty they decided, "This movie is worth it!"

Not to say that it is not worth it, but you know how the West works sometimes....lalala....

But the best reward I've gotten from this? A.R. Rahman.

"O....Saya" is such a song that compiles traditional Indian drums, traditional singing, with modern mixing, and English raps from famous Indian rapper, M.I.A. Sorry to disappoint a certain Pixar fan, but I'm rooting for this song to get the Oscars instead. Jai Ho? A bit too generic Bollywood-ish aftertaste for me. Especially since me and Ephyon didn't expect THAT ending. Danny oh Danny, you truly surprised us.

This movie is a 9/10 in my books. I've always liked Hindi/Tamil movies. This gave me the reason to believe in loving Indian movies again =D.

My Valentines' was very homey. After the movie, we just head straight to my home, cook a very nice cabonara pasta served with cheesy sausages and grilled beef pastrami. The boyfriend did most of the cooking this time. I just boil the spaghetti. A nice touch compared to what I had last year.

Lets see, I have tons of other movies waiting for me to watch. Burn After Reading (just to see Brad Pitt be a blonde cute dopey idiot XD), Frost/Nixon (Because I admire David Frost alot after watching him in Al-Jazeera English), ooh ooh! City of Ember (symbolism and mystery solving freak la me), The Reader (maybe, if it wins the Oscars), Monsters vs Aliens (because Seth Rogen make me smile in the trailers), Coraline (the trailer alone freaked me out so badly I want to watch it =D), Watchmen (because I believe in Zack Snyder. Unfortunately my boyfriend can never remember his name).

And what will happen to the big movie names like Terminator Salvation! Transformers 2! Punisher: Warzone! ?

I don't know. Ask my boyfriend on that part.

Ciao ciao =D. Oh happy me with movies =D.

Feelings of receiving the first paycheck

None.

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....











....










Well seriously, none.

I don't feel extremely elated but you know what's the better reward? Being at the good side of the editors. =D They can be of the nice if you keep on their good side. But they are also of the conservatives so they cannot understand about us youngsters and our fascination about gadgets.

Say, my headphones. Me editor said it was a "canggih" little thing. Of course, this baby has a retractable cord so I don't have to worry about the length of the cord and whether it annoys the hell out of me at work. He was quite happy tinkering with the gadget but then he just have to add "youngsters and their gadgets these days....".

-____-

On another note, Situations at university are getting tensed because of some "overwhelming" people and their "lack of electronics". Not to mention they "gracefully gave a loan" to the juniors because they "severely lacked of resources" due to "unforeseen circumstances that prevails the students from leaving its current location".

Yeap. I feel the pity sometimes but my boyfriend with his handsome head thinks "a student should not question their rights, or the lack of it". So much for trying to question and ask why is there a lack of resources.

One of my friends tried to question why can't we join the press ourselves, in which that way we get Malaysiakini, The Nut Graph, those other more stimulating and challenging stuff fit for my friend. And she ended up being in err, somewhere she didn't like to. A certain company which is not mine, in case my colleagues who are reading this might misunderstand me. She tried writing an email to our course tutor and the answer was, rather, beat around bushes.

Why are we not allowed to question authority when academics is not about "I listen to you" but "Lets have a proper argument"? Are our lecturers stuck in "teacher's syndrome"?

But anyways...I can't even remember what I want to talk about. Short entry la this one. Bye.

Yea, I'm supposed to report to a certain zewt. My pay is a mere RM391. Not bad for an intern. My friends could have gotten lower. Token of appreciation as according to HR.

Bye for real.

And the real winners are: Mainstream Media

Yea, the truly real winners of every Perak fiasco caused since January. You people are truly truly, the real contributors to what has happened over in Perak.

Oh no, I ain't talking about the journalists, they may have decided on the news angle from the start that they found the correct angle to attack on the Perak situation, but the last one to talk are the editors. I guess the editors themselves have found their way to edit the news so that in a way they were targetting the ruling party in Perak.

And they won. They officially won. BN will now take over Perak, and soon, every mainstream media will be joyfully overloading their news with more political biasness.

Everywhere in my office, RTM1 was blaring with great delight, the situation of Perak turning into their desire. They don't need to edit any freaking scenario to make them look like they side with BN. They practically show it live on the spot. What is there to edit? Everything is coming into place. The Sultan of Perak knowing his "big" gut, surely had adhered and adored the BN administration. Why not eh?

The Mainstream media has won, for their efforts to become the doctors of spinning. Spin to the way that the Pakatan Rakyat were viable to attacks and the citizens themselves became wary of their tactics. Spin to the way that everything was Ngeh-Nga's fault, spin to the way that the Indian MPs do not get the treatment they deserve. And they finally did it.

The biggest victory of all, was the stopping of reliance onto blogs. Suddenly, you stopped seeing them trying to extract blog post, transcripts that are available online. They finally revert to their old ways, spinning, plundering their way into the citizen's mind to remind them....Bloggers are individuals, they do not represent you.

It's just sad isn't it? Their voice to reason, their voice to balance, just came to a standstill. Suddenly, with the power of money, everything makes sense. Why the sudden direction has turn into another way, why were they so daring to show their biased heads. Suddenly, that 90% fully BN coverage re-emerged.

Now, with one more state back in the hands of the power, they have more reasons to cheer, more reason to be frank with their political agenda, more reasons to be biased and not getting subjected to ridicule.

They are finally back on track.

I don't dare to say that the company I work in is extremely neutral, but when we saw the newsflash, our face fell. Each and everyone of us in the newsroom. But we still resumed to our schedule. The editors still rushed to make sure they know that such a thing really happened. The journalists in the room had to call those from outside to recheck facts and send it in for the editors to read.

I wonder if the company I work in will become the only mainstream media that will not succumbed to criticism? Or will it?

But for now, the mainstream media won the political agenda. BN should really thank them. They were the true slaves for you.

Here I would to show you what did Russell Peters say about the Media for his stand-up comedy:

I kinda blame the media for what's going wrong with the world right now, cause they kinda perpetuate stereotypes about people. They don't tell you that's what you were doing, they don't go "hey this is what you need to think", but then you know how people's brains work. What they do is that they enforce all this shit you know? What they do is that they'll show you an image of somebody, of a different racial background, and then they'll show you, an alternate image, like right away, something completely different. They don't say the two images are together. They kinda present it like "What do you think?" *shrugs*

Like what they do is that they'll show you an Asian guy and a car accident, *shrugs*

They show you an Indian guy and a 7-11, *shrugs* "What do you think?"

They show you an Arab guy and an explosion, "I KNEW IT!"

But that's what they do, they convince us that things aren't what we think, you know. And all they do is they kept showing you different Arabs and all the violence, they never show you Arab people doing their regular Arab Things.......

(For more please go check his latest comedy Red, White and Brown)


I concur. And I've been seeing that sort of alternating image.

PKR men are quitting almost everywhere, with BN men's smiling faces.

"What do you think?"

The victory goes to the mainstream media.

Two

"Keat, you better get a girlfriend soon. Don't let my daughter chase up and get married first!"

There were shouts of laughter as my mother had severely "warned" Keat, my 28 year old male cousin, about my relationship with Ephyon. Well, I can sort of understand her worries. I'm only 21 and I already have a solid boyfriend, who even ate a Chinese New Year reunion dinner with us now. Soon we are going to be distributing red invitation cards to our wedding dinner.

Yes, I've officially stepped into the second year of relationship with the one and only boy who finds me rare.

Two years stuck with my first and only boy. Two years of shouting matches, fights, arguments, heated discussions, cold shoulders, cuddles, kisses, hugs and all sorts of crap me and him used to share.

It's amazing how I can even survived for the second year considering the amount of damage he has done to me or even the amount of damage we caused to rip out each other's heart.

Yes, I'm not the most perfect girl ever. Heck, I'm far from being perfect. But he ain't Mr. Perfect man as well. He couldn't be arsed to write proper poems or long romantic emails. He couldn't be arsed to learn how to cook just to let me try his cooking. He couldn't be arsed to learn how to dress properly, learn how to take camwhore pictures with me. He just couldn't be arsed.

At this stage of the relationship, we pretty much are so used to each other's flaws, we couldn't be arsed about it. I used to be so mad whenever he goes out with his friends and still think that it's the absolute right thing to do. Most of those shouting matches occured because of that. But then after a while I just cannot be arsed. The point of being angry was because of the hope that he/she will change, but after one year plus of being with that man and shouting and crying so that he'll change and he still doesn't, you just save your tears la.

Come on, I begged him, crying, a few times to let me out of the relationship because I cannot stand the way he lives his life. He doesn't want to let me go, and he doesn't want to change. Then what does he want me to do? Be angry for the rest of my life? I started to just let him do his thing while I do mine. It's no longer anger that I felt, but sheer emptiness and heaps of disappointment. Definitely a much better feeling than anger and grief.

And yet somewhere lurking at my heart I was wishing, sincerely wishing that he'll change but what, or who am I anyway?

I thought I can be a girlfriend who can change him because of his special identity, but after two years, I'm still just "girlfriend". I'm not family, I don't have the role to be advising him on what has to come. I'm just supposed to be there listening to him, and only giving advises when he wants me to. If not, I guess I'm supposed to shut up and not care about his life whatsoever. Let him live it.

That's how a relationship should be eh?

Nevertheless, this relationship was one of those I guarantee will cherish within me, whether or not will I marry him. This is because we are just inseparable. We talk, we laugh, we cuddle...we smile weirdly at each other, make faces for the camera....

And everytime my friends complain about their state of relationship I really felt blessed that my problems so far just consisted mainly lifestyle problems. We did have a little problem in commitment during the start due to a mistake he made, but by the time I was writing this post I had probably already got over it.

I remember my friend came up to me and feeling sad, she asked me, "What kind of topics do you usually talk with your boyfriend?"

And I threw out "Oh the usual, our friends, gossip, current issues, politics, human rights, World War 2, History, Literature...."

She gaped at me and said, "okay enough, I feel the pain...."

"....my boyfriend just called me dumb, because I don't have any topics to talk about to him"

I really felt pity for her, but being a human who do feel selfish I was relieved I had never once being called dumb by the man who I loved so much. Can you imagine how painful will that be to be called dumb? Yes he did try to chase me out of the car before, but being a man with an ego who need deflation, he still apologised for all the crap he's given me.

And apparently, he's thankful for me being the extraordinaire and the ever chatty, masculine-like girl. Believe me, I still do not carry a handbag, despite my mother's pleads that I go get one. I really hate carrying a handbag. I prefer either my pockets or the backpack. And as always, he doesn't bother about me carrying an extra bag, it blocks his view of certain body parts also wtf XD.

But as I've heard so much about Ephyon, I feel really pleased to be with this man for my next few years to come.

Dear Ephyon,

I've written this post earlier because I was afraid by the time I actually wrote it on that day itself, I cannot write it out.

I've had so many mushy things to say about you. And I think, I am currently the only one eligible to do so, because never in my life do I have to endure such a pain in the ass in a form of a man.

Yes, I do think that you are a pain in the ass. Still is at certain times. But heck, what were you expecting? That I'm completely non-chalant about your behaviour? You know better than I do when it comes to your behaviour, and thankfully I've been with you long enough to have taught you about certain things.

I know, being a girlfriend and a teacher at the same time is going to hurt our relationship. I've been receiving many of those repercussions from you. But I thought to myself, you know, if I don't voice it out, would others do? And despite the fact that I knew I was going to get lots of misunderstanding from the circle of friends (which became true after that no?), I still do it.

I don't know if you are going to treat this message seriously. I already feel scared wanting to assume your perceptions are like this, because assumptions are going to ruin what we've been trying to build up. Trust? Belief? You might find it good to hear, but I do not really put so much hope on those two now.

I prefer to savour every moment I could with you, because whoosh! another year has gone. Time flies really fast, and I soon realised that as we grow time does not wait. When you get hurt it means you really will get hurt, and time will not turn back to heal you.

Frankly, I was afraid for myself too. We are staying in a very turbulent time when Malaysia kept plunging in pointless despair. With no one to turn to, and no one that can feel pity for you. I was actually feeling really perplexed when I watched that video of A. Kugan's mangled body. Because I was so afraid, that could be you. Yeah, like being a Chinese actually makes things better, but no, he was a 23 year old man. Just as old as you. I really don't want to find you lying at a mortuary with blood and scars and bruises all over. Justice has not really been very kind to Malaysians and the very last thing I needed was to accept pointless death. I feel afraid.

But that had made me feel stronger for you. The more I can feel about you. I've actually never been so happy about my Chinese New Year this year. Not because of the lack of angpaus, not because of the blaring news of the economic crisis and the screams of children of Gaza, but because I can stand so firm and stood so tall to show myself that I can do what I like without feeling a sense of pain or oppression, and I know you will be there, standing beside me.

You may not agree with my every point of views, you may not be happy with every of my political stand, but I know if I need you to, you will be the supporting pillar for what we have built up together. That mentality for a better future, that linguistic skills, that big heart that can forgive anything, being so open about what we could do.

I still admire most was the way you could forgive someone and let go very easily and not being meticulous. There was one car accident that was obviously the woman's fault when she knocked into your car, and it took quite a while for your grandpa to repair it. I was trying to hard to convince you to call her, make her pay, but all you said was "Leave it be. Why would I be so concerned about such an amount? I have better things to worry"

The only other place I've heard that sentence was in a book titled "The Last Lecture" by the late Randy Pausch. He was charged double times on his credit card bill and he wanted to claim it back, until he realised "I only have a month to live, I have better things to worry about than a double charged credit card bill".

Should I say that you have a wisdom of a dying man, or should I really be impressed with how open you see about things?

But thank you for letting me see how it's like living your way. I can't wait for the forthcoming adventures, just you and me. The upcoming Sunburst Music Festival? The Famwie Trip? That possible trip to Australia? I just can't wait what is in for our 2009 =)

And of course, the obligatory, I Love You =3

With tons of love, kisses and hugs
CiNDi

Aiyoh Lets Talk CNY

I lost my sense to write anything serious.

How? How?

Well I can always talk about my CNY experience.

My CNY this year is a very happy one. So happy that everyone who've seen me will know I've been smiling loads. I just don't know why but I couldn't hide this sense of happiness lingering.

My usual years going back to Klang has always been a very unhappy one because I wasn't very close with my paternal family after my father's passing. I would always go there and be bored. Like really bored and I don't know how to help my grandma because she'll always look at us with that really sad face. My brother on the other hand will get a few hands on stuff like his PS2 and he can play with a younger cousin brother.

Of course, the worst part of being there was facing the elder cousins who probably have the mentality of "i pwn joo!" because they were the uber elite English people. I don't understand why is it so hard for them to open their mouths to ask questions and they can just sit at a corner talking to their own family. Hurk. Sickenning.

So I've been asking (more like pleading) my mom to let me drive there myself because if I go too early I'll end up being bored. And finally this year, I'm allowed to. My sister was also quite sick of being bored there too. And we went there only when the dinner was about to start, so we have lesser need to greet the uber elite cousins.

Then, a very cute surprise came, in a form of a little girl called Abigail. She was such a darling and so pretty and cute. Not exactly part of the family, as she was the cousin's girlfriend's niece. But she played with all of us anyway. My smile was probably really infectious because she warmed up to me immediately, calling me "jie jie" so much, and listen to all the teases and taunts my uncle could do that could make her giggle. Then again, this is my uncle, a speech giving machine. Never mess with a lawyer.

And my paternal family finally knew about Ephyon after I hide from them for so long. Truth to be told I didn't exactly intend for them to know about him because I wasn't close to them. But after awhile they knew about him and we talked about relationships a bit. It's good to know that my boyfriend is accepted here, without question. Well they can't argue much, I'm already with him for so long.

Next would be the reunion dinners I've been going to. We finally have our own Famwie reunion dinner. We tossed the yee sang, ate healthy food, laughed a lot and drank beer. Under the recommendation of the resident beer drinkers, I drank a bottle of Heineken. It doesn't disappoint, and not as bitter as a Guiness Stout. But my other friend bought Tuborg, and I liked that taste. I'm counting on the next drink with them boys and I can buy Tuborg.

But after that I have several other yee sang toss with my maternal families, one with my uncle, and another with my aunts who came back to see their mother. My grandma was the happy one because her daughters all came back to see her every year despite the treatment they received when they were younger (back then, the male was pampered more than females.) My uncle was a good man but not exactly the nicest son because he never really stays long for her, and would prefer to be with the wife's family. So she said she liked her four daughters including my mom =). And by the way, Ephyon finally ate a reunion dinner with us. And they were very nice to him. My aunt even said he's a very handsome man, and I cannot agree more =).

After that, we went to visit Ephyon's maternal grandmother and his aunt who came back to bring a very good news. His cousin is going to get married. Her boyfriend finally proposed after four years of good relationship, and they were hoping that Ephyon will come, finally, to reunite with the whole family over in Australia. Knowing him and being closer with his maternal side, he agreed. I was happy for him of course, and told him to behave himself when he goes there. Until he asked,

"Why don't you come as well? The more the merrier. Po po (grandmother for translation) will like it"

His grandmother and aunt kept nodding their heads in excitement. So I guess I'm following =). Oh my god, so much travelling this year. Not to mention that possible trip to the Anime Expo in Singapore, I wonder if Ephyon still remembers about his promise to attend it this year. Ahahaha.

Then after nearly two years of not seeing each other, we, the Subang Utama gang, finally made a point to visit each other's houses. With different experience piling on top of each of us, we finally were able to chat and talk more often about what we know and what we can do. But we never forget to joke about each other, what with our different experience. But due to our timing we always rushed throughout the visit, but still accomplished 6 houses in 4 hours. Tis an amazing achievement if you ask me.

I've never been so happy regarding celebrating CNY.

And the best thing of all, I've never asked for all this to happen. I guess my happiness has spread aplenty everywhere. Even my colleagues back at the office were wondering about my grins and cheeky smiles. I don't know. It's just such a happy occasion.

My CNY is so different this year =D. I was never thinking of it as a grouchy occasion wishing it to pass very fast this year. It's a good thing.

I'm still in a happy mood despite being busy. Hope that you guys have good CNY celebrations too.

Balancing it out

Have you ever tried asking yourself, why do you choose a course to study? It could be your parents, it could be your interest, it could be the only thing that you can study, it could be forced. But you definitely will study that course until you've obtain a diploma/degree for what you are doing.

I definitely love to write that is why I've had Journalism. I have this sense of justice inside me, wanting to tell the truth to the others who need to know about them. And for another reason which was personal to me hence I will not talk about it.

I know it's a little too early to say this because after all, what do I know in 3 weeks? I've just started adjusting to the system whereby I know who are the ultimate people to report to, how to write different worksheets, how to talk to some of my colleagues.

I wish to say that I love my working environment, but sadly, it's hard to say that I do. What more with the tales seniors of my previous batches, all came here with good and motivating selves, and they made the editors so happy. One of them had an allowance raise because his articles were so good. I'm really disheartenned because my competitive self would want the same kind of treatment but my own student self just wants to drag through the internship and just pray that it ends early.

And then slowly, I'm starting to hate writing......

How will I pick up my steps from here then? Now I see why is it so important to keep your head straight because sometimes when situation demanded you to become a journalist and not an intern, you can't just go back, tell your editor, "I can't do it! I don't know how! I'm only an intern so I expect you to teach me!"

I've never did that, and sometimes I wished I could do that......

I don't know how is it like for the other industries, but in where I worked, you stand your own the moment the editors know you can. You are given the biggest crappiest events, and you must write it like it's gold. Write it like you love it. Write it with your enthusiasm put inside. Write like how you write a blog. Write because you want to write.

But I slowly find myself shielded away from enthusiasm, freezing in the air-conditioning office, just to read and write. Read and write, I couldn't feel and hear people as I could the last time. I cannot feel symphathetic to every Tom, Dick or Harry. I cannot let my emotions flow into the article.

And then slowly, my writings just became....words......

Now I see the reason why my mother was against me pursuing what I love, because no sooner that when you start working that you know, What you love, becomes what you hate. And then you start feeling really angry with yourself and ask, why do you choose a path that you will hate what you loved to do?

Because when I want to love my job, other people's perspective was "a job is a job".......

I wished I had more time to keep my feelings settled down because I cannot process everything inside my head now. Everything happens so fast. Work, write, sleep, work, write, sleep. And then when something unexpected happens you process it in your mind as well. But my heart, is really empty from all that thinking. All I do is think, but I don't reflect on what I thought about and I couldn't feel content.

My brains are thinking faster than my heart and emotions can follow....that's why I feel so much stress and grief......

I'm sure there are ways to balanced out my priorities as a working journalist and as the girl who I am before working. If only I don't feel so much fear about the new roads that I have to learn, the new things that I have to see, the new faces I have to meet, the new scoldings I've yet to receive.

Help me out here.....how to show that interns have feelings too?......

This is so appropriate for the current situation.

Please go read Shadowfox's revealing post about the past and the present situation about the finance industry, and what the aftermath will be like.

My mom told me, that if a South American's man's prediction will be any truth, by 2012, USA will be the ultimate sacrifice. And they'll start picking their steps again, rebuilding the USA that they knew before.

As for me? Hmm, the editors at my office are very well aware about it. I know, because I hear them discussing about it, thus giving me more exposure about what is really going on.

How I love being part of the press because I am enlightenned. And thanks Rin for her invitation for that Friday trip. Without your trip to that talk, I wouldn't know the seriousness about the world.

I'm still young, thankfully, thus not at the mind to buy a credit card yet. And I won't be too after this ;-).

Plus, the Sunburst Music Festival better bring this band! They'll create the biggest noise! Woot!

"I'm sorry to say, your generation is probably going to suffer the worst"

He told that to me when we sat side by side at the Convention Centre.

I barely knew him, but he was friendly, he smiled, and he asked a lot of questions. I doubt he's actually a Malaysian because a Malaysian won't be that curious about the press.

He said it was a good thing I came to listen because I'm young and I don't know a lot about investments.

I totally did not understand a word of what they said but I did catch a few main keywords that can be used as the article.

"This is bullshit," I told him.

I knew it was bullshit. My mom used to do unit trusts too. You can't make money out of investing in things in Malaysia.

Then he told me about Anita Mui and Leslie Cheong, how they spend quite their savings investing in unit trusts, letting them mature, and they now leave a few hundred million for their loved ones.

But they are dead, I thought to myself. The money all over the world will not bring them back to life.

"The problem is that, they forgot to mention about the corruption part"

"Malaysia is very corrupt. Your generation will suffer the worst of it. It'll be like the times after World War II. Because these people will take your money, and run away with it."

"I'm telling you this because you look old enough to be my daughter. And I felt that it's a waste if you have to go through conditions imposed upon you, and they are not caused by you at all" he said.

"I got to go. The bus is here." He put on his shades, and left.

That Singaporean/Hongkie unit trust salesman, he was thankfully one of the more comfortable people I can talk with.

But I forgot to tell him, that I actually know it's happening.

And I'm prepared.

Dear dumbfucks who call themselves parents

Do you have a brain? Do you know what a brain looks like? Do you know that if you have a brain I wouldn't have to call you dumbfucks?

If this is the kind of life I go through as a parent, I might as well stop having children because the children will probably look like me and be dumb as well. You stupid looking dumbfucks who think that when you have children, you own the right to every single freaking thing in this planet.

You see right, YOU, are not the friggin government! You are all just inconsiderate ASSHOLES who think are doing some kind of FREAKING MORAL DUTY as a goddamn parent. HELLO! WAKE UP! YOU ARE JAMMING UP MY PEACEFUL QUIET NEIGHBOURHOOD YOU SONS OF BITCHES! AND IT'S A GODDAMN SATURDAY! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET YOUR BLOODY RUNT STAY IN THE GODDAMN SCHOOL???

And not only that, as if jamming the streets surrounding the school, YOU DUMBFUCKS HAVE TO JAM THE PERSIARAN TUJUAN ALL THE WAY FROM USJ, UNTIL THE FEDERAL FUCKING HIGHWAY!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU FUCKERS!!! HUH!! CHILDREN ONLY WHAT!!! THEY WON'T DIE OF DEHYDRATION WHEN YOU LEAVE THEM AT THE SUN FOR 30 MINUTES!!! CAN'T YOU FUCKERS WAIT??? HUH?? HUH???

SEND YOUR BLOODY KIDS TO SOMEWHERE NEARER YOU FUCKERS! WHY DO I HAVE TO TOLERATE THE LIKES OF YOU?? LET LICK HUNG GO BANKRUPT BECAUSE THEIR SORRY ASS DESERVES TO, WITH THEIR CORRUPTED WAYS OF ASKING DONATIONS!! FUCKED UP CAPITALIST BASTARDS WITH ALL OF YOU CRONIES LICKING YOUR BUTT!!! AT LEAST GET YOUR KID TO WALK!! THEY WON'T DIE OF SUNBURN!!

I as a resident of Subang Jaya, have to TOLERATE FUCKERS LIKE YOU FROM SHAH ALAM, PUCHONG, AND KUALA LUMPUR!!!! BECAUSE YOU THINK LICK HUNG IS A PRESTIGIOUS SCHOOL! LICK HUNG IS NOTHING MORE THAN PIECES OF GREEDY PIGS WAITING TO POUNCE ON MORE LAND, AND GUESS WHAT? YOU GUYS ALL BUY FOR THAT TRICK!!

Your kids probably won't die from dehydration or skin cancer, your kids probably will die from all that GODDAMN SUFFOCATION FROM AIR-CONDITIONING! GO! GO! GO LET THEM SNIFF SOMEMORE CHLOROFLUOROCARBONS!!! LET THEM KNOW HOW FAKE THE AIR IS! REAL AIR THAT FILLS WITH BACTERIAS WILL ACTUALLY MAKE THEM LIVE! NOT FAKE, PURE VACUMNED AIR!!!

FUCK LICK HUNG YOU GODDAMN CAPITALIST BASTARD! YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE A FREAKING SCHOOL, YOU ARE A FREAKING CAMPUS WHO THINKS YOU CHURN OUT 7 A's VERY WELL, WHEN ALL YOU DO IS TORTURE US TO MEMORISE, MEMORISE, MEMORISE YOU CAPITALIST BASTARDS!

And when the traffic was so bad, guess what? You guys all complain to poor ol' assemblywoman, Hannah Yeoh. All I bet that you were shouting and demanding for explanation, probably giving shithole excuses like "We need bigger roads!", "We need a police to monitor traffic!"

Hello, how about a big GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY AREA AND ENROL YOUR CHILD IN A SCHOOL NEAR TO YOUR PLACE? A GODDAMN SCHOOL IS A GODDAMN SCHOOL!! THE SUBJECTS ARE THE SAME, THE TEACHERS ARE THE SAME, THE STUDENTS ARE THE SAME, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU ALL CRAMP IT UP HERE, IN MY PLACE???

YOU PEOPLE ALL DESERVE TO NOT HAVE ANY RESPECT FROM ANY OF THE YOUNGSTERS IF THEY DO, BECAUSE I HATE PARENTS LIKE YOU PEOPLE, WHO THINK THEIR PRECIOUS, ARE SO FUCKING DELICATE!! THEY ARE HUMANS AND IF THEY DON'T SUFFER THEY WON'T KNOW WHAT REAL LIFE IS LIKE!! DUMBFUCKS!!!





















Urgh.....feel so much better now.

A list of what dumbfuck parents do:

1) Making a 2 lane street into 3 lanes

2) Taking the Shell Station entrance as the exit, thinking it'll be so much faster, but ending up getting lots of honks because they created the 3rd lane.

3) Double parking at the already puny lane filled with parked cars so that they can go take their kids.

4) Double parking so that they can have their lunch at the mamak stall. What the FUCK!!

5) Not giving two shits when real drivers who need to do something important, like picking up their frail 81 year old grandmother, honks at you.

6) Laughing at said angry driver. Mother of all fuckers those people.

7) Ignore drivers who really need to go to their destination, not wait there like some silly fuck.

Dear whichever authority that bothers to read this poor puny blog of an anonymous, please look into these problems, identify the real Subang Jaya residents than the fake ones.The real people who needed to go somewhere or need to come back, is really stumped and disappointed with the way you are trying to portray Subang Jaya. Get them out la please T_T.

P.S: Oh and if you want to know how I know the dumbfucks come from somewhere else and not Subang Jaya, it's because Subang Jayan kids can walk! They don't need a friggin car to be there for them. It's so near they can walk back to their house and happily wait for lunch. Unlike dumbfucks who needed to drive all the way from god knows where to pick their kids up. URGH!

PMS is being a bitch

I have a problem, and it's a monthly problem. Everytime it comes, I believed it has wrecked a few arguments I have with Ephyon. It's a very serious problem, and I don't like this problem. Not when I'm working, not when I'm surrounding people whom I don't know at all.

My PMS is the problem. If it strikes, it strikes really bad. I cannot avoid, and I'm not brought up to learn how to cope. And it's a very strange PMS. It doesn't cause me physical pain, nor any fatigue and such. But when it strikes, I hate it when it struck, every part of me will just crumble down, as seen with what happened recently.

You see, dear gentlemen and girls as well in case none of you had my problem, I need to be super angry and super sad AT LEAST to know that my menstruation is coming. Sometimes super angry will come first, then during the period super sad will come as well.

Sometimes I will have a reason to be super angry or super sad, sometimes I won't, at times I was super angry and super sad for no reason, my boyfriend kept demanding that I tell him the reason to which I couldn't tell, and end up arguing a lot because I'll just take any of his ugly past to throw back at him. >_>

Currently I'm in Super sad mode, because I really need to cry. It's not that the working environment is tough but the constant fear and anxiety is overwhelming. We interns have heard a lot about mistakes from the past and we were so afraid of making the same mistakes again. Or that our stories won't be published, or that we'll be scolded because the editors are very fierce when scolded.

How do I kill that PMS mode most of the time? Super angry is very easy, just go and watch something funny and it'll be gone soon. Spending time with my love was also the best things ever because he can give me the best cuddles in the world. His cuddles warms me up the very minute he bury his face at my neck and snuggle me until I feel all the love from him.

But it's tougher for super sad mode. I can watch something funny if all I feel is just moodiness and anxiety. But if I know that I'm suffering, really feeling grief, whether or not from stress or from something else, crying is probably the best way to show it. But I cannot just cry out like that. My family will be giving me weird looks. I'm always the eldest so I can't just cry like that. Thankfully this time I'm saved because I've just read one of the nicest articles ever contributed by Rin and it made me feel a whole lot better about my choice in journalism.

And do you know how I know? I observed myself. Yes probably people out there you might think: how the heck do you look at yourself and think and know your problem?

I just do a lot of reflecting and I'd always want to correct myself from making mistakes which sucks even more for me because I'd reflect and feel guilty for not seeing the mistake earlier. That is how I came to realise my pattern of mood swings during PMS period. I have been proven correct a few times by my boyfriend and I'm convinced that I'm going through these times.

There's only one slight problem about it: I cannot control it. If I want to burst I will burst. Thankfully these days I can control where and when I want it to burst, but I cannot stop it from bursting. There is no way I can stop it from me wanting to get my solace and cry right from my heart about the unfairness of everything or the depressing thoughts I have. People may try to make me feel better by telling me it's okay, but it's really too bad because I'll need to break down somewhere. Maybe in a disguised form like a very sincere writing, or a touching picture. But I'm still grateful for the people who had been telling and comforting me, so thanks a lot.

That is why my PMS is such a bitch, and that makes me a bitch. It's just very hard to manuver and tell myself that I can always stay happy. Because I can't.

So if any of the guys and girls see me feeling exceptionally stressed, or angry or sad, you know it's the PMS in the works because I'm normally not like that right? =)

Of course, if anyone knows a better way to conquer feelings like mine, please do tell. My emotions are as alive as my own self and I tend to be extremely dramatic especially during PMS times. This is a condition in which I hope to erase soon because I'll soon be facing people whom I don't know and I can't be telling this same story over and over again.

Worst still, what if I'm a mom? I want my kids to see a happy mommy and not a sad mommy that cries for no reason, because they might think mommy is a little crazy.

Then again, my mom said giving birth regulates hormones, for her I mean. I wonder if it's the same for me.

Melodramatic-ness, I need to get rid of it.

the ugly side of Bukit Bintang

It was a normal sight among the streets of Kuala Lumpur. True to it's true name (translated as muddy delta), the facade of the Golden Triangle were littered and stained, with annoying beggars.

Pasty-faced, wrinkly old women sitting at the side of the street, armed with a cup or a bowl, bowed down to targeted tourists, hopefully to earn a little income to fill their empty stomachs, or their "hurtful soul". And these tourists being filled with money, can't wait to donate a few shillings to these beggars. They thanked them and happily counted their measly sum.

And then my eyes were caught on this very young boy. He was drinking from a fountain in front of a posh restaurant, and admittedly a very good looking boy for an age of 10. The water fountain was obviously not clorined but it wasn't healthy, yet he drank from there.

The security guard saw him and chased him away, and he glared at the guard with his big menacing eyes, and he took his t-shirt to wipe his mouth from the remaining water dripping. He walked swankily, like a street kid, like he knows the place so well he was born to walk on it. Like a Michael Jackson style.

Then he reached to a man puffing away out of Starbucks. He put his hand into his mouth, like the typical Indian way of saying "eat". Swiftly the puffer put a hand in his pocket and passed him to several shillings.

He took one good look, grunted, put the shillings into his pockets, walked past all the other office workers, and walked off.

If I wasn't wrong, I just saw a child beggar his works.

He don't look like a beggar at all, but when he made that motion, people just give money to him. He didn't need to beg, he didn't need to cry. He was as swanky as a street kid. Yet, people do that. Maybe they felt annoyed with the kid. But I'm surprised such begging occurs

This so called Golden Triangle is filled with these people. It's shameful that this land have so-called values so high only the elites can pay for it, but yet it shows nothing elite about their work in ensuring welfare to the poor.

This is the ugly side of Bukit Bintang.

Three Words for work

I hate jams!

Why is today so jammed? I tried waiting till 7.30pm, and start leaving at 8pm. And it's still JAMMED! OMGBBQWTFKNNCCBCHCH.

On the other hand, working is okay la. I live in irony lor. Now just editting stuff, hoping to be on the field, but sometimes don't feel like doing that. Meh.

But at least I get to do stuff as usual but only when it's not bothering my work.

Yet my brain went numb receiving news news news news news news news news......zzzz

Yet I'm so cocooned, I don't know what's going on the outside world.

These 2 days are okay. I can't imagine the next few weeks. Say hello for those who'll miss me in university.

Ciao

Rushing it is worthy?

I don't know if any of what New Strait Times reported is real. But I've been reading The Star for the past few days and I'm partly convinced that the sudden rift between the new Pakatan Rakyat and the Indian community is real. There is a sudden urgency in their tone when they demand for their roles to be uplifted and appreciated.

Personally, I don't know about the Kapar MP until I've read the newspaper about his resignation because he was fed up with PKR. The Ipoh Barat MP on the other hand, had decent media exposure for me to know that he was a good man, a little bit like Michael Chong for Perak. And I'm very certain that he was because it's by the mainstream media. It's very rare to see the mainstream ones praise an Opposition MP.

I understand if they felt the same kind of marginalisation, and had broken promises by the very same people who gave it last year, when they were devastated and felt that their hopes were lost but could be restored if they helped what used to be called the Opposition into power. Which they did. A much more balanced legislation emerged. The Barisan Nasional MPs had to struggle to be present so that certain Bills can be pushed to be let through. Interesting no?

But yet, I cannot understand. Why are they all quitting posts like they totally want to give up every hope for a change? Dudes, you guys are barely even a year into the administration, you think being a politician is easy?

To be a 'proper' politician, and I'm not using the current Barisan Nasional as examples for proper because there's nothing proper about them. To be a proper politician, you have to be judge, lawyer, accountant, banker, loan shark if you have to, teacher, mother (yeah, some constituents can behave like small kids), PR agents. It's not easy, that is why I don't see the reason why the newspapers have to report on how "so and so MP had to use their own money to help the constituents". Are you trying to say that because you can afford to pay the first RM30, 000 to fight for citizens you think that's going to last you for the next 4/5 years?

Why do you rush to give up? Why do you rush to give up on hopes? If they don't give the politicians a bigger position to let you voice it out, work on the grassroots. We've histories of solid MPs in past decades, working their ass off without proper media exposure to show the world how pitiful they are.

I really do wonder what were the real intentions of these politicians. Probably yes, there are favouritisms showing. But heck, favouritism is everywhere. It's like business, except you do not have second options. Okay, you do, as an Independent. But that might mean forking out more money.

Maybe consider the option of not caring for what's going on at the top, but care more of what can you do. If you've done all you can from being an MP, then, well, listen and voice it when you know you have the chance.

But definitely, don't give up. Barisan Nasional can't even build a proper country in 50 years, what more with only 10 months of experience?

P.S: I ain't judge, jury nor executioner. Just an annoyed audience looking at the so-called frustration.

Hello 2009

You just gave me stomach discomfort on the glorious first day!

On another note, I don't regret going to 1Utama to celebrate. The fireworks were awesome!

Now its the problem with my stomach discomfort. I'm starting work in 4 days. Bloody....

Hopefully YOUR new year is better than mine.