Man Made Terror

I fear the power of Man.

God has created the most intelligent being alive, and they were sent to live on Planet Earth. In that place, they learned how to survive and how to use the resources. They started civilisation, they started the bureaucracy, they started invention and they started destruction.

Man is a manipulative creature.

They can think of plots and strategies, just anything to destroy one or another. They loved to torture those who they think are inferior and they make sure the weaklings die without any pride. They now live to torture mentality. They describe how crazy a mind can go. How much they would kill so that they themselves survive? How much is their sin, so that they can achieve their very own satisfaction?

Man is oblivious.

They created religion, so everyone can follow in the footsteps of God, worshipping Him. They created different halls of shrines, so the devotees can pray for something that has always been a myth or a legend. Shamans going around with their little ghouls, apparitions can be seen. To me, ghost are never scary, it should be a natural sight even if its supernatural. But Man made it scary, adding all the unnecessary fear into us. In the end, we are afraid of the supernatual .

I hate the fact that Man are always trying out new things, either earning praises or scaring them away. They are challenging the mind of readers, viewers and the rest of the population. "Hannibal" is a movie that I swear I will not touch again, its contents is truly out of mind that it challenges my psychological thinking. It has succeed. But I threw away all the memories as fast as I can to prevent myself from thinking so much of the human mind. But it proves one thing: there are people out there who are like them. People who can charm and kill. Some even crazier. All of us are manipulators. We, the humans, love to make our own terror, so we satisfy and scare ourselves and others. We die of satisfaction.

I now fear the power of writing.It can hurt so many people. and make my day miserable. One who does not have a matured mind could not stand the job. But this is it. All of us have to accept the fact that this is part of what we do.

Shakespeare's quote " There's nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so."

We are all terrorists.

Style Determination

Recently, the advetisments at a television channel is HIGHLY promoting the Street Style Awards, where it gives their rewards to those who had personalised something unique into a "style". It ranges from fashion to music, to every aspect of what has happen in our lives. Well, the Street Style Awards is going on at Zouk in Kuala Lumpur now. Now as the Awards are being given out, I'm here wondering, who determines style?

Style stereotypes people. There are a group who are "cool", who loves to be stylish, in a way that they follow the Western Culture, and wear really big shirts, pulled their pants down until their behinds are shown, wears a cap and simple, showed that typical "rock on!" sign when meeting their friends. On the other end of the world, people who idolises Japan would adapt to their culture. Japan has the knack of trying out new things, therefore, they have developed a few new fashion sense that does not make any sense. Some Japan fans would just blindly follow the trend, wearing mini skirts and really colourful long stockings at the same time, or perming curly hair to match with cute hairbands or really large earrings. They would also pamper themselves by colouring every fingernail with different kinds of colour. It scares the common folk a lot.

That is why I hate that certain criteria of style. Who determines that you look good or not anyway? The fashion designers who had to wreck their brains off every spring/summer/autumn/winter season? As long as you are not in a shabby state any clothes that suits you should be okay. But like what they say, resources are scarce, and people's wants are unlimited. They demand to look unique, that one-of-a-kind, or rather, they want to be in a certain dress clan, where they are accepted by the people who share the same fashion taste as them.

Personally, no one is disgusted by no one's style. Everyone have their right to express themselves through dressing. It's after they do so they tried to convince everyone their style is the best that irritates me. Who are you to say that your style is the best? Of course to those who are confident on their own style they wouldn't care much, but for those who are clueless of themselves, it seems a little sad to see them changing from one style to another, just to fit other's interest and not their own. Even if they didn't really accept some of the fashion sense they still wear it, because they wanted to be accepted by their own dress clan, who wouldn't felt so disgusted about what they wear.

Does style reflects your attitude? Maybe, but I've seen people who wear decently that behaves really bad, or people who wears very sexily, but actually has a very nice heart. So it depends on how we look at people. Appearance is only skin deep, and if we wanted to know more of the character, we have to interact with these stylish people more. But if they had made us sick at sight, we might take a longer time to accept him/her. But then again, never judge a book by its cover?

Still wondering about what determines the style. And who is getting the awards for being best-styled?

Sorry if this is a short post, I got distracted by other aspects.

Thanks and good day.

Blogger Exclusive 2: A letter to a slave girl....

Dear,
I read the news article about you the other day, about how you had to work day and night, when others can play, study, have fun. I feel sorry for you, I wish I can help, but all I can do is just read about your plights, and write it in here. I wish I could do more, go to your country, find your whereabouts and save you from the mishaps that you have encounter, let you see the world around you, and take a photograph of you smiling like every other children. But alas, I'm too young, so I can only read about you.

Dear,
I thought of myself when I see you like that. I felt lucky that I was born to a better world, where my family and friends are always around me, but I thought about you. If I really have the chance to see you, I would put my focus on you, not on me. I will listen to you, share your experiences, and even lend you my shoulder if you have the desire to cry. I will assure you that there is no such thing as sadness and grief for your whole life. I would teach you the principles of life, and how you can change the world. You truly can if you have the will to do so. Think of the world where no child will be slaves. They would be grateful of you. But alas, I'm young, so I can only read about you.

Dear,
To tell you the truth, I can't imagine what I will be if I were to be in your shoes. I know I may never understand what does it feel like, but at the very least, I will try to be your ears. I'm not a good adviser, I hate advising, but I want to cheer you up and at least see you laugh with full of joy. I want to see you enjoying your childhood, being able to run around and play. When you grow older, I would assign you to learn the law, to understand your human rights so that others cannot hurt you anymore, and other children in your country will not share the same fate as you. I want to be with you, to talk to you, but what can I do? I can only read about you.

Dear,
I will come to your country one day. By then, I hope that the condition there is better. If it doesn't, I will highlight the same report that has been released in newspapers now, for I'm a journalist who does not lie.

P.S : There is an article in "The Star" where child slaves in India working for the wealthy families at the minimum age of 10. I felt pity towards them, just like what I felt for every other children in the other poverty countries. So my letter is written for all the girl slaves out there. Readers, please, if there is a chance to help them, I want to know how, if it is to ease their pain and suffering.

Thanks and good day.

Blogger Exclusive 1: Craze vs Sanity

Hey everyone, my blogging activites have to come to a hold. I won't be blogging for quite some time, I don't know how long will it be before I come back again. Anyways, I've come up with my Blogger Exclusive! Which I will blog not on one article, but two. So I hope that you readers out there are satisfied with my topics. Leave some comments, or just keep supporting me, I will keep posting my opinions on this blog.

I finally realise that after months of arguing, I have come to a conclusion: my sister has spread her wings even though she's not ready for it. She's trying to become a woman. A woman who is feminine, who sprays perfume on herself so she can smell nice, a woman who would spend hours doing her hair so she stands out when she's in a crowd. A woman who would rather sacrifice her eyes than to wear her spectacles, just because she wants to look beautiful, so on and so forth.

Countless times I have express my dissatisfaction towards her change in taste. Before that she wasn't that serious. Vain she may be, she never craved for materials like perfumes or makeup. We can still be crazy enough to crack jokes at almost everyone. But as time passed, she doesn't hang around with me anymore, and that becomes obvious after I had started working part time, and then, enrolling in university. I still maintain myself, being paranoid at the wrong times, fool around with anyone that are my friends, and simply, joking around with my bunch of friends. I felt happy because I've been able to portray myself, whether it is with my family or my friends. But my sister doesn't find that amusing, and I don't find hers interesting either. In the end, we had an argument, and it has been a week since I had a proper communication with her.

I blame her change onto her boyfriend, her classmate in school. It was his presence that made her change the way she is now. But I'm very disappointed, why is she rushing to grow up? Why does she want to be so advanced in looks, way further in her time? Still, I couldn't blame her or her boyfriend much. She will become distant sooner or later. And there I was, pledging that us siblings will not fall apart. How foolish I was. And stupid it is to maintain "maturity" on the outside. What about the insides? I can say that she is not matured enough to even face the outside world, what more can I say?

The one part that I hate, and I think everyone hates, is growing up. People expects you to act your age. I'm 18 now, so I should act like an 18-year-old. But how should an 18-year-old act like? After much thinking, they would say, "you can start by eliminating your childish ways,". Okay, but I've seen people older than me, acting like a idiot, anymore explanations? Another long thinking, they would say, "be yourself"

There you have it, be yourself. If being childish is your way of portraying your inner self, then do it, but not to point of irritating others. It is always okay to wear a mask when you are with others. And some, apparently, wears their masks at everyone, only to reveal their true self only to those really close to them. But they will be trapped in the multiple personalities that they have conducted, and in the end they will go insane. Why bother to cover so much, when you can just show your true self? No one is going to hate you because they didn't know who are you in the first place. And maybe they can accept you better.

To me, I can only maintain my own identity by becoming who I am truly. Friends and family would give me advices on how should I act time after time, but I still remain the same way. I guess they wanted to look at me at a different viewpoint, but I'm not ready to change. Will they even see the difference even if I had made a change? To those who are sharp, maybe; to those who are not, they won't. I don't know, but I like being me now. I maybe crazy, but I still have my principles in life. I have my own serious opnions on different issues. Still, I believe I'm still sane in a way that I don't lose any of my self image.

I may be exaggerating abit, because I don't want to see anyone change like my sister. I prefer slow changes, not a sudden change. To tell you readers a truth, I miss my old sister alot. If there is any way to get her back, I would, but if her current self is what she truly is, I have nothing to say except to regret I never spend enough time interacting with her.

Thanks and good day.

Who would ever thought of working there?

The problem with Asian parents is that they can never imagine their children working as something out of the ordinary. The "normal" occupations that we hear, all the time, and all parent's hope on, is doctors, lawyers and businessmen. These 3 occupations are so appealing because it brings steady income, stable status and confirmation. In short, it's steady, and parents need not worry of their children not being able to earn enough money to even fulfil their needs. But wait, now babies are booming everywhere. Mother Earth is filled with 6 billion denizens! How can these 3 occupations fulfil all 6 billion? Not everyone can be doctors, lawyers or businessmen. So what will happen then?

Luckily as time passed, technology, science, agriculture and arts are growing, and many of the "jobs" that were thought as frivolous are now a steady career. But this takes time, and many who had started the jobs in the first place are putting risk in their own hands. They are afraid that people cannot accept their status as being a contributor to the community, therefore they have to slide back into their own "normal" careers, doing what they can do; but not doing what they like. These "founders" are the people who truly brings the whole world into the 21st century. Without them, many people would be continuing their studies not because they like it, but out of their parents' hopes and bringing back income. Here's a list of what are the new career that we would not consider unless we are "true" professionals of it :

1) Designer
Whether it's fashion, or multimedia, or artistic, designer seems to make life more colourful. Fashion designers gave us an insight of his/her world, through their design of clothes. Futuristic, Melancholy, Bluish, you name it, they have the creation for it. Fashion designers are usually in their own world, and creating their one-of-a-kind dresses, making people drop to their knees with gorgeous attire. Multimedia designers will create logos, background of websites for companies or for groups who try to be outstanding, but a multimedia designer does not stop there. Some of the game designs are to be made by multimedia designers. As gamers demand for more realistic outcome, that's where multimedia designers have to work on their magic. Same goes to artistic designers, where they don't have to suffer the hardships that their predecessors faced and still create art. Some of them will be simple, portraying their wish, some will be complicated, playing with the people's mind, trying to hint something. But notice this, designers are always there since the ancient, just that poeple does not recognise it as a career, until now.

2) Gamer
Yes, gamers. The newly implemented field in the career board. Although it's still not available in Malaysia, I can see the potential of Malaysian gamers going far and wide. So what do gamers do? Basically they have to defeat the game as fast as possible, so that their companies can write a guide, to guide the amateurs through the whole process of the game. If you think it is easy, take note: A gamer must not lose any points in his/her game, and find every nook and cranny available for secrets and missions that are not stated in the storyline. That is time consuming, but they have to beat the game within a time limit, so they have to stay up almost 10-14 hours a day to play the game. It causes stress, but still only hardcore gamers can truly live up to the expectations. Casual gamers (like me) cannot stand the pressure. But still, this is a new career, so it is under the stage of waiting to be expanded.

3) Undertaker
Undertakers are basically people who take care of the whole funeral process. It is not exactly the job that many want to do. The fact that you have to deal with crying families, the dead body and the whole occasion, it is a little depressing for those who are not mentally ready. And funeral companies do not exactly provide a "service with a smile". That will be kind of offensive. I mean, you are smiling when your customer is dead? Well, you had to have dead customers, if that are the means to keep your company from surviving. Which is why a funeral service can cost so much. But this career is something comforting. Some families are too distraught to do all the things to deal with the deceased. So an undertaker should be there to help out. Their service at the house is also comforting, as least the families will know that their deceased loved ones can go with peace.

4) Writer
A writer does not promise income. They must be able to write out a good story, after that they had to convince a publisher to publish their book, and that their book promises good sales, and only through that good sales do the writers earn some money. So, not many would choose writer as a "first option" career. Writer is often an alternative, with the idea coming out after they had suffered from their daily jobs, or when they find no more fun staying in the office. But the good thing about being a writer is that they can invoke creativity into their masterpiece, and unless their topic is controversial enough, it usually takes several years before it becomes famous worldwide. But still, without writers, there will not have stories. Just like how we grow up reading Hans Christian or Enid Blyton's stories, maybe in the future, our children will grow up reading J.K Rowling's stories?

These 4 are just one of the many careers out there which the careers are slowly gaining recognition everywhere. While some are still growing, some are getting reputation. But still, every career is meant for someone out there. That includes us. For me, I hope to be a journalist, somewhere. Everything out there is an opportunity. Some people might feel disgust on some careers, some will just rejoice, while some has no comments. So let us youngsters pray that we will secure a job somewhere, not only for our interest, but also for the sake that we can enjoy every part of it.

By the way, is politician a career?

Just Joking.

Thanks and good day.

Songs that are close to hearts

Every stage in my life there will always have a song to represent it. I love the fact that songs exist. A nice melody with lyrics, plus a singer's angelic voice, and a song is born. Everytime I had encounter something, I will come across a song that will stick to me until it wears out, because I don't think of that something anymore. Slowly, this has become a habit. When I'm in a good mood, I listen to practically everything in my pendrive. But when I thought about something, I'll play only one song because only that particular song knows what I'm thinking about.

The second thing I notice is the lyrics. Back then I was a Mandarin pop fan, for the lyrics those singers sang were poetic, even though they are pop idols, and I got addicted to poetic lyrics. I even gone so far to enrolling into a famous music school to learn about lyrics. In the end, I realised the hardships a lyricist had to encounter, and gullible as I am always, I thought lyricist was a choice of career, until that reality was smacked right at my face after I had a meeting with a Taiwanese lyricist who had came to Malaysia. He was humourous, and amazingly I like the way he speaks. He tells stories in detail. Do all Taiwanese speak like that?

But now I had changed. Maybe I was becoming too busy, and maybe I was influenced by the many music programmes available on television, but as time goes by I start to accept all kinds of language and music. English, Mandarin, Korean, Japanese. I love to take notice of the English lyrics, as some of them bears some meaning to it. I'm lucky that until now I've chosen mostly songs that are compatible with my attitude. Not to mention instrumental scores too. I even get addicted to game music after I had played a fare few games. And even watching anime I was touched because of the background music they used. Timeliness, perfect timeliness. I'm not too enthusiastic about Hong Kong ones though. They kept using the same background music. I grew tired of them.

If anyone is curious, the song at my stage now is "Simple and Clean" by Utada Hikaru. The lyrics is really meaningful because it deals with love with logical thinking. Although the couple liked each other alot, that doesn't mean they have to sacrifice. That's the true meaning to the song. I'll write the lyrics :

When you walk away, you don't hear me say
Please, oh baby, don't go
Simple and Clean is the way you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go

You're giving me too many things lately
You're all I need, you smiled at me and said
"Don't get me wrong I love you, but does that mean I have to meet your father?"
"When we are older you'll understand what I meant when I say 'no, I don't think life is quite that simple' "

When you walk away, you don't hear me say
Please, oh baby, don't go
Simple and Clean is the way you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go

The daily things (like this and that and what is what) that keep us all busy
are confusing me
That's when you came to me and said
"Wish I could prove I love you, but does that mean I have to walk on water?"
"When we are older you'll understand it's enough when I say so 'and maybe, some things are that simple' "

When you walk away, you don't hear me say
Please, oh baby, don't go
Simple and Clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go

Hold me, whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings, the future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before

When you walk away, you don't hear me say
Please, oh baby, don't go
Simple and Clean is the way you're making me feel tonight
It's hard to let it go

Hold me, whatever lies beyond this morning
Is a little later on
Regardless of warnings, the future doesn't scare me at all
Nothing's like before.

I guess that's it. I can't think of any other topic to write now. Thanks and good day.

Argumentative.....

I just have to apologise, due to the amount of homework and assignments I had in university I can't seemed to find the time to blog about anything here. And I never want to spill everything on my personal feelings inside here. But I had to blog about this topic. It was highlighted on my friend's blog. He seemed confused on an issue, maybe due to the problems he had in his life. I never exactly want to attempt to argue on this topic, but since others have questions, I might have the answers. The topic is "What is the difference between 'love' and 'like' ?"

'Love' and 'Like'. A very tough topic to argue. Some people claim that that they "love" someone, when actually they only "like" them. How do I tell it? Firstly by the expressions of seeing that someone. What do you feel? Anxious? Heart beating very fast? Blushing till your face is so hot, people assume you are sick? Then those are the symptoms of "liking" someone. Why do you had those symptoms when you "like" them? Because, you barely know them! All you see is that he/she looks special to you. And those symptoms occur when you had the desire to approach them and let them accept you to be their friend, or straightaway they became your love partner. Believe me, once they had accepted you as a friend, those feelings are gone right away. The reason will be elaborated in the explanation of "love".

"Liking" someone requires you to do crazy things, but not crazy enough, because there's still restrictions. Or a better way to say it, YOU know your own limitations. If you did something that is out of a certain limitation, that particular person that you are infatuated to might think differently of you, resulting in them keeping themselves away from you. Then, you'll be branded as "hazardous". It is a very risky thing, and often girls/guys didn't really know that limitation. But they should have learnt their lesson after their first attempt. For those that are, err, more gullible, they should know by their second or third attempt.

Now comes to the part where "love" and "like" are confusing. At first stage, "love" should be confortable. Example, friends. As friends we do not feel awkward and instead we laughed at each other on our bad habits. We do not ridicule our friends just because they are a no talent or because they are ugly. Friends are with us when fate comes in. Same goes to love partners. Unlike "like", our love partners SHOULD NOT make us feel awkward and messy. Why should we make attempts of impressing them when they had actually accept us the way we are? Unless they don't "love" you, they only "like" you! And this is where most lovers had been confused and misinterpret about.

If you "like" someone, you might still want to change the person into someone of your dreams. But if you "love" someone, you just accept them the way they are. Why should you change the way they behave when you love them for their originality? And there is a cliche to this. You may not be able to CHANGE their behaviour, but you may find your own behaviour changing as the relationship progresses. That too might affect the relationship. So my friends, if you think you can handle a relationship while maintain that same attitude and identity of yourself, then you are ready. I've seen problems of that. It is either that a person has changed after a relationship, or the person didn't change, but their views on a relationship would have change. It's either the bad or the worse. It's better to be cautious than to fall into a trap easily.

There, those are my arguments. Useful or not, it's up to the readers. But I'm merely saying this. No matter what, love is always there. Love is there even when we are in our mother's womb. Love is everywhere. I may be young, but I know what love is, it took me awhile to realise that. No one is perfect. Once upon a time I was blind too. I guess I had open up. Oh and please treat love naturally. I might write an article on that, but not sure when. But it is not an immediate post. Maybe I will post it in the second year? Who knows. Anyway, I'll keep this blog as active as possible. Thanks and good day.

Little things do help.....

"So, what is the main idea of an essay? Can anyone tell me?" the lecturer starts her lecture with her ever American slanged English. No one seems to have an idea what the main idea of an essay is. "Main idea is main idea, there's another name for that?" someone said. But still, the lecturer wouldn't give up until she have someone answering her question. I know fully well what the main idea is. "Is it the thesis statement?" "Yes, it is, now we can move on....."
Somehow I'm not trying to be someone smart here, but this is because I had this education on what a thesis statement and a topic sentence should look like. And I was only in Form 2.

Back then, my class has this really nice teacher. Her name is Miss Deura. She taught us English. I like her because she speaks good English. She made English classes enjoyable. I remember vividly, that in the first class she taught us the "Thesis statement" and the "Topic sentence". She told us the differences on these two main ideas. At first, it doesn't make sense. Those are not part of what is coming out during the exams. She said, "You will find this useful sooner or later." Those words were imprinted in my mind since then, and currently, I really do find it useful.

I find it unbelievable that in just one class, I've been remembering this for over 4 years. I don't know why. Maybe the way she teaches back then was interesting, maybe I was paying full attention. There are so many possibilities on why I remember it so well. And truthfully, I'm glad I did.

Another example of something that I really remember was a newspaper article. There was this news of an old man celebrating his birthday, but this old man was a gambler. He gambled his life possessions away, and he was hunted by the loan sharks so much that his family couldn't take it, and had abandonned him. Since then, he became homeless and was sent to an old folk's home. I just felt like crying after reading that article. Because to me, no matter what kind of sins that they commit, they should be forgiven, especially when they are in an old age. In my opinion, no elderly people should be mistreated even they did something wrong, when they can't walk or even talk properly anymore. That article, and that picture had hit my chest really hard. He's eating his birthday cake, but had eyes filled with sadness. His advice to the young people that gambling will make them lose everything.

I wonder, had they didn't release the picture, will I look at the article the same way? Will I actually felt sadness? And what about the rest? Those who read the same article, will they feel the same as me? I truly believe this is one that should touch the heart of many, as it had done to me. It has been 3 years since I've read that article, I wonder whether had he reconcilate with his family yet, or had he left this world where he'll get the second chance to live a life where he'll never gamble? But one thing for sure, I knew that gambling can indeed hurt the feelings and the relationships of their loved ones. Some may continue to be with them out of love, but some left them because they can't bear to see their loved one being in that state of life. At least, it did help me realise, those who can't control their desires to gamble, please do not do so.

Little things that happens around us, can sometimes be an impact to us, we may never know it until very much later, but at least it helps us overcome our own problems of life. Who knows, maybe that one day if we are in that same situation as theirs, we will know how to solve it. Life is like that, we absorb the lessons that were learnt from another unlucky fellow who had to endure it before he/she can actually gave us advises. Or maybe, he/she just doesn't want us to be the unlucky fellow like him/her too. Anyhow, this is what life has to be. What comes around, goes around. Thank you Miss Deura for teaching me an unforgettable lesson. It's small, but enough for me to remember it. Thanks and good day.

The smell of nature.

I was on the bus yesterday, and it was the eve of Deepavali, a celebration of the Indians. Many of them took the bus. And they were holding all kinds of groceries. One of the most common are the flowers. There are flowers of different size, and when I say size, I mean the whole bunch. Because of that, the bus is filled with the smell of flowers. It smells so good. I had forgotten that it was almost years that I actually can capture that smell.

I usually will smell the flowers the moment I step into the Buddhist temple. That was when I had Sunday Dhamma classes at the temple. Being a devoted Buddhist, my mom reckons that I should study the life of the Buddha with sincerity. And I did enjoy my experience in those classes. But the prospect of waking up early is kind of a burden for myself. I mean, that was what I thought of as a burden. I was only a Primary school kid.

I stopped because I couldn't stand it. I stopped because I realise the people inside they don't really care unless you actually join in with their activities. But I don't have that time. Or at least, my mother doesn't have the time. Handphones are not exactly the kind of choice I had. And I had to borrow the phone from the office where they will charge for the call. The adults are always busy doing something. I don't know what is it that I always be the laughing stock of people. Why would they want to spread stupid jokes and rumours about me and some other guy whom I don't even talk to? I don't know if there is any hidden agenda, but one thing for sure, I had quit because of that too. And that's when I realise, that I'm spiritually weak. Now I only visit the temple annually, when there is the Wesak Day. But we didn't linger for long because of the hot weather and the massive traffic jam. These are the many things that prevents me from visiting the temple.

I begin to wonder if there is any difference of me now if I continue on my Sunday classes and ignoring the taunts and haunts? Will I be more humble? Will I be able to accept the changes on life? Will I be able to lead even better and be able to contribute more? Will I even change myself to be someone who seems soft spoken, but strong at heart? That smell of flowers has pop up all these questions at my head. But it disappeared when many of them went down the bus at the bus stops. No, it will not make any changes. I still am a Buddhist. I understand the theory of Buddhism, and I can tell the difference between different Buddhism. But at crucial times, do I seek Buddha for help?

I guess Buddha knows that one seeks His help, when one helps one's self. He can never helped out anyone who will not help themselves. I may have lessen my actions of showing love and devotion to the Buddha, but still, in my heart, I know that I still believe in this religion, more than ever. I still believe in the Buddha after all, and the smell of those flowers, it helped open up my memories.

Thanks and good day.

Expensive spoons?

Today's "The Star" there was this eye-catching news article that truly caught my eye with the headlines "Cancer patient gets laptop". I read through the article, and I had this feeling of jealousy. A small girl like her can get a laptop because she wishes to have one, courtesy of "The Star" BraTs and some generous companies. Not only her, other children too had Playstation 2 game consoles, bicycles, but of course, that laptop is the one the took away the attention. Wow. If that is the case I might as well pollute myself, have severe cancer and then ask for a car. Mercedes, please?

To me, this is sort of a false tradition that everyone is keeping. Pity the sickly ones and make their wishes come true. Come to think of it, what more can a patient wish, but for their health to return? Should the little girl becomes too weak, can she still play games at her laptop? I'm not saying that this is not good, but why the so-called "wish list" keeps coming up now and then? Orphanage, Children's Home, many projects were done specially for them, conducting a "wish list", then searching for sponsors to make the project come true. I just had to wonder: What is the true purpose? To make the children happy, or to make the company happy with profits?

I've read articles written by physically disabled people or those who are sick. From their account, they didn't seem to ask for much, just a simple and normal life. I may ask, with such a reward in front of those children, will they still want to battle for their life? Or will they continue to be sick so that they can have more pity instead? I'm not sure what is the true meaning of giving out expensive gifts to children, but I hope they do know how to take care of it. After all, a laptop is a laptop. It's not a toy. One has to take really good care of it to prevent the laptop to detoriate.

I really not sure how much more luxury there is in front of the eyes of the children. Will they enjoy every minute of it? What happens if they are to face the cruel society world? Will their parents come and help scold them off? Sometimes I feel that children nowadays are so pampered that they can't lift a finger to do anything. I don't even have to give an example. My sister and brother are both examples! Just a few years difference and they do not know how to face the society, thinking everything will fall right into place! I had to be sarcastic to make them feel embarassed of the actions that they have done. I don't have the right to scold them, because I'm no role model myself, but at the very least I don't recall that I acted like that when I was young! How many more spoons are we manufacturing? Golden Spoons? Silver Spoons? Diamond ones? Pearls? Gems??

Parents, just wake up. I agree that children are lovable, but not pamperable. There is some limit needed before your child becomes out of control. Let them learn from their own mistakes. The old saying "When you fall, stand up for yourselves", does it even appear in your head? Do you want your child to be dependant. Do you want your child to be labelled "spoilt brat"? If this what you want, go ahead. No one is stopping you. You set your child's path to nowhere. There will no future for the next generation if this goes on!

Thanks and good day.

I'm back, but lost....

I'm finally here again, blogging. I'm supposed to enjoy this activity as I would highlight some topics that people tend to ignore. But I felt strange. Due to a virus attack my laptop is not working the same way now, and I felt lost. I can't seem to say it. But my laptop had grown inside me, and after that sudden attack, I became lost in my thoughts. What had happen? Why didn't I know it sooner? It happen almost in a flash and that virus is almost eating up my system, and I kept running anti-virus programs, one after another. I kept battling to make sure it stays alive, and I won, only to fall into a trap and my laptop officially "died" without warning.

Imagine all that heartache I had gone through when that happenned. Of course, that feeling is covered inside and I show more of anxiety. But still I have nightmares. What happens if I can never use my laptop again? What happens then? Am I going back to my old life, where I had to argue with my siblings over excessive usage of the family laptop? I don't know. I really felt a lost now, because that ideal laptop of mine is working properly. I know it's unbelievable, but I felt like crying.

This is almost like you lose a friend, and then when you recall the memories that you have with him or her, you felt so empty inside, you felt like you have spend all your emotional energy focusing on your lost friend, trying to find a way, just to see them again. And you are afraid that you are only dreaming all along, and wake up to find that you have still lost your friend. That hopelessness, and that kind of grief, is bound to make anyone break their nerves down and cry with all their might. I know that feeling so well, because that was what I felt, when my father left the world all of a sudden. But, he left us with lots of problems. And my grief turns to hatred.

I don't know what this means, and of course I can't compare my feelings for my friends to my feelings for a laptop, but I've put all my effort into understanding both of them, and if really my friends leave me without reason, I may have to accept, but somehow I will feel empty inside. Like I have a body without a soul. This emptiness is going to keep us awake, that life is short, and we must appreciate every step that we take. Somehow, we youngsters must feel the passion in life. But too much passion will end up disastrous, and we fall into a grey area where you cannot feel, or, you don't dare to feel anymore.

I'm almost in that grey area, if it wasn't for my purpose in life I would have just fall through, and without warning, my soul taken away from my body, and I become a lifeless shell. But look, here I am with blood, sweat, tears and a heart that can feel the agony and passion that most youngsters have nowadays. I can only say, I am young. And even though I had lost track of myself, I will come back, with a burning desire to live my life. Thanks and good day.

Regret Implants?

Yes everyone, regret implants. How does it work you say? Simply make a fault that is bound to give effects on you, then implant some regret onto yourself, and voila! You are now full of "regrets" because of some mistake. But take note. There are two common types of side effects which you may choose to endure one of them. Or both.

The first is the positive side effect. It shows that you truly felt regret and you will strive hard to achieve the better. In the end, with all that hard work , you became a successful person. It may not be a national issue, but at least you've create history for yourselves! You can even talk about your success in life to your next generation, passing on the legend. And very soon, your descendants will be very proud to have you as their ancestor!

The second is the negative side effect. It shows that you felt so much regret that eventually you become depressed. You tend to prowl around lamenting the faults that you've done, playing the blame game. You blame yourself, and your family, and your friends, and then, to everyone! You felt stupid and you think success is not going to make anyone feel better. So, you turn into a beggar, begging for the sky to drop so you will die of natural causes or making your life look like you've been through hell!

So what is the medicine to make sure the side effects do not occur? I can't really prescribe one. I'm not a practical doctor. But from what I've heard from true doctors, the medicine is "patience". Be patient when problems surface because of your mistake, and correct them, one by one. But be warn! Overdose of patience comes impatience. That will cause you to speed things up without detailed checking of your own past, and you might suffer a "relapse" of making the same mistake again. And this time I won't guarantee that you will have positive side effects, considering that it is the second let down of your life.

So, want to make an appointment? Plant some regrets? Our whole life is full of it. And sadly, it only appears when we feel so crestfallen. Pitiful. But still, we have to move on, and make sure we realise the lesson learnt from planting regret inside us. That's us, we are humans. We need a little regret to know that we are imperfect.

Oh, and regret implants do help if you know how to walk the right way. Thanks and good day. And please do seriously think about this, even though I use humour to cover it up.

Laughable somethings....

Ah, Hong Kong drama series. Most Malaysians now must have glued themselves to local television and following the storylines of a Manchurian era of Shanghai. For those who had more "advanced" technology(which in short, it is called Astro), they can wait until 8.30pm or 9.30pm to catch their favourite TV series. Hong Kong drama series had its ties with Malaysia for decades, tracking back to my mother's time (my mother is 52 years old now) where she and her family would gather together and silently enjoy their one hour. Even Malays and Indians enjoy watching Hong Kongers spill their emotions on the TV screen. However, how appealing it is to Malaysians about Hong Kong series, it is still unrealistic. Here I will point out a few EXTREMELY common scenes that will appear in those modern-era series and how it will never occur on Malaysian land.

Scene no.1 Boy wants to break up with girl. Girl refuses to let go. Girl fights and ends up getting dumped at the roadside. Girl finds cab and ask the cab driver to "drive around and around"


I'm sure the Malaysian bunch is more sympathetic and would drive the girl back home safely rather than dumping them just like that at the roadside, not with the crime statistics soaring up now and then. Even if you don't like the girl, you would still ensure that she is safe and sound no? Also, it is very hard to get a cab by just waving your hand unless you are in strategic places (and I mean very strategic) such as bus stops. Oh, and no "pak cik" will tolerate crying girls asking them to drive around and around until she's in the mood to go back home. They want to be back home too, especially after a long night. Or they could put a "fixed charge" of RM50 for 2 hours of roaming around. To them, moody girls don't care if they have to pay more, thy want to sit there and cry. Hmm, interesting idea.

Scene no.2 Boy finds girl with another man (presumably "the" third party) and follows her. Boy sees girl going in the cab with that man, so he finds a cab, and he asks the cab driver to "follow the cab in the front".


Another case which "pak cik" will not tolerate in Malaysia. Until now, I have never seen a case where a taxi follows the taxi in front just because the passenger demands so, though I will not rule out the fact that it DID happen, it's just my assumption. And when the driver tries to break the silence with the already depressed passenger (be it boy or girl), I think he'll get some noise pollution right from the passenger's mouth. But it doesn't matter anyway, as long as they get their pay. Do you know that in the Hong Kong series, they just pay you the big bucks without waiting for the change because they are so busy trying to follow their spouses and collect evidence of cheating? I'm sure that if that happens in Malaysia, "pak cik" will never bother to find the change while watching his estranged passenger secretly following the couple in front, shaking his head and muttering "youngsters....."

Scene no.3 Girl is depressed. She calls her best friend which is a boy (who coincidentally, had a crush on her). Boy finds her at the beach, and they began to talk it out at the beach.


I think scene no.3 really could not happen in Malaysia. If such scene happens it can only happen when both are on a holiday trip and the girl receives depressing news. But this is more towards geographic than anything else. Hong Kong is an island, therefore it is normal that they had beaches around because they are surrounded by the sea. Malaysia is also popular for its many beaches, but you would have to drive a few hundred kilometres before you actually reach a certain beach. By that time, you would be extremely exhausted. Talk it out at the beach? I'd rather sleep in a hotel before I help my friend sort this matter out. Anyways, the best place in Malaysia to sort things out is none other than the infamous "mamak stall". It opens for 24 hours, it has cheap drinks, and you can watch free football to change your topic every now and then should the sorting thing didn't work. A very good way to evade awkwardness.

Scene no.4 Buses that come punctually.


I would cry for this one. This is rarity in Malaysia. Buses that actually be punctual on each stations. Coming to the fact that the road and traffic conditions in Malaysia takes time to improve, we have to endure the dust and the smell of petrol from cars that speed pass us. But this is good. We can actually train patience, and for those who had no patience and lots of cash, taxi is the other option. With all those "patience" learned, I will be waiting for a long time before I lash it out at the authority who had such a bad timing and no time schedule. Shame on Malaysian authorities.

Well, this is all that I can summarise for common scenes in modern Hong Kong drama series, not thanks to fatigue. This explains why I like post-costume-history-monarchy era Hong Kong series. Modern ones are getting plain, that each series are the same, bearing the same storyline over and over again. But then again, I haven't been following Hong Kong series for quite some time, thanks to University and before that, part time job. So, rejoice for the Hong Kong series, because it has given us so much all time favourites all these years, and just laugh at my post. I'm just trying to make logical points for those who thinks that scenes in the series can occur in Malaysia. My conclusion is : It cannot be done. Thanks and good day.

Searching for a clue....

Once again, I'm impressed by how brains work. Those slimy strings dat were bundled up, becoming the source to how we deal with our choices, or even make decisions. It tells us to show our emotions, think, operates every movement, whenever we take a step forward. I don't even know are we like robots who listen to the commands under the object inside us. Brains.

And yet, when we are semi-concious, brains turn mischievous. It plays around with our mind and soul, sending us upwards or the opposite way, leaving us traces where if strong enough, we remember it. It's called dreams. Dreams that gives us clues on what is going to happen next, or dreams that fulfils our desparations, knowing that it will never happen in reality. Dreams that are so mystified, we would never want to wake up, but dreams of torture will have us begging to be back at our beds instead.

Those people that are full of fantasies and stories playing around their head, don't they ever get tired fantasizing? No I guess, because we are constantly going forward. Those who are smart would seize this opportunity to look around, in the end making up stories, even if it all happens inside them. But others who rush forward without looking would accuse that those who made up stories are liars or hopeless, even crazy. But look, we are living under the creations of fantasy everywhere! Movies and games does most of these fantasies true. It fulfils our desire to keep on dreaming. But are we done dreaming yet? Can we make those dreams true instead?

Many might freaked out. They weren't allowed to follow their dreams, and that includes those who survived the war era, teaching children the way to live is to make more money. They think correctly, because after a long war, Children should be taught to rebuild it. Now these children became parents, and when they try to pass down the same knowledge, it falls on deaf ears. The children now do not how to rebuild, because they don't understand WHY do they have to rebuild. They are staying in a place where they are happy, why would they want to change for the better? What the parents fail to do these days is to imply that same hope that their parents did to them. Children nowadays didn't see hope. All they see, was a continuation of fantasy in front of them. But will they realise their own dreams?

I'm also a dreamer. I dream of different things every stage of my life. I dreamt of happiness but it never came. I dreamt of freedom but it never came. I dreamt of a harmonious society but it never came. I dreamt and dreamt of myself perished in this world, floating above, watching this world destroy silently. But all this never turn real. So I gave up dreaming, there is no use doing so, because none of it will become reality. A couple of times when I see myself in a mirror I wish that my mirror image will just step out and live my life instead. I grew tired of dreaming. All I want to do is stay at my fantasy world, where I can wander around not worrying about anything. Everyday, a story plays in my head, wanting it to be formed into a paragraph or a novel. But now, all I see is pictures in my mind, I can't string them into words. It's too hard, or I'm just too lazy.

A few days ago, I dreamt of something else. It's not eerie, but I wonder why I dreamt that. A full solar eclipse, making the whole area dark, with a strange red glow surrounding the ground. I questioned everyone around me, no one can give me an answer. And I woke up, I realise, it's almost like a clue, or a memory. I don't know how to interpret it yet. But I know, or at least I guess, that had something to do about me in the future. Because it was just a silent solar eclipse with a red glow. No disturbance. Nothing.

I'm still searching for something. Maybe I'm searching for myself, maybe I'm searching for the adventure of searching. I want to continue on dreaming. But this time, I want to awake those dreams that I have made. I don't know how, but I want to try. Even if I don't get any chance, I'll make my own chances. Thanks and good day.

Believe, Beliefs, Trust, Truth.....

Well, here I am, resting after 14 weeks of studying plus 2 weeks of brain wrecking exams. And I took every opportunity of mine to sleep, read, surfing the internet, watching my favourite shows. And many of the shows, and what have I read, are stories which inspire me, because all of them show beliefs. Believe in yourself, believe in others; believe that there is hope, believing that all will end. And I wonder, so many types of beliefs are portrayed in television and newspapers, but the real people that are truly living in this world, did they feel the same way?

I'm not sure whether do I believe in supernatural beings, but most importantly I believe in myself. I don't know how and why, I can't make a decision right on the spot, because I will make a mistake, 90% of that always occur. For me, I need to plan and prepare with enough time, before I start. If there is not enough time, I might rush, causing my work to be a failure, or I might break down. This is me though. I understand what I am now. But, do I need to improve?

Someone said "you can never trust anyone 100%". I agree with that statement. I never trust anyone 100%. Which is why I try to get myself prepared, just in case anyone failed to finish, we had to follow up. And the truth. How hurtful it is, how much pain it has, how so many of them prefer not to know, so that they can hang on to their mast, when the ship is already sinking. That ship is reality. The truth, although it is not a melody, it is still a tune, a tune in a sombre mood.

As I am looking outside the window, the rain had stopped. The evening approaches. And here I am, sitting down here, listening to songs and adding a new post. This is me trying to get readers to believe in my topic, assuming that doubts will sure appear among readers, or whoever that is reading my post. I believe that in years to come, I will mature, and put my beliefs on spreading the truth. Thanks and good day.

Wandering about wonders, and I'm speechless....

Recently the police force had change the rule that traffic summons are lower than the previous ones. They said that this serves as an encouragement for people who had been delaying summon payments. But the Transport Ministry did not agree, and they had an open "argument" about the law. But, first things first, why did it take such a long time for the traffic law breakers to pay up their summons? Are the police force too lenient to them? Does the law have loopholes that these law breakers escape? Why is it that Transport Minister, Datuk Seri Chan Kong Choy, and the Police Force have different opinion regarding about abiding the law?

I begin to wonder whether is the government and the national security are stupidly fighting over something so small or something more personal.

A few months ago Dr Mahathir step up to criticise our Prime Minister, Datuk Seri Abdullah Badawi. citing that today's government is not like how it was supposed to be. Everyone is diverse, No one is willing to work for the country. Many of the leaders are backing our current Prime Minister, and shun away Dr Mahathir. His attempts of trying to be a leader is feeble, having just losing his position as a Kubang division member. Was I deaf when he said he wanted to enjoy his retirement? Was I feeling the hopelessness again when this two great leaders fight? Do I have to side with any of them, or just watch Dr Mahathir challenging he government while we commonfolk just sit there and watch the show?

I wonder if there is a third party that can bring us all united and have a new ruling over Malaysia, instead of these two.

Now that I had left the "protection" of education, entering the higher instituitions. I get exposed to the racial issues around me. UTAR being a political university? I think there must be some mistake. Sure, it is sponsored by MCA, but 14 weeks in UTAR suggests no political activities. I had too many fun inside UTAR, compromising of chinese, malays and indians. No political activities are available, just irritating counsellors begging us to join their programmes. I don't judge a person just because they are a malay or an indian. I had fun talking to them about the World Cup. So why are the rest of the Malays judging the Chinese community? Why do they look at skin colour before they make their decision? This happens globally, including Singapore, Indonesia, America, multi-racial and dominant countries. Will anyone don't look down at people with different colours?

I wonder if there is any chance of migrating to foreign countries, but since racial issues happen everywhere, I begin to wonder of problems occuring when I really have a career.

I wonder and wonder and wonder again. Why is it they put the blame on the minority? Just because they are the larger population does that mean that they have the power to do so? Just because they don't have the initiative to develop country that doesn't mean that they can stop others to do the same? Just because of perceptions can't we just change them and look at others in a different way? For your information, I'm always hated by some Chinese. Never Malay friends, never Indian friends. And I'm a Chinese.

I wonder whether should I even exist here.

I can only stay speechless, because I'm only 18 years old.

Thanks and good day.

Happy, Cheerful, Excited, True?

Ever wonder? What is love? Who are in love? How does love felt like? No answers? Correct. There shouldn't be an answer for love. So what are everyone's ultimate quest? Life or love?

Many people have been questioning what is the true happiness? Had not it been beside ourselves all the time? Family? Friends? Some might not have the privilege to enjoy family or friends. But for us simple and laypeople, why can't we be satisfied with family and friends?

We'd love a challenge. We love to know how many people are actually attracted to us. We are so obssessed, that we forgot how confused and tangled up it can be. We can lose them, we can lose the attraction. We might even lose our identity of who we are, and live under the shadows of people who we love and who manipulate us. That is what we call "change" where we change into someone who we aren't, and we longingly think back on how happy we were back then, when our identities are not destroyed by harsh reality or any other kinds of emotion.

I tend to preserve myself now. Loving myself more often. Loving my family members more and more. Hanging out with my friends with the best chance I have. I don't search for love. But I admit I will be jealous if others are lovingly towards each other, though after that I tend to feel sick with grossiness. But I don't know, just now, I felt it again. Like someone out there is protecting me. The feeling, is just like being hugged from behind. And the warmth is gushing all over in my heart. I don't know why do I have this feeling. Maybe someone out there is feeling the same way too. I don't know. Maybe I'm hallucinating, I don't know. All I know is, I feel very content just by having this feeling. It's satisfication. I don't ask for more. I know, asking for more I will not get the happiness I want. Just let everything go on by itself. I carve my own road to dreams, but I leave my road of love to faith. Faith will put everything into pieces. I'm not greedy.

Everyone, My friends, please know what do you want for love. Ask yourself questions what do I want from love. If you don't know, do not jump into the love trap if you are not sure. You'll suffer, and from that suffering you will leave a scar, mentally, emotinally. Happiness is always with you, it's only whether do you want to acknowledge that happiness beside, or continue on searching for your own, ignoring it. For me, I don't want to lose that happiness beside me. Thank you, my friends. Thank you, my family. I've found my own happiness because I have all of you. Looks like love can wait. Thanks and good day.

Celebrate the arrival of ANIMAX

I have countless times cry over the bad malay dubbing of animes (the popular term of Japanese animation) that was on Malaysian TV. Well, Astro was generous to provide great anime series on AXN. But I don't know since when they stop broadcasting those series. Once again, I drowned in my own tears, and I've stopped watching animes altogether, even developing amnesia on it. I have never mention anything about anime since then.

That was until I stumbled across my annual school magazine. As usual, I was flipping through the pages, and there I was, looking over a picture of a young man. The name, Tamahome. I felt a strike of thunder in my own mind. Tamahome, a familiar name. I went back home and check the Internet straightaway. And I found out that once upon a time, I was entranced towards that anime series, following their episodes everyday. That anime, Fushigi Yuugi. It bring me back those memories of the times where I watched most animes at AXN. But then, that was in the year 2001. I was only a 13 year old girl starting her secondary education. I'm not even computer savvy, so I don't really get in touch with the internet, and I'm sure that time broadband internet is so rare and expensive.

Later on, I went and search for more animes that I've remembered. Samurai X, the killer who swears never to kill. Slam Dunk, a story of how a rookie basketball team emerged to play in the national finals. Ranma 1/2, how can I forget that comedy anime? Insanely nice to watch. And since then I've been liking animes and mangas (japanese comics). And when The Star had a weekly board called "Otaku Zone" I was even thrilled. And now, ANIMAX has made an even better announcement. It is to be shown for 6 months, for free! It was as if my prayers have been answered. Those moans and groans that I've lamented for so many years, have finally been answered.

And so, on the first day of the screening of ANIMAX (which, coincidentally is our nation's Independence Day, and also my friend Kwan Liang and my sister's birthday), I sat there, waiting to watch some very cool anime series. I had a thing with hardcore animes, especially those that involved martial arts and swords. Blood is not necessary though. I admit, I was a tad bit disappointed when those anime series that I saw, were somewhat mild. They do have emotion, but not the type that I'm anticipating. So, I waited to watch those that were reviewed in "Otaku Zone" : Paradise Kiss, Honey & Clover. And I found that I wasn't all that disappointed at all. Although both have romance in it, I don't cringed about it. Maybe because it has half reflected on how our society really is. I also found an anime series I really like to watch, even though it wasn't reviewed in Otaku Zone. And that is The Law of Ueki. The show is weird to the sense that it's humourous. It is pass the message of loving the environment, because we don't have the ability to change trash into trees, so appreciate our greens now. Next, I pray that Wolf's Rain will be broadcast in ANIMAX within that 6 months free period.

Japanese animation, is one of those shows that are not to be missed, whether you like old school style, or modern guns, or just romantic anime series. Pick your genre, sit back, and enjoy your favourite animes. To me, I'll just enjoy laughing the funny parts. As for the romance, maybe, just maybe, they can help me fall in love again. Thanks and good day.

They are torn between truth and false

Journalists. They have the right to portray the truth. They are the ones spreading the news. They have an important role in mass communication. But they are still controlled by the management. The editors and chief editors.

What happen in China Press is probably the worst journalist attacks in Malaysia. They say that the woman in that Nude Squat Case is a girl from China. They have damaged the diplomatic relationship between China and Malaysia. In the end, the editor and chief editor step down from their position because this is false. That's the reality to it. News can really hurt someone. And some of the times, the news is really annoying. Often a few times I felt that The Star is really wanting more reputation than seeking the truth. Putting a Lebanese "millionaire" on the front page for so many days. Who cares of that idiot anyway? I don't know about the rest of the Malaysians, but I do not want to know what happen to him. Just let him live his life okay? Speaking of that, it reminds me of a taiwan news where an abandonned girl was found and her mother is nonetheless the worst looking Hsu Chun Mei (purely beautiful). They portrayed her for a fare few days, and now she's an artiste? I felt sick. This is disgrace!

I heard the radio today. There's this woman, she said that journalists are always caught in a dilemma. They can always choose to tell the truth. But still, it's not up for them to decide that their news can be shown. I think the editor's room has the most fights of all. Journalists want to show the world the truth, but the editor cares about how much profits that the news company earned. I wonder is my choice a correct one. Maybe it's a correct one. But I definitely cannot stay in Malaysia. I will strong object Malaysia's speaking rights. Whenever I want to spread the truth or false, it will still be against the law. I really have no more comments on how the Malaysian Government made their laws. That is why you will not see me in politics. I'll sure condemn the Government.

This may be me avoiding myself. I always like to know the truth more than lies. Even though the truth hurts so much. I know, my heart may not be able to accept the truths everywhere. Because every truth I accept, it'll be like a cut in my heart, bleeding. That is why I prefer to become a Journalist. I write the stories of others, not mine. The more the reality sinks in, the more I struggle. I hate changes that happen in my life. Like when I was 13 years old, I hate myself because I couldn't adapt to the secondary school lifestyle. Those haunting images of primary school kept coming back. And I'm now in university. Thanks to everyone, I don't have any haunting images in secondary school, and I'm very happy in university.

Maybe, by spreading the truth to others, the others will accept reality even better. Maybe, by knowing more truths, I can accept reality easily. And, maybe, those scars in my heart will heal itself. Let journalists have air to breathe. Let them not be torn. Let me be a successful journalist and change what I don't like about mass communication in the near future. Thanks and good day.

I will keep my promise.

How many people(especially girls) had got hurt for that sentence? I don't know. How many children had cried over disappointment because parents didn't fulfil that sentence? I don't know. How many people had attacked the government because of that sentence given out by the president? I don't know.

Promise. What kind of word is this? Who had invented it? Does he or she know that this word has give a lot of pain to the people here? Does he or she know, that once upon a time, I got hurt of that word? My friends who have fall in love too cry because of a promise. I sometimes wonder what more powers it had in this word : promise.

Come to think of it. No one should give a promise openly. Sure, a promise can secure someone's hope, but what if those hopes are not true? People will just crumble over that. Promise, a mask of a smiling face, when this world have been crying with all the stupidity that mankind had did to it! Promise, a man's strategy to make his girl sleep with him! Promise, another strategy of parents to quiet down their children! Why the hell do promise exist?

I pray my future partner will not keep any promise. Even if he did, I pray that I don't care of it. I got so hopeless on promises, I don't give a damn anymore. It's better this way, not keeping any promises, and in return I have surprises. I'm just like that. I don't care. Which is why I'm not the type of girl that men are searching. I'm strong, maybe, too strong. But I really don't care, just as much as I don't care about promises.

Promises, I pray that they don't exist. Thanks and good day.

Stand Up Girls!

Today, I've come across a newspaper article, where they featured about Saudi Arabian journalistsdoing their everyday interviews. Now before you leave the post, these people are women journalists. In Muslims countries like the Saudi Arabia, there is a different status between men and women. Women couldn't expose their face for the fear that they will seduce men. And they couldn't really walk out of their office without being inspected by the authority. They have to think and act like snakes, thinking of ways to avoid such happenings. And it got me thinking, things have never change.

Women fighting for their rights are considered a sin. They cannot speak out on how much discrimination that they have suffered. That is because in the world of 2006, this is still a world dominated by men. Even if there are women presidents, like Gloria Arroyo, people still doubt whether do they really have the capability to lead the country to become a developed country. Why the doubt? Hasn't the equality between men and women established some time ago? Hasn't women proved that they can win men over by their brains, instead of strength? I admit, women do lack in strength, but what about mental strength? Are men capable of handling their problems while juggling with daily career life?

There are many women in this world that I admire, but I will be talking about a women columnist, Chong Seau Ching. She first inspired me to travel the world, but with a purpose. She told stories of how she met different women in different places, and how they were educated by officers who try to make womens' life better. She got herself married, and she had a daughter. But luck was not beside her as she later divorced her husband. And she spent her later years as a single mother and a homemaker. She still continues to write in her column. But she uses this opportunity to promote the devastating situation of single mothers in Malaysia. I find her columns always a good read. Because she has inspired me to support women's rights. I learn to fight and not let men look down at women. But I too will not overabuse my rights. Because there must have respect between the two genders.

I pray that the women journalists in Saudi Arabia will escape from the discrimination cycle very very soon. Not only Saudi Arabia, even here in Malaysia, those women who were taught that they are weak and the men are strong, it's time to change. We are not in the world where men are the only ones that rule. Women rule too. But please don't be too stupid to play around. You might end up in a very dangerous situation. Be who you want to be, and support the women everywhere. I'm sure that there are some black sheeps around who thinks that being a women you must satisfy the men. But I don't think so, I'll survive without men if I never fall in love, because I'm a GIRL! We are fighters for women's right. So girls, Stand Up!!! Thanks and good day.

Malaysians...

Independence Day is coming. It is always celebrated with colours, fireworks, and most importantly, the final countdown. It brought tears to the old, and the happiness to the young, because of the prospect of a public holiday. But wait, what about the middle class? Teenagers and young adults?

We would be happy because we can finally relax from those hectic schedule. Exams, assignments, projects, meetings, the activities are endless. But at the same time we might groan. Why does the government think that we don't love the country? I love Malaysia a lot. But still, compare to other countries, Malaysia has a lot of aspects that needs improving.

Since young we have been taught to say "please, excuse me, thank you, sorry". And look at what happen now. It's a disgrace to see adults older than us pushing like mad cows just to get out the bus. And while all of us were taught to give our seats to elderly people, some people would rather SHARE a seat then giving the whole seat to them. I cannot imagine how can the elderly sit between two people. It saddens me, especially since we are so much younger and we can't speak out. So all these times, those so-called moral education is fake?

I was happy that my brother can mix very well with other races. But sometimes, he played too much, so my mother restricts him from playing too much. Still, whenever I see my brother playing football with his neighbourhood friends, I smiled. There's still hope for the young ones after all. But I hope my brother knows that there's a deeper meaning to their bond, more than just gathering to play football and playing PlayStation 2. But my brother is still young. Let him grow to learn the true beauties of Malaysia.

I myself learn that there is no such thing as discrimination against other races. We can't just left people out of activities just because they do not know our mother tongue or language. Why not use that opportunity to improve our English or Malay or other languages? I privately do not agree to create a barrier between races. I always try to talk to my group mates from other race as much as possible. Sure, I do feel comfortable speaking in Mandarin, but that doesn't mean that I'll abandon English. After all, English is, and still remains, my favourite language. It's my language from birth.

I love being a Malaysian. Even though many expressed their disappointments on the progression of Malaysians. But all I can say is, no matter where I am, I will always support Malaysia. And yes, if there is a need, I will too state how disappointed I am towards Malaysian government. Hoping they might know of this Chinese proverb " Water can bring a boat to safety, but it also could sink that boat." Thanks and good day. And hope everyone have a Great Independence Day. Love Malaysia, even though I'm not in a patriotic mood.

Amazing blogs, amazing titles, different point of views, different perspectives.....

I've come across a blog that is featuring what Malaysia's tertiary education looked like now. And I was surprised that my university was mentioned. I've read through the whole article, and even some of the reader's comments. They are lamenting what private and public universities that had set their goals for quantity and not quality. From past the few months that I had been in the university, apart from problematic lecturers, my whole life so far had been good.

I've learned that taking up responsibilities are not exactly easy as it seems. When people recommend you to do something, you just take it. Because you want to be the trustworthy one. This will enhance your pavement to a successful career. But in that process you do noticed that it is really hard being in an important role. But what can you do? Abandon it by telling them you can't face the pressure? We can't, because lecturers and everyone around are treating us like adults. But sadly, some still behave like a child and expects spoonfeeding. With such behaviour, do you think the education system has improved? Hardly, and I felt like I'm back at secondary school where the teacher nags and the students daydream.

I've learned that in the university, you truly have to depend on yourself. Neither on books nor the internet, but your determination to succeed. If you don't have the willingness to continue on, what's the use of continuing your studies? Why fight for something unimportant when you should compete and achieve the best that you can? I know people have many controversial issues on how the government should operate the country. But who are you to complain when they have a much better education background? I would say, concentrate on the studies, be who you want to be, and set your mind straight. I do have the dream of changing the mindset of Malaysians to look at Journalism in a different point of view. Many would follow, but I object. I'm not trying to change the tradinational, just merely modernising it. The same goes to my personal life and how I look on the aspects of Love and Life. We don't have to drown, because on the olden days Man had the ability to float. So why not, we see love at the same way?

I've learned that friends from different family backgrounds grows within me. I know, that sometimes people from different races actually could bring me a different point on view on understanding their cultures. But sadly, it is kind of a controversy. Some friends wants you to stay by their side forever. So when they see you befriending a new girl, they tend to get angry. Or they might be angry because you befriended someone from a different race. But we are all adults now aren't we? There will be a time where we have to separate from each other, and that too, doesn't mean it is the end of your friendship with others. Since technology is so advanced, make use of that technology. Keep in touch often, and you will never be alone.

I've learned that language is very important especially staying in this multi-racial country. I don't exactly felt proud, but I do have the ability to maintain both my english and my chinese. Coming from an English speaking background, and being enrolled into a Chinese primary school, I'm sure I felt left out in the first few years because of my funny pronunciation in mandarin and my weak essay writing in chinese. But somehow, I've managed to find my chinese roots when I went to secondary school. And I must say, I didn't regret having an English speaking background and a Chinese primary education. At the very least, I see problems in two ways. One being the Western way, and the other being the Eastern way. This helps me find a solution by repeatingly reviewing both thoughts of mine.

So much I want to learn. So much I want to see. I've attempted to maintain the balance of my life since 18 years ago. Well, now I'm 18 years of age. I may be young, but I still check on the latest updates, maybe from the source of newspapers, maybe from the internet. But whatever knowledge I've absorbed I tend to apply on different fields. Only time will tell if we the young Malaysians can make a difference. And, no more referring to us as the "future aspiring leaders of tomorrow". We don't want that label and pressure. We are just normal youngsters. Maybe a minority would want to serve the government, but for us common teenagers, we just want to fulfil the dreams that we have made. Thanks and good day.

Storylines from the big screen

"Yo ho Yo ho A pirate's life for me" "I'm a King of the WORLD!" "You had me at hello"
Quotations from famous movies. And just recently I had enjoyed watching the second instalment of the famous Pirates of The Caribbean trilogy. Movies, from the olden times to now, it never fails to impress audiences. "Gone with the Wind" is still the talk within the elderly folks (with much despair from the younger generation). I myself really took in my first breath of what movies are like, when I watched Titanic. I was only 9 alright? But then the hobby of going out for movies don't seem to grow within me. Maybe it's my family habits, but I still will go for a movie or two. Just that it's not going to be my favourtie pastime. I find movies kind of really nice, but not so detailed. But then again, maybe that's just me.

I would always catch up with the Academy Awards every year whenever I can. Not only do I get to know the movies that are nominated (and surprisingly, always banned in Malaysia), I get to hear the songs. I especially like the part where they give entertainment to the audience through singing, even though it's a movie award. Movie soundtracks are always worth a listen, especially blockbusters. What's a good movie without music? And what's a good movie without good actors? Oh please, I get so bored watching the same faces again and again and again. Can't they just move aside and let the new stars grow? I want to see more of the new breed. Orlando Bloom, Josh Hartnett (where is that cutie?), Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger, Scarlett Johansson, Keira Knightley(not many female new stars), Elijah Wood (another cutie that had disappeared after The Lord of The Rings).

I think that's all. I can't think of more to say because busy with my assignments lately. Or not it would have been another of my writing masterpieces. Thanks and good day.

Simple and complicated....

It's so amazing how simple stories can be conducted in the this now-full-of-gadgets world. A little girl wanting only just flowers for her mother. A boy helpfully picks his friend up from the ground after a ball game. A smile from an elderly folk. I sometimes wonder why do we think the complicated way when things are just so simple? In a way, einstein, edison and the rest of the scientist thinks that by thinking at the difficult side, we can achieve more.

But really, thinking at that side, does it really bring you happiness? Working on your so-called devious plans to change the world and all along, you've changed yourself? Working so hard to contribute to the nation, when your family are all contributing to you? I shudder to think how one's heart can be sealed at the sight of fame and fortune, and how ignorant one can be after they have booze, women, cars, house, career, name.

Maybe it's me, but I really couldn't live the life of an ignorant corporate. Those guys that cover the highlights of newspaper. When will they know shame? Don't they have a family to keep? I just cannot think of what will I be if I abandon my family, the best family I have known, after my father's death. My cute grandparents, my lovely mother, my love hate relationship with my siblings, my relatives....it's endless. I cherish my family more and more now. Maybe it's the feeling of home sweet home. Okay, maybe there are some people out there that oppose me. Before you could say anything, I have a "dare to dream" attitude. I'll push forward my dreams and realise them. But I will never put my family aside just to pursue my dreams. They are the ones that let me dream.

In a complicated world like this, sometimes, being simple is not exactly beneficial. But at the very least, it keeps your heart pure, it keeps your mind in place, it is those things that remind you that this complicated world still has some beauty in it. Thanks and good day.